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Harmless: I once tried an RL stine CYOA
Harmless: first event I chose the most logical option at the time
Harmless: and I died for it
Harmless: so I chose the second option and lived, and tried choosing from one of two options again
Harmless: I died again right after
Harmless: XD
Magnen: wooow
Magnen: :P
Harmless: I stopped reading afte
Harmless: *after
Magnen: but yeah, we could totally do CYOA
Harmless: oh gosh
Magnen: and the best part is you only need two people
Harmless: Who's the GM? :P
Magnen: idfk
Magnen: :P
Magnen: can't be me since I'm clearly terrible at it
Harmless: okay
Harmless: HARMLESS'S ON THE FLY CYOA FEATURING DANTE FROM THE DEVIL MAY CRY SERIES
Harmless: GOOOOOOOOOO
Magnen: XD
Magnen: no dante from dmc pls
Harmless: :P
Harmless: how about Knuckles from the Knuckles may Chuckle series?
Magnen: uhhh
Magnen: maybe...?
Magnen: :P
Harmless: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Sn9h6iPC-o
Magnen: ...wait
Harmless: :P
Magnen: Xero did a freaking CYOA
Harmless: HERE I COME, ROUGHER THAN THE REST OF THEM
Harmless: THE BEST OF THEM
Magnen: I don't remember this
Harmless: TOUGHER THAN LEATHER
Harmless: :P
Magnen: ...
Magnen: no
Magnen: just
Magnen: pls no
Harmless: XD
Magnen: I don't like most rap to begin with
Magnen: but that
Magnen: made me cringe
Harmless: honestly
Harmless: sonic adventure and adventure 2
Harmless: has the worst rap
Harmless: XD
Harmless: admittedly this one is just so bad it's hilarious
Harmless: BUT IF WE WANT TO TALK REAL CRINGE WORTHY RAP
Magnen: NO
Magnen: HARMLESS
Magnen: DON'T
Magnen: DO
Magnen: IT
Harmless: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfzLOjo6kRg
Harmless: XD
Magnen: *braces*
Harmless: this one
Harmless: is FAR worse
Magnen: *has a cringe attack 5 seconds in*
Harmless: XD
Magnen: WHHYYY MEEE
Harmless: TRUST Me
Harmless: I AM CRINGING TOO
Magnen: HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEE
Harmless: AND I ACTUALLY HEARD THIS BEFORE
Harmless: XD
Magnen: I MADE MY MISTAAAAKES
Harmless: XDDD
Magnen: :P

- cut -

Harmless: alright, it's CYOA time
Magnen: wait
Magnen: are we doing that now
Harmless: oh boy, where to throw you
Magnen: :P
Harmless: I guess we are :P
Magnen: okay
Magnen: :P
Harmless: at 10:00/1:00 AM no less
Harmless: this will be fun
Magnen: LET THE SLEEPY CYOA BEGIN
Magnen: just please don't make this CYOA take more than an hour :P
Harmless: "LET THE SLEEPY CYOA BEGIN" Magnen shouted as she suddenly comes to her senses, not quite realizing that she has absolutely no idea where she is at the moment.
Magnen: ...brilliant
Magnen: XD
Harmless: Hopefully nobody heard that out loud. Actually, where IS everybody? All she sees in front of herself is a giant glass, frosted window, a bed to her right, a computer to her left... and a door behind her. If you were to guess, you'd guess you were in an office room.
Harmless: What do you do?
Harmless: A. Break the glass window.
Harmless: B. Rummage the room for anything useful.
Harmless: C. Walk out the door.
Harmless: D. Turn on the computer.
Magnen: D
Harmless: You turn on the computer...
Harmless: And it exits right out of sleep mode, playing this song at ridiculously high db levels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guIaCocnNaw
Harmless: The sound was too loud and your ears bleed out to the Synthetic Orchestra. You have died.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: XD
Magnen: okay
Harmless: :P
Magnen: let's try B this time
Harmless: You try rummaging the room...
Magnen: I swear
Magnen: if I like hit my hand on a knife or something
Magnen: :P
Harmless: And as you look around throughout the room, under the bed, through the drawers, you find not- Oh wait! There's a baseball bat lying on its weighted side against the wall. Neato.
Magnen: also I just realized
Magnen: what kind of office has a bed
Harmless: You also find a post-it note on the wall... it reads; "Magnen, we've all left the facility while you were sleeping. We're incredibly sorry. Please forgive us!" ~Your friendly co-workers
Magnen: well
Magnen: screw them too
Magnen: :P
Harmless: You have acquired a Baseball bat! You store it in your inventory.
Harmless: So now what? A. Smash the window with the bat
Harmless: B. Walk out the door
Harmless: C. Turn on the computer
Harmless: D. Lower the freaking speakers first
Magnen: D
Harmless: You lower the speakers of the computer. Now what?
Magnen: but wait, why would I know to do that :P
Magnen: C
Harmless: :P
Harmless: You turn on the computer. It plays The Stanley Parable: Following Stanley, but at a reasonable volume. You look through the computer's files...
Harmless: and you notice all the documents talking about a research program going on in the facility, and how a recent emergency forced all the workers out of the area.
Harmless: Apparently nobody bothered to wake you up. How annoying.
Magnen: wow
Magnen: rude
Harmless: Currently details show that the entire facility is running on an auxiliary battery/generator duo. The documents stop there, however, and details about the emergency were kept to a very bare, un-important minimum.
Harmless: So now what? Break the glass window, or walk out the door?
Magnen: Walk out the door
Harmless: You walk out the door like any normal human being. Congratulations!
Harmless: You are confirmed to be civil!
Magnen: XD
Magnen: now smash the glass for fun
Magnen: jk

- cut-

Harmless: You open the door and walk out. The door leads to a narrow hallway, which you proceed to walk down. Eventually you come to a giant room that seems to be labeled as the central hub of the facility.
Harmless: It's partially lit, so it's hard to see everything, but you do make out several coffee tables, some desks with computers to the right, bathrooms to the left, and windows in front of you. There's also a door to your closest left and a door to your closest right. A fire hydrant sits right near you, to your left on the wall.
Harmless: This time it's pretty free form. Tell me, what do you do first?
Magnen: umm
Magnen: okay lets stop being civil
Magnen: hit the fire hydrant with the bat
Harmless: you
Harmless: wha
Harmless: why
Magnen: idk
Magnen: :P
Harmless: Okay, you hit the fire hydrant with the bat. You actually make a much larger dent than expected, and get sprayed in the face with carbon-rich foam
Magnen: CAUSE' I'M CRAAAAZY
Harmless: You die due to suffocation.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: fiiine
Harmless: :P

- cut -

Harmless: You continue down the hallway, the girl's cries becoming louder and louder. Eventually, they come from a closed door to your right.
Harmless: Open it?
Magnen: do it
Harmless: Don't worry, there's no jumpscares.
Magnen: this can't possibly end horribly
Harmless: I hate jumpscares myself
Harmless: You open it, and to your surprise, it's lit!
Harmless: The girl looks up at you, scared out of her mind. She seems to be a girl in her teens with blond hair, a tear-ridden face, t-shirt, and jeans.
Harmless: "Are you one of the workers?" She asks you. Tell her the truth?
Harmless: Or rather... what do you tell her?
Magnen: yeah, but let's mention how they ditched me while I was asleep
Magnen: the rude pricks
Harmless: XD
Harmless: You tell her you are a worker, but all of your co-workers ditched you while you were asleep. What pricks.
Harmless: She sighs with relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was completely ditched as well. Can you help me, though? One of them chained me to this metal cabinet's leg with rope, and I can't get it undone..."
Harmless: Do you:
Harmless: A. Look around the room for anything useful to cut the rope
Harmless: B. Smash the rope with your bat
Harmless: C. Ask her to stay put and leave, looking for something outside the room
Magnen: Okay since B would clearly not work, A
Magnen: I mean who's ever heard of a bat cutting rope
Magnen: that doesn't happen
Harmless: You take a look around, and you find a steak knife. Who the heck keeps a steak knife in their office room?!
Harmless: Oh whatever. Steak Knife added to your inventory. You now have a Baseball Bat and a Steak Knife that's still sharp.
Harmless: You cut the rope, freeing her! Hooray! She smiles, and gives you a hug. "Thank goodness!"
Magnen: yay
Magnen: now I have a freind
Magnen: friend*
Harmless: She eventually stops hugging you. "Let's get out of here together, okay? I'm kinda scared, something must've happened if everyone left..."
Harmless: A. Agree with her and leave the room
Magnen: also I'm resigning from this dump
Magnen: :P

- cut -

Harmless: You explain the post-it note you found back then in your office room. "Ah, I see. Alright, let's get moving then. Do you know the way?"
Harmless: A. Answer truthfully, that you really don't know the way around here off the back of your hand.
Harmless: B. Answer with confidence. "Of course!"
Magnen: A
Magnen: liars never prosper
Harmless: You tell her truthfully, like a civil woman you are. You don't really know your way around here.
Harmless: Kristy: "I guess our first priority is finding a map then. But where would we find that?"
Harmless: A. Look back to the main hub and rummage the area.
Harmless: B. Look inside the file cabinet for anything.
Harmless: C. Leave, but proceed further down the dark hallway.
Magnen: B
Harmless: You check the file cabinet but it seems to be locked.
Harmless: A. Smash it with the bat!
Harmless: B. Ignore it, and choose another option.
Magnen: A
Magnen: I haven't used it enough
Magnen: :P
Harmless: Kristy steps aside as you prepare your swing. *SMAAAAAAAASH!!!* The file cabinet took 132 damage! You won!
Harmless: You gained 30 EXP!
Harmless: More importantly, the file cabinet seems to have had its lock broken. You open it up, and find several important looking papers!
Harmless: Map of the area added to your inventory.
Harmless: Document #1 added to your inventory.
Harmless: Document #2 added to your inventory.
Harmless: If you want to inspect anything in your inventory, just select an item and ask to inspect.
Magnen: Inspect the documents
Harmless: So far you have: Baseball Bat, Steak Knife, Facility Map, Document #1, and Document #2.
Harmless: You inspect the documents in order.
Harmless: Document #1 Reads: "IMPORTANT NOTES FOR THE CAFETERIA BOILER ROOM"
Harmless: "The boiler room needs a very specific lock combination to be operated. We also highly recommend thick gloves in the case of malfunction, explosure, or sudden explosions.
Harmless: The lock combination is: 1337."
Magnen: oh ofc it is
Magnen: :P
Harmless: "Adjust the temperature of the boiler room by rotating the third valve. Clockwise is hotter, counter-clockwise is cooler.'
Harmless: "And whatever you do... do NOT even think about hosting pillow fights in there! We're looking at you, Trace and Bryce!"
Magnen: wow
Harmless: End of document.
Magnen: my coworkers are idiots XD
Harmless: XD
Harmless: Document #2 reads: "IMPORTANT NOTES FOR THE BOSS'S ROOM AND ALL THINGS RELATED TO THE BOSS"
Harmless: ...?
Harmless: The document is completely overrun with white-out. No more words remain.
Magnen: welp
Magnen: that's great
Harmless: So now what? Inspect more items, or walk out the door?
Magnen: I guess I should inspect the map
Harmless: You inspect the map. According to the map, you are on the third floor.
Magnen: ofc we couldn't be on ground floor
Magnen: that'd be too convenient
Harmless: On your floor is the Main Hub, some office rooms (including yours), some meeting rooms, an Air Hockey room, and a lounge room.
Harmless: Stairs are located to the left of the Main Hub
Harmless: and down some hallways.
Harmless: To the right from Kristy's office room would lead to a dead end.
Magnen: let's head to the stairs
Harmless: You walk out the door and head to the left, eager to reach the stairs. Kristy follows suite, and the two of you walk into the Main hub-
Harmless: oh hold on a second. Something's wrong here. Why is the fire hydrant missing?
Harmless: ...
Harmless: What do you do?

- cut, and several deaths later -

Harmless: You have Kristy watch the right and have her take point. She seems a little scared though... but she agrees and the two of you creep forward, hardly making a sound...
Harmless: Suddenly, you see a motion head towards Kristy's head! She doesn't turn around in time, and you don't manage to react fast enough-
Harmless: *WHACK*
Harmless: A fire hydrant slammed down on her head and she fell down, unconscious! You see the arms and face of a man in the hallway...
Harmless: A. Engage and strike him!
Harmless: B. Pick up the fallen steak knife and strike him!
Harmless: C. Pick up Kristy and run!
Harmless: D. Pick up the steak knife and run!
Harmless: E. Pick up a computer and throw it at him!
Magnen: craaap
Magnen: E
Harmless: Though keep in mind the computer's currently behind you
Magnen: FLY MY TECHNOLOGIC FURY
Magnen: KIDS NEXT DOOR, BATTLE STATIONSSSS
Harmless: You turn around and pick up the computer. As you take time to do this, he runs up and-
Magnen: I MEAN
Magnen: *ahem*
Harmless: *WHACK*
Harmless: You die.
Magnen: mother effing
Magnen: okay
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: let's just go through all the attacking ones
Magnen: cause why not
Magnen: A
Magnen: BASEBALL BAT OF FURY
Harmless: You engage and strike him! He tries to block by raising his fire hydrant up to protect his head, but the downward strike catches him off his balance!
Harmless: He fumbles, drops the hydrant, and is now on his butt.
Harmless: A. Finish him!
Harmless: B. Spare him, but don't move, and ask him a question.
Harmless: C. Pick up Kristy and run!
Harmless: D. Pick up the steak knife and run1
Magnen: B
Magnen: WHAT MOTHER EFFER IS UP IN THIS BUILDING HITTING CRAP WITH A FIRE HYDRANT
Magnen: WHO DOES THAT
Harmless: XD
Magnen: ALSO HARMLESS IT'S CALLED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER NOT A HYDRANT
Harmless: You spare him, and hold your position so he doesn't pass you. You ask him...
Harmless: What do you ask him
Harmless: I MEANT EXTINGUISHER
Harmless: DANGIT
Harmless: XD
Magnen: XDDD
Magnen: I was wondering when you were going to notice
Harmless: SHATTUP
Harmless: XD
Harmless: WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM
Magnen: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
Harmless: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" you ask him with all-caps
Harmless: But he doesn't say anything, and instead picks back up the hydrant and stands up, counter-attacking!
Magnen: SON OF A-
Harmless: You manage to be on guard and block his strike, but are sent flying back from the weight of the extinguisher
Harmless: You're now near the entrance of the hallway, and the steak knife is right next to you, as well as an unconscious (possibly dead) Kristy.
Harmless: A. Strike him again with the bat!
Harmless: B. Pick up the steak knife and wait for him to approach!
Harmless: C. Pick up Kristy and run!
Harmless: D. Pick up the steak knife and run!
Magnen: B
Magnen: THIS MOTHERTRUCKER IS CRAZY YO
Harmless: XD
Harmless: Thankfully, Steak Knives don't take nearly as much time to pick up as computers. He charges with a strike, but you manage to dodge his swing and....
Harmless: A. STAB HIS GUTS
Harmless: B. STAB HIS PELVIS INSIDE OUT
Harmless: C. Do not stab, instead jump back.
Magnen: B
Magnen: SONS OF GUNS GONNA PAY
Harmless: XD
Harmless: You stab his pelvis, THE POOR MAN
Harmless: He screams in absolute, high-pitched agony
Harmless: And falls, his face ridden with pain
Harmless: He can no longer stand it seems, and he's not even carrying the extinguisher anymore. He clutches his pelvis.
Harmless: A. Ask him a question
Harmless: B. Finish him!
Harmless: C. turn your attention to Kristy
Magnen: C
Magnen: OKAY GURL LETS FLEEEE
Magnen: :P
Harmless: You turn your attention to Kristy. She doesn't seem to be moving, obviously.
Harmless: A. Check her pulse
Harmless: B. Grab her and go!
Harmless: C. Look around the Hub for any medical supplies
Magnen: C
Harmless: You leave her lying on the floor stomach-down and look for medical supplies. Sadly, since the rooom's partially lit it's very hard to check around the room. You can hardly fin anything.
Harmless: A. Check her pulse
Harmless: B. Grab her and go!
Harmless: C. Keep looking!
Magnen: B
Magnen: we ain't got time for this crap
Magnen: ruuuun

- cut -

Harmless: You put Kristy down and check her pulse...
Harmless: Oh thank goodness. She somehow survived the blow... but you have no idea how much damage she took.
Harmless: Hmm...
Harmless: A. Look around for medical supplies
Harmless: The rooms are lit btw.
Harmless: B. Grab a drink from the soda machine.
Magnen: I swear, if there's another crazy mofo on this floor heads are gonna roll
Harmless: C. Inspect the Cafeteria
Harmless: D. Inspect an item from your inventory (Baseball Bat, Steak Knife, Map, Documents #1 and #2)
Magnen: A
Harmless: You find a defribulator unit and a med-pack to your right. Hooray!
Harmless: Although Kristy is not dead, a defib is always helpful.
Harmless: Defribulator added to your inventory. Med-pack added to your inventory.
Harmless: A. See if anything in the med-pack can help Kristy regain consciousness
Harmless: B. Get a drink
Harmless: C. Inspect cafeteria
Harmless: D. Inspect item
Magnen: I ain't getting a drink in this crazy bin
Magnen: A
Harmless: You open the med pack and inside are some instructions for unconscious people.
Harmless: "Tilt their head up and let their blood blow naturally to their legs. Make sure circulation is not cut off anywhere in the body. Use gauss wrap to patch bleeding wounds, especially if near the head."
Harmless: Doing so, you wait a couple of minutes, and Kristy regains consciousness! Somehow, she was not bleeding anywhere.
Harmless: Kristy: "Wh... what exactly happened?"
Harmless: What do you tell her?
Magnen: Gave the attacker the biggest shock of his life, that's what I did
Harmless: "Gave the attacker the biggest shock of his life, that's what I did." You say.
Harmless: Kristy looked slightly surprised. "Do I even want to know what you did?"
Magnen: Probably not
Magnen: XD
Harmless: XD
Harmless: "Probably not." you say laughing. Kristy joins the laugh. "Alright, well, thanks for helping me. Where are we even?"
Harmless: You tell her we're on the second floor, in the lunch room. Kristy seems a little excited. "Oh! I know my way from here, but I don't know how to navigate the first floor. Let's get out!"

- cut -

Harmless: You get out of here, and start proceeding down the hallway.
Harmless: And then you get completely lost. None of this looks familiar. There's a junction here, where there's a hallway to your left, a hallway to your right, and a hallway leading straight down the middle...
Harmless: A. Take a left
Harmless: B. Take a right
Harmless: C. Move forward
Harmless: D. Inspect item in your inventory
Magnen: Inspect the map
Magnen: I don't need to add clueless wandering to my reportoire of skills
Harmless: You inspect the map...
Harmless: And you look at Floor #2 for the first time.
Harmless: Apparently, one of these hallways leads towards the Boss's room... that would be to the left. To the right leads to a couple of meeting rooms and loops back around to the straight hallway
Harmless: And the straight hallway takes a left, then a right, then a left again, then a right to... Human resources.
Harmless: None of these lead to the stairs!
Harmless: However, back at the lunch area, there is stairs to the right and to the back wall that go down.
Harmless: You recall some rumors that the Boss has a secret elevator that leads him down to the first floor, however.
Harmless: Would you chance it, and go to the Boss's room? Or skedaddle to the stairs?
Magnen: we all know never to mess with the Boss
Magnen: to the staiiirs
Harmless: To the stairs it is! The two of you backtrack...
Magnen: I mean why the heck would the guy even have a private elevator
Magnen: that just seems stupid
Harmless: *EXPLOSION* it came from the Boiler room! the force of the explosion knocks you and Kristy off your feet, and some fire could be seen coming out of the boiler room! The fire is catching onto some liquid seeping out of the room as well!
Harmless: Kristy: "RUUN!!"

- cut -

Harmless: You two run for the stairs, and the fire absolutely spreads through the lunch area! You manage to outrun it and head down the stairs, but then...
Harmless: You get a stomach ache at the worst possible moment!
Harmless: Kristy also feels it...
Magnen: WHY
Harmless: And the two of you are forced to slow down to a speedwalking pace!
Harmless: A. Eat those freaking Rations already
Harmless: B. Tough it out and keep moving!
Harmless: C. Stop for a second and rest
Magnen: A
Magnen: EAT AND RUN PEOPLE
Magnen: JUST DON'T CHOKE
Harmless: The two of you eat those rations and keep moving... but you feel even more pain as you try eating it and swallowing! The worst part is, if you have inspected those Rations, you'd notice they were almost all dry foods...
Harmless: You could barely swallow the food as it barely helps you, and instead, slows you down more.
Harmless: Kristy similarly felt it as well.
Harmless: The boiler room liquids start seeping down the stairs as you two make it to the bottom, and catches up to you quick! The fire is spreading!
Magnen: I TOLD YOU I'M NOT OBSERVANT HARMLESS
Harmless: The two of you make it out of the hallway leading to the stairs, and you're now on the first floor
Magnen: AAAAGH
Harmless: XD
Harmless: With very little energy and the fire catching up quickly, what do you do?
Harmless: There's a door to your left that's lit, and the hallway continues down further
Magnen: WHY DID WE ABANDON THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER
Harmless: Why did you? :P
Harmless: A. Keep going down the hallway
Magnen: you didn't give me the option to take it XD
Harmless: B. Go inside the room
Harmless: EXCUSE ME
Harmless: I GAVE YOU AN OPTION
Harmless: TO HEAD BACK UP THE THIRD FLOOR
Harmless: XD
Magnen: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT BUT WHATEVER
Harmless: besides
Harmless: it's hardly portable :P
Harmless: but anyways
Harmless: A OR B
Magnen: INTO THE ROOOM
Harmless: You go into the room...
Magnen: IF THERE'S A WINDOW I'MMA SMASH IT
Magnen: WE'RE ON GROUND FLOOR FFS
Harmless: As you barely manage to speedwalk into the room, you find another fire extinguisher! What luck!
Harmless: You take it and spray the crap out of the fire in the hallway!!
Harmless: ... and somehow, you managed to have halted the fire's advance. For now.
Harmless: The fire does not continue onto the hallway's carpet and instead stops at the stairs.
Magnen: MAGIC FIRE EXTINGUISHER, GRANT ME THREE WISHES
Magnen: OR AT LEAST DON'T KILL ME
Harmless: However, since the Fire Extinguisher is kinda heavy and large, you can't really keep it in your inventory.
Harmless: So now what?

- cut -

Harmless: The two of you start moving... of course, since you're both parched it's hard to get another word out.
Harmless: You make it past the marketing tactics room a couple of minutes later.
Harmless: And eventually past the public lounge. As you start heading towards the registration desk...
Harmless: The glass door's locked!
Harmless: So now what?
Magnen: BREAK THAT MOTHER EFFING DOOR WITH MY BAT
Harmless: *SMAAAAAAAASH!!!*
Magnen: I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
Harmless: You critical hit the glass door! The glass door was shattered!
Harmless: Some glass shards manage to catch into your eye and you die-
Harmless: *shot*
Harmless: lol jk you make it out
Magnen: oh spare me that bullcrap
Harmless: XD
Harmless: Congratulations! You have made it out of the facility.
Harmless: But now you face one more problem.
Harmless: You have no transportation to safety, there's nobody around, it's midnight outside, and you hardly have any illumination. It's also quite cold.
Magnen: oh now what
Magnen: whyyy
Harmless: You're currently outside the facility with a shivering Kristy, and the hunger certainly doesn't help keep you warm inside.
Magnen: wait, it's midnight, a building's burning, and NOBODY'S called for help?
Harmless: From the outside, it doesn't look like it's burning down, yet...
Magnen: either it's the apocalypse, or we're in a mental neighborhod
Magnen: :P
Harmless: :P
Magnen: CONVENIENT
Magnen: :P
Harmless: VERY

- cut -

Harmless: The two of you walk forward, trying your best to get away from the building...
Harmless: The building explodes. Fairly violently.
Harmless: The two of you are knocked down and the two of you pass out.
Harmless: ...
Magnen: GREAT
Harmless: Wait for it.
Harmless: You have not died actually.
Harmless: eventually you wake up, a defib used on you.
Harmless: Some random man: "Get up! Are you okay?!"
Magnen: hurray for being shocked
Harmless: Another man could be seen using the med pack on Kristy.
Magnen: quite literally
Harmless: Eventually the two men call the ambulance.
Harmless: And you are taken to safety, Kristy as well.
Harmless: Congratulations! You have lived!
Magnen: yaaay
Harmless: However...
Harmless: Somehow this victory feels hollow.
Harmless: Who on earth was the guy who attacked you?
Harmless: Why did all your co-workers skedaddle?
Harmless: Why was Kristy tied up?
Harmless: And who was the true mastermind behind these events?
Magnen: well I can answer the last one
Magnen: mother effing HARMLESS
Magnen: :P
Harmless: Somehow, the truth may have been lost forever. But at least you're safe.
Harmless: :P
Magnen: the biggest question is
Harmless: And that concludes Harmless's on-the-fly CYOA featuring knuckles from the knuckles may chuckle series
Harmless: :3
Magnen: did harmless even have all those answers in the first place
Magnen: :P
Harmless: actually
Harmless: YES
Harmless: I did
Magnen: wow
Harmless: I made it all up on the fly
Harmless: :P
Harmless: but I still did
Magnen: MY OBSERVATIONS WERE SO BAD I LITERALLY LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT THIS EVENT
Harmless: Yup
Harmless: XD
Magnen: GG ME
Harmless: Honestly had you done some things different, bought more time, and investigated more
Harmless: you would've had a much different oucome
Harmless: *outcome
Magnen: well ofc
Harmless: But on the bright side, you just downright escaped and lived
Harmless: :P
Magnen: which is a victory on its own
Harmless: Of course
Magnen: considering realistically I'd probably have died
Harmless: Well who knows
Harmless: You're not going to find out anytime soon now that the facility is burnt to a crisp.
Magnen: along with the random man
Harmless: :P
Magnen: who I didn't give one single crap about
Magnen: :P
Harmless: well you don't know if he lived or not
Harmless: we can assume he died
Harmless: or he didn't
Magnen: I STABBED HIM
Magnen: IN THE PELVIS
Harmless: YOU DID
Magnen: AND THEN THE PLACE BURNED
Harmless: AND HE'S PROBABLY SCARRED FOR LIFE
Harmless: GOOD JOB
Harmless: XD
Magnen: DO YOU REALLY THINK HE SURVIVED THAT
Harmless: HMM
Harmless: MAYBE NOt
Harmless: BUT MAYBE
Harmless: THERE'S A SMALL CHANCE
Harmless: THAT HE SOMEHOW LIVED :P
Magnen: :P
Harmless: welp
Harmless: how'd you like it?
Magnen: it was fun
Magnen: but maybe if we do that again
Magnen: not to do it at 1 am
Harmless: agree
Magnen: it's almost 3 am :P
Harmless: holy crap time flew by
Harmless: xD
Harmless: welp
Magnen: Me at the beginning: Please don't make this take over an hour
Magnen: *almost 2 hours later*
Magnen: :P
Harmless: shhh
Harmless: XD
Magnen: I'd like to try next time
Magnen: but idk if I'd do any good
Harmless: Who knows
Harmless: things might turn out differently
Harmless: how sp00ky is that
Magnen: :P

Harmless: I once tried an RL stine CYOA
Harmless: first event I chose the most logical option at the time
Harmless: and I died for it
Harmless: so I chose the second option and lived, and tried choosing from one of two options again
Harmless: I died again right after
Harmless: XD
Magnen: wooow
Magnen: :P
Harmless: I stopped reading afte
Harmless: *after
Magnen: but yeah, we could totally do CYOA
Harmless: oh gosh
Magnen: and the best part is you only need two people
Harmless: Who's the GM? :P
Magnen: idfk
Magnen: :P
Magnen: can't be me since I'm clearly terrible at it
Harmless: okay
Harmless: HARMLESS'S ON THE FLY CYOA FEATURING DANTE FROM THE DEVIL MAY CRY SERIES
Harmless: GOOOOOOOOOO
Magnen: XD
Magnen: no dante from dmc pls
Harmless: :P
Harmless: how about Knuckles from the Knuckles may Chuckle series?
Magnen: uhhh
Magnen: maybe...?
Magnen: :P
Harmless: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Sn9h6iPC-o
Magnen: ...wait
Harmless: :P
Magnen: Xero did a freaking CYOA
Harmless: HERE I COME, ROUGHER THAN THE REST OF THEM
Harmless: THE BEST OF THEM
Magnen: I don't remember this
Harmless: TOUGHER THAN LEATHER
Harmless: :P
Magnen: ...
Magnen: no
Magnen: just
Magnen: pls no
Harmless: XD
Magnen: I don't like most rap to begin with
Magnen: but that
Magnen: made me cringe
Harmless: honestly
Harmless: sonic adventure and adventure 2
Harmless: has the worst rap
Harmless: XD
Harmless: admittedly this one is just so bad it's hilarious
Harmless: BUT IF WE WANT TO TALK REAL CRINGE WORTHY RAP
Magnen: NO
Magnen: HARMLESS
Magnen: DON'T
Magnen: DO
Magnen: IT
Harmless: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfzLOjo6kRg
Harmless: XD
Magnen: *braces*
Harmless: this one
Harmless: is FAR worse
Magnen: *has a cringe attack 5 seconds in*
Harmless: XD
Magnen: WHHYYY MEEE
Harmless: TRUST Me
Harmless: I AM CRINGING TOO
Magnen: HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEE
Harmless: AND I ACTUALLY HEARD THIS BEFORE
Harmless: XD
Magnen: I MADE MY MISTAAAAKES
Harmless: XDDD
Magnen: :P


Harmless: alright, it's CYOA time
Magnen: wait
Magnen: are we doing that now
Harmless: oh boy, where to throw you
Magnen: :P
Harmless: I guess we are :P
Magnen: okay
Magnen: :P
Harmless: at 10:00/1:00 AM no less
Harmless: this will be fun
Magnen: LET THE SLEEPY CYOA BEGIN
Magnen: http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/f ... ppen+to+me
Magnen: just please don't make this CYOA take more than an hour :P
Harmless: "LET THE SLEEPY CYOA BEGIN" Magnen shouted as she suddenly comes to her senses, not quite realizing that she has absolutely no idea where she is at the moment.
Magnen: ...brilliant
Magnen: XD
Harmless: Hopefully nobody heard that out loud. Actually, where IS everybody? All she sees in front of herself is a giant glass, frosted window, a bed to her right, a computer to her left... and a door behind her. If you were to guess, you'd guess you were in an office room.
Harmless: What do you do?
Harmless: A. Break the glass window.
Harmless: B. Rummage the room for anything useful.
Harmless: C. Walk out the door.
Harmless: D. Turn on the computer.
Magnen: D
Harmless: You turn on the computer...
Harmless: And it exits right out of sleep mode, playing this song at ridiculously high db levels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guIaCocnNaw
Harmless: The sound was too loud and your ears bleed out to the Synthetic Orchestra. You have died.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: XD
Magnen: okay
Harmless: :P
Magnen: let's try B this time
Harmless: You try rummaging the room...
Magnen: I swear
Magnen: if I like hit my hand on a knife or something
Magnen: :P
Harmless: And as you look around throughout the room, under the bed, through the drawers, you find not- Oh wait! There's a baseball bat lying on its weighted side against the wall. Neato.
Magnen: also I just realized
Magnen: what kind of office has a bed
Harmless: You also find a post-it note on the wall... it reads; "Magnen, we've all left the facility while you were sleeping. We're incredibly sorry. Please forgive us!" ~Your friendly co-workers
Magnen: well
Magnen: screw them too
Magnen: :
Magnen: :P
Harmless: You have acquired a Baseball bat! You store it in your inventory.
Harmless: So now what? A. Smash the window with the bat
Harmless: B. Walk out the door
Harmless: C. Turn on the computer
Harmless: D. Lower the freaking speakers first
Magnen: D
Harmless: You lower the speakers of the computer. Now what?
Magnen: but wait, why would I know to do that :P
Magnen: C
Harmless: :P
Harmless: You turn on the computer. It plays The Stanley Parable: Following Stanley, but at a reasonable volume. You look through the computer's files...
Harmless: and you notice all the documents talking about a research program going on in the facility, and how a recent emergency forced all the workers out of the area.
Harmless: Apparently nobody bothered to wake you up. How annoying.
Magnen: wow
Magnen: rude
Harmless: Currently details show that the entire facility is running on an auxiliary battery/generator duo. The documents stop there, however, and details about the emergency were kept to a very bare, un-important minimum.
Harmless: So now what? Break the glass window, or walk out the door?
Magnen: Walk out the door
Harmless: You walk out the door like any normal human being. Congratulations!
Harmless: You are confirmed to be civil!
Magnen: XD
Magnen: now smash the glass for fun
Magnen: jk
Harmless: However, that should be the least of your worries right now. You still have no idea what on earth this whole emergency is about, and how serious it is.
Magnen: I swear
Harmless: If you haven't died yet, it can't be anything to immediately evacuate about, right?
Magnen: we're in l4d2 right now aren't we
Harmless: I never said that :P
Magnen: I'm a suspicouse person
Magnen: that can't spell
Harmless: ANYWAY
Magnen: anyway continue
Harmless: XD
Harmless: You open the door and walk out. The door leads to a narrow hallway, which you proceed to walk down. Eventually you come to a giant room that seems to be labeled as the central hub of the facility.
Harmless: It's partially lit, so it's hard to see everything, but you do make out several coffee tables, some desks with computers to the right, bathrooms to the left, and windows in front of you. There's also a door to your closest left and a door to your closest right. A fire hydrant sits right near you, to your left on the wall.
Harmless: This time it's pretty free form. Tell me, what do you do first?
Magnen: umm
Magnen: okay lets stop being civil
Magnen: hit the fire hydrant with the bat
Harmless: you
Harmless: wha
Harmless: why
Magnen: idk
Magnen: :P
Harmless: Okay, you hit the fire hydrant with the bat. You actually make a much larger dent than expected, and get sprayed in the face with carbon-rich foam
Magnen: CAUSE' I'M CRAAAAZY
Harmless: You die due to suffocation.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: fiiine
Harmless: :P
Magnen: check the door to my right
Harmless: You can be crazy
Harmless: but XD
Harmless: You check the door to your right, and open it carefully. You hear a girl crying, supposely your age...
Harmless: But the hallway this door leads to is unlit.
Harmless: It's hard to see past this point. Continue anyway?
Magnen: that's distressing
Magnen: uhhh
Magnen: sure
Magnen: just
Magnen: don't send me a jumpscare image
Magnen: ._.
Harmless: You continue down the hallway, the girl's cries becoming louder and louder. Eventually, they come from a closed door to your right.
Harmless: Open it?
Magnen: do it
Harmless: Don't worry, there's no jumpscares.
Magnen: this can't possibly end horribly
Harmless: I hate jumpscares myself
Harmless: You open it, and to your surprise, it's lit!
Harmless: The girl looks up at you, scared out of her mind. She seems to be a girl in her teens with blond hair, a tear-ridden face, t-shirt, and jeans.
Harmless: "Are you one of the workers?" She asks you. Tell her the truth?
Harmless: Or rather... what do you tell her?
Magnen: yeah, but let's mention how they ditched me while I was asleep
Magnen: the rude pricks
Harmless: XD
Harmless: You tell her you are a worker, but all of your co-workers ditched you while you were asleep. What pricks.
Harmless: She sighs with relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was completely ditched as well. Can you help me, though? One of them chained me to this metal cabinet's leg with rope, and I can't get it undone..."
Harmless: Do you:
Harmless: A. Look around the room for anything useful to cut the rope
Harmless: B. Smash the rope with your bat
Harmless: C. Ask her to stay put and leave, looking for something outside the room
Magnen: Okay since B would clearly not work, A
Magnen: I mean who's ever heard of a bat cutting rope
Magnen: that doesn't happen
Harmless: You take a look around, and you find a steak knife. Who the heck keeps a steak knife in their office room?!
Harmless: Oh whatever. Steak Knife added to your inventory. You now have a Baseball Bat and a Steak Knife that's still sharp.
Harmless: You cut the rope, freeing her! Hooray! She smiles, and gives you a hug. "Thank goodness!"
Magnen: yay
Magnen: now I have a freind
Magnen: friend*
Harmless: She eventually stops hugging you. "Let's get out of here together, okay? I'm kinda scared, something must've happened if everyone left..."
Harmless: A. Agree with her and leave the room
Magnen: also I'm resigning from this dump
Magnen: :P
Harmless: B. Look at the computer in her room first
Harmless: C. Lower the speakers attached to the computer first
Harmless: D. Disagree with her and investigate the area more, especially looking more into the cause of the emergency
Magnen: uh, let's do C then B
Magnen: hopefully I don't butterfingers and make the volume louder
Harmless: You lower the speakers.
Harmless: You then turn on the computer. The girl speaks: "Oh, why are you looking through my computer? I don't have much other than-" The computer suddenly starts playing The Stanley Parable: Following Stanley at a moderate volume. "... Huh? I don't recall opening that up."
Harmless: The girl, now curious, allows you to look through her computer. You come across a couple of notepad documents, and open them up...
Harmless: The documents read: "Kristy, I'm sorry, if you're reading this, leave now! We need you to get out of here! There's been an emergecy!" ~Your friendly co-workers
Magnen: okay why do people sign memos that way
Harmless: The girl, supposedly named Kristy, gives a curious expression. "Yeah, but that doesn't explain why I was tied up!
Harmless: A. Ask Kristy, why were you tied up anyway?
Harmless: B. Read the documents more.
Harmless: C. Shut down the computer.
Magnen: C
Magnen: I'm so done with this crappy facitily and my crappy coworkers
Harmless: You shut down the computer. No need to look through anything else.
Harmless: You're so done with this crappy facility and your crappy coworkers. Like seriously, the cafeteria food was mediocre at best. They didn't even have a Galaga arcade machine!
Harmless: Kristy: "I guess you're done looking through it? Did you get a similar messages too?"
Harmless: You explain the post-it note you found back then in your office room. "Ah, I see. Alright, let's get moving then. Do you know the way?"
Harmless: A. Answer truthfully, that you really don't know the way around here off the back of your hand.
Harmless: B. Answer with confidence. "Of course!"
Magnen: A
Magnen: liars never prosper
Harmless: You tell her truthfully, like a civil woman you are. You don't really know your way around here.
Harmless: Kristy: "I guess our first priority is finding a map then. But where would we find that?"
Harmless: A. Look back to the main hub and rummage the area.
Harmless: B. Look inside the file cabinet for anything.
Harmless: C. Leave, but proceed further down the dark hallway.
Magnen: B
Harmless: You check the file cabinet but it seems to be locked.
Harmless: A. Smash it with the bat!
Harmless: B. Ignore it, and choose another option.
Magnen: A
Magnen: I haven't used it enough
Magnen: :P
Harmless: Kristy steps aside as you prepare your swing. *SMAAAAAAAASH!!!* The file cabinet took 132 damage! You won!
Harmless: You gained 30 EXP!
Harmless: More importantly, the file cabinet seems to have had its lock broken. You open it up, and find several important looking papers!
Harmless: Map of the area added to your inventory.
Harmless: Document #1 added to your inventory.
Harmless: Document #2 added to your inventory.
Harmless: If you want to inspect anything in your inventory, just select an item and ask to inspect.
Magnen: Inspect the documents
Harmless: So far you have: Baseball Bat, Steak Knife, Facility Map, Document #1, and Document #2.
Harmless: You inspect the documents in order.
Harmless: Document #1 Reads: "IMPORTANT NOTES FOR THE CAFETERIA BOILER ROOM"
Harmless: "The boiler room needs a very specific lock combination to be operated. We also highly recommend thick gloves in the case of malfunction, explosure, or sudden explosions.
Harmless: The lock combination is: 1337."
Magnen: oh ofc it is
Magnen: :P
Harmless: "Adjust the temperature of the boiler room by rotating the third valve. Clockwise is hotter, counter-clockwise is cooler.'
Harmless: "And whatever you do... do NOT even think about hosting pillow fights in there! We're looking at you, Trace and Bryce!"
Magnen: wow
Harmless: End of document.
Magnen: my coworkers are idiots XD
Harmless: XD
Harmless: Document #2 reads: "IMPORTANT NOTES FOR THE BOSS'S ROOM AND ALL THINGS RELATED TO THE BOSS"
Harmless: ...?
Harmless: The document is completely overrun with white-out. No more words remain.
Magnen: welp
Magnen: that's great
Harmless: So now what? Inspect more items, or walk out the door?
Magnen: I guess I should inspect the map
Harmless: You inspect the map. According to the map, you are on the third floor.
Magnen: ofc we couldn't be on ground floor
Magnen: that'd be too convenient
Harmless: On your floor is the Main Hub, some office rooms (including yours), some meeting rooms, an Air Hockey room, and a lounge room.
Harmless: Stairs are located to the left of the Main Hub
Harmless: and down some hallways.
Harmless: To the right from Kristy's office room would lead to a dead end.
Magnen: let's head to the stairs
Harmless: You walk out the door and head to the left, eager to reach the stairs. Kristy follows suite, and the two of you walk into the Main hub-
Harmless: oh hold on a second. Something's wrong here. Why is the fire hydrant missing?
Harmless: ...
Harmless: What do you do?
Magnen: SOCK GOBLINS
Magnen: oh wait nvm
Harmless: A. Retreat back into the hallway
Harmless: B. Inspect the missing Fire Hydrant
Harmless: C. Be on guard and watch the right (the main hub portion)
Harmless: D. Be on guard and watch the left (the hallway leading to your room portion)
Harmless: E. Give Kristy a weapon to defend herself with
Magnen: E
Harmless: You give Kristy...
Harmless: A. Baseball bat
Harmless: B. Steak knife
Magnen: B
Magnen: girl better not stab me :P
Harmless: You give Kristy the steak knife. "Is something wrong... uh... I never got your name, sorry..."
Harmless: Give her your name, or focus on watching your left/right?
Magnen: focus on being on guard
Magnen: introductions can wait
Harmless: You say nothing and focus on being on guard. Kristy takes it something is off and watches, fear in her eyes.
Harmless: What do you do?
Harmless: A. Have both you and Kristy watch the right/left (pick one)
Harmless: B. Have you watch one direction (left/right) and have Kristy watch the other while you make your way to the stairs
Harmless: C. Retreat back into the hallway
Magnen: B
Magnen: what could possibly go wrong
Harmless: You watch...
Harmless: Left or right?
Harmless: Right is the rest of the room, left is the hallway
Magnen: I'll watch right
Harmless: Do you or Kristy take point?
Magnen: I'll do it
Harmless: You take point as you watch the right, and Kristy keeps an eye out forward, eventually going to watch the hallway. As you two make your way down the room...
Harmless: Kristy: "LOOK OUT!!"
Harmless: *WHACK*
Harmless: You go unconscious.
Magnen: well great
Magnen: that was fabulous
Harmless: Some time later, you wake up, Kristy holding your head. "Are you okay?!"
Harmless: But you die of blood loss.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: mother-
Magnen: yea
Magnen: :P
Harmless: :P
Harmless: A. Have both you and Kristy watch the right/left (pick one)
Harmless: B. Have you watch one direction (left/right) and have Kristy watch the other while you make your way to the stairs
Harmless: C. Retreat back into the hallway
Magnen: Let's try C
Magnen: it's a simpler answer
Harmless: The two of you step back into the hallway and wait...
Harmless: ... Nothing.
Harmless: Kristy whispers...
Harmless: "At this rate we're not going to make it out... how shall we proceed?"
Harmless: A. Have both you and Kristy watch the right/left (pick one)
Harmless: B. Have you watch one direction (left/right) and have Kristy watch the other while you make your way to the stairs
Magnen: fffff
Magnen: uhm
Magnen: let's both watch thee right
Harmless: Both of you watch the right as you proceed down the hub...
Harmless: *WHACK WHACK*
Harmless: Both of you die.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: gaaaaahhh
Magnen: yes
Magnen: you unfair GM :P
Harmless: :P
Harmless: A. Have both you and Kristy watch the right/left (pick one)
Harmless: B. Have you watch one direction (left/right) and have Kristy watch the other while you make your way to the stairs
Magnen: B, I'll watch the left and Kristy can take mother effing point
Harmless: Remember: The left is the one with walls other than hallway
Harmless: the only entrance is the hallway
Magnen: my lack of observation skills must be kicking in
Harmless: and the right is completely open
Harmless: You have Kristy watch the right and have her take point. She seems a little scared though... but she agrees and the two of you creep forward, hardly making a sound...
Harmless: Suddenly, you see a motion head towards Kristy's head! She doesn't turn around in time, and you don't manage to react fast enough-
Harmless: *WHACK*
Harmless: A fire hydrant slammed down on her head and she fell down, unconscious! You see the arms and face of a man in the hallway...
Harmless: A. Engage and strike him!
Harmless: B. Pick up the fallen steak knife and strike him!
Harmless: C. Pick up Kristy and run!
Harmless: D. Pick up the steak knife and run!
Harmless: E. Pick up a computer and throw it at him!
Magnen: craaap
Magnen: E
Harmless: Though keep in mind the computer's currently behind you
Magnen: FLY MY TECHNOLOGIC FURY
Magnen: KIDS NEXT DOOR, BATTLE STATIONSSSS
Harmless: You turn around and pick up the computer. As you take time to do this, he runs up and-
Magnen: I MEAN
Magnen: *ahem*
Harmless: *WHACK*
Harmless: You die.
Magnen: mother effing
Magnen: okay
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: let's just go through all the attacking ones
Magnen: cause why not
Magnen: A
Magnen: BASEBALL BAT OF FURY
Harmless: You engage and strike him! He tries to block by raising his fire hydrant up to protect his head, but the downward strike catches him off his balance!
Harmless: He fumbles, drops the hydrant, and is now on his butt.
Harmless: A. Finish him!
Harmless: B. Spare him, but don't move, and ask him a question.
Harmless: C. Pick up Kristy and run!
Harmless: D. Pick up the steak knife and run1
Magnen: B
Magnen: WHAT MOTHER EFFER IS UP IN THIS BUILDING HITTING CRAP WITH A FIRE HYDRANT
Magnen: WHO DOES THAT
Harmless: XD
Magnen: ALSO HARMLESS IT'S CALLED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER NOT A HYDRANT
Harmless: You spare him, and hold your position so he doesn't pass you. You ask him...
Harmless: What do you ask him
Harmless: I MEANT EXTINGUISHER
Harmless: DANGIT
Harmless: XD
Magnen: XDDD
Magnen: I was wondering when you were going to notice
Harmless: SHATTUP
Harmless: XD
Harmless: WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM
Magnen: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
Harmless: "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE" you ask him with all-caps
Harmless: But he doesn't say anything, and instead picks back up the hydrant and stands up, counter-attacking!
Magnen: SON OF A-
Harmless: You manage to be on guard and block his strike, but are sent flying back from the weight of the extinguisher
Harmless: You're now near the entrance of the hallway, and the steak knife is right next to you, as well as an unconscious (possibly dead) Kristy.
Harmless: A. Strike him again with the bat!
Harmless: B. Pick up the steak knife and wait for him to approach!
Harmless: C. Pick up Kristy and run!
Harmless: D. Pick up the steak knife and run!
Magnen: B
Magnen: THIS MOTHERTRUCKER IS CRAZY YO
Harmless: XD
Harmless: Thankfully, Steak Knives don't take nearly as much time to pick up as computers. He charges with a strike, but you manage to dodge his swing and....
Harmless: A. STAB HIS GUTS
Harmless: B. STAB HIS PELVIS INSIDE OUT
Harmless: C. Do not stab, instead jump back.
Magnen: B
Magnen: SONS OF GUNS GONNA PAY
Harmless: XD
Harmless: You stab his pelvis, THE POOR MAN
Harmless: He screams in absolute, high-pitched agony
Harmless: And falls, his face ridden with pain
Harmless: He can no longer stand it seems, and he's not even carrying the extinguisher anymore. He clutches his pelvis.
Harmless: A. Ask him a question
Harmless: B. Finish him!
Harmless: C. turn your attention to Kristy
Magnen: C
Magnen: OKAY GURL LETS FLEEEE
Magnen: :P
Harmless: You turn your attention to Kristy. She doesn't seem to be moving, obviously.
Harmless: A. Check her pulse
Harmless: B. Grab her and go!
Harmless: C. Look around the Hub for any medical supplies
Magnen: C
Harmless: You leave her lying on the floor stomach-down and look for medical supplies. Sadly, since the rooom's partially lit it's very hard to check around the room. You can hardly fin anything.
Harmless: A. Check her pulse
Harmless: B. Grab her and go!
Harmless: C. Keep looking!
Magnen: B
Magnen: we ain't got time for this crap
Magnen: ruuuun
Harmless: You put back your weapons and carry her bridal style. You immediately run for the stairs!
Harmless: You are now on the second floor... only one more until freedom!
Harmless: The stairs have lead you to a hallway that leads to non-operating elevators and stairs.
Harmless: Of course, the stairs in question go back up to the third floo.
Harmless: *floor.
Magnen: wha
Magnen: why
Magnen: who
Harmless: You proceed down the hallway, not sure what you're getting yourself into.
Magnen: who the heck puts stairs down that don't go all the way
Magnen: seriously
Magnen: I gotta have a word with the architect
Harmless: Eventually you come across the Cafeteria. It's pretty large, and to the right is the lunch room. Tons of tables, a soda machine, and materials are present there.
Harmless: Near the cafeteria, it's almost deserted and empty. No food even remains visible.
Harmless: With Kristy in your arms, what do you do?
Harmless: A. Put Kristy down on a table and check her pulse.
Harmless: B. Explore the Cafeteria more
Harmless: C. Keep moving!
Harmless: D. Inspect something in your inventory
Magnen: A
Magnen: don't mean to be rude but if she's dead I ain't carrying her
Magnen: :P
Harmless: You put Kristy down and check her pulse...
Harmless: Oh thank goodness. She somehow survived the blow... but you have no idea how much damage she took.
Harmless: Hmm...
Harmless: A. Look around for medical supplies
Harmless: The rooms are lit btw.
Harmless: B. Grab a drink from the soda machine.
Magnen: I swear, if there's another crazy mofo on this floor heads are gonna roll
Harmless: C. Inspect the Cafeteria
Harmless: D. Inspect an item from your inventory (Baseball Bat, Steak Knife, Map, Documents #1 and #2)
Magnen: A
Harmless: You find a defribulator unit and a med-pack to your right. Hooray!
Harmless: Although Kristy is not dead, a defib is always helpful.
Harmless: Defribulator added to your inventory. Med-pack added to your inventory.
Harmless: A. See if anything in the med-pack can help Kristy regain consciousness
Harmless: B. Get a drink
Harmless: C. Inspect cafeteria
Harmless: D. Inspect item
Magnen: I ain't getting a drink in this crazy bin
Magnen: A
Harmless: You open the med pack and inside are some instructions for unconscious people.
Harmless: "Tilt their head up and let their blood blow naturally to their legs. Make sure circulation is not cut off anywhere in the body. Use gauss wrap to patch bleeding wounds, especially if near the head."
Harmless: Doing so, you wait a couple of minutes, and Kristy regains consciousness! Somehow, she was not bleeding anywhere.
Harmless: Kristy: "Wh... what exactly happened?"
Harmless: What do you tell her?
Magnen: Gave the attacker the biggest shock of his life, that's what I did
Harmless: "Gave the attacker the biggest shock of his life, that's what I did." You say.
Harmless: Kristy looked slightly surprised. "Do I even want to know what you did?"
Magnen: Probably not
Magnen: XD
Harmless: XD
Harmless: "Probably not." you say laughing. Kristy joins the laugh. "Alright, well, thanks for helping me. Where are we even?"
Harmless: You tell her we're on the second floor, in the lunch room. Kristy seems a little excited. "Oh! I know my way from here, but I don't know how to navigate the first floor. Let's get out!"
Harmless: A. Move straight, and move towards the hallway in front of you.
Harmless: B. Get a drink from the vending machine.
Harmless: C. Inspect the Cafeteria.
Harmless: D. Inspect an item from your inventory.
Magnen: C
Harmless: You decide to inspect the Cafeteria.
Harmless: Apparently, this Cafeteria has a boiler room to the right, past the "Employees only" sign. Wait, you're all employees! That means you should be fine.
Harmless: Wait, doesn't this cafeteria only serve employees though?
Harmless: Oh whatever.
Harmless: More importantly, there's a fridge to your left, a sink in front of you, and the boiler room to the right.
Harmless: Where do you move/inspect?
Magnen: inspect the fridge
Harmless: You open the fridge and inspect it. Some perishable goods are stored in here...
Harmless: Oh, forgot to mention there's cabinets too and a knife drawer.
Harmless: But more importantly.
Harmless: The fridge's perishable goods seem to have all expired.
Harmless: Darn.
Magnen: ofc
Magnen: just my luck
Harmless: "They really should keep better stock of equipment." Kristy mentions.
Harmless: What do you inspect?
Magnen: check the cabinets
Harmless: You check the cabinets. Some non-perishable foods are stored in here. Hooray! Stuff like potato chips, tomato paste, saltine crackers, dried fruits, nuts...
Harmless: Some good food is in here, approximately 3 rations to fill your inventory.
Harmless: Eat the rations, or save it for later. Both of you seem a little hungry...
Magnen: save it for later
Magnen: should probably leave the looney bin we're in first
Harmless: Despite your hunger, you decide it's best to leave the area. Kristy: "Funny, my Dad always said it's better inside of you than on you, heheh. Oh man... I hope my Dad isn't worried about me..."
Harmless: A. Cheer up Kristy.
Harmless: B. Inspect the Knife holder, the sink, or the boiler room
Magnen: A
Harmless: C. Move to the Lunch area
Harmless: D. Move out
Harmless: oh
Magnen: :P
Harmless: you cheer up Kristy.
Harmless: Kristy: "Alright, I gotcha... even though the GM didn't exactly tell me what you said. Thanks!"
Harmless: Kristy seems to have gotten a morale boost. Now what?
Harmless: A. Get out of this dump already
Harmless: B. Inspect something in the kitchen/boiler room
Harmless: C. Move back to the lunch area
Magnen: A
Harmless: You get out of here, and start proceeding down the hallway.
Harmless: And then you get completely lost. None of this looks familiar. There's a junction here, where there's a hallway to your left, a hallway to your right, and a hallway leading straight down the middle...
Harmless: A. Take a left
Harmless: B. Take a right
Harmless: C. Move forward
Harmless: D. Inspect item in your inventory
Magnen: Inspect the map
Magnen: I don't need to add clueless wandering to my reportoire of skills
Harmless: You inspect the map...
Harmless: And you look at Floor #2 for the first time.
Harmless: Apparently, one of these hallways leads towards the Boss's room... that would be to the left. To the right leads to a couple of meeting rooms and loops back around to the straight hallway
Harmless: And the straight hallway takes a left, then a right, then a left again, then a right to... Human resources.
Harmless: None of these lead to the stair!
Harmless: However, back at the lunch area, there is stairs to the right and to the back wall that go down.
Harmless: You recall some rumors that the Boss has a secret elevator that leads him down to the first floor, however.
Harmless: Would you chance it, and go to the Boss's room? Or skedaddle to the stairs?
Magnen: we all know never to mess with the Boss
Magnen: to the staiiirs
Harmless: To the stairs it is! The two of you backtrack...
Magnen: I mean why the heck would the guy even have a private elevator
Magnen: that just seems stupid
Harmless: *EXPLOSION* it came from the Boiler room! the force of the explosion knocks you and Kristy off your feet, and some fire could be seen coming out of the boiler room! The fire is catching onto some liquid seeping out of the room as well!
Harmless: Kristy: "RUUN!!"
Harmless: A. GTFO to the stairs
Harmless: B. Move back up to the third floor
Harmless: C. Be a hero and go for the Boss's room
Magnen: well screw it then
Magnen: C
Magnen: inb4dead
Harmless: You two go to the boss's room...
Harmless: And you manage to bust in!
Harmless: The Boss is nowhere to be found, and you look around frantically for the rumored elevator...
Harmless: The fire catches up, and you're running out of time!
Harmless: However, there's a reason why they call it a rumor. Nobody really could confirm if it existed or not. And you found out... the hard way.
Harmless: Try again?
Magnen: dagnabit
Magnen: okay
Magnen: TO THE STAIRS
Magnen: RUUUN
Harmless: You two run for the stairs, and the fire absolutely spreads through the lunch area! You manage to outrun it and head down the stairs, but then...
Harmless: You get a stomach ache at the worst possible moment!
Harmless: Kristy also feels it...
Magnen: WHY
Harmless: And the two of you are forced to slow down to a speedwalking pace!
Harmless: A. Eat those freaking Rations already
Harmless: B. Tough it out and keep moving!
Harmless: C. Stop for a second and rest
Magnen: A
Magnen: EAT AND RUN PEOPLE
Magnen: JUST DON'T CHOKE
Harmless: The two of you eat those rations nad keep moving... but you feel even more pain as you try eating it and swallowing! The worst part is, if you have inspected those Rations, you'd notice they were almost all dry foods...
Harmless: You could barely swallow the food as it barely helps you, and instead, slows you down more.
Harmless: Kristy similarly felt it as well.
Harmless: The boiler room liquids start seeping down the stairs as you two make it to the bottom, and catches up to you quick! The fire is spreading!
Magnen: I TOLD YOU I'M NOT OBSERVANT HARMLESS
Harmless: The two of you make it out of the hallway leading to the stairs, and you're now on the first floor
Magnen: AAAAGH
Harmless: XD
Harmless: With very little energy and the fire catching up quickly, what do you do?
Harmless: There's a door to your left that's lit, and the hallway continues down further
Magnen: WHY DID WE ABANDON THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER
Harmless: Why did you? :P
Harmless: A. Keep going down the hallway
Magnen: you didn't give me the option to take it XD
Harmless: B. Go inside the room
Harmless: EXCUSE ME
Harmless: I GAVE YOU AN OPTION
Harmless: TO HEAD BACK UP THE THIRD FLOOR
Harmless: XD
Magnen: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT BUT WHATEVER
Harmless: besides
Harmless: it's hardly portable :P
Harmless: but anyways
Harmless: A OR B
Magnen: INTO THE ROOOM
Harmless: You go into the room...
Magnen: IF THERE'S A WINDOW I'MMA SMASH IT
Magnen: WE'RE ON GROUND FLOOR FFS
Harmless: As you barely manage to speedwalk into the room, you find another fire extinguisher! What luck!
Harmless: You take it and spray the crap out of the fire in the hallway!!
Harmless: ... and somehow, you managed to have halted the fire's advance. For now.
Harmless: The fire does not continue onto the hallway's carpet and instead stops at the stairs.
Magnen: MAGIC FIRE EXTINGUISHER, GRANT ME THREE WISHES
Magnen: OR AT LEAST DON'T KILL ME
Harmless: However, since the Fire Extinguisher is kinda heavy and large, you can't really keep it in your inventory.
Harmless: So now what?
Harmless: A. Keep moving down the hallway
Harmless: B. Stop and rest
Harmless: C. Stop and eat some of those rations
Harmless: D. Inspect item
Magnen: Inspect the rations
Magnen: gotta keep my sodium low
Magnen: :P
Harmless: The rations are composed of mostly dry food. Nutritional facts: A fairly low amount of fat, saturated fat, above average calories, and low-medium sodium content.
Harmless: Decent amount of sugars, but otherwise nothing unhealthy
Magnen: ... is this why you kept prompting me to get a drink
Magnen: you mothertrucker
Magnen: :P
Harmless: XD
Harmless: actually I just prompted you because it was there
Harmless: lmao
Magnen: GET A DRINK MAGNEN
Magnen: NOOO
Magnen: :P
Harmless: :P
Harmless: So now what?
Harmless: A. Keep moving
Harmless: B. Stop and rest
Harmless: C. Stop and eat
Magnen: B
Harmless: The two of you stop, and catch your breath. Kristy could hardly speak...
Harmless: After some time of resting, you feel better, although you're still a little hungry. No stomach ache though.
Harmless: At least not for now.
Harmless: Keep moving?
Harmless: Or inspect the room?
Magnen: actually, inspect the map for the first floor
Harmless: Good idea!
Magnen: where is the exit
Harmless: The first floor contains a registration desk, more bathrooms, a public lounge, some meeting rooms, marketing tactics rooms, and a janitor's+broom closet.
Magnen: or at least a window
Harmless: If you move towards the hallway, past the marketing tactics room, and past the public lounge, you'll reach the registration desk and the main doors.
Harmless: Shall you get moving?
Harmless: Or inspect the room that you ducked into?
Harmless: Or inspect another item?
Magnen: erm, if the buidling is still burning, we should probably move
Harmless: Kristy: "I agree."
Harmless: The two of you start moving... of course, since you're both parched it's hard to get another word out.
Harmless: You make it past the marketing tactics room a couple of minutes later.
Harmless: And eventually past the public lounge. As you start heading towards the registration desk...
Harmless: The glass door's locked!
Harmless: So now what?
Magnen: BREAK THAT MOTHER EFFING DOOR WITH MY BAT
Harmless: *SMAAAAAAAASH!!!*
Magnen: I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
Harmless: You critical hit the glass door! The glass door was shattered!
Harmless: Some glass shards manage to catch into your eye and you die-
Harmless: *shot*
Harmless: lol jk you make it out
Magnen: oh spare me that bullcrap
Harmless: XD
Harmless: Congratulations! You have made it out of the facility.
Harmless: But now you face one more problem.
Harmless: You have no transportation to safety, there's nobody around, it's midnight outside, and you hardly have any illumination. It's also quite cold.
Magnen: oh now what
Magnen: whyyy
Harmless: You're currently outside the facility with a shivering Kristy, and the hunger certainly doesn't help keep you warm inside.
Magnen: wait, it's midnight, a building's burning, and NOBODY'S called for help?
Harmless: From the outside, it doesn't look like it's burning down, yet...
Magnen: either it's the apocalypse, or we're in a mental neighborhood
Magnen: :P
Harmless: :P
Magnen: CONVENIENT
Magnen: :P
Harmless: VERY
Harmless: Around you is... well, you can't see much other than the pavement on the ground.
Harmless: So where do you go? Forward? Right? Left? Or inspect item?
Magnen: inspect my baseball bat, why not
Magnen: maybe it's glow in the dark :P
Harmless: You can hardly see it in the dark.
Harmless: So where do you go?
Harmless: Forward? Right? Left? Or inspect item?
Magnen: Go left
Magnen: forward is probably a street
Magnen: with a car conveniently running me over
Magnen: :P
Harmless: You go left, and after a minute you run into a fence.
Harmless: Darnit.
Magnen: fiine, right
Harmless: The building looks like it's noticeably burning down this time.
Harmless: Still wanna go right, all while being near the building?
Magnen: oh
Magnen: uh
Magnen: nope
Magnen: forward it is
Harmless: The two of you walk forward, trying your best to get away from the building...
Harmless: The building explodes. Fairly violently.
Harmless: The two of you are knocked down and the two of you pass out.
Harmless: ...
Magnen: GREAT
Harmless: Wait for it.
Harmless: You have not died actually.
Harmless: eventually you wake up, a defib used on you.
Harmless: Some random man: "Get up! Are you okay?!"
Magnen: hurray for being shocked
Harmless: Another man could be seen using the med pack on Kristy.
Magnen: quite literally
Harmless: Eventually the two men call the ambulance.
Harmless: And you are taken to safety, Kristy as well.
Harmless: Congratulations! You have lived!
Magnen: yaaay
Harmless: However...
Harmless: Somehow this victory feels hollow.
Harmless: Who on earth was the guy who attacked you?
Harmless: Why did all your co-workers skedaddle?
Harmless: Why was Kristy tied up?
Harmless: And who was the true mastermind behind these events?
Magnen: well I can answer the last one
Magnen: mother effing HARMLESS
Magnen: :P
Harmless: Somehow, the truth may have been lost forever. But at least you're safe.
Harmless: :P
Magnen: the biggest question is
Harmless: And that concludes Harmless's on-the-fly CYOA featuring knuckles from the knuckles may chuckle series
Harmless: :3
Magnen: did harmless even have all those answers in the first place
Magnen: :P
Harmless: actually
Harmless: YES
Harmless: I did
Magnen: wow
Harmless: I made it all up on the fly
Harmless: :P
Harmless: but I still did
Magnen: MY OBSERVATIONS WERE SO BAD I LITERALLY LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT THIS EVENT
Harmless: Yup
Harmless: XD
Magnen: GG ME
Harmless: Honestly had you done some things different, bought more time, and investigated more
Harmless: you would've had a much different outcome
Harmless: *outcome
Magnen: well ofc
Harmless: But on the bright side, you just downright escaped and lived
Harmless: :P
Magnen: which is a victory on its own
Harmless: Of course
Magnen: considering realistically I'd probably have died
Harmless: Well who knows
Harmless: You're not going to find out anytime soon now that the facility is burnt to a crisp.
Magnen: along with the random man
Harmless: :P
Magnen: who I didn't give one single crap about
Magnen: :P
Harmless: well you don't know if he lived or not
Harmless: we can assume he died
Harmless: or he didn't
Magnen: I STABBED HIM
Magnen: IN THE PELVIS
Harmless: YOU DID
Magnen: AND THEN THE PLACE BURNED
Harmless: AND HE'S PROBABLY SCARRED FOR LIFE
Harmless: GOOD JOB
Harmless: XD
Magnen: DO YOU REALLY THINK HE SURVIVED THAT
Harmless: HMM
Harmless: MAYBE NOt
Harmless: BUT MAYBE
Harmless: THERE'S A SMALL CHANCE
Harmless: THAT HE SOMEHOW LIVED :P
Magnen: :P
Harmless: welp
Harmless: how'd you like it?
Magnen: it was fun
Magnen: but maybe if we do that again
Magnen: not to do it at 1 am
Harmless: agree
Magnen: it's almost 3 am :P
Harmless: holy crap time flew by
Harmless: xD
Harmless: welp
Magnen: Me at the beginning: Please don't make this take over an hour
Magnen: *almost 2 hours later*
Magnen: :P
Harmless: shhh
Harmless: XD
Magnen: I'd like to try next time
Magnen: but idk if I'd do any good
Harmless: Who knows
Harmless: things might turn out differently
Harmless: how sp00ky is that
Magnen: :P