Who are you?

[Kimonio]

I feel like the only person here who not only is not really scared of spiders, but actually kind of likes them.

I like snakes and any animal on the face of the planet.

But if I see a ♥♥♥♥ bug I'm going to ♥♥♥♥ flip the ♥♥♥♥ out.

[Harmless]

One group I genuinely dislike is Autism Speaks. They may seem like they're doing something good, but to me, they aren't. They pretty much treat Autism like it's a disease and try to puppet us into what society calls "normal" and in my eyes, there's no such thing as normal. Everyone on Earth has such different views and personalities that like the symptoms of autism, no two people are exactly alike. I mean, would you be able to tell I have autism just by looking at me? No, you wouldn't. It's not a disease, it's just simply the way someone's brain works. I actually wish more people on Earth had Autism so that less people would judge and more people would see it as an everyday thing.

Yeah, you're not the only one. I really don't like Autism Speaks either, and I'm aware that a lot of people are against them mostly because they don't even fully understand the definition of Autism.

[Harmless]

Okay, I am not okay with what I wrote earlier on this thread so I'm going to try a second time at writing this sort of thing out. Hopefully I didn't make people think I was the grumpiest person on the planet.

Who am I?: show

Marc Picard, 18, born in a hospital in Los Angeles. Used to live in Socal for a couple of years until family moved up north when I was 3-4. Ended up living in Pacific Groove for a couple of years, then somewhere a little more up north where I somehow forgot the name of (but it's still on the tip of my tongue), then I went sailing for a year, and then ended up in Santa Cruz for some 7-8 years until I was forced to move out.

I can't really say my backstory is all too great. Granted there's probably people who's had it worse than me, but my family situation is extremely complicated. I'll leave it at this; My mother and father had it really rough. Looking back on it, it's a miracle they managed to keep a smile around me and my sister while we were growing up. They also divorced really early, but I'll talk about that later.

I grew up as a really quiet individual, despite all of my screaming as a baby (that's what I was told anyway). Whenever I did talk, I would just stop early. I think my thought process at the time was just me thinking I was just an immature baby who shouldn't embarrass themselves anymore. Something along those lines, anyway.

Somehow I was able to read sheet music without even being taught how to read clefs and notes. I learned music theory, playing the Piano, and Cello extremely quickly. It astounds me even today how I was able to just naturally get it. The same goes for video games - give my 4 year old me Mario Kart and he will be every single cup in less than a couple of hours, in every single engine class. Give him Super Mario 64 and he'll get 80 stars in less than a couple of days. Give him Chess and he will form a strategy very quickly. Of course, give me those things now and I'll do much better than my 4 year old self did.

Give my 4 year old self potty training lessons and he'll completely fail though. That is, unless if you have his parents bribe him to go on the toilet on his own if he wants to play Mario Kart 64 again. Yes, this actually happened, and I got potty trained in less than a week.

But that's where the good part ends. I seem to have the worst luck with attracting bullies and trying to socialize with others, because I got bullied every single day I was at school. This isn't an exaggeration, either. I can rarely count exceptions in school where I wasn't bullied, looked down on, or ostracized, except for 10th grade and maybe a couple of times when I was home schooled in middle school.

I only really started making friends in 2nd grade (who I had to say goodbye to when I moved to Santa Cruz a year later), a couple of instances in 4th grade (which was still absolute hell), and when I started talking to people on the internet. It's a miracle I even have friends period. I used to be very lax and easygoing as a kid, until the bullying caused me to have a bit of a short temper. The worst part is it's pure reaction if I get upset at someone or want to punch someone's face in, as horrible as that sounds. Believe me, I've been trying to stay calmer for the past 11 years now. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't do a thing. Though I guess when you have early divorcing, physical abuse, childhood (and teenage) trauma, and more growing up, it's hard not to feel anguish from time to time.

Here's a secret I don't tell a lot of people: I've attempted suicide over 40 times throughout my life, most of it in secret of course. Only recently has this rate been slowing down. Why every single time was unsuccessful I really don't understand. Maybe I'm just terrible at killing myself or something. Back then, my mental condition was kind of screwed up, though it has gotten much better and I am no longer suicidal.

Anyways, up until a year ago my family used to have at least one parent stay in Santa Cruz so I could keep attending a rather decent high school in the area. However, they both decided to move away at the same time. Mother went to Oakland, Father planned to move to somewhere in Walnut Creek (which is a nice area but there's no high school that's even remotely close there). Both are pretty terrible options for someone who wants to stay relatively close to Santa Cruz.

Being thrown in such a horribly sticky situation, I had no choice but to attempt to graduate early by achieving my high school diploma two grades ahead of me - not because I'm a braniac, but because I really had no choice. So I took the CHSPE and managed to get enrolled into Cabrillo college, convincing my Father to stay at least in Felton.

So, that's where I'm at now. Things have been getting more or less better, and I've been getting better at socializing (somewhat). Relationships between my divorced parents still suck though.

Nonetheless, I still try to be happy when I can. I can laugh at a lot of things, and find a lot of things amusing given the right context. I know, from what you've read I would normally sound like a total stick in the mud, but I can enjoy a good time. I promise.

Who am I? Part two: show

Some other things I have not mentioned...
- Ever since I was 13 I was feeling more and more uncomfortable with being a guy. I know this is normally considered as a teenage thing and I actually expected it to just go away after a few years, but it stayed. Thinking about it now, I probably would've felt more comfortable and would've had a much easier time socializing with others if I were a girl. Make of it what you will, I guess. I do plan on going through with this decision and getting the surgery done, by the way. It probably won't be until a year or two, though.
- Teachers during Elementary school thought I was so weird and quiet to the point where they falsely labeled me with Asperger syndrome. Yeah, not kidding. I actually don't have it, nor do I have any form of Autism. But for twelve years of my life I was under the impression I was diseased until some clarifications were made with my mother.
- No, I'm not smart. I am, in fact, rather dumb. I don't like being dumb, but all I can do is try to get on everyone else's level I guess.
- Whenever I do manage to make some sort of brilliant move or smart idea, I tend to ♥♥♥♥ up and do/say something dumb right afterwards. It never fails. And I really wish I could end some things on a good note.

What are my character flaws?: show

First thing I do when I wake up is go right back to sleep if I'm not careful.

I also seem to have the worst anger management in my family (except for my sister on her period, no offense sis <3). Especially if I make mistakes I've already made in the past, I will get pissed, mostly at myself for making them again. I also seem to have a bit of a bad habit of putting off homework a little bit. My memory is also below average when it comes to short term memorization of facts, orders people give me, etc. As a result, I often look like a ditz in front of people, especially my Dad.

Personally I don't view this as a straight up character flaw, but I can see situations where it would've been better if I had refrained from giving out too much criticism and not enough positive feedback. Often times I don't nearly give enough positive feedback and almost always give criticism about what someone did something wrong, what they could've done better, what to avoid, etc.

If I want to, I can be very blunt. Mostly in my head though. I try not to, but if I'm in a sour mood I might go too far and say something so blunt to the point you could feel it across the screen.

I'm also a coward. But that will be explained in more details in the "Fears" spoiler.

What are my personal views?: show

• Religion: Well, if it gives you motivation to achieve greater heights and gives you a community to associate with, that's cool. But if it's an excuse to feel superior over others and press your views on "non-believers", then you can burn in your own hell for all I care I probably should not have said that. Sorry. Try not to use religion as your only excuse to be courteous to others though. I have met some people who did do that... and yeah. I did not get along with them, at all.
  
  
• Sexuality/Gender Identity: If you happened to have read what I said here before, my god I do NOT follow that at all. My bad. As a transgender myself, I'm totally okay with whatever people want to be called/identified as. Just let me know beforehand so I can make the proper call.
  
  
• Emotions: Too much emotions suck. I would know since I'm very easily the most emotional person I know. However, not enough emotions and disregard for other's feelings blinds us from being stronger as a community.
  
  
• Death: If it's over it's over. I'd prefer to avoid it as often as possible.
  
  
• Life: Well, it's priceless, that's for sure. Life is cool.
  
  
• Politics: I only accept the politicians with rational thought and a compassion for humanity, and a clear conscience on how to achieve their goals and how to make their country a better place. If you don't fit these categories, get the ♥♥♥♥ out of the position. It ain't about the paycheck, it's about how you make your country the greatest possible so your paycheck feels all that more satisfying. And it's also how you make yourself the greatest possible man to go down in history, as the one politician that wasn't a horribly corrupt and greedy man/woman who only ran for office for the benjamins.
  
  If I sound overly serious with a lot of these world/personal views, it's because I do indeed take these kind of issues seriously. Politicians have shown a lot of treachery over the past couple of years, and I think it's about time we implemented a system to catch backroom dealings and stop this nonsense. The loopholes need to be fixed, god dammit. (I'm actually totally okay with saying this, even if I did say this while in an angry mood.)
  
  
• Opinions: Let me get one thing straight. If you've taken Elementary School English classes, you'd know that opinion =/= fact. So STOP MIXING YOUR OPINIONS AND IDENTIFYING THEM AS FACTS FOR ONCE HOLY ♥♥♥♥. People who do this and act like their opinion is fact is absolutely heart wrenching. I cannot stand it. It's one of the things I hate the most, when people have such an ego they believe their opinions are the truth of the world or some nonsense. If you have an opinion, you bet that you better have some logical reason or proof or whatever to support that opinion. If you have a fact, better reference your sources and then show me the data so I can confirm it's fact. If you have an opinion but believe it's fact, you bet I will shoot it down to the ground and bury it 6 feet under personally along with your ego. (Again, I'm totally okay with saying this. Though I guess this is more me just ranting about how much I hate overly egotistical dickbags who don't know how to stop boasting.)

How do I view the world?: show

Guys, for everyone one person that litters our planet, that's one step closer to making our planet hell to live in. I don't care if it's just 'one person out of a billion people in the world'. It's still a person littering. And if they keep doing that, eventually it will be a billion person's worth of litter scattered across the earth.

Please treat the Earth like how you would want to be treated.

What do I enjoy?: show

What do I enjoy?

• Driving/Operating a vehicle
• Video Games
• Music (most of the genres anyway)
• History
• Puzzles
• Guns/Operating one (NOT TO MURDER MIND YOU)
• Paintball
• Strategy
• Chess
• Logic
• A good laugh/comedy
• Stories/Writing
• All the little and big details in life

What do I value?: show

What I Value

• Fast Learners
• People who have the will to say "sorry" when necessary
• Music, of course
• Orchestras
• Music that is not trashy hip-hop with constant repeated chords and actual varied instruments (that or trashy rap with over half the lyrics being about... well, you know)
• Music Education
• Education in general
• Sciences
• Just about everything progressive
• A family/network of friends that doesn't break apart
• Common Sense

What do I fear?: show

I discussed this earlier in the post, but... I am a very fearful person. There's very few cases where I've been brave, but overall I've just been a coward. And believe me, I hate myself the most because I cannot stand up or sit down with a slow heart rate when it counts. Even when my mind is calm, my heart always beats fast and I start sweating in even the least fearful situations.

The more I think about it, the more I feel that this was because of all the screwy events that happened when I was young. It really messed me up as an individual. I can hardly give questions to a teacher without having a fear that I'll make myself look like a total dumb ♥♥♥. I can hardly ask someone a question/favor, or give a comment without a major fear that I'll mess something up, and they'll hate me forever for it. I especially have a huge fear of last stock situations in super smash bros. My heart rate goes flying out the window, no matter how much potassium I take beforehand (though lately I've been getting over this, though this mostly applies to tourneys I attend).

No matter how composed I can be in front of a large crowd, I am extremely afraid of embarrassing myself. I even get red in the face over the smallest things in public. It's really, really, really aggravating.

Aside from the fears of dogs, bees, etc. mentioned earlier, I also have a small fear of heights, and a major fear of needles. Though I can handle vaccine shots a little bit better thanks to lots of experience with them, needles still give me shivers down my spine.

Ironically, two of the few things I'm not afraid of is the dark and operating a vehicle, even at high speeds like 90-120 MPH. And yet everyone else gets scared shirtless when in it.

Miscellaneous Information: show

Hooray, I'm lactose intolerant. I absolutely despise dairy and think it's totally disgusting.

I love turtles. I also love playing defensive playstyles in just about everything - swordplay, real time strategy games, chess, smash, you name it.

Hopes and Dreams?: show

Hopes and Dreams?

To one day become a composer, ideally for video game tracks. Oh, and also start making my own games (though I'm more of a creative/story guy, not so much a programmer).

But that would be a lie if I told you that was my only ambition. One day I will become President and/or make a huge influence on the political structure of the USA, one way or another. And believe me, I WILL fix everything, mark my ♥♥♥♥ words.

fix'd
DORAMEDIT: sorry, was skimming the topic, saw the broken list, and it was driving me batty. Fixed it for you. Sorry.
ham edit: lol it's k

[captain yoshi]

One group I genuinely dislike is Autism Speaks. They may seem like they're doing something good, but to me, they aren't. They pretty much treat Autism like it's a disease and try to puppet us into what society calls "normal" and in my eyes, there's no such thing as normal. Everyone on Earth has such different views and personalities that like the symptoms of autism, no two people are exactly alike. I mean, would you be able to tell I have autism just by looking at me? No, you wouldn't. It's not a disease, it's just simply the way someone's brain works. I actually wish more people on Earth had Autism so that less people would judge and more people would see it as an everyday thing.

Yeah, you're not the only one. I really don't like Autism Speaks either, and I'm aware that a lot of people are against them mostly because they don't even fully understand the definition of Autism.

Yeah, I actually heard that not a single person who works for them has Autism. If someone who actually had Autism were in charge, we'd be able to make a difference and people would be less judgmental about it.

[Harmless]

Ah, I see. Yeah, that does sound rather misguided. Though I guess to be fair education in general is something that could be used for a lot of people, including the already educated.

[Charcoal]

One group I genuinely dislike is Autism Speaks. They may seem like they're doing something good, but to me, they aren't. They pretty much treat Autism like it's a disease and try to puppet us into what society calls "normal" and in my eyes, there's no such thing as normal. Everyone on Earth has such different views and personalities that like the symptoms of autism, no two people are exactly alike. I mean, would you be able to tell I have autism just by looking at me? No, you wouldn't. It's not a disease, it's just simply the way someone's brain works. I actually wish more people on Earth had Autism so that less people would judge and more people would see it as an everyday thing.

Yeah, you're not the only one. I really don't like Autism Speaks either, and I'm aware that a lot of people are against them mostly because they don't even fully understand the definition of Autism.

Yeah, I actually heard that not a single person who works for them has Autism. If someone who actually had Autism were in charge, we'd be able to make a difference and people would be less judgmental about it.

Totally agree. Actually having people with experience and history with Autism would make it less ♥♥♥♥.

[Oranjui]

I rewrote my post again because apparently I can change a ton in the span of five months. Plus I wanted to try on a different post style. Same location, old post is just in [hide] tags.

[Megar]

gee my old post is ♥♥♥ i sound edgy as ♥♥♥♥
i better do something about that tomorrow

[Charcoal]

I did some minor changes, especially my past history. I may still struggle with depression, but holy ♥♥♥♥. What was wrong with me when typing that out?

[MessengerOfDreams]

All of your friends say she's just another girl