runouw.com

He's gonna take the portal to task
And play the crappy crap that sucks ♥♥♥
He'd rather have a lakitu
Shove a hella buncha bombs in his ear
He'd rather eat the rotten toadstool
Of a poison mushroom and drink beer
He's the angriest level player you ever heard
He's the angry Mario nerd.
He's the angry level portal hating nerd
He's the angry level playing nerd.

Okay, here's how it works. I'm gonna play a random level every once in awhile and review the piece of ♥♥♥♥. Now, I know in the forums, you can actually find good levels, but in the portal all ♥♥♥♥ breaks loose. Besides rarities like Mr Sax_Man, StarKing and the late great Worst_Master, there is nothing but puke filled ♥♥♥♥ in this portal of ♥♥♥♥.

So let's go load up a random level. Now, I'm going to punch in a random number in the address bar by ID, so I have no decision in this. Unless if it's a good level, in which case I send it back to its hiding place in hell.

OK, so we got mushroom rescue by legoboy58. Now since I can't record me playing the level, I strongly urge you to share the misery yourself. And level mods, for future enjoyment, I recommend you don't delete these cause it'd be like watching the real AVGN with audio only. I'm putting these miserable ♥♥♥♥ to work.

Show | Hide | Popup

Now to start off, these graphics are... bland. Sure there's no cutoff at the beginning except for that ♥♥♥♥ looking bush, so that's a good sign.

Now I'm heading to the far right, where there's a mix of all the powerups (really? You had to make this easy?) and a sign with ♥♥♥♥ grammar say "Take my power up." Okay, if I see a star like that, I'm damn well gonna grab it, I mean, what else would I do with it, shove it up my ♥♥♥?

Now there's a first-off ♥♥♥♥ here. A big jumble of platforms that look like ♥♥♥♥. They're a ♥♥♥♥♥ mother to get up. And there's a sling star, you shoot it up and you miss the hole. What? You didn't aim it right? Does this mean I'm screwed? ♥♥♥♥!

Well, on my way back I go, to the pipe I ignored. It just leads you to a room where you get a 1 up and there's bullet bills firing at you THE WRONG WAY. They're firing outside the crappy house! And the sign says "dont let the bullet bils hit me." Don't worry, you ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, they're not gonna be doing that at all.

So now what? I'm stuck? Nope, you triple jump to the house while an annoying block tries to push you down. It will take several outtakes of you saying "♥♥♥♥!" before you get up there. And there's a 1-up, and another ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ sign.

"dear mario we are a green mushroom pick us up bowser threw us out here" FOR THE LAST TIME, I WAS ♥♥♥♥ GOING TO PICK YOU UP!

Well, actually, this seems to be our plotline. Gather up the 1-ups and rescue them. Now here's the problem-why would you do that if you can get the shine sprite without that? Sure, it may be fun, or as close as this ♥♥♥♥ ever gets. But you don't have to do it!

Now to the castle. The sign "marios house" Really Sherlock?!

You get in the house and-you son of a ♥♥♥♥♥. There's just a ♥♥♥♥ bed, some ♥♥♥♥ water leak, and a mushroom taking a ♥♥♥♥ bath. And he's telling us he's taking a bath. Eew.

So now what do we do? We exit the level, and then we move the start to where that ♥♥♥♥ up sling star tried to take us. As for those 1-ups, they can go ♥♥♥♥ themselves, I can't get them again.

Now we're in some weird outta place labyrinth thing. This tile is more outta place than Kanye on the Today Show. And there's a door. Attached to nothing. In space. Always a good sign, but admit it, we've all ♥♥♥♥ up like that before.

You go into a room with two rows of inside tile that are there... for no reason... and the king mushroom says "Thank you for saving my children." Naturally, I go kidnap him. Okay... so if this is the end of the plot... why is there no shine sprite? That makes a lot of ♥♥♥♥ sense.

And the shine sprite you can see the corner of from the room you're in, but you actually have to go back outside, up the stairs, into the cheapest ♥♥♥, most misspelled store type thingy where they sell two things-Water and wood. Then you grab the sprite. Yeah, this level sucks.

Cool story bro.

You should use the code instead of the link so it can get nuked

Superyoshi wrote:You should use the code instead of the link so it can get nuked

QFT, I was going to say that earlier but got cought up in....whatever teh hell I was doing.



You wantz review? I'll give you review.























Just kidding. Real review:

It was....erm, it was a nice try. I'll just get it out of the way and say you're no AVGN, but again, nobody really is. I can't really get the feeling of watching an AVGN video through reading text, which would explain part of the problem. The other part of the problem is that most of your jokes are repeated, and it seems you just use the Eff word a bajillion times hoping to make it funnier. I dunno. I just didn't find it very humorous.
On the upside, your lyrics are well creative. : D
If you continue this in the future, I'll continue to read it. For now, I'll give it 6.5/10.

Now that a crappy level.

I understand why the Lemod/Mods are angry about crappy levels, because some of them are a total piece of S***. That want me to not do levels like those.

All right, the unfortunate crap of a level that I'm playing today is Show | Hide | Popup

Castle Locked Ep 2 by brivel133. Yeah, I bet brivel's turning over in whatever bannage grave he has, knowing that he's gonna get ripped a new one.

Want proof it's bad, here's the description.

Oh god help me wrote:All the Mushroom Kingdom is held by Bowser. Except for one village, that of his brother Mario and Luigi. But during the attack, the stars were afraid and hid in the kingdom. A Mario to find these stars to defeat Bowser and drive him out of the Mushroom Kingdom. Episode 2: A bit of lava fell on the roof of the House of Mario. A star is hiding in the same place.

It's either overused or really really stupid.

I load up the level, and the first thing I see? Cutoff. Abandon all hope, ye who are stupid enough to enter here. But, hey, at least I have something to review.

Well, it's called castle locked because there's a brick in place of one of the castles. I'd really like to know the jacka** who did the roofing for this house, cause I gotta make sure never to hire him.

You go in the first door and what do you see? Nothing useful. A crappy bunk bed and a platform that doesn't even pretend to be useful. And you can see the roof, which looks nothing like the real roof. Cause it has freaking lava on it. God, I wanna drag out the roofer of this house and shoot him with a Neotank. Also, why is the house suspended in midair? Granted, you have to do it sometimes cause there's nowhere else to put it, but tile it so it looks like an actual freaking house inside? I'd be effing terrified to live in that house of inconsistency that floats in the air and is connected to a house that on the outside is 5 tiles away from it. Heh, maybe there's a warp between the two.

You exit the house, go to the sign and it says "Mario, here is your room. He has two beds, one for you and one for Luigi. rechercher"

Rechercher? What in the unholy name of Satan is this? Ah, screw it, I should have expected crap like that.

Anyway, that house was Mario/Luigi's, and it looks like for superheroes, marketing ploys and rich video game characters, they're really slumming. Guess Vegas really sucked for them. Shoulda caught a cow.

Anyway, next POS house.

Sign- "The Shopping Peach-Locked." This is the locked castle? A crappy thrift store? God, I feel... you know what, I'm not surprised. Yet I am!

Next Sign-The Shine Sprite- LOCKED?! You locked the shine? I should say I was expecting that, but this is the ultimate level crime! It better be corrected later!

Okay, a pipe with "City Fire." If that's a fire department, Why is it underground? Must be a pain to get the fire trucks out. Anyway, down the pipe I go.

Okay, I have seen a lot of things. More importantly, a lot of weird things in this level. But a pipe that leads to the top of the roof I was on earlier? What? Physics is enraged at you, Brivel! I mean, how do you freaking go underground and then end up on A FLOATING HOUSE-ROOF!

Anyway, excuse me as I take a break to put the clean dishes away.

Heh, put the cups up here and the plates over here... wait what was that sound?

HOLY CRAP I JUST DIED! I just sat Mario there, and I died! Is the level that bad that Mario commits suicide to get away from it?! I gotta get to the bottom of this.

Okay, I just checked, and there was no explicable way for me to die. No way at all. You may say "You fell in the lava" But I died 2 minutes after I left. Mario's seriously looking for any kind of escape! This level depresses him that bad! I'm astonished.

Anyway, back to it. Sorry Mario.

Anyway, four bombs fall off the screen and cause massive lag, and one will probably knock you off the pipe and back to the beginning of the level. Total suckage, right? Well, hop over the lava, hit the bully in midair, watch as you fly backwards into the lava, and continue on the flight of stairs that is disjointed from the rest of the world, and- OMG, there's lava under the stairs! And these stairs are so crappy I hit it climbing up the stairs!

Anyway, hop over the most disgustingly screwed up platforms ever and get...the...sprite... wait, it's not in the crappy door? And why is there more level?

Oh, if you continue going straight, there's another section. *sobs*

And if you look at the edit screen, there's WORKING DOORS BEHIND THE BLOCKS THAT TAKE YOU TO ROOMS INSIDE THE LEVEL. What's the point? This is baaaaaaaaad. And look where one leads you. To a room literally covered in every powerup known to man! WHAT AN A**HOLE!Just teasing us with that!

Anyway, you keep going straight, and you find a pipe. IT LEADS YOU TO THE SHINE SPRITE. Why is this level so convoluted in structure?

Anyway, you hop up tilt platforms if you ignore the pipe and instead of taking the sprite, you go in the pipe placed on a tilted platform (just ignore it, we'll get it over with faster) It takes you into an empty house...

With a door...

Do I dare go into this?

YOU'RE BACK AT THE LOCKED SPRITE HOUSE.

I can't take this anymore. I mean, this is as bad as Jason DeRulo, singing his name and then continuing to sing! I'd rather read a Youtube Rant than play this any longer! This is awful! I mean, crappy layout, weird paths and horrible cutoff, this should only be left alive to show how comically bad these levels are! I mean, this is a crime to mankind! This is... this is... aw screw it.

I changed the link into the levelplayer, since I guess you forgot we asked you to do that.

Anyways, I might review later.

Insightful reviews MoD

I can't stop reading these. 20/1

Okay, time for another round of torture.

Today's level is named "shadow sprite of doom" by azara_z100. Sounds as appetizing as a level can get, right? Really Unique? Yeah, about as unique as plain rice.

And you open it, and it becomes instantly as unique as tap water. Plain surface, and cutoffy stairs. Gorgeous, amirite?

Now, since I can't listen to music on this version (it's the only one that works for me so don't ask me to change) I'm going to see what music is for this level. Now, at first impression, Boo's Mansion is a good choice, so that could be a plus. Probably the only plus. Let's get started.

And the enemies? Very cleverly placed, if cleverly placed means you just threw them anywhere.

Oh look, a detached-from-the-ground sign! It says "continue onwards if you dare". Yeah, that warning is probably neccesary.

As you go on, you see lava. From here, the level goes from boring to just plain spammy. As in, Being attacked by 10 seeker Bullet Bills at the same time into a cluster of mismatched platforms.

Okay, you know what? This is borderline unplayable. I can't even move without 20 bullets following me. I can't pay attention because they're everywhere and I have to worry about not dying. But onward I trudge.

At the far left we have what I consider to be the worst bully fight ever. There's two small patches of lava in a two-leveled platform. Once they get to the lower platform, just screw it, they can't get back up to the lava patches. Plus there's no point to it.

Great, now I got knocked into the original pool of lava, and then you manage to bounce into a sling star. You can't shoot yourself out without dying by bullet spam, yet you can't stay there. So, you know what? I'm cheating. I'm moving the start point.

So I go to the top of the level, and there's more cutoff and boringness, but this is 24Murph compared to the bullet spam, at least from the screen; If the Bullies can reach me from here, then I'd be mad.

Ogood a floating lava pool. And a shine sprite. And MORE Lag. And a sign that just says "impressive". Well, time to grab the shine sprite and go. Here I-what? It drops you in lava. This is crap.

I scanned the rest of the level for another sprite, and there isn't. This was just placed wrong. Not to mention an entirely useless section down below. I'm not even gonna get into that.


I'm gonna be busy hunting down Mr. Z100 and taking him to task for this godawfulness.