oh my aunt jemima that is so funny

[GalaxyMario]

This happened in my Social Studies class, when we we on the computers. Erick and I had both finished our Powerpoints, then this happened.

<Erick> *Is playing Minecraft*
<Me> Hey, is that Minecraft? I thought you had to pay for the beta.
<Erick> No...
<Me> Did you pirate it?
<Erick> Shh...

[Suyo]

Punch him in the face and then tell him a random guy on the internet told you to >:(

[GalaxyMario]

He was playing a cracked version meant to be used for learning and demonstration, BTW.

[Avo]

A guy cut me off in traffic, and I called him a stupid f***. My kids asked what that meant, and I told them it means he can’t f***ing drive.

XD

[MessengerOfDreams]

Sanity Not Included FTW

<Captain Falcon> Okay, so it's raining, right? And you pass a bus stop. There are three people there, your most trustworthy friend, a pregnant lady who has to go to the hospital, and the girl of your dreams. Your Smart Car has only two seats. What do you do?

<Luigi> Oh, oh! I've heard this one! You give the car to your most trustworthy friend, he takes the pregnant lady to the hospital and then, you stay at the bus stop with the girl of your dreams.

<Captain Falcon> No. You go home and RE-EVALUATE YOUR ♥♥♥♥ LIFE! YOU BOUGHT A SMART CAR!!!

XD

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

Me: And that's why you should always--
Little Sis: I can't hear you cause you're talking.

[MessengerOfDreams]

Best comedy routine ever. But if you want the short version open the spoiler.

Dane Cook on Atheists

Spoiler: show

You know I am glad he is an atheist. Because wouldn't it be great that while he is doing his little tree thing, through the woods a huge sweaty guy with an ax comes long, sees him " chop-chop", put a chain around him, drag him through the mud and the muck, throw him into a sawmill and grind him up " NEEEEEEEEEEE", then you pound him down into paper, and once he's paper, you print the Bible on him.

That. Is the best line ever. XD



Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTnXA5SR ... re=related

the guy prob got shine'd then dropped the control and took a piss. xD

And

The bass was so heavy my rubix cube fell off my desk and completed itself, neighbors called the police and they got arrested, my windows broke and had to buy a mac, my cat barked ʇxǝʇ ʎɯ oʇ sıɥʇ pıp doɹp ssɐq ǝɥʇ I have to change my pants, made -- people miss the like button, mom walked in and I switched to porn, it became my neighbors favorite song, hitler got his gas bill , my water turned into wine, and I want M0:00RE. is this good enough to be thumbed up? You ♥♥♥♥

"It's like Luna Lovegood and Ronald McDonald had a baby together, and she became the Beyonce of James Cameron's giant smurf dreams."

*doubles over pissing laughter out*

[Oranjui]

um.

[Karyete]

Man: I'm here to sell you the LATEST of gadgets, so LATEST I put it in caps, the P! D! A! That's right! The PDA!
Other Guy: Public Display of Affection?
Man: NO NO NO! The Personal Delivery Assistant!
Other Guy: *Turns it on* (Hologram of two people kissing appears*
Man:

[NanTheDark]

I've got a lot...

*In a visit to a Nuclear Plant*
Me: What happens if I fall down that pool?
Guide: Well, we can get you out of there right away, no problem, but if you get the idea of swimming towards that light, it might be the last light you'll see.
Me: No way! I would get blind?

*Taking care of a hamster for homework with a friend*
Girl: That's Celeste? (the hamster) So cute! Which one of you guys is the dad?
Me: I'm the dad!
Friend: Hey. You don't take care of it. You're not the one who feeds her, or cleans her, or plays with her... you don't even ask about her!
Me: Exactly! I'm the dad!

*Is playing Pepsiman with same friend*
Me: If you die because of that, I'm gonna laugh so hard *friend dies at the same time* HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

There's a lot more, but that's all I remember now