It's a matter of time

[Ayrayen]

Watching somebody die and somebody be raped must be extremely traumatic.

Blend it in with how I already felt from before, bullied, alone, abandoned, frantic and paranoid.
Makes for a perfect blend, doesn't it?

Watching somebody die and somebody be raped must be extremely traumatic.
What can I say, that particular kind of trauma I never experienced.

..It's not nice.

I know you might not have experienced the exact same 'situations' as me but... Eh, i'l take it on next next quote.

People always underestimate how hard it is to stand by and even be forced to watch that happen, but like WW1 and 2, not every soldier on the front line in the action was poisoned with PTSD after the war. It could have happened to anyone.
(not saying you have PTSD, but I hope you see my point)

I guess I do.

Don't judge too quickly.

I hoped you knew by now that I never judge people.

Funnily enough this is where I feel our problems differ a bit. Mine are typically teenage angst and all that ♥♥♥♥ whereas yours are almost too cruel to bare. It's like, you've been faced with how cruel the world can really be, and yet for me, I await to see that because I'm still trapped inside my head. It's not as bad as you think it is, or maybe it is and I've just gotten used to it.

I feel pretty awful for giving you all the wrong advice in the past because I didn't really know what was behind all this. I figured it was teenage angst, or long running mental illness, and a little bit of bad luck too (which is basically my life) so it seemed simple to help you at first. Don't get me wrong, I'm not underestimating the seriousness of my problems, because mental illness kills and so can bad luck depending on how bad it is, but I'm kicking myself now for not being a better friend.

Finally.
Well, the thing is Amp.
Even tho' we might not share the similar experiences, we do share similar emotions and pain for that matter.
Sure, i've been through hell a few times already, but I can say, so have you.
If I were you, i'd try not to look down at your own problems, because mine, might seem like a 'bigger issue'.

Take care of yourself as well. Don't hurt yourself.
If you hurt yourself, you hurt me.
But I hope the 'kicking part' was just a metaphor.
Yeah.

Thanks for reading.

[Ayrayen]

Ok. This was sorta more than I could take, I waited like 4 minutes before writing this, I actually pictured the whole situation, felt fear, sorrow, and then anger. So much anger. Your ex's ex... that's one evil son of a ♥♥♥♥♥. For real. I want to strangle him. Now. Maybe throw him down to the floor and kick him in his crotch for like 2 minutes, and then cut that part with scissors.

I mean seriously, WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥ IS WRONG WITH THAT GUY? Did he even get punished for that? Did anyone call the cops on him? ...I don't know why I feel the answer is no. Dammit.

Also, death. ...so much death. Just... If I'm shocked just from reading this I can't completely fathom what you feel... Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. ADFAAAFGASJDFJHASDCJFZSHJDGA *angry keyboard mash*

Just... Man. I would totally invite you to live in my house if it was possible, no prob. It's so peaceful around here... People tends to be nicer... I don't know.

I understand that you're feeling mixed emotions. You remind me a lot of myself in my younger days actually.
Isn't that silly?

I have to be honest here. When I hear your stories, or other people's stories about this kind of thing... I don't know what to think. For I have never encountered such... extreme evil. To call it something. Maybe it's that I usually stay at home, or the way I was raised, or coincidences. I don't know. I don't have... that worldview, I guess. And it sucks but I do have to admit that The Dark does exist, and even if I've only experienced it very mildly, it does... well... exist in more extreme forms. It's hard for me to accept. In a way... almost everyone I've ever met (except some stupid bullies...)... I can see good in them. For real. I sometimes hear things. That this person's done this, this person's done that... but when that person's always been good to me, it's not something I really care about unless it's something serious.

...That's one of my things. Maybe I'm too innocent, I dunno.

It's understandable. You show a lot of emotions when you write tho', I can see it very well too.
And yes, there's good and evil. Sometimes more corrupt than others.

When I was in first grade, I made friends with this kid. Most other kids kind of labeled him as a thief for some reason, as being bad, or whatever (That's something I actually didn't learn until one of the last times I talked to him, this year), but I didn't see anything wrong with him. Sure, he did have flaws, just like everyone else, but he was a good guy. And we've been friends ever since. Lately due to college and each one of us going on separate ways we haven't really communicated too much, but I still care about him.

In the present, I've argued with friends, been pissed off at them for reasons, complaining to this guy that he should stop smoking (that was actually almost a full blown campaign ), and other things. But I don't really have anything against them. I do care for them.

I'm not sure of why am I writing this. I guess I should feel... lucky, because I haven't experienced this kind of stuff?

"Lucky" is such a vague term to use in a discussion like this. Some experience shiet, some doesn't.
I guess you can feel something that everyone doesn't get to experience daily.
Happiness. I think so at least.
I don't know. It's difficult to say.
I would rather see someone being happy and respectable of it as well, than someone who just is happy and a douche at the same time.

...Because I don't. I don't think like that. I consider myself to be an empathic kind of person, being able to relate to other people... I just can't help but get on your shoes on this. I can... feel the fear, the humilliation, the... angst. It's... damn it I don't know what I'm saying right now >_<

It's unfair.

It's so unfair. It's too unfair. You seem like a good person. Why is all of this happening to you?

*sigh*

I just hope that everything turns out for the best in the end. This story may not have the best start, but maybe it can get a happy ending. Just work for it. I guess.

You remind me a lot of myself.
Telling others to fight on, not giving up, things will be turning out for the better.

And for the quote.

This story may not have the best start, but maybe it can get a happy ending. Just work for it. I guess.

I'm not dead, yet.
Trust me, it was not a mistake that made me fail my suicidal attempts. But i'll get to that some other time.


If anyone has any questions or just want to.. talk?
I would try and answer questions and post a reply as soon as I can.

And umm, thanks for reading and thanks for replying...

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

The kicking part was metaphorical, don't worry. (I'm not sure how I would be able to kick myself for real without hopping then falling over.. lol)

I respect and take everybody's problems seriously. After all, it's only a problem if you perceive it as a problem. If it doesn't affect you whatsoever then you won't call it a problem, it might still be wrong, but it might not be something you feel you have to worry about. But that's not the case for either of us. You definitely wouldn't have made a topic if it wasn't bothering you, and I wouldn't have spent so long trying to get somebody to notice my inner sadness if it wasn't bothering me. We do have many things in common, besides all this.

Somebody somewhere may be suffering from a minor depressive disorder, that people might not see as serious a problem as a person who suffered psychosis and abuse at home and physical bullying from school. But that doesn't mean the first person's problem should be ignored and have others prioritised over them, because the seriousness of the problem is how it affects you.

one or two little things about me to compare this to: show

For me, suffering family relationship issues such as being on the receiving end of my dad's clinical depression and my constant efforts to get away from it all don't feel quite as bad as my mental health problems. I'll tell you now, I've suffered a lot of different subjects and topics on different levels, to the point where some of them barely have a hold on me and some control my life, and out of everything, one of my mental health disorders that I've had to keep secret from nearly everyone is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my whole life. It's insanely hard. Imagine having your best friend tell you to do something and your other best friend tell you to do the exact opposite. You've got two conflicting thoughts that you can't get rid of and they're there, 24/7. But you can't split it- they're 50/50. And whatever you do you'll be wishing you did the other, and you see so many down sides to each option that you can't be comfortable just settling for one. These moments are the only times I feel suicidal anymore, and it's usually just because I can't see a way out of the confusion.

Reason this was in spoilers is because then people have a choice whether or not to read it.

And Nan, you don't have to worry about me regarding any of this. And Ayray, I don't want you to think I'm disappointed in you because that's far from how I feel right now. I don't really know how I feel right now. Shocked, no doubt, but actually quite motivated to help. I love hearing people's stories, even if they are disturbing or upsetting.

Also my moods have been a little happier recently. Christmas makes me feel that way anyway, but also I just want to make it clear to anyone who's reading my posts here and thinking "oh my god, she needs to get a grip, she's sick what the fu is she doing here when she could be helping herself" or any other reaction you might be having. In case you haven't noticed this is the only topic now where I will seriously spill the details on my personal life. I trust nobody is judging me as psychotic or insane, and if you are then ♥♥♥♥ u it's good to be different. :3

[Ayrayen]

The kicking part was metaphorical, don't worry. (I'm not sure how I would be able to kick myself for real without hopping then falling over.. lol)

I'm tired, ok? >_>

I respect and take everybody's problems seriously. After all, it's only a problem if you perceive it as a problem. If it doesn't affect you whatsoever then you won't call it a problem, it might still be wrong, but it might not be something you feel you have to worry about. But that's not the case for either of us. You definitely wouldn't have made a topic if it wasn't bothering you, and I wouldn't have spent so long trying to get somebody to notice my inner sadness if it wasn't bothering me. We do have many things in common, besides all this.

Somebody somewhere may be suffering from a minor depressive disorder, that people might not see as serious a problem as a person who suffered psychosis and abuse at home and physical bullying from school. But that doesn't mean the first person's problem should be ignored and have others prioritised over them, because the seriousness of the problem is how it affects you.

Mmm, that's correct. You can't understand how someone else is feeling, unless you've experienced the same thing once.
It's the same with love, you can't believe in something you do not 'feel' or have 'experienced' before. I think not at least.
You can mostly hope for it,
It also feels like 'love' easily is being mixed up, I don't like it.

I don't want you to think I'm disappointed in you because that's far from how I feel right now. I don't really know how I feel right now. Shocked, no doubt, but actually quite motivated to help. I love hearing people's stories, even if they are disturbing or upsetting.

Good, because I never said you were disappointed in the first place.

And yup, it can be intriguing to read, but far from fun to experience it.

Also my moods have been a little happier recently. Christmas makes me feel that way anyway, but also I just want to make it clear to anyone who's reading my posts here and thinking "oh my god, she needs to get a grip, she's sick what the fu is she doing here when she could be helping herself" or any other reaction you might be having. In case you haven't noticed this is the only topic now where I will seriously spill the details on my personal life. I trust nobody is judging me as psychotic or insane, and if you are then ♥♥♥♥ u it's good to be different. :3

Yup, we all face it. It's far from 'fun' as I mentioned.

Life is a bundled up mess.
*sigh*

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

This post by Kimonio was thumbed up by:

~MP3 Amplifier~ (December 30th, 2013, 3:35 pm)

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

It's alright Shade, you've already worked out that I do the same thing. (imagine myself as though I'm experiencing the other person's problem) It's sad but I had to distance myself from people to stop it, and it still hasn't completely stopped. Admittedly I felt Ayray's pain there too. Empathy is an amazing thing.

[Ayrayen]

LIfe is a hell of a ♥♥♥♥♥, and I'm surprised you're still with us with all you've had to see....oh my god....

These voices...they're the ones that tell you to kill yourself? It's all the trauma you've faced. It's the horrific ordeals you've encountered...You've seen things none of us have ever witnessed, and if we say we have, it's nothing compared to your life. These are things no one should face, especially at the ages you've faced...but the fact you're coming out and saying all of this to us, it gives us insight to what has really happened, it lets us see what you have to live with from day to day, instead of assuming for the wrong. I am...honestly at a loss of anything to say after reading this...I feel as if I feel your pain when I read it. And it hurts. That...is something no one should have to feel.

Try not to lose yourself to the darkness, and succumb. The dark is something no one should befriend, no matter what they've faced. And I know you can pull through it. You are one hell of a guy, and you've shown it. Just keep fighting.

I'll get to the voice part as soon as I can. (It's 2 am?)
SO umm sorry.

And thanks for the wonderful feedback. I love hearing your peoples comments about this. and what you feel towards 'this'.
Nice..

[JSlayerXero]

This post by JSlayerXero was thumbed up by:

Dtroid (December 30th, 2013, 10:52 pm)

[Harmless]

Oh dear. I'm not willing to turn this into religious debate, but while the Christian teaching does have some good morals and expectations to read, I don't think it's solely believing in God alone that can help you survive. If you wish to believe in God, go ahead, but the priority is believing in yourself.

As for what I just read... yup. Definite relationship, like what Nan said. Although the only thing I cannot relate to is live-witnessing someone getting raped... are you sure nobody did anything about it? And it was in public??

And here I thought Congressmen were bad enough.

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

This post by ~MP3 Amplifier~ was thumbed up by:

Killswitch (January 1st, 2014, 12:18 am)