runouw.com

Today was another not-so-great day. I know I'm probably supposed to feel better because my birthday is close/the end of this year is near, but I'm just feeling more tense and anxious as of recently, specially since that thing, uh, happened, and it affected things in a way I didn't expect it to. Now I just can't go out and feel as safe as I was before, and I just want to forget about all of that and just patiently wait for this year to end.

About above:

Phone broke and monitor broke on saturday, to add to every other thing that's gone wrong in the past like 3 weeks. November sucks.
To make up for it I have an almost completely new and better computer and my precious nexus 6p.

I think my day is kinda...well not good. I've been losing friends everyday except my four best friends only at school.

Well then it seems like these four people are your very real friends that you have a strong bond to and the others you don't have to care about at all because those aren't your real friends. Having too many so-called "friends" is not that good I can say.

Saturday and sunday meshed into one for me. Yup, from about 4pm on Saturday until 12pm Sunday I was doing work for my final crit for today morning. I wake up at 7am, blurry line and wake up again at 10am. No reason to go in now since I'm late, so I took a shower and went to take down my work at 1pm. Turns out the tutor who was supposed to carry out my final crit said that I can do a really quick crit (crit being an overview of your work and then telling you how to improve, not a final marking). Apparently it was good, I know what to do to go forward (I feel like I spoke better half dead too) and everything in my design is fine.

Here's a play-by-play of my past 3(/2?) days.

brandoprojectm wrote:I really only have one close friend I can confide in, the rest are just people I happen to spend time with.

Really, all of my friends are like this. I don't have any close friends who I would share my secrets with, just people I regularly spend time with and talk to.

My day today has been kinda thrown off a bit.
It snowed today, but our school still had a half day today. Then the snow got dangerous on the roads. Here's what my school does. They decide to extend the school day to a full day minus an hour to wait out the dangerous snow and ice conditions. W-Why did we even come in the first place? It started getting rather ugly an hour before school started.

Sometimes I feel absolutely spoiled.

Today was my last day of Introduction to Painting. This was a class I struggled in because of logistical reasons and creative reasons. I'm also just overall more comfortable with graphite and digital work.
Users on early in my morning probably know I was in a bit of a panic to finish some things up.

I kinda... missed two days out of a wonky ten day quarter. Before I left, I still had no real paper and two missing paintings.
I came in 30 minutes late with 15 cited images for an impromptu presentation about Charles Burchfield and was put somewhere in the middle of the lineup.


I didn't have the worst presentation, but I certainly didn't cover everything I haphazardly planned on. There were four or five peers out of fourteen that clearly had a better knack for painting.

Anyway, I got some time after class to talk with the professor and he straight up told me that he wouldn't fail me.


I really don't know. It feels like I've been nurtured by pretty much everything all the time when there are clearly other people that need to be cut some slack. I'm grateful that I'm not losing a scholarship, but at the same time, it feels like I'm cheating or have some unfair advantage over other people who I think work harder than me.

Nin, friend, everything happens for a reason, and here's nothing wrong with second chances. Prove that you deserved the kindness by working hard and being what they hope you will become.