Before you read i want to warn you, what you will read is a part of my feelings, actions and experiences from my life
and i would like you to try and understand that the feelings i do have is not some usual bad time that one has in life.
I've been bullied, ostracized i have fought with people, i have a religion which i start to doubt, I've broken up with my girlfriend, i am lonely, I've been abandoned from my friends several times, no one cares and no one gives a ♥♥♥♥ about me (This is a fact).
And on top of all that i have a phobia from when i was little which has grown so much to the point that i can pretty much not eat as usual, i can't go out without fearing death and
on top of that i deal with a huge depression which feeds on all these things.
My religion is Christianity, i believed in a god. Until i asked myself. How do i know i chose the right religion?
What of those who were born as a muslim, how the heck are we supposed to know that there is something out there
without any evidence.
I doubt everything.
Now i have come to this point where i find no hope in anything what so ever, and why not take my life?
No One would care, this is a fact.
The only ones who would care is my family, for the rest of us, i'm just doing a service for the world.
I don't want to keep fighting if it's not even worth it. My girlfriend rejects me and knows how to make me jealous.
Every stupid day in school i've been rejected, unhappy, jealous and feared constantly.
So what is the point?
There is absolutely none.
So why am i typing this, because i want you, the reader who reads this and thinks, can you see when someone is sad?
It's easy to answer yes, all my friends said yes when i asked them just that.
But when i was depressed, no one saw through me and it ended up me being frozen out from my friends.
Well, what can i say, life sucks in my opinion.
Tho' thanks for reading.
Makes it all someway feel better.
The Verge of Suicide
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This is Serious Discussion. If you want to tell us how your day was or just get some things off your chest, you will find ample opportunity to find a corner to discuss all the good things we see, or reach out to anyone who needs help. Just remember to pay attention to the Principles of Serious Discussion, and link to the source if posting news.
This is Serious Discussion. If you want to tell us how your day was or just get some things off your chest, you will find ample opportunity to find a corner to discuss all the good things we see, or reach out to anyone who needs help. Just remember to pay attention to the Principles of Serious Discussion, and link to the source if posting news.
Re: The Verge of Suicide
Thumbs up x2 
by nin10mode » May 20th, 2013, 10:47 am
There is no correct religion. You are allowed to believe whatever you want, and most people believe in some sort of afterlife. The purpose of a religion is to remove our worries of death and use that brainpower to focus on our lives.
At least, practically speaking.
Personally, I'm Roman Catholic, and I believe that life's purpose is to improve life for our, and later generations. Bullies way not understand that concept, and they might believe that life is survival of the fittest; might I say to them, those are the thoughts of an animal. Some may believe that it is only to better the self; might I ask them, what happens if you are the only human on the planet? Some believe that there is no point, and to you, I say that you will see your own point eventually, and either embrace it or deny it, if you give it a chance.
I've had to deal with my fair share of drama, though I've rarely been depressed. In just my 16.5 years of life, I've ran into a metal pole and had my front tooth chipped, I've waited in the hospital for a day when my sister crashed in her bike and had surgery on her stomach, I've listened to both of my sisters get whipped when they nearly burned the house down, I've stopped my mother from punching her own daughter when she didn't talk to her for a week while in college, I've convinced my sister not to take a kitchen knife and slit her throat, I've had my sister nearly drown in a foreign country, I've fought a wrestling team member for picking on me (he shortly got scared of me), I've brought a weapon (specifically a metal bar) to school to intimidate the other bullies, I've stayed up all night to calm my mother down, who was breaking ceramics and other valuables in a tantrum about debt and threatening suicide, and I've sat through my father talking about the possibility of a divorce, luckily never followed through. Just a few months ago, I was considering dropping out of public school and being home-schooled.
I do not believe in the slightest that out experiences will be similar, as I have never been truly bullied for the majority of my life, and I have always had good friends, both ostracized and popular. However, I do believe that I have enough life experience to at least try and reason with you. These are things that I don't even share with my closest real life friends. Please take them to heart, as I have with your stories.
Through these many instances, I've learned that it's not good to bottle up your feelings. If you build up your anxiety, it will burst all at once, whether it's a tantrum, a fight, a murder, a genocide, or a suicide. I was almost suspended when I brought in that bar, and I might be losing credit for the days of school I've skipped. You've already noticed, I'm sure, as you said you feel better already after posting this.
Cry it out, punch it out, talk it out. Not just your family cares. We care. I care. All of the friends that you don't think are friends will care. Even if they are just friends with similar hobbies, or smalltalk with, they will care. Even if they don't know you personally, much like us, they will care.
Don't do it, though I'm sure I didn't need to say that anyway. I'd like to believe you're a strong willed individual.
At least, practically speaking.
Personally, I'm Roman Catholic, and I believe that life's purpose is to improve life for our, and later generations. Bullies way not understand that concept, and they might believe that life is survival of the fittest; might I say to them, those are the thoughts of an animal. Some may believe that it is only to better the self; might I ask them, what happens if you are the only human on the planet? Some believe that there is no point, and to you, I say that you will see your own point eventually, and either embrace it or deny it, if you give it a chance.
I've had to deal with my fair share of drama, though I've rarely been depressed. In just my 16.5 years of life, I've ran into a metal pole and had my front tooth chipped, I've waited in the hospital for a day when my sister crashed in her bike and had surgery on her stomach, I've listened to both of my sisters get whipped when they nearly burned the house down, I've stopped my mother from punching her own daughter when she didn't talk to her for a week while in college, I've convinced my sister not to take a kitchen knife and slit her throat, I've had my sister nearly drown in a foreign country, I've fought a wrestling team member for picking on me (he shortly got scared of me), I've brought a weapon (specifically a metal bar) to school to intimidate the other bullies, I've stayed up all night to calm my mother down, who was breaking ceramics and other valuables in a tantrum about debt and threatening suicide, and I've sat through my father talking about the possibility of a divorce, luckily never followed through. Just a few months ago, I was considering dropping out of public school and being home-schooled.
I do not believe in the slightest that out experiences will be similar, as I have never been truly bullied for the majority of my life, and I have always had good friends, both ostracized and popular. However, I do believe that I have enough life experience to at least try and reason with you. These are things that I don't even share with my closest real life friends. Please take them to heart, as I have with your stories.
Through these many instances, I've learned that it's not good to bottle up your feelings. If you build up your anxiety, it will burst all at once, whether it's a tantrum, a fight, a murder, a genocide, or a suicide. I was almost suspended when I brought in that bar, and I might be losing credit for the days of school I've skipped. You've already noticed, I'm sure, as you said you feel better already after posting this.
Cry it out, punch it out, talk it out. Not just your family cares. We care. I care. All of the friends that you don't think are friends will care. Even if they are just friends with similar hobbies, or smalltalk with, they will care. Even if they don't know you personally, much like us, they will care.
Don't do it, though I'm sure I didn't need to say that anyway. I'd like to believe you're a strong willed individual.
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
by Ayrayen » May 20th, 2013, 11:11 am
Well thank you for your response.
It's funny how we react to each others messages, and well to tell you the truth it did feel better but for how long.
I've been depressed throughout my whole life, that constant sorrow i bear on my back asides with all the bu-ll-shi-t around me doesn't make it easier.
I just don't understand how people can be so cruel, there is no logic in that. As to me, i've done them no harm.
However i tried to take my life today, but i hesitated for just one simple and stupid reason.
Things might turn out to be better.
I don't know man, am i just being to pessimistic?
It's hard to tell with all the shizzle going around me, it's difficult to stay strong when no one's there to back one up.
I have no one who can catch me if i lean backwards and fall, that's my problem. No one gives a single crap about me.
It's for that only reason why i so badly want to take my life.
No one accepts me, everyone's rejecting me in one way or another.
to even think my own girlfriend would do such a thing after a whole 3 year relationship.
Nothing can surprise me anymore.
I need someone.
Thanks nin10mode for showing your care, you've always been fun to chat with.
You've been there since my series with bongo started. Those days man, i can't show you my gratitude, that's how much it means to me.
I can feel somewhat relieved to know that there is still care somewhere.
Still i wonder
It's funny how we react to each others messages, and well to tell you the truth it did feel better but for how long.
I've been depressed throughout my whole life, that constant sorrow i bear on my back asides with all the bu-ll-shi-t around me doesn't make it easier.
I just don't understand how people can be so cruel, there is no logic in that. As to me, i've done them no harm.
However i tried to take my life today, but i hesitated for just one simple and stupid reason.
Things might turn out to be better.
I don't know man, am i just being to pessimistic?
It's hard to tell with all the shizzle going around me, it's difficult to stay strong when no one's there to back one up.
I have no one who can catch me if i lean backwards and fall, that's my problem. No one gives a single crap about me.
It's for that only reason why i so badly want to take my life.
No one accepts me, everyone's rejecting me in one way or another.
to even think my own girlfriend would do such a thing after a whole 3 year relationship.
Nothing can surprise me anymore.
I need someone.
Thanks nin10mode for showing your care, you've always been fun to chat with.
You've been there since my series with bongo started. Those days man, i can't show you my gratitude, that's how much it means to me.
I can feel somewhat relieved to know that there is still care somewhere.
Still i wonder
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
by MessengerOfDreams » May 20th, 2013, 1:54 pm
" However i tried to take my life today, but i hesitated for just one simple and stupid reason.
Things might turn out to be better."
That's what you have to keep telling yourself. That's what you have to believe. Trust me, it got better for me when I never thought it would. And now my presence has helped others believe the same. You're an irreplaceable piece of the machine of humanity, and if you take yourself out before your time, things aren't going to run the way they should. Just keep holding on, bro.
Things might turn out to be better."
That's what you have to keep telling yourself. That's what you have to believe. Trust me, it got better for me when I never thought it would. And now my presence has helped others believe the same. You're an irreplaceable piece of the machine of humanity, and if you take yourself out before your time, things aren't going to run the way they should. Just keep holding on, bro.
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
Thumbs up x1
by ~MP3 Amplifier~ » May 21st, 2013, 5:51 am
I know just how you feel.
I wish I could share my full story with you but I can't do it in public because of the scare and the simple fact I like it private.
But you know, I care about you. I would be really upset if you committed suicide. You are my bro.
If you wanna PM me for advice I'll be happy to help. I've been through a lot of things and I can relate in most areas, whether it's abuse, bullying, phobias, suicide/harm, sexuality, illnesses and emotional torture. Believe me, in the many years of my life I've managed to pick up a lot and the saddest thing is it's still not over. I can always PM you my story as I don't mind sharing it with one person who's going through hardship right now. (well not my whole life story, lol. But I can relate almost anywhere.)
Also I have a lot of experience with the whole 'suicidal' stuff and...don't risk it. It's not worth it. Telling myself that now is the only thing that keeps me going. (oh yeah, and this awesome place, heh)
I wish I could share my full story with you but I can't do it in public because of the scare and the simple fact I like it private.
But you know, I care about you. I would be really upset if you committed suicide. You are my bro.
If you wanna PM me for advice I'll be happy to help. I've been through a lot of things and I can relate in most areas, whether it's abuse, bullying, phobias, suicide/harm, sexuality, illnesses and emotional torture. Believe me, in the many years of my life I've managed to pick up a lot and the saddest thing is it's still not over. I can always PM you my story as I don't mind sharing it with one person who's going through hardship right now. (well not my whole life story, lol. But I can relate almost anywhere.)
Also I have a lot of experience with the whole 'suicidal' stuff and...don't risk it. It's not worth it. Telling myself that now is the only thing that keeps me going. (oh yeah, and this awesome place, heh)
The below image is a montage of my individual highest placing LDC creations, as a reminder to myself that level designing is a part of my life that I can't just leave behind
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
by Ayrayen » May 22nd, 2013, 1:57 pm
Nin10Mode, MessengerofDreams, mp3amplifier.
I'm so happy to hear that you guys, who stand me closest here on forums responded to me.
If it weren't for you i don't know what would've happened.
This is a phase in my life which is a hard step, but i'm relieved to have such friends over INTERNET. Really it's weird.
Would've been awesome if we all lived close to each other.
anyways, a huge thanks to you guys, i'm lucky.
I'm so happy to hear that you guys, who stand me closest here on forums responded to me.
If it weren't for you i don't know what would've happened.
This is a phase in my life which is a hard step, but i'm relieved to have such friends over INTERNET. Really it's weird.
Would've been awesome if we all lived close to each other.
anyways, a huge thanks to you guys, i'm lucky.
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
Thumbs up x4
by Raz » May 26th, 2013, 6:45 am
There's a sign in a forest in Japan, where many people have commited suicide.
"Life is an important thing we receive from our parents.
Think once more about your parents, your siblings, your children.
Don't suffer alone. Please talk with someone."
Thought I'd post it here in case anyone else thinks about sucidide, the sign speaks true words.
"You think you die alone, but that's not true. Nobody is alone in this world. We have to coexist and take care of each other."
"Life is an important thing we receive from our parents.
Think once more about your parents, your siblings, your children.
Don't suffer alone. Please talk with someone."
Thought I'd post it here in case anyone else thinks about sucidide, the sign speaks true words.
"You think you die alone, but that's not true. Nobody is alone in this world. We have to coexist and take care of each other."
Disclaimer: none of these messages have been edited, context can be provided if needed (thanks discord!) but absolutely does not change anything about these messages and that he's too overly defensive and cocky to make situations better
Karyete: I don't have anything to say to you, I've been deliberately trying to not offend you for years, actually, but apparently everything I say to you is wrong. You come across as so aggressive that you successfully intimidated me into not wanting to talk to you
Karyete: Seriously, what is your problem? And not only that, you fail to even acknowledge you might be in some wrong here.
Karyete: Oooh it's you? Hello. Feel free to drop this right now. You're going to make yourself look like an idiot.
Karyete: We don't want to hear your opinion at this stage.
Karyete: You're not getting any apology, especially after now.
Karyete: You can stay up on your high horse, continue to twist the truth and act like an absolute child all you want. I refuse to give respect to a man who right now is picking up a dropped argument because he simply cannot fathom the idea that he might be in the wrong.
Karyete: How pathetic
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
Thumbs up x2
by Ayrayen » May 26th, 2013, 10:41 am
Raz wrote:There's a sign in a forest in Japan, where many people have commited suicide.
"Life is an important thing we receive from our parents.
Think once more about your parents, your siblings, your children.
Don't suffer alone. Please talk with someone."
Thought I'd post it here in case anyone else thinks about sucidide, the sign speaks true words.
"You think you die alone, but that's not true. Nobody is alone in this world. We have to coexist and take care of each other."
I salute you for putting these kind words in a topic like this.
The words of the sign also speak truth, but once again.
When you have no one to "suffer with" or to even "talk with" you easily lose your hope.
That is why i came on here.
I needed you guys, your support. There is no other forum/site like this one.
It has great members very caring and at the same time we share so much even though we might never have met before.
It's very nice to see that there actually are people caring out there, which i rarely see anymore.
Thanks, and i believe i speak for more than just myself here.
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
by Raz » May 26th, 2013, 2:25 pm
This is why suicide hotlines exist.
http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/com ... e_numbers/
http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/com ... e_numbers/
Disclaimer: none of these messages have been edited, context can be provided if needed (thanks discord!) but absolutely does not change anything about these messages and that he's too overly defensive and cocky to make situations better
Karyete: I don't have anything to say to you, I've been deliberately trying to not offend you for years, actually, but apparently everything I say to you is wrong. You come across as so aggressive that you successfully intimidated me into not wanting to talk to you
Karyete: Seriously, what is your problem? And not only that, you fail to even acknowledge you might be in some wrong here.
Karyete: Oooh it's you? Hello. Feel free to drop this right now. You're going to make yourself look like an idiot.
Karyete: We don't want to hear your opinion at this stage.
Karyete: You're not getting any apology, especially after now.
Karyete: You can stay up on your high horse, continue to twist the truth and act like an absolute child all you want. I refuse to give respect to a man who right now is picking up a dropped argument because he simply cannot fathom the idea that he might be in the wrong.
Karyete: How pathetic
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Re: The Verge of Suicide
by Ayrayen » May 31st, 2013, 1:27 pm
Raz wrote:This is why suicide hotlines exist.
http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/com ... e_numbers/
Well, once you decide to take your life, you ain't going to some suicide hotline.
Not to sound pessimistic and what not, but these are facts up to my own personal experiences.
You need personal comfort.
This week i tried to kill myself, but i got stopped.
The guys on the hotline will not confront you or even touch you.
my point is that the perspective of view differs from one and another.
And once i decide to take my life, i'll do it. I'm not going to call someone for help, since i'm doing it for a reason.
Which people may recall stupid, nevertheless not in my head.
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