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Arturia wrote:

WickedOreo wrote:I didn't want to press charges because I am a firm believer in second chances

I'm sorry, but I don't really think we can talk about second chances at this moment. While yes, some people may redeem this thing is serious enough and cannot go unpunished. And in all seriousness I doubt there will be any major effects on his behaviour unless he faces a few consequences for his actions.

Deciding to give him a second chance and not charging him may give him the impression that he will get away with it and may get away with other things, unless he is taught a lesson, nothing may change. Although I never was in a pressing-charge scenario and the judging done after I can only assume it's as easy as I think, but may be more complex. Still I wholeheartly suggest you go ahead and press charges. May not contribute much to your morale, but may have an impact on his behaviour.

I'm sorry for what you've been through and hope you will recover, but please take my suggestion into consideration. For a society to be clean, the dirty guys must be washed first.

Welp he beat me to it.

But regardless, yeah, I have no idea with what kind of methods he guilt tripped you with (you don't need to share them either since it's probably too personal), but that was pretty ♥♥♥♥ low of him. It's good to not play along at that point and just politely leave...

Unless if the door was closed. Then again, if you let him close the door on you when you're alone in his room, things will get bad REALLY fast.

Well, I speak some of this from experience, but...

I'm really sorry to what happened. I can understand it's stupidly scary having to go through something like this. But it's unforgivable because he's now permanently scarred you for life. I don't even know what to say anymore.

Ease up on the "shouldn't have _____" advice, guys. Seriously. Bad idea.

Right, when I get angry and can't think straight I'll make sure to say nothing at all. Sorry.

Kimonio wrote:Ease up on the "shouldn't have _____" advice, guys. Seriously. Bad idea.

Hmm...good point. It seems like that could cause someone to regret letting the event(s) happen to them.

The problem is, people feel so strongly about bringing anyone like this to justice that they sometimes end up targeting the victim even more, without realising.
You can't put pressure on anyone, you can disagree with their choices and encourage them to do something more but putting serious pressure on will make things worse.

And sometimes the process of pressing charges can involve having to relive the entire event in full detail to the court and that can be traumatic in itself. The system is so ♥♥♥♥ up tbh.

It prevents people from being falsely accused, though.

...

As long as Oreo can go on with her life, it's ok I guess. She made her choice, I guess I gotta respect it. It's not what I would have done, but oh well.


























...I still want to beat that guy up.

Oreo brought it up in chat a few days ago around the time she posted this thread. A few of us were talking about it and I think mostly she doesn't want to completely ruin someone's life over what could have been an honest mistake on the other guy's part, whether a result of miscommunication (Oreo did say he doesn't speak English well) or some sort of stupid dare or just a poor and hasty decision.

Yes, most of you would have done something different from what Oreo did had you been in the same situation. That's okay. Not everyone copes in the same way. To steal nin's words from chat the other day, it speaks volumes that she is willing to give this guy a second chance. And do note that, from the OP, Oreo did report the incident to the police, and she did tell trusted friends and coworkers, and she did alert her GM and made sure that she won't be placed on the same shift as him anymore...and hopefully because of all of these steps, that guy will take the hint and he won't try to make any moves like this again, realizing his mistake. (Or, even if he does, based on your responses, whoever it happens with will almost definitely press charges, and he won't get any more chances, and he'll get the punishment that apparently everyone here feels he deserves.)

Thank you, OJ. You said what I was trying to figure out how to say very well.

My reasoning for giving my coworker second chances is exactly what Oranjui said. Thank you for making my intentions much more clear.

I am a forgiving person. I realize that this is a double-edged sword, and that people will take advantage of this, but seeing as he said that he hasn't been in the states long (he came from Puerto Rico), perhaps there might be a difference in law, despite it being a... U.S. territory? I'm unsure on how laws are there or if they're under federal law, but it could be something different. That, and he is a hard worker at my Wendy's. He does his job well, and doesn't really give us grief at work, and barely talks. My sense, coming from him, is that he wasn't completely right in the mind (I've met many a horny man in my life, and the brain seems to not function during arousal if there is a woman around), and he's embarrassed about the situation. Since this happened outside of work, he still has his job, but I'm working mornings/early afternoons.

I know it's hard to really put yourself in my shoes, but think about the many other people in the world who did something stupid once in their life, and now are shamed forever by the public for it. You'll have people who want to beat them up, threaten them with death, and all of a sudden, you don't feel human or even safe in your country. Even for stupid things like doing drugs, or assaulting someone (like the whole Bill Cosby scandal, where women are bringing up anecdotal evidence from 3 decades ago; by the way, his house is about 15-20 minutes from mine). Would you like me to send him death threats or threaten to beat him up? My father wanted to deliver due justice to him, but I told him no because honestly, no human being deserves that.

It has been a week since I have been sexually assaulted. While I am still rattled by the whole issue, it is the past, and I have chosen to move on with my life. I think both parties have realized their mistakes, and all is (mostly) well in the world. I understand that while not many people have the capacity to recover from such trauma in their life, I chose to live each day as it goes, and to try and not think about the past, as it just upsets me. I have an amazing support group full of people who care, and I realize that. In fact, this whole experience has taught me much about people, and has allowed me to see others a lot better than what I thought I have.

At the same time, I found out a couple of days ago that someone decided to steal some valuable items from my old apartment that belonged to my ex (I know it wasn't him since he didn't live at my program, and so he doesn't have a key), and now I have to fork up $400+ in cash to repay him. I'm upset, but it's not the end of the world (despite my brain telling me otherwise).

My apologizes for not being able to respond to this thread quickly enough, I've been getting business done, mostly changing my address at my local banks and getting errands done, along with helping myself recover. I'm open to PMs or messages on Facebook if you're my friend on there, and I'm able to answer any questions should you have any. Thank you for being considerate and voicing your opinion, all of you. :)
-Oreo

Glad to see you're recovering. Honestly, I might've misread some of it since I was under the impression the mental damage was going to last a hell of a lot longer (possibly permanently even). That, and, well, y'know. Me getting rather angry was probably not a good mix with me trying to post rational thoughts and get-well-soon comments.