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Somehow, I need to let it out...

PostPosted: February 5th, 2017, 2:51 pm
by CedarBranch
So, I've been going to therapy over my severe OCD behaviors, but I need to understand that it's not THE last resort.



I don't know how I'm supposed to just "say the word" that has always made me very emotional: with extreme embarrassment. It's pretty much how I reacted to my traumatic incident, back when I was three-years-old: shocking embarrassment.
Going untreated for two decades, I'm surprised how I developed alongside this personal eccentricity I've always hidden from people.



I also need to understand that not everything I remember is true, and I could have been wrong about what really happened. I could be wrong about the outcome if I told people what I've been hiding my whole life.




Anybody willing to accept my challenge?

Re: Somehow, I need to let it out...

PostPosted: February 5th, 2017, 4:09 pm
by Doram
Doram raises his hand... every time.

You know, everyone here's faced stuff, some of us have faced really nasty stuff. And we've mostly done it together. Any time, let me know, and if I can't help, then I know who can.
PM, Discord PM, Skype, whatever.

Re: Somehow, I need to let it out...

PostPosted: February 7th, 2017, 9:41 am
by CedarBranch
Will need to take my time. When the moment feels most right, I'll attempt a PM.

Re: Somehow, I need to let it out...

PostPosted: February 27th, 2017, 1:35 pm
by Doram
You know, I bet this will hit you as hard as it hit me (mostly because of the gotta-hide aspects of my abuse as a kid). Plus, it's a totally inspirational message. (I still cry sometimes if I haven't listened to it in a while.)



And, Frozen and Disney haters, please lay off. Just listen to the song.

Re: Somehow, I need to let it out...

PostPosted: December 20th, 2017, 2:06 pm
by CedarBranch
Ooh boy, here comes the CRINGE...

the inline spoilers keep me sane: show
I have an obsessive fear of tail, most especially triggered when I'm around other people. It all started over a game Pin the tail on the Donkey. The obsessive part is the fact that I never really stop thinking about it, and if I'm alone, I would always stare at anything considered a posterior. It's nearly impossible to break away from that kind of concentration. However, if I become self-conscious at the very least, I absolutely need to avoid it.
When night falls, I get even more obsessive. What happens is that when everything settles down in the house, I start a ritual. You know, I attempt to masturbate... I really, REALLY want to abstain, however that is not going very well. How it goes down is all about the distress I "need" to put myself through, either through a game or mentally (pictures only aid that). If you don't think THAT is weird and interesting, try this: countless pictures of cars. If that doesn't seem relevant: have you ever heard of an Aston Martin? The thing about those kinds of cars that drives me crazy is the spoilers.
There's another thing that I had gotten traumatized over, however I've already gone over a lot of it with my therapist. But for the sake of discussion, I also have a fear of transformation. Words such as shape, form, or beast will especially arouse me.

Now to sum up my mental state: I'm seriously paranoid and self-conscious about everything I do, yet when night falls and I find comfort, I have almost zero self-control. If I have a thought, any thought, it doesn't escape easily.


Whatever you say and do in response to this post will matter to me.

Re: Somehow, I need to let it out...

PostPosted: December 20th, 2017, 2:43 pm
by Kimonio
What this sounds like is ASD and severe OCD, especially the ritualistic cycles. I have a handful of systematic motions I do for a variety of things to help cope with my paranoia and anxiety, so it's not too weird.

However, if it starts to interfere with your day to day life, you need to talk to your therapist about deconditioning these compulsive behaviors.