Seems I was a bit too late because Amp, Stoneheart, Darkbowser, and Nan said it all for me.
I suppose all I do have to say is give their words some worth. That kind of situation is definitely not a very nice one. I've seen it, I've experienced it, and hey, it hurt every time. Thank god it didn't kill.
You're not dead yet, there's no reason you should be.
It's a matter of time
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This is Serious Discussion. If you want to tell us how your day was or just get some things off your chest, you will find ample opportunity to find a corner to discuss all the good things we see, or reach out to anyone who needs help. Just remember to pay attention to the Principles of Serious Discussion, and link to the source if posting news.
This is Serious Discussion. If you want to tell us how your day was or just get some things off your chest, you will find ample opportunity to find a corner to discuss all the good things we see, or reach out to anyone who needs help. Just remember to pay attention to the Principles of Serious Discussion, and link to the source if posting news.
Re: It's a matter of time
by Ayrayen » October 30th, 2013, 3:45 pm
I appreciate all of your comments, as this is something that pretty much stirs up my life at the moment.
However, i'll probably be a let down to you all right now.
So i recommend you turn back if you don't want to catch a depressive flue.
You still haven't turned back?
I warned you.
...
Because i've decided to give up.
And when i say "give up" i mean giving up hope. I'm not going to take my life in any means, but i'm not going to be building up false hope & confidence again, only to watch myself fall into the abyss again.
I'd rather stay down than experiencing something fun and then lose it again afterwards.
And this will probably stir up some questions, so i'll answer to you all..
Every story does not have a happy ending.
I don't believe in what "True Love" is, neither do i believe in something as "True Happiness" either.
And for that matter, i TRULY DO NOT believe in anything that has the words "It will be better with time" or "It'll be good sometime in the future".
Because the only way you can value happiness is through acknowledging pain.
It's not worth it for me.
Yeah i'd rather be unhappy the rest of my life than being happy only to lose it again.
It's all very clear to me now.
I'm not going up the stairs only to find out that i'm being pushed all the way down again for the 500th of times.
And for all who still cares and wonders how i'm feeling.
Let me tell you, it's much worse than it could possibly be.
Not only does my father have cancer, not only am i bipolar, not only do i suffer from severe trust issues along with self-hatred.
No, i'm being pushed far beyond what i thought was possible, not only do i hide secrets which could scar my parents feelings leaving them pretty much mentally handicapped for the rest of their life.
Nooo noo no~
Not only have i developed some kind of silly split-personality, not only do i endure hearing voices telling me what to do and not do every single day.
Not only do i have the pressure of getting the drivers when dad's incapable of driving, because it freaking costs money on getting 1 driver lesson (about $110 for 1 lesson).
No job because of no drivers license. No drivers license because of no money. No money because of no job.
Good system right? ♥♥♥♥ splendid with all my conditions added into it.
Ok i can go on forever with this, and i think you understand already that it's ♥♥♥♥.
Try to understand why i chose to give up before raging over my decision. (Discussing is an entirely different matter)
Thanks.
Thanks for sticking around.
Happy Halloween, smile while you still can.
I'll be around scaring children with my face~
However, i'll probably be a let down to you all right now.
So i recommend you turn back if you don't want to catch a depressive flue.
You still haven't turned back?
I warned you.
...
Because i've decided to give up.
And when i say "give up" i mean giving up hope. I'm not going to take my life in any means, but i'm not going to be building up false hope & confidence again, only to watch myself fall into the abyss again.
I'd rather stay down than experiencing something fun and then lose it again afterwards.
And this will probably stir up some questions, so i'll answer to you all..
Every story does not have a happy ending.
I don't believe in what "True Love" is, neither do i believe in something as "True Happiness" either.
And for that matter, i TRULY DO NOT believe in anything that has the words "It will be better with time" or "It'll be good sometime in the future".
Because the only way you can value happiness is through acknowledging pain.
It's not worth it for me.
Yeah i'd rather be unhappy the rest of my life than being happy only to lose it again.
It's all very clear to me now.
I'm not going up the stairs only to find out that i'm being pushed all the way down again for the 500th of times.
And for all who still cares and wonders how i'm feeling.
Let me tell you, it's much worse than it could possibly be.
Not only does my father have cancer, not only am i bipolar, not only do i suffer from severe trust issues along with self-hatred.
No, i'm being pushed far beyond what i thought was possible, not only do i hide secrets which could scar my parents feelings leaving them pretty much mentally handicapped for the rest of their life.
Nooo noo no~
Not only have i developed some kind of silly split-personality, not only do i endure hearing voices telling me what to do and not do every single day.
Not only do i have the pressure of getting the drivers when dad's incapable of driving, because it freaking costs money on getting 1 driver lesson (about $110 for 1 lesson).
No job because of no drivers license. No drivers license because of no money. No money because of no job.
Good system right? ♥♥♥♥ splendid with all my conditions added into it.
Ok i can go on forever with this, and i think you understand already that it's ♥♥♥♥.
Try to understand why i chose to give up before raging over my decision. (Discussing is an entirely different matter)
Thanks.
Thanks for sticking around.
Happy Halloween, smile while you still can.
I'll be around scaring children with my face~
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Re: It's a matter of time
by Kimonio » October 30th, 2013, 4:06 pm
Ayrayen wrote:Not only have i developed some kind of silly split-personality, not only do i endure hearing voices telling me what to do and not do every single day.
^This right here is a major clue on how to get you help. We had no idea you had this going on in your life. :\
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Re: It's a matter of time
by darthbrowser » October 30th, 2013, 5:34 pm
Stoneheart wrote:Ayrayen wrote:Not only have i developed some kind of silly split-personality, not only do i endure hearing voices telling me what to do and not do every single day.
^This right here is a major clue on how to get you help. We had no idea you had this going on in your life. :\
Why must his reality be defined according to our standards and norms? Why is he said to need "help?'
'Normal' human thought patterns have resulted in the current system - which is inherently flawed.
What evidence do we have to say our thoughts are objectively better then his?
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Re: It's a matter of time
by NanTheDark » October 30th, 2013, 5:48 pm
Ayrayen wrote:No job because of no drivers license.
I'm preeeeeeeetty sure you don't need a driver's license to get jobs, unless they involve actually driving.
...if it's otherwise, your country's messed up.
The US are messed up.
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Re: It's a matter of time
by Raz » October 30th, 2013, 5:57 pm
NanTheDarker wrote:Ayrayen wrote:No job because of no drivers license.
I'm preeeeeeeetty sure you don't need a driver's license to get jobs, unless they involve actually driving.
...if it's otherwise, your country's messed up.
The US are messed up.
Well you sorta need to be able to get to your job as fast as possible.
Disclaimer: none of these messages have been edited, context can be provided if needed (thanks discord!) but absolutely does not change anything about these messages and that he's too overly defensive and cocky to make situations better
Karyete: I don't have anything to say to you, I've been deliberately trying to not offend you for years, actually, but apparently everything I say to you is wrong. You come across as so aggressive that you successfully intimidated me into not wanting to talk to you
Karyete: Seriously, what is your problem? And not only that, you fail to even acknowledge you might be in some wrong here.
Karyete: Oooh it's you? Hello. Feel free to drop this right now. You're going to make yourself look like an idiot.
Karyete: We don't want to hear your opinion at this stage.
Karyete: You're not getting any apology, especially after now.
Karyete: You can stay up on your high horse, continue to twist the truth and act like an absolute child all you want. I refuse to give respect to a man who right now is picking up a dropped argument because he simply cannot fathom the idea that he might be in the wrong.
Karyete: How pathetic
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Re: It's a matter of time
Thumbs up x1 
by NanTheDark » October 30th, 2013, 6:30 pm
Simple. Just use public transportation.
Go to your job an hour early, just in case. :3
Go to your job an hour early, just in case. :3
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Re: It's a matter of time
Thumbs up x1
by ~MP3 Amplifier~ » October 31st, 2013, 6:32 am
I suppose it's my fault because by giving up I assumed you meant taking your life.
I'm actually relieved to hear you're giving up hope rather than life. I know that sounds bad right now but "false" hope and confidence eventually can come naturally, and sometimes so slowly you don't even realise it's happening.
I suppose I know how you feel though. Life's hard...
I'm actually relieved to hear you're giving up hope rather than life. I know that sounds bad right now but "false" hope and confidence eventually can come naturally, and sometimes so slowly you don't even realise it's happening.
I suppose I know how you feel though. Life's hard...
The below image is a montage of my individual highest placing LDC creations, as a reminder to myself that level designing is a part of my life that I can't just leave behind
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Re: It's a matter of time
Thumbs up x1
by Ayrayen » October 31st, 2013, 8:00 am
Stoneheart wrote:Ayrayen wrote:Not only have i developed some kind of silly split-personality, not only do i endure hearing voices telling me what to do and not do every single day.
^This right here is a major clue on how to get you help. We had no idea you had this going on in your life. :\
Yeah, people have no idea.
I often tend to give of a fake smile to avoid tough situations.
darthbrowser wrote:Stoneheart wrote:Ayrayen wrote:Not only have i developed some kind of silly split-personality, not only do i endure hearing voices telling me what to do and not do every single day.
^This right here is a major clue on how to get you help. We had no idea you had this going on in your life. :\
Why must his reality be defined according to our standards and norms? Why is he said to need "help?'
'Normal' human thought patterns have resulted in the current system - which is inherently flawed.
What evidence do we have to say our thoughts are objectively better then his?
I'm not sure.
But i think he means that there's a 'way' to help people with 'problems', as it is not normal for a healthy human being - in majority, to have these 'conditions'.
And i believe they are counted in as a term to how mentally stable one is.
I don't think there's an objectively better thought.
And I like where you're getting at here.
It's easy to say what's "Right" and "Wrong" unless we've experienced it ourselves.
Different experiences, reflections and in some cases: abnormal conditions easily becomes a term to how and why we value things the way we do. (not to mention genetically and stuff bla bla. You get my point).
As for example, telling people not to kill themselves because "People around you love you & will miss you if you disappear".
Everyone doesn't have a parents who "Loves them". Actually, some parents tend to kill, give them away and or keep them without giving a single ♥♥♥♥ about them.
When it comes to friends, we all adapt differently to different situations.
Some has problems with getting friends because they might not be very "Social" or have some mental condition which makes him/her stand out more.
There's hatred, which causes people to point fingers and spread lies.
YOU NAME IT.
There's so much ♥♥♥♥ going on out there, and it's so easy to dismiss these terms.
"Think positive" - Is near impossible when you're depressed, you don't feel loved, you're often left out alone with these feelings.
"Things will turn for the better" - That's a natural cycle. But, repeating the same cycle over and over again (imagine walking up a pit, only to get pushed down again) gets mind indulging and easily causes a loss of hope.
"You're unique" - We all are unique, but people simply don't give a ♥♥♥♥. Often, when you're unique in a good way, it causes hatred and you might even become a potential target for people such as: bullies.
Everything has its side-effects, and I've just been everywhere and seen every bad angle on every possible situation.
It's gone so far, that i'm actually beginning to question my existence, not only do I do it. But even my voices tells me "Things" (stuff i don't want to talk about in public).
And it just gets so easy to judge our actions because of what WE'VE seen.
It's necessary to talk with people who share the common experiences when it comes to Understanding one another.
But even that has a side-effect...
NanTheDarker wrote:Ayrayen wrote:No job because of no drivers license.
I'm preeeeeeeetty sure you don't need a driver's license to get jobs, unless they involve actually driving.
...if it's otherwise, your country's messed up.
The US are messed up.
NanTheDarker wrote:Simple. Just use public transportation.
Go to your job an hour early, just in case. :3
If you don't have a driver's license, you're pretty much restricted from over 50% of the jobs out there.
And with that, saying a whole lot.
Why you may ask?
Because it's essential when it comes to "Time" and "Health".
With a car, even if you wake up 30 minutes later, you can still drive to work without having to wait another hour for another buss.
It's important.
Time is Money.
~Halloweenafire~ wrote:I suppose it's my fault because by giving up I assumed you meant taking your life.
I'm actually relieved to hear you're giving up hope rather than life. I know that sounds bad right now but "false" hope and confidence eventually can come naturally, and sometimes so slowly you don't even realise it's happening.
I suppose I know how you feel though. Life's hard...
To begin with, you really have to stop giving yourself the blame over thing that AREN'T Your fault.
There's actually no guarantee that i won't do it.
Nevertheless, there's also a reason to why i said it.
Yes, Life is indeed hard.
Some people experience issues that might be bigger than others.
It's through pain that we learn to understand one another.
Imagine if there hadn't have been One Single War in our lifetime.
We wouldn't value what we have now, what we've gone through... as much as it is now.
A last note for you people who still cares or even reads this topic.
Not only am I thankful for your feedback and support, but i value all of you as someone's who's important too me.
Even though i'm filled with hatred towards most of humans, there's still a glimpse of love somewhere deep deep inside.
So thanks.
I hope you all have a great weekend...
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Re: It's a matter of time
by ~MP3 Amplifier~ » October 31st, 2013, 8:45 am
I'm just...proud of you Ayray. Life is hard, we've all had our own individual taster of that let's be honest. Let's just put it lightly in that I've been in a rather foul mood today and just seeing you type that puts a smile on my face. Idk what in particular did, just the whole post. I sense something from you that makes me feel not just confident in you but confident in myself too. You're a very inspirational person.
EDIT: Oh yeah, as for the voices, I'm the same. I actually hear 2 opposing voices, and they both tell me that I'm fat, worthless, don't deserve to live etc. There's a lot more to it than just 'that', but it might be worth knowing that lots of people are in a similar boat emotionally right now.
EDIT: Oh yeah, as for the voices, I'm the same. I actually hear 2 opposing voices, and they both tell me that I'm fat, worthless, don't deserve to live etc. There's a lot more to it than just 'that', but it might be worth knowing that lots of people are in a similar boat emotionally right now.
The below image is a montage of my individual highest placing LDC creations, as a reminder to myself that level designing is a part of my life that I can't just leave behind
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