The Mental Breakdowns of a Cancer Patient

[Charcoal]

You got this girl. Just stay strong.
I know I already said something, but I want to say something again.

[MessengerOfDreams]

It's kind of sad to look back and see how many times on NYE I crack wise about how nothing's going on. Oh, it's a boring NYE. No one to kiss, nothing dramatic to commemorate. Stuff happens, it feels like stuff happening, and I can only later realize it as things that make me who I am. I said in 2014 that I was asleep at the wheel for way too long and at the end of the year 2015 my car nearly swerved off of the road. I dunno what really to do with myself right now, but I know this much: it HAS to be something more. I'm fighting cancer, I'm trying to finish my degree, I'm becoming the woman I was set to be, and I've now had to deal with that introduction of loss- something that seemed like a concept and not a possibility. I had written a lot about loss as that concept. It basically cornerstoned my writing career. But I never experienced that sort of risk of losing until now. Friends faded but I never felt like I lost them. Relationships broke and I lingered as if we never split. I made changes but I didn't process myself, and now that I have just the tiniest, tiniest element of losing everything, I know that I have to welcome change within myself.

I'm hopefully on my way out of the hospital tomorrow. Chemo so far has been rather unpleasant and we'll see how the after-effects turn out. I'm gonna try and stay up NYE and kiss the rain if that's all I got, but I might end up passed out at 2pm til ♥♥♥♥' February, that's how foreign this all feels. All I can say is that I am thankful for those who put in the effort to make me not feel alone, and for those who weren't able to- it's okay, cancer patient really doesn't and I hope to God never demands that I put myself above others outside of personal health priority. The bonds that I've made will be the bonds that I rely on and hopefully if I've let ours slip we can rebuild them.

[MessengerOfDreams]

I think I've pinpointed a thing I hate about cancer- I'm usually so 110% and I love to throw myself into everything and now the only thing I 110% throw myself into anymore is my bed.

[Harmless]

:s

Here, hope this helps.

[Doram]

This post by Doram was thumbed up by:

Harmless (January 7th, 2016, 3:28 pm)

[Karyete]

I don't like to say much in situations such as these because I'll probably make things worse. However I do want to say two things.

1) Nowadays, over 50% of people with cancer beat it. Like Doram said, it's not a death sentence.

2) You're an incredibly strong, intelligent person. You're going to be fine, I'm sure of it.

That is all. Stay strong and keep positive.

[Karyete]

This post by Memorials was thumbed up by:

Karyete (September 5th, 2016, 11:08 am)

[MessengerOfDreams]

GJ this is actually relevant. I just had a brain tumor removed a few days ago and that ♥♥♥♥ had been festering for awhile now. I've no clue how long it'll take me to be normal again but I figure it should be posted in places other than one topic not about me so it's more obvious