runouw.com

You probably saw this.

...I regret making that topic now. All I did was making people upset.

MoD wrote:...sorry, are we back in Kindergarten where everyone gets a turn to win?

I still believe MoD was incredibly hostile with this comment, but he might be somewhat justified, I guess

Harmless wrote:all I did when I judge was just judge what was in front of me ._.

On her new level, MP3 wrote:Have fun playing it, I really am aware that this is not the best idea/concept and level I could have made in the water theme. I know I'm capable to make something so much better. But I deliberately didn't want to win this LDC, it's actually becoming a bit of a fear lol because I'm terrified you guys are gonna think the contests are rigged or something. Seriously, I'm terrified. But I'm still happy with what I managed to do and (I think) this would be capable of getting a ribbon.

...

Some people felt insulted. Like I just said that they are letting specific people win on purpose. MoD himself felt I was saying that we should let new designers win.

Others felt that unknown to them, this might be true, or that others could think this was true.

And if MP3 can't make a level without thinking she might get berated because of this...

Then maybe I should have never stated it at all. Or maybe I should have taken a different approach. But sadly there's not too many ways of saying "It's noteworthy that these guys always place".

So with this post, I retract what I've said earlier, and I'd also like to officially quit Super Mario 63 Level Designing. I just can't find anything for me here. I might move to level design for Last Legacy, if I ever get free time to do so.

I'm very sorry for making you guys feel bad, or attacked, for something that might most likely be false. I hope that you guys aren't angry at me.

And I beg of anyone who looked at the previous topic, please forget it ever happened. I don't want this whole place be twisted inside out just because of something I said. In fact, maybe a moderator could just delete that thing.

I never expected this to happen.

You can apologize without quitting you know

It's not like you're a bad designer as much as you made a bad judgment call

Really I accept your apology and I'm glad this train of thought isn't legit

I should take the oportunity of this topic to retire anything I said before about judges being biased. Sorry people, I didn't mean to harm anyone too, and if anyone feels offended by anything I said in the topic, then I'd like to apologize. Again, I'm really sorry.

MessengerOfDreams wrote:You can apologize without quitting you know

It's not like you're a bad designer as much as you made a bad judgment call

Really I accept your apology and I'm glad this train of thought isn't legit

Except I'm quitting because I don't like designing in SM63 anymore. This is just the trigger.

And... at the moment, that train of thought was pretty legit. To be honest, I thought, and I still think, that it's a valid argument. However, the fact is that this is an argument that hurts. An argument that feels like an attack. An argument that, for others, might feel like I'm insulting them.

Kinda like with you. Seriously... when you responded like that at first I couldn't believe it. You seemed so... angry. So hostile. I didn't really expect something like that to happen.

And at the same time, people might be thinking that I'm posting this as undeniable truth. It was just something that MIGHT be happening, that MAYBE the judges have an unconscious bias. However this was taken as me downright saying the judges were biased.

And this was also taken as the Level Designers not deserving their wins.

This is something that didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I overlooked the effect this might have in your psyche. That's why I'm apologizing. And I retract that argument because it was something hurtful, and a What If? scenario, more than anything else.













Also MoD, I want you to apologize to Supershroom. In the previous topic you were quite hurtful to him, and he, just like me, was just stating an opinion.

Yeah, I'd taken a personal altercation between us to heart and lashed out in a way both unnecessary and unproductive, and I do apologize.

Wait, why'd you quote me?

I give myself permission to quote my PM reply to you:

I know you want to blame yourself, but actually it wasn't your topic that made me feel this way so you don't need to apologise. It was actually self-loathing that made me feel this way. I hated that I won the 26th LDC with possibly my ♥♥♥♥ level series ever, it was painful, it got two 14 scores and yeah. I wish I hadn't won it makes me feel horrible, it's now holding me back. Sometime this year I am going to make a comeback because I am determined to try my best for WITBLO14. But I just didn't want to do well this LDC then accidentally win twice in a row, so I did an 'underdog' concept, that hopefully will land me with 4th place or something.

So yeah, you don't have to be sorry, me not wanting to win this LDC is due to my own feelings of low self esteem lol.

^ That is actually the reason why I made Water Butterfly and nothing else.
And even beyond my low self esteem and stuff, I am still a perfectionist, and still really really want to win WITBLO and top the tier list. I have massive goals for myself, goals that I can't see as good when I've finished making them, meaning I'm caught in the most destructive painful cycle ever. (this is actually an accurate representation of me in real life as well, I set myself goals, when I reach them it's still not good enough and that's half the reason I've been making myself ill.)



EDIT: Good example- I score 18/20 with Tearing Paper, one of the highest scores in SM63 history, and I can still turn around and say "why the ♥♥♥♥ didn't it get a 19, what's wrong with me, why didn't I fix that, why didn't I change that". I still believe TP only scratched the surface on my skills, I feel like there's so much I'm hiding away and I need to get it out of me. Hopefully one day I will be able to put my absolute EVERYTHING into a series and that's what I'm waiting for, really. Even with TP I held back sometimes.

I think there could be also some other reasons for you to quit LDing - maybe the current LDC? Where you've talked rather big and then couldn't finish your entry? Stuff like this can happen, you don't need to be ashamed just because of that. And if you think you can't find anything for you on LDing, you're wrong, SM63 is exhaustless. Maybe try some crazy stuff no one has ever thought to do before, I think you're creative enough to find something.

Please don't retire forever. You've got such awesome skills and there are still many goals you can go for.

As for your topic, I don't think you've written something insulting nor it was reproachful, it was just way too exaggerated. I think everyone may be a little bit biased subliminally, but a good judge can keep this within rather tiny limits.

Yeah now that I feel less angry or threatened I'll explain a bit better how I feel. I feel that if there is bias it goes both ways. A newcomer might get more scrutiny, as might someone who has yet to make their breakout piece. However, everyone loves an underdog story and I myself romanticize the idea of a Cryokenetic victory of a newcomer barging in with a masterpiece.

Conversely there are some names a judge would expect a lot from and would be a lot happier to play the levels of someone they're a fan of. However, that also means that if they disappoint or let the judge down the judge might be harsher or more perturbed because of the high standards the judge already had for the designer.

@Supershroom I'm not quitting because of this, nor because of the LDC.

It's just that... I don't find SM63 too attractive right now. Especially if you compare it to Last Legacy. I realize that SM63's Level Designer is... outdated. And its limitations actually make it harder for the user to make good levels. In Last Legacy, you'll never have to worry about cutoff, about disabling items to have more scenery, about having to do complex math to be able to make a block go in a circle.

There's also college. I really have to study and whatnot... and that robs me of my free time. I still have learn how to manage my time well.

Now, if people really want me to make a few more levels for SM63, I guess I could do so. I still have the unfinished goal of getting 1st place in an LDC, I guess, but it doesn't seem as alluring as it once was. It's just a shiny badge in my profile. If people really want me to, I can do one more SM63 level or so. But SM63 will no longer be my focus.

And thanks for the compliments, I guess. But to be honest I find my particular style of platforming isn't that well appreciated as... well... adding a heckton of story and dialogue, and blosses, and trees. Oh so many trees. Right Yurimaster? But oh well. If at least one person thinks my levels are awesome, I guess I've done something right.

Also, don't bring up Hall of the Editor. I hate to admit it but that level was mostly Xero's doing. I didn't design much of that level. I was mostly just motivating Xero to get off his seat to do things.