*takes deep breath*

[Karyete]

This post by Karyete was thumbed up by: 3

Doram (March 13th, 2014, 5:06 pm) • Killswitch (February 23rd, 2014, 3:19 pm) • ~MP3 Amplifier~ (February 23rd, 2014, 9:32 am)

[-BY]

Ah well. It's indeed taking some courage to talk about as you did above. Well. I do know about this since... uhm.... December /12?
I don't know if it got better or worse from that point, but I do hope know that you will get better again.

Respecting you as always. Didn't change anything about my opinion.

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

I'm perfectly fine with this (but you still need to try Devonshire ice cream)

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

Wow BY, I don't even remember this going back to 2012, you must have been keeping a better eye out than me. (which I'm not at all shocked about tbh)
Also while I'm hoping I can beat this, there's also a lot of me that doesn't want to, which is the hardest part I find of this struggle. IMO these disorders are mental and physical illnesses, which means even if something potentially dangerous happens that could have a physical health problem on me, if I know it ties in with my ED I tend to just ignore it as though nothing happened. Like, I fainted back in December for reasons that I'm completely aware of, yet I lied and said I stood up too fast. It's because the emotional side makes you feel not worth enough to speak up about it, and also I cannot get this thought out of my head that I need to lose weight. People have told me I'm fine and healthy, some have even said I'm too skinny and then ask if I have a fast metabolism (I used to -.-), but nothing stops the voice that says "you're fat". It's a sad pathetic story. xD

But yeah, the other thing is if I want recovery, I'm going to want it full time otherwise I'll just keep relapsing, aka however long it takes until I admit I need help to a doctor, I might have to go inpatient because I don't see myself getting out of this mess otherwise. But there's all sorts of horrible rumours that they won't give you the best help possible unless you have a BMI of under 15, and while my voice won't shut up about how much I 'want' that, I also don't want it to get that serious.

...yeah, it's a little complicated, my apologies. :S
I'm still glad you guys haven't changed your view of me. (and MK I can always eat ice cream on the days where I feel like overeating lol)

[Karyete]

Don't apologise. You may be strong enough to get past it and still maintain your optimism and kindness, but you need to let it out at some point. The longer you keep it bottled up inside you the worse it gets.

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

Well, I think I'm going to lock this now. If I feel like ranting my ♥♥♥ off about something in this subject then I'll open it but for now there's no reason keeping it open.