runouw.com

Many of you probably noticed how seemingly, mentally unstable I've been as of recently. I don't know if I really am, but the idea might be a stretch. I dunno.

What I've collected from my outbursts is that I've hit "rock bottom-insecurity." It's to the point where I believe all humans are jerks who want to put you down. I believe humanity sucks, that there must be somebody planning to murder me, that anybody better than me at button-mashing means the end of my life. I don't know what I would ever do with myself if I lost to somebody in sudden death, but I bet the winner would be a jerk regardless, meaning the end of my life in that situation as well. I am ♥♥♥♥ terrified of competing in general!

Another thing. Some of you may remember me revealing my hidden interest in Pokemon, but guess what? I never told ANYBODY that I already bought Alpha Sapphire on the 2nd of this month. Before making this thread, I would burst in a sweat at the thought of telling anybody that I even played it. I have been hiding this from my family, too. I AM FREAKING AFRAID TO TURN UP THE GAME'S VOLUME, DAMMIT.

Also, I literally have a fear of embarrassment. I just couldn't survive people having uncomfortable thoughts about me. This kinda ties into me playing Pokemon, too. I'm probably still going to hide it from my family anyway after making this thread. I just don't want to die!

EDIT: Forgot some other, maybe important stuff.

Do any of you remember me talking about my self-harm? Well, I still beat myself up from time to time, but it's typically when I make mistakes.
I just can't stand mistakes; they are literally a waste of my life, and I highly disapprove of death. Sometimes, I just pray that immorality becomes reality.
But anyways, I only beat myself up when I'm alone because I'm highly uncomfortable with being evaluated in regard of my behavior, especially on the spot. The weird part, though, is that it depends on WHAT kind of behavior I'm having, but I don't know how to determine the specifics.


Guys, please tell me all the facts about humanity that you can possibly find. I don't want to hate you, but I might end up feeling that way if you don't take this seriously. That's kinda how I see humanity.

...

Well, I hate to break it to you, but there's always, ALWAYS going to be at least one person in the world who;
- Hates your guts
- Thinks of you as a fraud/complete embarrassment
- Doesn't care in the slightest for you and would gladly watch you die

But at the same time, there's also going to be at least one person that understands you. That's just how the world works. It has nothing to do with our population, with how many people there are in communities, it just has to do with people being different, and differently perceiving things. Whenever someone tells me "I grew up with nobody to love me", I just can't believe them. When I look back at myself even I had at least one friend in elementary, even if everyone else bullied me.

And there's no way you can tell me you grew up with nobody loving you. Because I love you (in a non-homo sense). many others on here share the same feeling, I know for a fact.

And because I care, I'm here to tell you this;



Okay, so you got bodied in that one set of smash bros. Okay, you missed the bus when you needed it to get to your first day of school. Okay, someone's better than you at button mashing. Okay, someone knows far more math than you do.

Now for the ultimate question: "Why?" If you can answer "why?", then you've recognized the solution to your mistake. "Why did you get bodied in Smash bros? Because you didn't use the right aerial or missed the crucial L-cancel." "Why did you miss the bus? Because you woke up too late? Because you didn't run fast enough? No, you definitely woke up too late." "Okay, someone's better than you at button mashing, or knows more math. Why? Probably because he practices more than you do."

Once you recognize the answers, all you have to do then is take action. I'm sorry Triple J, but something I learned in life is that no matter how experienced you get or how old you are, you're always going to keep making mistakes. It's part of life , and part of the excitement in life. People who laugh at others for making mistakes? We call them ♥♥♥holes. And trust me, almost everyone hates ♥♥♥holes when they're not being ♥♥♥holes for the sake of being friends.

I could sit here all day and tell you the secrets to life and how you become as perfect as possible. But if we're being honest, there's not much I can do other than give moral support. You're in control of your own body, no one else. Not me, not NanTheDark, not Pewdiepie, not Walt Disney, nobody. If you want to become better, start by finding the answers to anything you've done wrong. Otherwise it will stay wrong, and you'll keep getting the wrong answer. One of the greatest weapons that a human has is his/her ability to learn. To adapt. Mistakes aren't a waste of your life because they're opportunities to get it right!

But, what if you don't want people to think of you wrongly because you like playing pokemon or whatever? Well, let's put it in this perspective;

- People that you meet are either acquaintances, friends, or enemies. Acquaintances, you can choose to talk with them more or not. Friends, they're great. Enemies, all they do is cause stress.
- Naturally, people stay away from enemies and stay with friends. Why would you want to stay with someone who ♥♥♥♥ talks you and thinks you're a total embarrassment?
- If you show your siblings that you just got the newest Pokemon game, and they start mocking you for it, nobody says you have to like them. I've seen cases where people ran away from families or moved to their cousin's residences because their family was a bunch of ♥♥♥holes. There's that word again - Just because they're your family doesn't mean they can't be cruel.
- And if they aren't cruel and love you, then you have no reason to hide that you like pokemon! If anything it helps them associate with you better!

... Well, unless if you have no options to move out of the house, then if you're not willing to take the risk of showing your family then you don't have to. But even outside of family - who cares if you like pokemon? Rather, who cares in a positive light and who cares in a negative light? The people who mock you for it, you don't need to hang out with them.

So basically, here's what I've summed up for what I've noticed about humanity so far:
- There's always going to be, at the very least, one ♥♥♥hole.
- There's always going to be, at the very least, one friend.
- How you earn friends and enemies is half of your responsibility. The other half falls on the other party. If you're friendly and they're not, then you got no reason to talk to them.
- I make mistakes all the time and people around me consider me one of the best Cellists in the local area.
- If we were born perfect, we would commit suicide asap. Life would get REALLY boring.

Ok. Been real busy, so sorry for the delay.

1. Ok, this I can relate to. I have been there, my friend. I didn't self harm, but I did sink into deep-deep depression. Hours of crying, or worse yet, just staring at the wall, beating myself up in my head. Just going over the mistake over and over again, like broken record, unable to think about anything else. I AGONIZED over mistakes. Ultimately, I vowed to do everything in my power to learn as much as I could about what I did wrong, so that I would never make those mistakes again, so I started reading. Psychology, Philosophy, Sociology and Culture Studies, Self Help books of all kinds, about marriage and relationships, about parenting, about management and being successful. At around 9 or 10 I started the research that became a lot of the stuff I've written here. What I read, said the same things over and over and over. Mistakes are not bad. Mistakes are good. Mistakes are how we learn. As a baby, you do not stand up and walk the first time. You prop yourself up, and fall over. You prop yourself up and hold yourself there, and fall over. You prop yourself up, and you hold yourself there, and manage to haul yourself up on your feet, and fall over. You prop yourself up, manage to haul yourself up on your feet, and hold yourself for a bit, and fall over. You prop yourself up, manage to haul yourself up on your feet, hold yourself there for a bit, and move your legs again, and fall over. You try, and try, and try, and try, and try, and try, and don't think about the fact that you still have to try, and try, and try, and try, and don't care who's watching, and try, and try, and try, and try, and get bored of trying for a while, and then go back and try, and try, and try, and try, until you do it. And you still screw up sometimes, so you get back up and try again. I hate the fact that bad parenting beats that can-do attitude out of us, but it does, far too often. You can do it! You CAN do it! YOU can do it! You can DO IT! YOU CAN DO IT! I believe in you.
2. Reading List:
   1. To anyone who needs help.
   2. All the good things we see.
   3. And, because it will probably come up (about your parents, not you), Rules of Arguing for Friends on the Internet, and also the thing it came from: Arguing 101: Learn the Rules

Well, I dunno if I already said this to you, TJ, but reading Doram's To everyone who needs help makes wonders and you immediately feel better and more confident. And remember that we can always help you in any situation, you just need to talk to us thoroughly instead of putting yourself down with destructrive phrases or such. And the chat is also a good room for that.

Also people who would gladly watch you die are true ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Don't take care about them if there should be anyone like this. Even if you keep paying so much attention on Pokemon - never forget what a person you are here, and even if you're not as good as Pokemon as you wish to, you've written a strong piece of history in this community you can be thoroughly proud of, and not even the best Pokemon player in the world can take away from you. Despite that, all what Harmless said (*thumbs up*)

And happy birthday and also congratz on hitting 100 thumbs up recently.

I've found some facts about humanity,does it relate it to your topic?

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Helping other people even when it doesn't help you is pretty much the definition of "good person," but that sort of behavior doesn't come naturally. We're born as greedy little milk-sucking sociopaths, with no thought to anything but our next hit of sweet, sweet MomBoob. All the good qualities in humans have to be taught and carefully nurtured.

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You might not think of science as an inherently moral pursuit, particularly if you've watched a Terminator movie or read Wernher von Braun's autobiography lately. But emphasis on science's ability to murder us all is a relatively recent thing. Traditionally, the act of scientific research is associated with austere, dignified British men like Charles Darwin.