Uhhhh...
How's everything going?
It's a matter of time
Forum rules
This is Serious Discussion. If you want to tell us how your day was or just get some things off your chest, you will find ample opportunity to find a corner to discuss all the good things we see, or reach out to anyone who needs help. Just remember to pay attention to the Principles of Serious Discussion, and link to the source if posting news.
This is Serious Discussion. If you want to tell us how your day was or just get some things off your chest, you will find ample opportunity to find a corner to discuss all the good things we see, or reach out to anyone who needs help. Just remember to pay attention to the Principles of Serious Discussion, and link to the source if posting news.
-
NanTheDark - As it breaks, it becomes stronger
- Posts: 2018
- Joined: December 23rd, 2010, 6:04 pm
- Location: Your screen
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 191 times
- Thumbs Up received: 217 times
Re: It's a matter of time
by Ayrayen » November 21st, 2013, 3:03 pm
NanTheDark wrote:Uhhhh...
How's everything going?
Today, this Friday, is where i'll get a step closer to knowing if I have cancer or not.
As it looks right now, I can not say for sure.
To be fair, i'm not even scared anymore.
We'll see what life has in store for me.
Happy weekend everyone!
-
Ayrayen - Code: Awesome
- Posts: 418
- Joined: September 5th, 2009, 2:20 am
- Location: Sweden
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 8 times
- Thumbs Up received: 25 times
Re: It's a matter of time
by NanTheDark » November 21st, 2013, 3:33 pm
Be strong. Everything will work out fine. I'm sure of it.
-
NanTheDark - As it breaks, it becomes stronger
- Posts: 2018
- Joined: December 23rd, 2010, 6:04 pm
- Location: Your screen
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 191 times
- Thumbs Up received: 217 times
Re: It's a matter of time
Thumbs up x2 
by Harmless » November 21st, 2013, 6:32 pm
Well, at least you're not scared. I suppose that's one small step that will slowly stack.
Keep at it, I suppose.
Keep at it, I suppose.
~ Tesla Bromonovich
-
Harmless - Is it lunch time yet?
- Posts: 2793
- Joined: June 25th, 2011, 11:53 am
- Location: Mother Russia!
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 271 times
- Thumbs Up received: 240 times
Re: It's a matter of time
Thumbs up x2
by ~MP3 Amplifier~ » November 23rd, 2013, 6:03 am
We'll keep contacting on skype, I hope? 
Whatever happens. We're here to support you.
Whatever happens. We're here to support you.
The below image is a montage of my individual highest placing LDC creations, as a reminder to myself that level designing is a part of my life that I can't just leave behind
-
~MP3 Amplifier~ - THE DARK LAMP
Error contacting Twitter - Posts: 4383
- Joined: May 6th, 2011, 12:35 pm
- Location: Maaars d(^_^)b
SM63 Level Designer Contest Winner - Thumbs Up given: 226 times
- Thumbs Up received: 611 times
Re: It's a matter of time
by NanTheDark » November 23rd, 2013, 7:19 am
Anything, you can PM me or something.
-
NanTheDark - As it breaks, it becomes stronger
- Posts: 2018
- Joined: December 23rd, 2010, 6:04 pm
- Location: Your screen
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 191 times
- Thumbs Up received: 217 times
Re: It's a matter of time
by Ayrayen » November 25th, 2013, 3:38 am
The Results are pretty much in now.
From the Doctor's point of view, he couldn't find any traces of what could possible be classified as "Cancer".
So you probably expect me to feel a lot better. The thing is, I have very mixed feeling towards the outcome.
I was ready to die, embracing a slow death wouldn't be too bad for me.
It was almost as if I kinda' looked towards fighting it to the bitter end.
The feeling of being lost has returned, I no longer have a goal. Therefore I got to bite my tongue and try to "live" the miserable life I deal with today.
I would say, to me, that is the ultimate torture.
I recently got depressed again, knowing that I don't have cancer makes me kinda' suspicious, and I even have a hard time accepting that as well.
My parents would understand why I lack the will to fight on, it would all be a lot easier for them to understand why I feel the way I do.
Now I'll just have to live on with lying again.
And you know what's worst, I still get piss for everything that I do wrong. Which happens very frequently I must say.
It lowers my morale, it also makes me question my own will as well.
Am I getting drivers license because my dad won't be able to drive anymore?
Or is it because I need it to get a job?
Maybe it is because my mom wants someone to drive her around when she's going somewhere?
But is it because I want to?
This is all a big clusterf#ck.
I'm glad I have somewhere to turn my back tho' and just tell the truth. And simply vent how I feel.
Although it's insufficient help, it is still a place i would rather go to than sitting home and feeling bad over getting scolded for stupid shiet that nobody has any reasoning for.
Bah...
Also, again, thanks for all the feedback. (Even readers).
From the Doctor's point of view, he couldn't find any traces of what could possible be classified as "Cancer".
So you probably expect me to feel a lot better. The thing is, I have very mixed feeling towards the outcome.
I was ready to die, embracing a slow death wouldn't be too bad for me.
It was almost as if I kinda' looked towards fighting it to the bitter end.
The feeling of being lost has returned, I no longer have a goal. Therefore I got to bite my tongue and try to "live" the miserable life I deal with today.
I would say, to me, that is the ultimate torture.
I recently got depressed again, knowing that I don't have cancer makes me kinda' suspicious, and I even have a hard time accepting that as well.
My parents would understand why I lack the will to fight on, it would all be a lot easier for them to understand why I feel the way I do.
Now I'll just have to live on with lying again.
And you know what's worst, I still get piss for everything that I do wrong. Which happens very frequently I must say.
It lowers my morale, it also makes me question my own will as well.
Am I getting drivers license because my dad won't be able to drive anymore?
Or is it because I need it to get a job?
Maybe it is because my mom wants someone to drive her around when she's going somewhere?
But is it because I want to?
This is all a big clusterf#ck.
I'm glad I have somewhere to turn my back tho' and just tell the truth. And simply vent how I feel.
Although it's insufficient help, it is still a place i would rather go to than sitting home and feeling bad over getting scolded for stupid shiet that nobody has any reasoning for.
Bah...
Also, again, thanks for all the feedback. (Even readers).
-
Ayrayen - Code: Awesome
- Posts: 418
- Joined: September 5th, 2009, 2:20 am
- Location: Sweden
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 8 times
- Thumbs Up received: 25 times
Re: It's a matter of time
Thumbs up x1
by NanTheDark » November 25th, 2013, 5:07 am
At least God heard my prayers and you don't have cancer. I'm quite happy for that right now. 
As for the depression and stuff... I'm sure it will all get better. You can always set goals for yourself, and really I don't see how can you be all down just because of the whole driver's license thing. If you wanna drive, do it. Don't care about other stuff.
And you can always try demanding to be treated better.
As for the depression and stuff... I'm sure it will all get better. You can always set goals for yourself, and really I don't see how can you be all down just because of the whole driver's license thing. If you wanna drive, do it. Don't care about other stuff.
And you can always try demanding to be treated better.
-
NanTheDark - As it breaks, it becomes stronger
- Posts: 2018
- Joined: December 23rd, 2010, 6:04 pm
- Location: Your screen
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 191 times
- Thumbs Up received: 217 times
Re: It's a matter of time
by ~MP3 Amplifier~ » November 25th, 2013, 5:47 am
Well if I'm honest, if there was going to be any form of slow death that would be in your path, cancer is not the one you should be welcoming to. It doesn't just kill you kindly. It destroys everything you had and wanted to have and destroys everything around you and destroys your body until you finally die a painful death. I watched my friend go through it and my nan go through it and it was not easy for anyone. Believe me, never make the mistake of saying cancer is a slow death to embrace, even if you do feel suicidal. I've never experienced it before but I saw just how destroying and heartbreaking it is simply by watching it; I dread to think what it would have been like actually dealing with it.
I'm not expecting any response to this post btw- I wouldn't really like one. But I feel like I have to stand my ground somewhere when people talk about cancer, and I feel like I'm doing it on behalf of my best friend who actually did want to fight and live and beat it. So I'm sorry if I seem harsh here.
I'm not expecting any response to this post btw- I wouldn't really like one. But I feel like I have to stand my ground somewhere when people talk about cancer, and I feel like I'm doing it on behalf of my best friend who actually did want to fight and live and beat it. So I'm sorry if I seem harsh here.
The below image is a montage of my individual highest placing LDC creations, as a reminder to myself that level designing is a part of my life that I can't just leave behind
-
~MP3 Amplifier~ - THE DARK LAMP
Error contacting Twitter - Posts: 4383
- Joined: May 6th, 2011, 12:35 pm
- Location: Maaars d(^_^)b
SM63 Level Designer Contest Winner - Thumbs Up given: 226 times
- Thumbs Up received: 611 times
Re: It's a matter of time
by Ayrayen » November 25th, 2013, 6:41 am
~MP3 Amplifier~ wrote:Believe me, never make the mistake of saying cancer is a slow death to embrace, even if you do feel suicidal. I've never experienced it before but I saw just how destroying and heartbreaking it is simply by watching it; I dread to think what it would have been like actually dealing with it.
I am well aware of it.
And you should also be aware of that people around me also share the same faith.
If I had cancer, then it would mean that I too would perish soon.
And to quote what I said:
It feels good to vent out feels & thoughts here.
-
Ayrayen - Code: Awesome
- Posts: 418
- Joined: September 5th, 2009, 2:20 am
- Location: Sweden
Runouw Votes Winner - Thumbs Up given: 8 times
- Thumbs Up received: 25 times