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*lets out a deep breath*
I'm sorry for all of this, i completely lost control over my emotions.

Things aren't getting any better for me, i'm way to tired to do anything.
Yet my parents pushes me to the extent.
"Do this do that, why aren't you doing anything? You have to do something".
I can't argue with them, i can't even discuss properly.

I'm being driven to the extent of my fatigue here.

Honestly, i'm beginning to feel ill.
I wish my parents would understand, but they don't and will never do that.

I'll be back as soon as possible, it's not a beautiful vision here.

And just for the note, I did read through what Doram wrote, but honestly, it didn't help one bit.
I salute him for writing that up tho' as it probably might help others.

But for me, believe it or not, the damage caused is probably permanent.
Mentally that is.

And again, thanks for the support.

Oh dear, I can see how that's difficult... it took me years to talk to my parents and have them understand that I can manage my own actions.

I pretty much said all I could a page or two back, but just remember that, while we may be across an electronic screen or thousands of miles away, we're still here for you nonetheless. I hope you feel better.

Well,actually,you can. Try to talk to your parents why you don't like that,your feelings and all this. I'm sure they'll understand,they're your parents,and they love you.

How can you know they won't understand if you haven't talked to them yet?

Don't have negative thoughts. Spend time with family and friends you trust most. I'm sure they'll help.

Ayrayen wrote:I can't argue with them, i can't even discuss properly.

Please, don't assume everyone shows the same type of care for others, Dtroid. That goes the same for everyone. Some people care about others more than themselves, some people are a little selfish in their caring for others, and some people don't care at all. He has tried talking to them about this, and he has tried talking with them and professionals for several years, right? What makes now different?

You're telling him to spend time with his family when they're pushing him to do something that he doesn't know how to do or can't muster up enough emotional strength to. You're assuming anyone can immediately understand another person if you just have the right catalyst. Of course, that's an ideal scenario. Real life doesn't usually give us the ideals that easily, especially when it has to do with human nature.

When all else fails, when no one chooses to listen, sometimes its best to just give the world the finger and walk your own road.

I'm living in a hellhouse as of now. A baby nephew and sister staying until her husband gets a job. Mom and dad are always ♥♥♥♥♥ and griping, and don't act like a couple. A mother who thinks that she can do whatever the hell she wants because she gave birth to me and that I'm just a child(in three days I'll be 18.)

I have people pushing me to do this, pushing me to change. Telling me I don't know ♥♥♥♥. Telling me that people hate me because I am who I am.

And you know...maybe they're right.

Or not.


In all honesty, I've come to not give a damn about people's opinions. I don't do their work by force, instead by willingness. And when I'm ♥♥♥♥♥ at for doing something wrong, I just smile to myself and walk away. And when they aren't looking, I give them the finger. Because being treated like the ♥♥♥♥ of the earth has shown me what can happen. And I'm not letting it happen again.

From what I see, your parents are pressuring you to do this, to do that. And like me, you are probably someone who doesn't know how to say "no" or "stop". And that is okay. In fact, that is great. But because of this, we let people walk all over us. And you know how we feel, because you feel it. We fell like the ♥♥♥♥ they turn us into.

You need to tell your parents to stop. Tell them you can live your own life. Its giving you a hell of a mess internally to clean up, and it needs to stop. Now. You need to stand up for your wellbeing, regardless what they want. Are they forcing you to believe a belief you don't agree with? Stand up for that. Support gays and they don't? They can't change that. Gay and they don't like it? That's you, you chose that, and no one can force you to change. Metalhead pride? So what if people think we are dark Satanic freaks? We have a heart, we give a damn about people. We are us. We are who we are.

Don't let anyone push you around, turn you into a box of their own emotions. You are Ayrayen, the one and only. Don't let anyone knock you down. Stand up and show the world you can change, you can be you no matter what ♥♥♥♥ people want you be. You can be someone better than they'll ever be. And you can prove that to them.

...I feel like I don't know crap about life now

Stoneheart wrote:
From what I see, your parents are pressuring you to do this, to do that. And like me, you are probably someone who doesn't know how to say "no" or "stop". And that is okay. In fact, that is great. But because of this, we let people walk all over us. And you know how we feel, because you feel it. We fell like the ♥♥♥♥ they turn us into.

You need to tell your parents to stop. Tell them you can live your own life.

Do you truly consider that as the best option? It seems as if it leads to endless conflicts in which victory is unattainable. You are nearly a year older than I, but I will nevertheless point out the following intuition - much as they try, external influences are ultimately unable to change any one of your beliefs without a personal choice of compliance.

That is essentially to reiterate what you already said - your parents and similar entities lack the ability to modify your opinions.

Hence where I have derived my aforementioned statement of the futility of attempting to combat their advances.

I have found through experience that a much simpler strategy is simple ignorance of their ideological demands. Admittedly, this requires some level of emotional detachment, but if your family is indeed as frustrating as you claim, this should have already occurred.

A more challenging but more rewarding strategy to be used in concert with the above is to always perform the physical instructions given by them. Those are things like chores, getting something, e.t.c. The reason for this is that, most of the time, commands of that nature will not conflict with your ideological beliefs and are very simple. It may seem demeaning or infringing on your personal value, but obeying action commands without question will remove a massive source of contention.

By simply obeying their commands and ignoring all other forms of advice, you will isolate yourself psychologically from them, removing their status as a mentor. This will leave them, for the most part, unable to emotionally harm you whilst freeing up a great deal of your time and intellectual ability for more worthwhile pursuits.

Of course, this method places pacification above all - the idea is to avoid all conflict. The premise behind this is that fighting them is simply not worth it. As already stated, they cannot change your beliefs, and their action commands are very rarely substantial enough to justify conflict. Thus, almost all points of conflict with family members can be ignored.

None of this works unless emotional detachment has occurred between you and them. If you feel they have an inherent right to be a large (to the point of dominant) aspect of your life, attempting to establish yourself as an individual capable of self-governance is a fruitless endeavor.

nin10mode wrote:
You're telling him to spend time with his family when they're pushing him to do something that he doesn't know how to do or can't muster up enough emotional strength to. You're assuming anyone can immediately understand another person if you just have the right catalyst. Of course, that's an ideal scenario. Real life doesn't usually give us the ideals that easily, especially when it has to do with human nature.

I just wanted to help. Seems like I'm just going to make everyone angry if I post here some more,so I guess I'll refrain from posting in this topic then.

Wish you the best of luck,Ayray.

Sorry that i didn't update this topic lately, I've been busy just taking care of my own sanity.

I'm so close to go crazy without a doubt and i honestly can not tell you guys what keeps me alive.
It's as if I can not kill myself anymore, almost as if I have given up on exactly everything (even suicide).
To be honest, I don't know if this is good or bad. I saw it as an escape route before, now i just stopped caring about anything.

This sure is difficult to explain...

I've talked with my parents and for once... for ONCE in my lifetime they decided to actually listen.

I'm still studying for drivers license, and i told them that this is enough for me at the moment.

I'm going to the doctor the 14th of October, that will pretty much determine how my life in the future will look like.
If it's cancer i have (which is possible, due to lymph cancer being genetic and sharing same symptoms as my father), i might as well prepare mentally for it and accept it.
There's something important that I've learned with life...

Life is unfair as ♥♥♥♥, that's why we do what's best for us with what we've got.

Look at me trying to be optimistic about this ♥♥♥♥, even I can not understand this anymore.
*rubs head*

Whatever... Thanks for staying in touch with me, i really appreciate this.

I hope you're all faring well.

I knew your parents would listen. They care about you and love you.

Hope for the best that you don't have cancer.