runouw.com

Introduction

Self improvement is all a matter of perspective and growing that perspective.
Even all the helpful posts I made on here such as Getting Things Off Your Chest, I was still a closed minded dude. It wasn't until last month that I began to work on seeing with a more open vision. It wasn't until last month that my dad stepped in to separate me from competitive Smash. It wasn't until last month that I learned about my inferiority complex.

When I learned about this complex of mine, and I was separated from obsessing with Smash, things made a little better sense about myself. At the same time, I felt very lost. I felt like I hit rock bottom. I grew bored a lot, and would watch Game Grumps more than I needed to. But when I came across their 19th episode of Wind Waker and 28th episode of Sonic Unleashed, I realized there was a bigger picture to their show than what I saw it at first glance.

I want to understand who I actually am....why do I think the way I do. I want to "fix" my inferiority complex issues and know about and cope with my Asperger's better. But I want to try to understand other people just as much too, which I think would help resolve the inferiority issues of mine a little better (I kinda need to because I have a part time job of working with little kids).

Boy howdy, I'm still a SCRUBLORDY NOOB with this psychology kind of stuff, but that's the beauty of it. It'll be harder with my Asperger's involved. That's fine. I'll still keep working on it. Asperger's or my inferiority complex doesn't make me more or less of a human; I can still hike a steep and rocky mountain without a walking stick.

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Now on to the main event
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First off, self awareness. By self awareness, I mean recognizing that you think, feel, and act the way you do right now. Then, I believe, it's just a matter of figuring out why. Why do I do that stuff? Google it, research it. Go see a psychiatrist, and see if they can help you find out why.

Eventually, you'll find a big ol' answer. So now you know what to do next. Go see a psychiatrist to work you through it or do it yourself, or seek out your friends. Learn more about it.

Now you might ask why should I do this. I got other things to worry about like kids or a job that pays more than mine or rent or housework. Well, I honestly don't know. It's just something you have to feel for yourself and understand through time and experience.

I still don't know enough about self understanding and understanding others. It's a skill to develop. It's a conscious effort. I can only, maybe, encourage it like a Christian encourages people to go to church or pick up a Bible. I can only keep moving forward with it and do something new, make mistakes, learn new things about it.

We can understand other people from our own similar experiences, but also from being open to others about our differences. Being open opens doors. But it's hard; of course it is. Be patient about it because you won't be perfect with it. We are human and make mistakes. We have flaws. We see things, interpret things, and shape the world around us in the ways that we know how. We are also pleasure driven. We want something; we go after it with burning passion. But we could lose sight of the bigger picture of life. There's more to life than just a hobby.

In the Smash Bros community, there was a lot toxicity in the community and on social media. It was always about what this top player did or how this charactet needed a nerd. Whining and complaining, and I was no different with my blind pursuit of trying to become a top Corrin player. I whined about the whining. I whined about how I wasn't doing as well as I wanted to. I was obsessed about improvement in a game, but some stuff still bugged me like "Why is this guy such a jerk when he beats me?" "Why do people trash talk?" "How can an immature teenage brat/ or a homicidal driver become a top player and get what he wants in less than a year where wiser players just barely make the cut?".

Why? Why indeed. Sometimes those things happen. I want to work to understand that. Some people get that dream fame, but are closed minded as all heck. Instead of being jealous and hindering my growth, I try to feel priud for them but also pity them. What do celebrities have to deal with? More problems. They got the fame. Now they have to please strangers they don't know and make a lot of random appointments. They probably don't get much time to self analyze. Now that's not for all celebrities. Some know themselves very well. I mean the ones that hit that big spotlight too soon. It's possible now that their perspective is now kinda influenced by that fame.

So is it just a matter of only understanding the folks that do matter in your life? Is it a matter of practicing stoicism or meditation or remapping your mind? That's the kind of stuff to ask and learn about and feel for. And it all takes time. It all takes a knowing about you inside.

I encourage folks to explore themselves and to accept and understand who they are and, as Big Idea puts it in their logo, "why we do what we do". As much as I like to see my own progress, I enjoy watching my close friends' go through amazing growth.

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"... Everyone has to fight with time to find their place before their inevitable death. .... No human is ever a one man show. Every decision that you make will affect the countless people who care about you. ..."
-- Genkai

"I'm enjoying the journey. So if your destination is the same as mine, enjoy the side trips. A lot. Something more important than the thing you're hunting could be right there by the side of the road."
-- Ging Freecss

"I'm just so happy now, like all the ####ing time, because, like, I know what it's like to be sad, you know."
-- Danny Sexbang

"Things do not change; we change."
-- Henry David Thoreau