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Well, this has been one of my few major failures on this journey, but I refuse to give up. I started this thread as an attempt to express some of my core beliefs in the hopes of sharing them as a basis for living a better life for yourself, and perhaps furthering a general hope for making the world a better place.

Clearly, my thoughts on pacifism needed further refinement, as that has seemed to be the major objection in this thread, so let's just call it that. A discussion on pacifism.
EDIT:
... and we have also brought what it means to be a good person into the mix.

For future reference, I leave my original words here, in the hopes that they might still find their way to where they need to go. These are the ideas at the heart of me - at the center of everything I do. I present them as both an expression of what perfection I have achieved on my path, and as a map to hopefully help others find some perfection in theirs.

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I have found the way to live right in this world. It is not easy, though it is simple. It is this:

Life may be hard, but I refuse to add any abuse back into the world.

I refuse to add any meanness to the world. I refuse to add any anger to the world. I refuse to add any hate to the world. I refuse to add any sadness to the world. I refuse to add any violence to the world.

I take the abuse. I take it because I am strong. And I let it go, because that is what you should do with such things. And then I act differently. I only add good things to the world.

I add compassion back to the world. I add consideration to the world. I add courtesy back to the world. I add support back to the world. I add caring back to the world. I add love back to the world.

That's how you live right. That's how you save yourself. That's how you change the world. It's that simple.

Break the cycles of abuse and hatred. Add something different back to the world. For yourself and for all of us.

If it would always be so easy. This sounds very good but in practice things are sometimes different.

There are humans who are very easy to offend so you can offend them without intending to. Simply "always taking an abuse" isn't a good attitude. Every human in the world has a weak point, every abuse undermines your nerves, and if you never ever get angry of anything it means you don't care about anything at all. Being angry and mad at times is normal. Even being abusive at times is at least "human" (though you can really try and avoid this). And learning from bad stuff and improving one's behaviour doesn't work from today to tomorrow, it's a longer process.

And if there's a cycle of hatred and anger every person involved has to break it. If one of them constantly keeps being mean and aggressive, there's hardly any way out.

Furthermore, the sweet little things in life are more important than you think. Be it music, a sport, a GAME (yes) or another kind of passion, it gives you something to hold on to.

this is a glorious moral, but not a practical way of life

"it is not easy" is a massive understatement, and one that should be replaced with "it is not feasible" - strive for this by all means, but it is unhealthy to consider even your own self can be so positive at all times



i say this because you assert your point as THE way to live right, and that other courses are somehow negative

All right, two things, first, I am saying that this is the underlesson - the thing running underneath everything that shapes everything that comes above it. I said nothing about the details of how this is to be carried out, and those can be as varied as we are. And since this is happening at the most abstracted level, yes, it can be considered the only right way. Archetypes, stereotypes, and generalizations ARE useful when they allow us to guide the generality of our life in positive directions. They give us basic blanket rules that can be customized to whatever specifics we face, so that we are not starting from scratch every time.

Secondly, I did not say that I would not feel angry, just that I would not give it back to the world in that form. I would feel angry, think about what that means for the other people involved, find some compassion in me for what they must be facing too, and use the anger as driving force for doing something to make the situation better, be that changing myself, expressing that compassion and desire to help to the other people involved, or simply hoping that they can find the solutions they need when I cannot interact with them. And, yes, "Just taking it" CAN be detrimental, unless you use it for something. Every input must be turned into an output. You breathe in, so you breathe out. You listen, so that you can speak. You learn, so that you can teach. You feel, so that you can act on those feelings. You hurt, so that you can understand that hurt in others. It's not about the source, it's about what you do with it. And doing something with it is what lets it back out again, and that is what I am talking about here. Choosing what you put back out there in the world.

Running above this is everything else I have said thus far here, especially that most everything is a tool, and you can use that tool to hold you back, or you can use that tool to drive you forward. Choose to let it hold you back, and you will be stacking it up into a pile that is capable of crushing you. Choose to let it drive you forward, and you can find the energy to become a force for good in this poor, miserable world we live in. You can be an example of light and happiness to the oppressed and depressed. And you can't help them all at the same time, that IS impossible, but you CAN do it one person at a time. You start with yourself. You fix yourself, and then you look out, and you help one person. You help them, and they do the same, and help another, and another, and then, and only then, do we all have a chance.

Yes, being mad, and even abusive IS "normal" these days, and that is in fact one of the biggest problems with the world today. Breaking the cycle is about refusing to carry it forward; about refusing to reflect negativity and abuse on the people that dump it on you; about rejecting revenge and negativity as anything you want to encourage and nurture in your life and your world. Yes. It is out there. Yes, I feel it. But I REFUSE to do it MYSELF. I refuse to propagate the wave of negativity and abuse in this world. The buck stops here. And better yet, I have the opportunity, since something MUST come out of me, to find the perspectives and actions that I need in order to make a new wave, a good wave, that will improve my world if only a little, because every little bit counts.

Yes. It is hard. Starting down this path is probably one of the hardest things that you will ever do. But it is worth it, in ways you cannot even imagine. And it does get easier.

And finally, I am living this myself right now. I am not speaking out of some rarified theory, where I think that this will work. I am testing it out, and whittling away everything that doesn't work. Every second of my day, I run everything that I am through this filter. If it doesn't serve, I let it go. If it does serve, I use it. And this discussion we are having right this second is part of that. I propose, you question, I defend. I learn from expressing it in different ways, and sometimes, when someone has a better idea than me, I have the opportunity to improve this yet again. I'm perfectly fine with being wrong. Explain how, and how to do it better, and we both improve.

And at the end of the day, I come here, and I share it in the hopes that it will be the one thing that someone needs to hear to gather the strength to make their lives better. To hear that there is a better way, and that others have succeeded. To hear that it gets better, and everything will be all right. To be that light in someone's darkest hour, and save a little piece of good in this dark world, and thereby save the whole of it, one person at a time. And best of all, I can encourage others to do the same, and give us all the real chance that we need to make the world a better place for real and for good. This is no theory, ladies, and gentlemen. This is a plan. This is a promise. This is my life, and I encourage you to join me.

giving someone what may be the hardest course possible in their darkest hour doesn't entirely make sense, but i do see the ideal in what you are saying

i just personally don't see too much appeal in running my entire exterior self through a filter and leaving only the positive parts, because that's bottling it up if ever i heard it

Well, that's not what I'm saying. The difference is between separating it out and learning a new process. In filtering so that you are leaving only the positive parts you generate a growing pile of bad - thus bottling it up as you say, but in learning how to make every negative part into a positive allows you to let nothing pile up while still improving the situation as a whole. Perspective is everything. Learn to see the good in everything, and you can learn to promote the good in everything.

What if someone kills a loved one or family member?

As far as current technology goes, we can't revive people from being dead. Once a person is dead, they're dead. No way to bring them back.

And as it stands for me personally, it's easy to forgive someone as long as what they broke is replaceable, and near impossible to forgive someone who broke something irreplaceable (though there are some exceptions to this, such as self defense, accidents/lack of knowledge). But right now it's impossible to replace human lives that have perished.

I don't yet have anyone that I truly love, family inclusive, so I can't speak for sure, back I'd imagine that if they were pinnacles of society, they wouldn't want any vengeance; so any hard feelings would be brought on by selfishness, which is okay, as long as it dissipates after awhile. Heat of the moment and all that.

nin10mode wrote:I'd imagine that if they were pinnacles of society, they wouldn't want any vengeance; so any hard feelings would be brought on by selfishness, which is okay, as long as it dissipates after awhile. Heat of the moment and all that.

?

Alright.

So I'm the type of person that judges a person based on their character before anything. Family member? Better be a good one. Celebrity? I hope he or she can still connect with the masses. Authoritative position? Better have deserved the position.

No one I'm more intimate with has really struck me as well as I just described, so I can't speak for sure; but when I DO meet someone like that and get to know them well, I'm certain he or she wouldn't be the vengeful type.

So when that certain someone dies -- by nature, accident, or murderous intent -- you can bet everything that I'll try my best not to deteriorate into a hateful, spiteful being. I'm not entirely spiritual anymore, but I do think true sinners will get what for without me interfering.

I guess this is just me pushing my morals onto other people. Apologies, but that's what I think about the lamenting of dead loved ones.