Somehow, I need to let it out...

[CedarBranch]

So, I've been going to therapy over my severe OCD behaviors, but I need to understand that it's not THE last resort.



I don't know how I'm supposed to just "say the word" that has always made me very emotional: with extreme embarrassment. It's pretty much how I reacted to my traumatic incident, back when I was three-years-old: shocking embarrassment.
Going untreated for two decades, I'm surprised how I developed alongside this personal eccentricity I've always hidden from people.



I also need to understand that not everything I remember is true, and I could have been wrong about what really happened. I could be wrong about the outcome if I told people what I've been hiding my whole life.

---

Anybody willing to accept my challenge?

[Doram]

This post by Doram was thumbed up by:

Karyete (February 5th, 2017, 5:25 pm)

[CedarBranch]

Will need to take my time. When the moment feels most right, I'll attempt a PM.

[Doram]

You know, I bet this will hit you as hard as it hit me (mostly because of the gotta-hide aspects of my abuse as a kid). Plus, it's a totally inspirational message. (I still cry sometimes if I haven't listened to it in a while.)



And, Frozen and Disney haters, please lay off. Just listen to the song.

[CedarBranch]

Ooh boy, here comes the CRINGE...

the inline spoilers keep me sane: show

I have an obsessive fear of tail, most especially triggered when I'm around other people. It all started over a game Pin the tail on the Donkey. The obsessive part is the fact that I never really stop thinking about it, and if I'm alone, I would always stare at anything considered a posterior. It's nearly impossible to break away from that kind of concentration. However, if I become self-conscious at the very least, I absolutely need to avoid it.
When night falls, I get even more obsessive. What happens is that when everything settles down in the house, I start a ritual. You know, I attempt to masturbate... I really, REALLY want to abstain, however that is not going very well. How it goes down is all about the distress I "need" to put myself through, either through a game or mentally (pictures only aid that). If you don't think THAT is weird and interesting, try this: countless pictures of cars. If that doesn't seem relevant: have you ever heard of an Aston Martin? The thing about those kinds of cars that drives me crazy is the spoilers.
There's another thing that I had gotten traumatized over, however I've already gone over a lot of it with my therapist. But for the sake of discussion, I also have a fear of transformation. Words such as shape, form, or beast will especially arouse me.

Now to sum up my mental state: I'm seriously paranoid and self-conscious about everything I do, yet when night falls and I find comfort, I have almost zero self-control. If I have a thought, any thought, it doesn't escape easily.

Whatever you say and do in response to this post will matter to me.

[Kimonio]

This post by Kimonio was thumbed up by:

CedarBranch (December 20th, 2017, 3:01 pm)