Take Two Final Copy!

[MessengerOfDreams]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V2t ... FC9rc/edit

Nearly 10,000 words. What the ♥♥♥♥.

So yeah, give it a read, please! All five of you have your own vignettes where I did my best to interpret your best traits and characteristics into roles for the story. I just need to know a few things

a) are there grammar errors or mistakes to continuity?
b) do you mind the names I chose for you? I haven't chosen one for Fluor yet. I've given KABOOM the name Dennis (I tried to find posts of yours related to names and you named an ITS character this or something?), Supershroom the name Gregor, Jumbo the name James, and FF the name Damon. I've tried to be true to your nationalities without being grossly stereotypical but ultimately this should be your choices.
c) the name- I can't help but feel we need a better name for this.
d) any other visuals I can account for in this? Any text formatting to suggest?
e) does it fit the theme of teamwork? I tried to incorporate this without beating people over the head with it.

Anything else, and this, you'd like to suggest, please do! I need my crew on this! <3
When we finish I'll give it to Doram and Star and we'll call this task a day.

[Supershroom]

Yeah, FL is Asian, it would be good to know his exact nationality, but depending on this, maybe Nathan, Lang or Yutaka could be well-sounding choices.

Also, even though the Runouwlympics themselves don't appear, the values they stand for are really nicely covered, aren't they? When it comes to throw our competences together to get out of lethargy, and also when it comes to conquer disharmonies.

The most complicated thing is really the title. I guess I'll need some time to think (EDIT: I've got one now)

[Vajrin]

I'm Thai.

[Supershroom]

I'm Thai.

Sunan, word of goodness.

And as a title suggestion,

A message for togetherness.

in reference to Raz' former header video "A message to the depressed." What do you think?

[MessengerOfDreams]

Love the name but the title sounds too much like a PSA if I'm being honest.

I'm trying to think of a title related to team building.

[Supershroom]

For your first point,

a) are there grammar errors or mistakes to continuity?

I think there should be a clearer transition between the first and second segment, in case I didn't overlook anything. Maybe the same for the second / third segment. The other two transitions are perfectly fluent.

“Good idea,” I say. I watch FF talk with a new woman, a natural and beautiful young thing with curly black hair and a wonder-driven smile, the type I should have been. He talks to her like a natural and grabs the drano-colored liquid from Brandon. She talks to him freely, either because she's star-struck, or maybe just passionate. I think about what's left in the fragments of my mind of our conversation and I already feel that feeling of caring about something fading away.

~MoD~

People ask about why I volunteer at the timeline archives like they don’t know I helped establish the place. I guess I don’t look the part- I’m a fifty-one year old raven in a society of young swans. I know I wasn’t the same Messenger that opened the timeline. I had my suits, my hats, all the ridiculously formal ♥♥♥♥ I wore when I thought you had to. I don’t really care about that anymore. If anyone has complaints about my teal blouse and black skirt, I’ll show them where to mail them. Goes to show how quickly you can be forgotten.

Also being a kind of PSA was particularily the aim, though I didn't think it would be that much

[MessengerOfDreams]

Thanks for the advice on the transitions! I think it's a very salient point.

As for the name, I'm trying to think of film terminology. I was thinking "Staff Roll" might be a good one, although that's an SM64 ref more than anything.

[Supershroom]

Maybe even connect both team spirit and film? Something like "Together towards new illustrations / drawings / screens" or such?

[MessengerOfDreams]

Yeah, I'm definitely thinking on that line which is where Staff Roll came from. Like crediting the team members.

I'm doing one more little secret surprise for the project I think y'all will appreciate.

[MessengerOfDreams]

I sort of combined the two title ideas: Staff Roll, or, how to assemble a team to assemble your life

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1V2t ... FC9rc/edit

Here's the final copy. I did some cool format stuff where the font is script font, and I do a couple of script quirks (naming the setting and capitalizing every new character's name). The staff roll is on the first page with all characters who have a line or face-to-face involvement.

Also... check it out, I added one final touch. Make of them what you will.

<3