Harmless wrote:So now I'm conflicted. I don't know anymore. I just wanted the misery to end now. A few years ago I've been told to wait it out. To wait for a turnover in life. So I waited. The advice was false, apparently. I saw nothing but blood, dystopia, and myself doing everything wrong and pissing people off.
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But [then I thought] I was clearly not made for the world. I didn't see a future for myself. So why live 30 years being nothing but a homeless man when I can end it now? Wow, for once I thought of something productive to do. So goodbye. Be glad you have one less parasite on the forum board.
This was what I felt for my entire life. With a few exceptions in between. Any friends that I made in my childhood were either nonexistent or lost completely. Hell, my childhood wasn't even worth being reminded of or reliving again. I felt like I was stuck in one giant loophole, and my maturity was on the unreachable end, taunting me with every step.
I was lost. Hopeless. Back in my day, any good I gave was immediately responded with hatred or pissing the person off. Or being made fun of. Being called gay when you weren't. Being knocked down until you really were eight inches tall. But that was back in the day.
Yet throughout the years I felt like I've been reliving it. Lonely. Cold. I wasn't sure what to do anymore. I just wanted a warm death.
Well, it almost turned out that way, had my sister not recently saved me. After her came some others.
And there you have it. There's my story. Like it or not, it's the truth.
I'm not still lonely, right?
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