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Ayray, have you considered moving considering the conditions in your local area are poor? I think I remember you once mentioning it's really hard to get a job in your area...

It would've been better for me to have kept my mouth shut. Sorry. Ayray, you already have enough issues of your own without me taking away from it all. I was an idiot for thinking I wouldn't derail this. I was insane for trying it again expecting something different. I'm stupid because I didn't notice. I'm useless because I've nothing right in this discussion thus far. Pardon my living, as I was not the one my mother lost. Don't respond to this, don't thumbs it up, and don't PM me about this. Let me rot in my place. Otherwise join me as an insane idiot and reduce yourself to uselessness.

The end result of suicidal people is that they either want to die because of pride and control. Either the world is out of their control, so screw it, they screwed up too much and their pride won't let them go, so screw it, or a few other scenarios I don't have at memory's recall. That's pretty much why anybody acts like a jerk to anybody. They want control because it gives them pride in knowing they have power over something. We look to people to affirm us because of pride.

Sadness is my ally. Sorrow is my friend. Pain is my witness. Agony is my Attorney. Ayray, as much as I want to help you, I feel my further presence here would make things worse. I feel the last thing you need is some one in here making things worse for you here of all the places. I rarely have many people around me at all most of my days. I wouldn't have as many opportunities as you to be tortured by them. How much better my life would be if I did. I would suggest finding some one human, but that fails you. I would suggest seeking Jesus, but you seem to already have your own idea thus far. I'll pray for you. It's all I can think to do anymore. Anything that wouldn't cause me to be forgotten would make things worse at this point. I thank God that the only reason I haven't been completely excommunicated from this place is because I don't voice my mind.

I meant it when I said treat this like it didn't matter. If you fail to see why even say anything, you must've missed the point. Ponder all you want, but don't act on it.

Harmless wrote:Ayray, have you considered moving considering the conditions in your local area are poor? I think I remember you once mentioning it's really hard to get a job in your area...

Mmm, I have.

But it's impossible in my current condition.




Also, for those who 'might' wonder how i'm holding up. I'll say, it's "alright".
What can I really say.

I've been taking anti-depressant for a week now.
The doctor mentioned a few side-effects which I've passed through already.
It's time to see if they actually will help now. Otherwise, i'm F3cked.

I'm hoping for the best,Ayray.

Give them time. Okay so my dad hasn't done well with them, but he's taking a larger dose than usual. I have a friend unrelated to me who takes them for her anxiety and they work really well. And I don't think you'd need to be too dependant on them because if it's been let's say, 4 years and you want to stop them, you might have the emotional and physical strength by then to try something new.

I hope Ay's ok...

NanTheDark wrote:I hope Ay's ok...

I'm still alive.

I'm fighting myself as hard as I can.
But i'm a pretty tough opponent!

Ayrayen wrote:I'm fighting myself as hard as I can.
But i'm a pretty tough opponent!

Sheathe your sword. Yourself aren't someone you can fight, but something that must be embraced or accepted...

Hang in there Ay. I have faith in you. I know you can go through this ordeal.



The TV Tropes link should also be a nice distraction from things. Just don't open too many tabs or you'll be wandering there for hours.



Edit Nov 26, 2017: Did I seriously reference TV Tropes and Final Fantasy IV in here what the heck am I

here is a bunny eating a flower




i hope you will have a good day after looking at a bunny eating a flower

*Emelia Kaylee wrote:here is a bunny eating a flower




i hope you will have a good day after looking at a bunny eating a flower

True love.


Sorry for not talking to you much recently. I do care even though I suck at showing it. :/