runouw.com

NOTE: Like again unsure of where to post this but this one is fatal.

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I bet you'll think I'm crazy with this topic but I'm serious. Never been online ever since I moved, and no one fully understands me from all seven billion humans as a future developer, I guess that's it for my life. And yes I do plan to suicide but God can't allow that so I have to go on, so...

I guess this is goodbye, runouw.com. Thanks for the great moments we all lived. I've learnt about great things thanks to all of you, but now I can no longer see a great thing. I've been an inactive member so I'm only a waste of megabytes in the servers. I've been picking the topics that I take part in, and the choices were really few.

So, thanks for accompanying me. My last three words...

Requesting a Permaban.

Help or not help, help or not help...

To be honest I don't know because often when I want to help someone who's depressed that person's always like "Don't help me" or I dunno.

But please, don't kill yourself WHY HAVE I SAID THAT LINE SO MANY TIMES IN ALL THE TIME I'VE BEEN ON THIS SITE, your life is worth it, and don't say nobody understands you that's bullcrap that everyone says, even I say it at times, but often people do get you, I don't know what you want to develop but you could have a future with that, don't say seven billion humans when you've at most met 2000 in your life, there's all kinds of people in the world, there's a lot of people who might like hanging with you and be your friend and whatnot...

I don't know what else to say. I'd like to talk to you, but I dunno.

I hope you don't get a permaban, but if you do, PM me here if you're still here, please stick around, and talk about your problems, it helps. I don't know.

There's also these... numbers you can call if you're suicidal, they're different depending on the country I dunno, look it up.

So yeah. Guys, please stop wanting to kill yourselves.

I recall seeing you here and there. You don't look like a bad person.

If you feel you can't fit in a community just try talking to people. Can't hurt unless you royally ♥♥♥♥ up, right?

I'm open to talk, if you need any assistance. You're not just a few goddamn megabytes. You're a person and you got something to share with us, be it a joke, level, project, whatever. And we're here to listen, especially if it's good.

It's kinda hard to stop wanting to kill yourself...especially if you have, in your opinion, a valid reason to feel that way. But just because you feel that way it doesn't mean you have to go through with it. You may not have been around last year on the forums to see this, but there was a period where we were opening up about our 'real' feelings to each other and it was surprising to see so many people have been feeling this way, so you are not alone and there are people that do understand where you're coming from.

At the end of the day whether or not you seriously want to get a ban is up to you. But I want you to think about it properly, no-one will judge you for opening up about hidden emotions if that's what you want to do. I understand that low moods don't just suddenly come out from nowhere so if you want to talk about what has happened to make you feel this way, you can do so and we'll try to support you. I also wouldn't like to permanently ban you because you have not been a troublesome member, and also you are a valuable human being and I want to feel comfortable that you're not going to go through with any suicide plans that you might have..

The others have mentioned that they're willing to help you too so people do care about you, otherwise nothing like that would have been said.

I'm quite happy to talk your feelings through with you privately if you wish to, or I can just respond here publicly too as well. While I'm not the most helpful person right now as I have a lot on my mind to tell the complete truth, I still care and am willing to try to help if it's possible.


...this is just assuming you will look back at this topic, but yeah. d:

Hold on holdonholdonholdon....

BT2009 wrote:I bet you'll think I'm crazy with this topic but I'm serious. Never been online ever since I moved, and no one fully understands me from all seven billion humans as a future developer, I guess that's it for my life. And yes I do plan to suicide but God can't allow that so I have to go on, so...

I do not know what your real life situation is, but seeing you that you want to commit suicide I think I can see it's not a very great one. Yes there are 7 milliards people in the world, but you do not depend on them, nor your life does. Think about all your accomplishments in your life, think they are some awesome domino model you spent time and resources to make, now commiting suicide would mean to demolish everything, once simple piece and all is over. I speak from my point of view there, but I used to be bullied a lot in real life and still am sometimes, and some people would simply not take me seriously, nor understand me, my tastes, my toughts and so on. A few years ago, I used to think that death would be such an easy way to end it all up, I would simply escape the barbarity of the society full of idiots, but then I simply found healing in myself. As an introvert I do clear my toughts alone and I feel way better after spending some quiet time, thinking about what can my future be, my dreams and everything that I did in the past. When I'm down, I always think: "If you die, they win, they will proove they were right all along and you were just a big looser, that's what you want? Just live your life and make this idiots regret that they tried to remove you in the first place". Not sure if helps, but all I request from you is try this. Don't only depend on God/Allah/whoever you believe in just to stop you from suciding, that's kind of a fake barrier if you ask me. It's good if it keeps you alive, but try to live with your own forces. You may be all on your own here or you may find some friends to help you cheer up, it's all up to you.

About the permaban thing, not sure how to react. As a site member, of course I want you to stick around, but if that's your decision and you have your reason, then I guess all I can say is goodbye and best of luck with everything. If you decide to stay, maybe some of us can help you, again it's your decision.

I don't know about anybody else, but I would say, PM to Moderator = desire for quiet exit, and Dedicated Thread = Call for Help, so pile on, friends.

I won't go on for very long here, mostly because I can't address issues unless I see details, but I stand firm with everyone else here that Life is worth Living, and You are Valuable to the human race, all 7+ billion of us, and You are super special not alone in that feeling here, because we have a bunch of members that have dealt with it to the point of me having written this thread to help. And I also offer myself as someone to talk to, though I think Amp, and darthbrowser have come back the most strongly from the ordeal, and can speak directly from experience.

So, You are welcome, needed, desired, and appreciated. Come on back to the group, pick one or two or all of us to share with, and we'll all get through this together. You have already reached out for help, now please take the hand that is reaching back.

Blessings, happiness, and success to you, friend.
Doram

BT2009 wrote:I've been an inactive member so I'm only a waste of megabytes in the servers.

One last thing. For the sake of objecting...



You were active. This proves it.

If you'll notice, you were quite active for several days in a row, actually, especially recently during June. I have every reason to believe that you were just caught up on a month-long break if anything, but clearly your post data shows you were active and well at the time.

There's no reason to doubt that you can become active again.

I couldn't reply earlier because of my parents forcing me to bed at earlier times than usual, and...

...

...I was running on mobile broadband. Regarding this point please see ¹.

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• Harmless 495 posts but 128 only count because, y'know, I'm active in the Off-Topic forum GROUP (i.e. Gaming & Off-Topic) but, that kind of cheers me up...² By the way, that Objection! brings back those times when you could create your VERY OWN objection message.
• Doram I'm too late but I have already read your thread before I posted this. Like I said, I couldn't reply earlier... wikiHow in one post... Hope I can attempt to try all of it and rise as an active, cheerful future developer again. May want to save ALL of your post somewhere REALLY special in my File Laboratory...will always look at it whenever possible/needed.
• Bogdan you've summarized my experience. Now I can find my way to get rid of all my trouble...really really thank you~
• MP3 side note: I DID, DO AND WILL look back. Sadly, I'm too shy to talk about my trouble... (it says the one who looks at the floor A LOT is a real heck of a shy person) But I'll try if I can.
• Harmless (again) I DO have a thing to share now, if only it was possible to create a poll in Gaming...
• NanTheDark two things: Like I said I couldn't reply earlier so I couldn't reply to your PM... And I can't suicide, God can be anywhere and so can the hereafter³. For now I haven't got the permaban so I can't be serious until I confirm it.

Thanks for your help, everyone, guess the permaban is a no-go. Now I have what I need to be as active as I was, I'll try to take part in more topics. But also give me few moments while I try to read wikiHow's solutions...Doram's thread feels "not enough" even though it has all I need, dunno why, but it's the center of the solutions, no doubt.



EDIT: Confirmed the length of the hereafter. Plus corrected a fatal mistake.

I am a catholic, and it's the first time I come across a muslim. It's interesting.

But I'm not gonna argue about religion with you. But while I'm glad it's keeping you alive, you need more reasons to live. If you're living your life just to not end up in hell, you're doing it wrong. That's actually kind of selfish, in my opinion.

While I'm not sure of what your issue is, whether it is being bullied, losing faith in yourself or humanity, or pretty much all the stuff Bogdan said... I guess it's normal to be down about these things. To consider these things, and ponder upon them.

Momentarily.

This world has darkness. Many often will tell you that the world is a bad place. A cruel place. That humans are wicked, selfish and overall ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.

However, this world also has light.

There's bad people, but there's also good people. People working to make this a better place to live. People who are nice to others, who share with those in need, who help others heal, and whatnot.

And if you look around, you will find light around you.

Often, when we run into darkness, we might just sit there and not move. But you musn't do that.

Don't give up.

There is hope. For you, for all of us.

For life.

Your life can be great. Just look for the light.

And I strongly suggest you talk about your problems. And yes, I like light and dark metaphors.

Was raised christian orthodox and most stuff you said in the 3rd spoiler is common (well except the 50 earth days thing, I did not know that) and probably in islam as in christianity and probably judaism too (altough not sure) suicide is viewed as the worst sin so far, meaning that by deciding when your life ends you got out of God's law.

I'm not very religious now, but I used to be and I can still talk in a religious manner to other people. For me, the relationship between human and God is like learning how to proppery ride a bike. It's hard and scary at the beginning, you fear not to fall down, you use additional wheels, but at some point you won't need them anymore. Think about a child learning to ride a bike and a parent behind his back watching him so he won't fall. At first the parent will hold the child, but after some time, the child will have to go alone, all by himself. That parent is God and you are the child. Sure he helps you to get started and learn what you need, but you don't have to depend on him forever, you will heave to proove you understand what he taught you and that he did a well job in educating you. That also applies to suicide, depression and so on. Ok, God will not allow suicide and you don't want to cross his word, but eventually you will have to understand why is that and not falsely live with that excuse your whole life. That's similar to saying "if I don't leave my house, I can't be harmed", while it may be true, it's not a valid excuse everytime. That's a start, then you will have to see your passions, your hobbies, stuff that makes life worth living and you're being fed with.

Seeing you post is really good news and if you have a level of happiness inside you then I'm glad. Every bit counts. You'll eventually have to meditate about the topic and depending on your situation you may require additional help (by that I mean a psychologist). I did have trouble too, but as you, I was shy to expose it and the psychologist didn't really help. Well as I said, I heal my mind alone when have the chance, but you can't always rely on that. It's up to you if you need or not expert help, but that was a suggestion.