This last week has been fantastic. I've just moved into a student village with 10 other people on my floor + many more on the other floors. High school kinda traumatised me, part of it was that I didn't speak the language and part of it was that I was just really stupid and didn't get some common sense until college. By that time I became I real introvert, the only people I spoke to were 2 people from my high school and my childhood friend. However even then I felt that I wasn't fully trusting them. I always had that thing, where I felt underappreciated all the time, like I'm gonna be forgotten, never get a girlfriend etc. I kinda felt like that was the worst time of my life. I had some trouble from my dad as well, though it wasn't without reason. I never listened to what he was saying, even though it was for my own good. I was partially paralyzed of doing anything involving other people or outside world in general and partially lazy. This past summer felt really scary, since it was my first step into the adult life with really having no prior experience with it. I also started questioning everything I did, from the little things like talking to people to major decisions, like choosing my course. I felt really on edge, often repeatedly told myself that I should die (I never would have even tried it though, I knew better).
I've always thought that I was mature because I was 'better' than my peers. I always heard that they were "party hard" people, drinking and ♥♥♥♥ all the time. I was always the guy who did their work at school, always was studying etc. However where others from high school had to "mature" into responsible people, I had to mature into someone who has some fun every once in a while (I still have yet to mature into a "responsible peson" I think) and take life a little more relaxed. This one week was one of the best weeks in my life. I got to meet new people, totally different to me and while it's still scary and I don't think I connect to them fully, I think that I'm making progress. I did try some beer with them, something I don't usually do/did, but honestly it was a lot of fun just sitting with them and having fun, going out to pubs and stuff. I never thought that of all things beer would help me be more social and open to people.
I was always worried that when I'll drink I'll change. I will no longer be me, the guy who always studied, never partied and was a calm individual. This has shown me otherwise however. I did step a little out of my comfort zone. I know that I'm not drunk or whatever (my head's kinda spinning, but that's all), but I still am myself, not trying to be someone else to fit in, no matter what state I'm in. My mindset has changed from seeing everything and everyone as either objects or ♥♥♥♥
.heads (as much as I'd deny it). This single week with those people has opened up the locks I had for all this time I feel.

I've had so much fun drinking, going out, hanging out, singing, listening to 80s, 90s+ music and all the other fun ♥♥♥♥ I've been doing this week.
I've not started studying yet. I also don't feel like I'm ready for university, but I feel that even if it's gonna be hard I'll be able to somehow deal with it. I want this year to be the one that will help me change. I don't really want to be an introvert, in the outside world nor here. Even if I don't have too much in common with them I'll try my best to strike a balance between both. I know it's gonna be hard, but it will be worth it. I want to change something in me, the wall I had in my head for so long.
I really do not like talking about myself, I do not feel like that is a good thing to do when talking to people. However I cannot resonate with other people with their topics. All I can do is complain about myself since I never feel anything I have to say is interesting. That's the reason I've never really talked about myself here. The other reason is that I'm really not that knowledgable with the real world beyond my studies and games, be it news, TV, politics. Yeah, sure I got grades, but that won't help me in the real world.
I do not feel like the beer is talking through me, but it's helping me express myself. I may cringe at this in a few years, but ♥♥♥♥ it, this is one of the few times I've been true with myself here and in general.
I feel like I'm missing something, something I should say as well, but that's all I can come up with right now. Maybe the fact that it's been fun stumbling over words and letters writing this wall of text. Maybe the fact that the stress and lazyness prevented me from actually doing my duel with SM63Creator (I'm sorry, again!!) and be active on this site beyond offtopic, nevermind my real life responsibilities. Maybe the fact that I still feel that I should know more about life than I do (which amounts to nothing).
I guess I should finish this with saying that I'm happy after such a long time. I hope you all have a great day (or night) wherever you are, and I want you to know that everything will get better sooner or later.