runouw.com

I'm having a problem that is now starting to become an issue. I have no idea how/when it started, but I want some help:

Apparently, I am having difficulty treating newbie/kid users the same as anybody else. Bad grammar, awkward speech or childish, though "appropriate" reactions/actions seem to really get on my nerves badly, and I don't want them to. I don't think this is normal socially, but I sometimes end up ignoring, avoiding, or even excluding them, and I fail to deal with it, though if I respond it is usually in a negative way.
I really would like some tips/help/advice on dealing with or getting around the "ways these certain users act" and be able to treat them equally.

Triple J wrote:I'm having a problem that is now starting to become an issue. I have no idea how/when it started, but I want some help:

Apparently, I am having difficulty treating newbie/kid users the same as anybody else. Bad grammar, awkward speech or childish, though "appropriate" reactions/actions seem to really get on my nerves badly, and I don't want them to. I don't think this is normal socially, but I sometimes end up ignoring, avoiding, or even excluding them, and I fail to deal with it, though if I respond it is usually in a negative way.
I really would like some tips/help/advice on dealing with or getting around the "ways these certain users act" and be able to treat them equally.

It isn't abnormal at all. Unideal, and perhaps undesirable, but not abnormal from a sociological standpoint.

You are an established member of the social group that is Runouw's user base. When you encounter other, less established users (i.e. "newbs," or kids, anyone who has only recently joined), your instinctual reaction is to present yourself as higher on the social hierarchy - so you subconsciously notice things about them which otherwise wouldn't bother you, such as grammar mistakes. Your brain is trying to find a reason to criticize them, as doing so reinforces your position in the community in relation to theirs.

Note: This isn't to say you're insecure regarding your position. In fact, quote the opposite - an insecure individual would carefully gauge the threat of the newcomer, rather than "jumping the gun," so to speak.

This may not help you, but I've found that understanding my behaviors helps me control them, because I am aware of their goal. I hope this works for you as well.

My sister got divorced from her husband and has been living with her father while supporting her and her ex-husband's 1yo son. Father doesn't come to visit his child, no doubt because he is angry with her, and she won't take the son to see him, because she says he needs to be the man and see his own child. My mom has tried to help my sister cope with her depression and stress of single motherhood for the past few months. My sister lived with us for the entire summer, up until Thanksgiving. This caused a very stressful lifestyle, as everything was turned upside down. We had to step lightly, and if there was one creak, the baby would cry. My sister is like both my mother and father in different ways. She denies she is like her dad, but yet she would always nitpick at me like she was my mother, and because of my short temper and anger management problems, I'd snap, sometimes getting in her face. She would continue to instigate, which would only piss me off more. Not to mention my mom would get onto me for getting in her face and in a tired tone beg my sister to stop trying to parent me, which she would respond that I need to start acting like an adult and stop getting in people's faces. Well now, ♥♥♥♥♥, I wouldn't be doing that if some people would realize their ♥♥♥♥ role in a family, now would I?

To further complicate the problem, my mother and father have been head to head over a lot of differences. My mom is tired a lot because she is taking care of Adam, my disabled brother with heart conditions and physical disabilities. This means she brushes his teeth, bathes him, shaves him, gets his stuff in order for school in the mornings, takes him to physical therapy, takes him to doctors, has to treat his acne condition, etc etc. Over the years she's gained weight, an addiction to Dr. Pepper, and is depressed. The Dr. Pepper is a clear factor of her weight gain, and any of you who are going "no it's not!", ♥♥♥♥. Tell me the exercise you do, tell me your metabolism, or better yet, show the BMI. I don't care about the flavor or the theory that it helps you sleep. It is unhealthy to drink it daily, which my mom does. Because of her weight, her self-esteem is low, and she hates going out in public. She is afraid of what people think of her. Always has been, from the time she was young and skinny 50 years ago till now.

My mom and dad are always continuously butting heads over a variety of things. My dad has to monitor "pigs" for the gas company he works for, he has to maintain the pressure of the valves and fluid, and make sure that if anything goes down, he calls up his coworkers to check up on them, otherwise the town is without gas. He is gone from 3 in the morning till sometimes 1 at night, and the cycle repeats. He doesn't eat, his diet consists of coffee and leftovers at supper. That is all. So he gets moody. For example, my mom has stopped asking him to mow the lawn because he snaps at her. And when he snaps, the war begins. And I shut my door and drown it in metal. Sometimes this only happens rarely. But my mom is a neat freak. She is afraid someone will randomly show up and see the house and worry one speck of dust will give us a bad name as a family and make it as if we are slobs. So if he doesn't dust for one day she and my little brother are away to visit my sister, like they were yesterday, and she comes home, she'll flip. And they will argue. And I know that he will call her a woman. I don't give a ♥♥♥♥ if she is biologically and physically an adult woman. You are married, you do NOT call your wife a woman out of RESPECT. It's gotten to the point they argue in front of us, and my mom will apologize.

This and all of the above is the key factors for the reason my depression and moodiness lingers. And I ♥♥♥♥ hate it. I hate having to deal with all this ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥, and I want to leave. I've even sworn to myself to remain a single man, that I will never repeat the cycle. Some days I want to kill myself, which is pretty possible considering my knife collection and wires, other times I close my eyes and imagine what life would be like for me if I wasn't a part of any of this, if I would be different, if I would grow up to be a different person, act a different way. Sometimes I even question why I have to put up with this ♥♥♥♥. It's the reason I denounced Christ. I have a counselor for my problems, but I haven't seen him in months. I have the money, but no transportation to get there on my own, so I rely on my mom. So since November of last year, I've coped on my own in any ways possible, helped people, I've stated my views on a variety of issues in the public, on the internet, to get my mind away from it all. And yet, in the end, it lingers.

I don't know what to do. I just want it all to stop.

Well Shade, I don't know how I can help you with this here.

I can certainly try my best but the thing is when I try to help people the first thing I have to do is relate to it somehow, and then give some personal experience and try and find some advice from that instead. They say I find it hard to empathise because I'm autistic, which isn't true; I can empathise without experiencing something before, but I am better at helping if I know exactly where you're coming from.
So I wouldn't help here, because there are still parts of my life that are very private to me. Besides that's a lot of information to take in at once. I would be happy to help you on skype though, but ONLY if you want me to. I can't promise I'll be the best help in the world, but I can try. :3

One year later, some ♥♥♥♥ got better, some ♥♥♥♥ got worse. My anxiety and depression cleared up, and my sister moved out.

Now my sister is back in my life. Now she's back to controlling my mom's emotions. No one knows I'm an atheist yet. No one knows the thoughts that go through my mind. The only reason I'm still on this planet is for my nephew and friends...I am ♥♥♥♥ serious, I've never felt this low before. I don't even want to go to class, and I have to.

My life is a ♥♥♥♥ failure. Nothing but failed tasks, procrastination, and me not "being a man". Well, how's this for being a ♥♥♥♥ man...how about I'm holding in my emotions like a ♥♥♥♥ man, how's about I haven't been happy...IN FOUR ♥♥♥♥ YEARS.

And now I'm laying on my bed just...laying here. I don't know what to do anymore. My appointment with my therapist is in a week...but ♥♥♥♥ hell, I can't ♥♥♥♥ take this family anymore. One of these days I know I'm going to go to jail...

I don't know what to ♥♥♥♥ do or feel. I just want all this ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ to be over.

Please somebody help this guy, I would do it myself, but I get enough emotions as it is.

Just hang in there buddy, things get better.

Stoneheart wrote:One year later, some ♥♥♥♥ got better, some ♥♥♥♥ got worse. My anxiety and depression cleared up, and my sister moved out.

Now my sister is back in my life. Now she's back to controlling my mom's emotions. No one knows I'm an atheist yet. No one knows the thoughts that go through my mind. The only reason I'm still on this planet is for my nephew and friends...I am ♥♥♥♥ serious, I've never felt this low before. I don't even want to go to class, and I have to.

My life is a ♥♥♥♥ failure. Nothing but failed tasks, procrastination, and me not "being a man". Well, how's this for being a ♥♥♥♥ man...how about I'm holding in my emotions like a ♥♥♥♥ man, how's about I haven't been happy...IN FOUR ♥♥♥♥ YEARS.

And now I'm laying on my bed just...laying here. I don't know what to do anymore. My appointment with my therapist is in a week...but ♥♥♥♥ hell, I can't ♥♥♥♥ take this family anymore. One of these days I know I'm going to go to jail...

I don't know what to ♥♥♥♥ do or feel. I just want all this ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ to be over.

I know how you feel. Life sucks at times. I want to help.
About failure, the positive thing about it is you have the power to "climb up". I'm trying to conquer some personal problems too. I guess it takes time and a positive mind.
Think about the things that make you happy in life. Think about your certain importance in this world.

I offered help last time. You can still message me if you need it.
Even though my problems aren't focused around the same thing, I know how tough life can be and I'm having a horrible time right now, so you're not alone, that's the first thing. The second thing is, your life is for you. If you're not happy, then you can change that, even if it's not a noticeable change at the beginning. But just keep a goal in mind and aim for it, maybe your goal would be to move out eventually. It won't happen straight away but it's something you can work towards.

Stoneheart, I sent you a PM. Please read.