runouw.com

There was a mistake in the 3rd spoiler, a fatal one, here's its correction:

The hereafter, being one day, is as long as 50K (50000) earth years.

---

Anyways, Nan, lost faith in myself. I don't think I can help ease life for myself and the rest of the human race. Even my dad doesn't understand life today can be eased farther, and doesn't know that even the most useless items that I know and am sure WILL ease life for who needs it, can be that useful, to the point that I told him to smash my external keyboard just to calm him down, as if he's my toy. (stupid me, right? I told him to smash it and didn't leave space for its uses) All what Bog said previously. I am being bullied. I know there IS light in this world but do you think I've got enough patience for this? Sometimes I'd argue like a criminal just to be patient. Specific humans are cruel, but other specific humans know no cruelty, yeah. Some rare ones also know both and would love to change cruelty to kindness (darthbrowser maybe?). And Bog, I am to get closer to God no matter what. I am 2 years away from uni, where there are extreme chances I'll be zero light years away from God despite his distance and ultra bright light. Once I'm zero light years away, the resultant life will be the life anyone may wish for. It is a matter of patience for 2 years and if anything up to 3 extra years. Then we'll see how sweet the Islam is, far sweeter than Anime.

To both of you, there is hope for everyone. There is hope for even the hopeless ENTP who can see up to 7.3x the current possibilities in the future, 75 years ahead. It is the lack of needed materials and knowledge. There are reasons for both. One's country is the main variable, it plays the biggest role in the available materials and knowledge. It is the source of light, it is the source of darkness. It is the source of life, it is the source of death. No matter how rich one is, his country controls his life through the available materials.
I lack the materials needed for developing projects that should satisfy anyone, because our country cannot grant us the needed money.
I lack the knowledge needed for developing projects that should satisfy anyone, because our country is poor.
I lack...the permission to obtain all I need because I am too young. My parents believe that.



It is a matter of patience...to work hard to see the bright future ahead.

---

Anyway, another problem arose but it's not IRL, this time it's here in runouw.com:

...whenever I participate in a topic, why does it fully die? It's like I'm completely rejected.

I'm hoping the line above won't be the reason behind the permaban now...if I do suddenly get perma'd.

BT2009 wrote:...whenever I participate in a topic, why does it fully die? It's like I'm completely rejected.

That is definitely not true. -_- Or at least I haven't really seen it.

Edit for shameless advertising: Ummm... try this forum game. viewtopic.php?f=28&t=46973 There will always be another reply there. Even if I have to make sure of it myself.

Reading your posts BT, I'm having a strong sentiment of Déjà vu. To some people, when they get bullied their emotions turn into massive sadness, self-doubt and it can lead to depression. Elementary school and grade 5 were my dark period, I in kindergarten used to be, well not popular, but at least I felt like I belonged to the same group as other kids, although I do admit of having personal quirks and phobias (there was a really really black kid in my kindergarten and as black people are very rare in my country, they are viewed like aliens, so I was racist, but then not much to espect from a 5 year old I think). However it all changed in elementary school and I still got scars from it. I was and still am physically weak which contributed to me being a major target of the class's idiots, plus that probably I had "weird" behaviour compared to others, but I don't really think you can classify a kid for that.

Pants pulled down in front of everyone, being humiliated and beaten in front of girls and worst of all, the Union of Class's Buttholes decided to make me appear guilty in front of our teacher, in cases I had plans to ask for help and/or get them punished. I had like 3 friends, but hell those were my source of joy and they were helping me pass all those situations, but again, a large class vs 3 is a really bad ratio. 5 grade, especially first semester was the darkest of all, when classes were being merged and I had to not only be agressed by idiots that were already there, but also the ones who come, which were more and dumber. However not only physical pain and humiliation were affecting me, but also seeing that the bullies had more success than me. They weren't smarter, nor better educated, they were all "sport rats" and they seemed to have more common interests and success with getting friends than I did. It was just painful, whenever I met somebody new I hoped they don't have friends in my class as I feared to not gain another aggressor. There is one girl that was in kind of same situation than me, except her being physically ok, she was poorer and more bullied for that fact. I've been protective to her, yet she couldn't take it and changed schools, that was the only time I was brave enough to oppose my bullies.

I changed schools after 5th grade too, just couldn't take it anymore and I considered that it's not worth to waste my health and time on those idiots. The new class and school afterall seemed better, but it wasn't a paradise. I found out that my new and former colleagues knew each-other and while they were nicer and I didn't get bullied (were still was target of a few jokes, but NOTHING compared to others) I was still mad inside. There were several other idiots who were either here before either transfered too. Wealthy kids, sport rats or simply douchebags, they had friends, they had girlfriends and anyone who spent time around them seemed to turn slowly in douchebags or whores. However all this feeling inside me harmed and left scars a lot, I considered that death would be much easier and wouldn't have to worry about how I look in people's eyes. I fantesied about heroic deaths, where I would die saving someone or seppukku as a honorable way, but fortunatelly that wasn't the case. I just exploded, but instead of sadness and depression it become hate and anger. I yelled, cursed and sometimes even punched anyone who was getting on my nerves, once I exploded so hard on a guy the bullies wondered how mad was I to beat him that hard, of course they made fun of it after. Seeked help, took medicine to help me calm down, went to psychologist, but unfortunatelly it wasn't much than a temporal relief.

That was probably a long story, I don't want to bore you with that nor to attract compassion of others by telling it, just seeing you reminded me of my case a time ago. Now I'm in high school, I have some friends to screw around, but again don't feel really attraced to them, but it's the scars that marked me. I'm anxious, angry and sometimes I wish death to all of them, they didn't made me a person to fear humans, they made me a mysanthrope, I hate them and sorry to say folks, but I am not trusting the human race, for a few exceptions that were nice, I've met way too many idiots. There are people who say that some kids simply turn introvert from experiences like that or other factors that makes a certain invidual have little (positive) interraction with other people. They describe it as it is something bad, but tell you what, I'm glad I am an introvert, I heal myself, alone don't need the help of others to climb back on the mountain after being left on an edge.

The point I want to transmit is that how much you are bullied or feel excluded, you don't have to consider yourself an inferior individual. Continue your life, find healing in something, be it in yourself, a hobby or a really close friend. If you can pass all those obstacles, then you will proove yourself a strong individual, and maybe you will even be rewarded someday, who knows what happens. Just remember what I said in an earlier post: If you die, they win. Patience is a virtue and can be the key to the most complicated situations. Just wait till everything is over and in the meantime try to heal yourself. Think like in a video game, avoid enemies and heal, when you're ready, go achieve the goal.

Now regarding the country problem I don't know how is there, in Egypt, but Déjà vu again. Schools, universities and education in general is not something our authorities like investing it. Welcome to the land of idiot peasants sell their house to buy a BMW, despite the fact that they don't have a shelter (trust me, stuff like that happens). Our younger ones just go away in other countries, although if money were well invested that shouldn't happen. I want to stay here and try to fight everything that opposes me. Here is a small suggestion I would give you: start slowly. You don't need to make a ♥♥♥♥ to become a successful developer. Every bit from making "Hello world!"s to complex programs matter. As you said it's a matter of patience. Try to find some resources avaible for you, in time as you progress other things may come from themselves. However I do believe it's a bit early to worry about jobs, future and so on, but just keep thinking, keep trying. You never know when the big chance knocks at your door.

~insert big quote here~

Bogdan wrote:Reading your posts BT, I'm having a strong sentiment of Déjà vu. To some people, when they get bullied their emotions turn into massive sadness, self-doubt and it can lead to depression.

This, this explains everything. Probably explains the main reason behind the creation of the topic.

Bogdan wrote:Here is a small suggestion I would give you: start slowly. You don't need to make a ♥♥♥♥ to become a successful developer. Every bit from making "Hello world!"s to complex programs matter. As you said it's a matter of patience. Try to find some resources available for you, in time as you progress other things may come from themselves. However I do believe it's a bit early to worry about jobs, future and so on, but just keep thinking, keep trying. You never know when the big chance knocks at your door.

I did try that, I felt like if I continue I'd be as great as Terry Cavanagh when it's the big chance. So I just have to go through every tiny bit of the whole VB.NET, C++, Flash and w/e else you can think of, as slowly as possible so as to learn it all, piece by piece, as I grow up...I'm hoping uni will answer all my dreams and questions the way it can be answered.
A typo in this quote has been fixed btw.

btw, I don't get bored of reading. If you feel like it, PM me the entire story. Now, you just went deeper in the story I'm experiencing now. Simply put, what you did is what I have to do. Many, many thanks to you for the advice~! Just what I need exactly! Now...school is approaching. It's about time. Your experience shall never be forgotten. May God bless you and grant you access to the gateway to the 8 gates of Heaven. If you desire to enter our Islam. It'd be ultra nice to see you a Muslim! But like I said, you decide your religion.