How was your day?

[Oranjui]

edit: -snipped- ugh sorryWoke up at like 6 because I kind of just wake up between 5 and 6 now whether I want to or not, considered going for a jog but was like nah and then I read for a few hours, got on computer and played suckcraft with roonough friends, finally got around to actually eating breakfast around 12, talked to a friend who's basically a shut-in like me except in a less voluntary manner, read some more, played more suckcraft with more roonough friends, had a not-mediocre sandwich, posted here, kind of want to go to sleep next but it's bright as ♥♥♥♥ out and my blinds are pretty much only there for covering up the window and they don't do anything to block light plus insomnia anyways so sleeping is probably not going to happen

Today was like a 5/10, I'm pretty indifferent. mostly because I'm anticipating the rest of at least the month to look something like that. though I'll finally be starting driver's ed next week, so woo. Also going to this 4 hour long AP Lit workshop thing next week which I'm a little bit scared of but also kind of excited for. My brother's graduation is on sunday which I'm not really looking forward to because my extended family has a lot of annoying small children in it, but since I didn't really do much for my birthday that's also going to be celebrated with them I guess. And then there's also some remote chance that I might actually get out and do social things at some point soon. School's back in like three months and I'm actually somewhat excited for that because I'll finally have stuff to do again. So I guess I'm not really looking forward to all that much in the near future aaaand I didn't really have any reason to dump this here other than just to let people other than myself to know what I'm up to I guess, even though this entire post was written really sloppily and incoherently. I hope you enjoyed your stay in OJ's post. Come back soon.

So, how was your day?

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

This post by ~MP3 Amplifier~ was thumbed up by:

Oranjui (June 5th, 2015, 3:51 pm)

[Harmless]

oh god raz not you too ; n ;

and this is why if I ever got a pet I would get a turtle, at least they live close to 75-100 years

Today was actually pretty good though, got my DMV driver's permit after passing the written test, meaning I only need to wait 6 months to take the driving test and get a license. Also got Splatoon (HYPEHYPEHYPEHYPE)

[Kimonio]

Debated doing this, but ♥♥♥♥ it. My day is boring anyway.: show

Saturday. Like every other day, I guess. Another day for me to sit in bed and wait out the next five minutes pondering if I should get up or not. I mean, what's the point, really? It just another six hours of nothing, another day of nothing, all amounting to a year of...nothing. Yeah, I don't see why I should get up.

But I do, because I have to.

"Good afternoon" I hear my mother chirp sarcastically. Afternoon? Oh, right, the clock says 3PM. She continues on about how I'm to be jobless, how will I support myself unemployed, when will I get a family for her, when will I have grandchildren for her...yeah, how about this, you understand your worries, I'll understand mine, and we'll get along swell, right? I just tune her out, only answering the few questions that actually amount to any importance.

Back to my room, I go. Or as they call it, the "mancave". I don't see why or how it's a mancave, I literally sleep, work, and eat here, there is no entertainment even for this to be considered a cave.

The dog is on my bed, staring at me. I watch it worm itself over onto my lap as I type away at my blog, I click here and there, changing songs and installing plugins.

"By the way, they're coming to visit".

For ♥♥♥♥'s sake....I can't get a single day away from my sister and my nephew anymore. I'm sure she gets lonely, yeah, she lives alone in a rented apartment on a street where drugs and crime are not common, but not rare. I'd be lonely too. Visiting six times a week, though, is not something I look forward to. Time to move the stuff back from my desk. Not that it matters, she won't watch him while they're here; as usual, I'm the babysitter, they just sit at the table and gossip. I'm the one who face reprocussions if he is injured, not them. After all, these days everything is my damn fault.

But I digress, I don't give a damn these days anymore.

10 minutes pass, I see sunlight distort and reflect on my window. They're pulling into the driveway.

"♥♥♥♥...."

I know what's about to happen, as I grip my mouse tightly, bracing for the next seconds.

"WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOWOWOWOWOWOFFFF"

Dear god, shut the ♥♥♥♥ up.

It never fails, any time someone pulls in our driveway, my dog barks. I can't stop him, I've tried. I've trained him, it doesn't work, no one even follows the regime I purposely have planned and written. No, they enable him by shouting at him, they egg him on, and then they ♥♥♥♥♥ when he does what a dog does, telling me I should be teaching him not to do this. Yeah, well you can ♥♥♥♥ off, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. It's like telling the kid to stay out of the cookie jar, teasing him and taunting him to do it, and complaining that the mother didn't discipline him enough.

"CAYTEN"

I force a smile on my face as he comes into my room, I can't let him see me at my weakest, I'm potentially the father figure in his life, since his birth father is estranged and living to the north in Oklahoma. I force my voice to be chirpy, and interact with him, even though I know it's a lie inside. I'm literally just a turtle shell filled with helium and puppeteer strings these days.

Why haven't I gotten counseling? I have, and it doesn't work. It never has. I'm a basketcase, and late diagnosis has proven that no matter the amount therapy and counseling I get, I have taught myself for years growing up to hide it all, to put up a veil, and to lie. That's all I am, a pathological liar, saying things are okay when inside I'm pondering existence of life. Living like a fork among knives knowing in reality I am just a spoon taught to be like them.

As I sit on the floor playing, I know everything has been a lie, and I don't care. He doesn't need to know, they don't need to know. If I fade away, so be it, I want an impact made, just so long as I'm not liable for the curse I bear.

Meals, people gathered around the table, as I sit without a plate on purpose. Questions asked. "When are you going to get a girlfriend?" "Why aren't you eating much?" "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine". A lie, but they believe it.

Hours pass, as I anxiously wait in my room. they dress themselves after bathing for a rested slumber, and I merely wait it out, bidding them each a blessed rest. To hide under a guise, I too bathe and dress, but as I turn off the lights, I turn my lamp on instead, and rest myself into the chair at my desk. At this point, my dog has clambered into my lap, sighing with a pleased smile on his face as he begins to softly snore.

I break off a piece of the sandwich I have made in quiet, and smile as my monitor flickers on. I tap at the keys, beginning my day in the late hours of night. Entering chatrooms, opening projects, removing my mask for the first time this eve.

Now my day begins. And for at least two hours, I am happy.

Now I can get that weight off my shoulders. No sympathy, please, thanks. Already had to order myself not to delete this.

[Oranjui]

whee dumping things here

edit: -snip- sorryI learned how to write thematic statements today. Then we discussed the writing expectations for essays and stuff. And then we were basically told that AP Lit is going to be hard as balls so be prepared. That last point doesn't really matter very much to me, though, because I have slight masochistic tendencies when it comes to academics anyway. Next year should be fun.

[~MP3 Amplifier~]

My day was a pretty normal day.
Just went to my first proper music arena concert ever to see the artist who gave me a reason and a purpose in life. Yep.
Then couldn't stop crying. Yep.

Ah who am I kidding, this day has been ♥♥♥♥ AWESOME. ;-;

[MessengerOfDreams]

I scrambled my first final in literally four hours

And it didn't suck

[nin10mode]

Wow I guess it's still finals for everyone else too, huh? 5 days and nothing?

---

I woke up this afternoon knowing that my parents were going to drag me out to my cousins' (Nikki the youngest and man of the hour, Krissy the middle daughter, and Jesse the eldest) to celebrate his promotion from middle school to high school. It was going to be a pool party. That didn't change the fact that I wasn't looking forward to it.

2 hours later, my mom finally got home and 1 hour after that we were off. Their place is about 40 minutes away. I made sure to bring my 3DS (only partially charged because I fell asleep on it last night) and my sketchbook, along with my swimsuit. After I greeted everyone, I helped myself to some lunch because I hadn't eaten yet and I waded into the pool against my own greater judgment. Needless to say, it wasn't comfortable and I never bothered actually swimming. I didn't even get accustomed to the temperature of the water. I think I jumped in more to wake myself up than anything.

Still, I had fun because the girls of the party were good at keeping conversation. Question after question of "Do you watch" included Game of Thrones, Walking Dead, and awkward "Do you remember my name"s and "What's your favorite"s that I responded to with playful reactions, like dipping my head into the water slowly instead of verbally telling them "No." Hell, when the ones I didn't meet introduced myself, I forgot to return the favor and no one noticed for a good few minutes. That got a few laughs out of us too. Watching the boys do normal boy things like swim, dunk each other in water and attack each other with water balloons and spouting memes and CS:GO vernacular was enjoyable as well, but that's just me being an observer.

I think I was in there for at least a good hour before I decided I dealt with the chill long enough and headed out to sketch a bit. Right now, I'm working on a picture with the perspective looking upwards from a waterfall in a deep canyon. Eventually, my mother came out and had some smalltalk with the other mothers. They spoke in tagalog, but I still picked up some of the conversation since tagalog has fragments of like, 4 different languages. English, Spanish, Japanese, and some native vocabulary. Mostly things like events over the past year. My nephew's first birthday, my sister's new condo, my college acceptance, etc. After they were out of conversation material, I think my mother mentioned Nikki's friends, probably condescendingly. No responses.

The conversation shifted to me once Jesse got out of the pool to dry and text. A few people asked to see what I was doing (one mistakenly thought I brought my homework lol) and short awestruck reactions were had, but those are always short-lived either because people don't like disturbing artists or because people can't say anything else. Jesse said she kept a sketchbook too, and she asked me to teach her how to draw people and I decided "sure, why not try?"

We never got to that. She did ask me to add my phone number for her though.

After that we decided to play Sm4sh WiiU (5ma5h?) because apparently she wanted a rematch from the last time I was there (I don't actually remember the last time I was there, but now that I think about it, I do remember playing brawl there). After some technical difficulties (lots of updates) we started and I tr4shed everyone for the most part, except it was party mode and with items most of the time and I didn't want to be the jackass that plays the safest way. I did lose a few times, but I relearned the joy of playing with items (grab button is your best friend). After a few times, Krissy came down to play a bit and she asked me about how to "get good". I told her that learning all the moves and all the ins and outs of them was crucial, and that I pick up on things easily and she gave me the right word; adaptable. That was a confidence booster. That somehow segued into a conversation about schools. She (junior next year) and Jesse (senior next year) went to a private school whereas I went to a public school. She asked me about junior year, I said it was harder than senior year because of SATs and stuff. While all this was going on, Nikki and his friends were playing an assortment of PC games (DayZ, Castle Crashers, probably CS:GO). Prior to this, we had a very brief conversation about Steam Summer Sale.

Two hours pass (how can someone be so persevering?) and she decided she wanted to watch GoT instead (a bit earlier I told myself I really should watch it) and Jesse and I talked about anime for probably the rest of my time there; recent things that were personally finished or ongoing. On her side, she was in the middle of Hellsing: Ultimate and One Piece, to which I responded I couldn't watch any long series. The only one I mentioned was UBW because I told her I would just send her a list when I got my phone back (I had left it in school yesterday, heh). Mentioned things like SAO and AoT, and then suddenly we were watching the first three episodes of Ao no Exorcist together on her windows tablet, one earphone each.

Typically I don't like watching anything with other people because I have to deal with their reactions, but I surprisingly okay. Maybe I just don't like the boyish, distracting comments that my schoolmate makes. (He doesn't exactly appreciate the same things that I do. He's also infinitely more cynical than I am.) Touched with the sad things, covered my mouth when I felt emotional, explained plot points and visual hints when I noticed them, etc. I had to leave in the middle of the episode starring Kanazawa's helpless, gullible role and the Miko girl with a toxic personality. The streaming had hiccups because of their wifi, but I didn't mind and in between I would try continuing my Runouw Fleet wallpaper and she'd show me some sketches. I'd say she's comparable to the two girls that were in AP Art that I met earlier this year (very good), but she said she did it from observation a lot, though I hardly see a problem with that. I guess it's a confidence thing.

Needless to say, I had a lot more fun than I thought I would have. Though I think it felt more like a date than a party with the amount of people I actually interacted with.
...With my cousins? Uhhh...
...Both under 18? Uhhh...



Moral of the story? I'm only good at talking about myself. Also, I'm more of a girl than I thought.

[Doram]

nin. Crap. You and I need to hang out sometime. I am also too girly for most people, and find it much easier to just hang out with them than boys too.

So, I have been waiting for word back from a friend of mine as to whether or not he needs my help for stuff this weekend. His gf, also a friend of mine, had her father die on her last week, and they are going through the motions of processing all that. I offered to help in whatever way I can, from helping clean out his apartment to whatever, but I don't want to bother them, so I'm just waiting by the phone. I had to close yesterday, so I did my usual of coming on and looking at stuff around here.

I wandered into the artwork section, since I had started the discussion on Art Contests, and wanted to see what was going on. Much to my pleased surprise, it HAD gotten positive feedback, and I wanted to just cut the poll short and continue the conversation, but then I reconsidered and figured that since it only had 3 or so days left on it, I'd just let it run it's course, but was determined to pick shorter lengths than a month next time.

Since I was in the Art forum, I figured that I'd poke around, and see what was up. I stumbled into AniLo's thread, and was absolutely blown away by one of her pics, so I took the time to post and say so, and then I was inspired to work on my own artwork. I ended up spending most of the morning working on a vector for NanTheDark that I said I would do forever ago, and never got around to. I also posted a finished piece in my art thread that I had redone of someone else's work, and then gone to the extra trouble of asking permission to post it, GOTTEN permission, and then got busy. I messaged the artist back on Facebook, since his permission also asked for a link to the DA submission, so I provided it , along with an apology that I had sat on it for a little over 6 months. I also stumbled on the DA tag, and fell in love with the fact that it presented it nicely, made its own thumbnail, and was super easy to use. Switched my lonely 3 pieces over to using that.

Today, I'm finishing up the vector, and thinking about how I want to chop it up, so I can give him a bunch of assets he can use for whatever. I hope he likes it.

[MICrophone]

This post by MICrophone was thumbed up by: 2

Blablob (June 18th, 2015, 5:48 am) • Killswitch (July 17th, 2015, 10:25 pm)