runouw.com

NanTheDark wrote:

Ayrayen wrote:"You've been through a lot already", you think? Hmm... I never gave that a thought.

...

By the way, it isn't pathetic to not want to kill yourself. That's just being brave enough to keep on living.

Killing yourself isn't being brave, it's just giving up. I'm glad you're still being brave.

And when I said "You've been through a lot already", for the most part I'm guessing, because I'm probably the most ignorant guy in Runouw when it comes to knowing about other users. There was this guy who said that you've witnessed a lot of death or whatever, and there was rape or something? I dunno tbh.

Like you said, I can't tell what you're going through, since I've most likely lived a peaceful life, I guess. But I'm still empathic enough to try and feel what you must be going through. At least try...

Well, keep on rollin'.

I don't know, I find myself pretty pathetic if you were to ask me. But heck, what do i know, i'm way to distressed to even think properly at the moment.

And yeah...
Sadly, this guy you're speaking of is telling the honest truth.
There's been a whole lot going on in my life.
I just never thought about it all in all.

Thanks again for putting a thought into this or you know what, thanks for just being here reading it.
It means much to me yet again.
Just throwing it out there.

Thanks.

I'm glad to be of help... at least a little...

Ayrayen wrote:It's cancer in the Lymph, right at the throat. They can't stop it from spreading since they are unable to pick all of it away.
They can just extend his life by using some laser surgery.

That's definitely no good. My grandma on my moms side of the family died from cancer of the lymphoma, it was sad really. I just tried my best to ignore the situation.

I completely cared for what was going on, but instead of showing emotion, I stood out of the way and just let things pass. (she was a goner anyways, no use fighting it) Now-a-days I can't even look at her gravestone, or even get near the cemetery anymore without getting teary-eyed and emotionally unstable. Even though I am an overall happy person, all these things change when I visit that cemetery.

I totally understand, it's hard, and it must be even harder being bipolar.

On a side note, I had a swollen lymph node in my arm pit a few years ago, and it almost could have been cancer of the lymphoma, but it just turned out to be the consequence of cat-scratch fever. (yes, that's a real thing)

Edit: What's sad is I've gone this long with this scenario out of my head, almost four years since she passed away, now I'm looking back on it. Not a good thing to do really when all it does is make you feel depressed.

I don't really know what else I can say when everyone else has already given out advice. I just wanted to show my support.

I hope your dad turns out alright. I wish you the best of luck.

Harmless wrote:I'm curious to see how many people on Runouw also experienced the urge to, or at least attempted suicide. You're not alone, I tried 20 times (I had a pretty ♥♥♥♥ life too...).

Twice, never had the guts to go through with it. But I've hit rock bottom once, twice, three times, maybe more. Lost people to cancer, and I can't even bear setting foot in a nursing home because it reminds me of my grandmother with Alzheimer's who doesn't even recognize me anymore.

And while I consider death as just a door we can never see out of, it doesn't mean we have to step through it. Life may be ♥♥♥♥, but it's not ♥♥♥♥ enough to kill ourselves over. Things can turn around for the better. It may take decades, maybe a week, maybe a month to a year. But it can change. It gets better, but only for those who want to fight for it.

And you have shown you can fight for it, Bipolar or not. You've got the guts to live, and that's what is keeping you from killing yourself. Because you hold onto the branch of hope that things will turn out alright.

And they will. I promise you. It won't be sudden, but it will be alright.

Newgeneration wrote:

Ayrayen wrote:It's cancer in the Lymph, right at the throat. They can't stop it from spreading since they are unable to pick all of it away.
They can just extend his life by using some laser surgery.

That's definitely no good. My grandma on my moms side of the family died from cancer of the lymphoma, it was sad really. I just tried my best to ignore the situation.

I completely cared for what was going on, but instead of showing emotion, I stood out of the way and just let things pass. (she was a goner anyways, no use fighting it) Now-a-days I can't even look at her gravestone, or even get near the cemetery anymore without getting teary-eyed and emotionally unstable. Even though I am an overall happy person, all these things change when I visit that cemetery.

I totally understand, it's hard, and it must be even harder being bipolar.

On a side note, I had a swollen lymph node in my arm pit a few years ago, and it almost could have been cancer of the lymphoma, but it just turned out to be the consequence of cat-scratch fever. (yes, that's a real thing)

Edit: What's sad is I've gone this long with this scenario out of my head, almost four years since she passed away, now I'm looking back on it. Not a good thing to do really when all it does is make you feel depressed.

Must've been pretty rough, eh?
I hope you're doing good...

Stoneheart wrote:

Harmless wrote:I'm curious to see how many people on Runouw also experienced the urge to, or at least attempted suicide. You're not alone, I tried 20 times (I had a pretty ♥♥♥♥ life too...).

Twice, never had the guts to go through with it. But I've hit rock bottom once, twice, three times, maybe more. Lost people to cancer, and I can't even bear setting foot in a nursing home because it reminds me of my grandmother with Alzheimer's who doesn't even recognize me anymore.

And while I consider death as just a door we can never see out of, it doesn't mean we have to step through it. Life may be ♥♥♥♥, but it's not ♥♥♥♥ enough to kill ourselves over. Things can turn around for the better. It may take decades, maybe a week, maybe a month to a year. But it can change. It gets better, but only for those who want to fight for it.

And you have shown you can fight for it, Bipolar or not. You've got the guts to live, and that's what is keeping you from killing yourself. Because you hold onto the branch of hope that things will turn out alright.

And they will. I promise you. It won't be sudden, but it will be alright.

So far, my life has been nothing but a failure.
As pessimistic this may sound, i'm ♥♥♥♥ no one, i'm a complete ♥♥♥♥ failure.

Dudes, i can't hold it back anymore, i'm that one freaking dude who hides his feelings and cry over it in the nights once in a month.
I really hope you guys will make the right decisions in life.

But I'm so close to giving up right now.
I'm sure i have cancer, and i will have to do a research soon.
And honestly, knowing that, scares the ♥♥♥♥ out of me.
I've lived in fear ever since i was young, both physically and mentally.
There's so much stress, depression, and just... this is way too much for me to be able to handle.
It's ridiculous.

I hope you people still understand that you're comments means a whole ton for me. It shows me that you're there, reading this, even tho' you might not know me.

But this is my last stand before i collapse this night, i can't think straight, I shake without control, i'm scared and i can't stop crying.
I am truly pathetic right now, but i hope... everything will turn out alright, because i too have dreams.. But i just never seem to be able to reach them like others do.
I really try as hard as i can, please, i really do...

But, right now... i lost it..
I have no one to talk with, i have been alone for so long.
The pain of solitude, it's my worst freaking nightmare.

I love you all..

I know that feeling of failure. Why do I feel like I share so much in common with you?

I suppose I have nothing else to say but to keep trying. If you haven't already, Doram made an excellent thread that I think will help you out.

I really hope you feel better.

Just keep on going... you're not alone.

Hey Ay. I did not post too much lately because I wanted to make one concise post rather than a hundred incomprehensible ones (which I tend to do hehe).

First of all, you are not pathetic. That is a false statement. You have a problem, sure, but if anyone that had a problem was pathetic, I have no idea who wouldn't be. If you were pathetic, we would not be here helping you. You are not a bad person, I can guarantee that, and you are clearly not an idiot or anything like that. People in this community really care about you deeply, and at least for me, that is more than enough to get above the pathetic bar. And trust me when I say that I do care by heart about you, even if I barely know you. You are a good person, and if you want me to repeat it a thousand times, I have no problem on doing so. You are a good person, and I am so sure that I would bet my own head for it.

I also think that you need to relax a little bit. Breathing slowly makes so much difference I can't even explain. Just try to calm down, try to relax your muscles. Now I just want you to know that nobody is pressuring you or expecting you to do anything. If you want to do something, don't feel pressured by the rest, do it for yourself. You won't let anyone down.

You are definitely not a failure. You are still young and have your entire life ahead of you. If you haven't done anything spectacular now, then you will surely do it later. And hey, winning the 24th LDC, while not life changing, ain't something easy you know XD. If you made mistakes in the past, chances are you won't repeat them in the future and you will become wiser. Again, don't punish yourself. There is too much pressure on yourself that shouldn't be there for the beginning. Ay, we all want you to be really happy. Nobody wants more.

Ay, while my comment may be completely worthless, I just want to give across this messege as big as possible:
WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU, AND WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! : D

I hope this served some purpose.

Ayrayen wrote:Must've been pretty rough, eh?
I hope you're doing good...

Certainly, I'm good as I'll ever be for now.
All the sorrow has passed, though the thought of it still brings me back, I just try not to remember it. It has left a bit of a metaphorical mark on me, but I'm doing really good despite the fact.

Harmless wrote:I'm curious to see how many people on Runouw also experienced the urge to, or at least attempted suicide. You're not alone, I tried 20 times (I had a pretty ♥♥♥♥ life too...)

I've never attempted, only contemplated on the idea of attempting. Which is a really good thing, cause not only do I think things over, (I am very cautious, so it's hard to avoid not pulling a double-take on my thoughts when I feel down) but I'm also too afraid to do it, regardless of how depressed I am.