Lydrasia -Frocisian Adventurer (Chapter 2 part 2 posted"

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Lydrasia -Frocisian Adventurer (Chapter 2 part 2 posted"

Postby spookyghost » December 4th, 2009, 9:37 pm

OKAY PEOPLES! Time for a serious story, death, sadness, heartbreak, and fighting (What more could one want?)! There will be 2-4 parts in each chapter, and sometimes i will do back stories. (Later so i don't spoil the characters) Im working on the back story for when the Pother Beasts came to the village, so stay tuned!

Thats it for now! And if anything confuses you, there might be a back story for it. I changed the name of part two, the name of chapter one, and the Name of the whole story so I can fit announcements in the title, so enjoy!

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Lydrasia - Frocisian Adventurer
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Chapter 1: Plans for Rohk Canyon
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Part 1: The Horrid past of me
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I looked up at the dim sun surrounded by dark clouds, like a lone soldier ready to give up to an oncoming army. My future looked bleak. Pain, Horror, Fear, and Sadness were too much for one person. I have been limping with my comrade for a long time here, hoping for some sign of a settlement, people, or anything difference then this monotonous desert landscape.
I looked over at my comrade, he was looking straight ahead; keeping lookout for something. I was going slowly, limping actually, by my comrade. He had no trouble walking, but he slowed down just for me, seeing as how I was injured recently. It’s a quite sad story how I got injured.


It was a nice warm evening in my village. It wasn't much of a village actually, more of a group of huts. Three huts and one town hall, there was also a kitchen. All the building except the town hall were in a U-shape around a dirt village center for announcements and celebrations. The town hall stood at the top of a hill, on the other edge of the Village center. A dirt road ran in between two houses, and my hunting party was walking along it.
We were just returning to the village from hunting, and making our way to the town hall carrying dead animals over our shoulders. But when we reached the town hall, to our dismay we saw a sign that said, ‘Elder meeting. No one allowed.’ My group of hunters were gathering at the door, slowly forming a mob.

I weaved through the angry crowd to the door. The crowd was angry because they were hunting for a long time, and they just wanted to put their heavy loads down to then rest. I reached forward to the door and knocked. I stood there waiting as everybody else stared at me with a look of fear, like What the heck are you thinking? But I didn't care; I just wanted to get in. Soon the door creaked open slightly.
An angry voiced said, "Can't you read the sign guys? We are having a secret meeting here!” He then shut the door and yelled from behind it "Just sit down and wait! We are almost done here."
I collapsed on a nearby rock and set my catch down. I then thought Why did we get all worked up? We could have just sit down and waited! Soon all the hunters sat down and rested some. After waiting what seemed like a mere ten seconds, the door opened again. I had just started to fall asleep, so I was shocked awake. The door opened and one of the elders stood in its frame. He was holding a pistol in his right hand, and three cartridges in the other. He threw it to one of us, then barking at him,
"Each of those cartridges has three shots in it. Load it in the gun and get out there, kill some of the Pother Beasts!”
Aw yes, the Pother beasts. Those horrible monsters showed up at our doorsteps killing many of us. It was a sad day when they came, but that story is for another day. We all got up and loaded our catches of meat in the boxes in the Town Hall. As I walked in, I saw the other four elders sitting around a table in the center of the room.
They all had mean rude looks, staring right at us. What horrible plans had they come up with at this meeting? I thought. We already had bad relationships with them; they could be planning HORRID things of us. Our village was ripped apart by there evil, and one of them tried to get rid of some of us one time long ago! Once we had loaded up the animals in the crates, we returned outside, to be greeted by a grim happening.

The Hunter who was handed the pistol by the elder, his name was Heraddin, was flying backward when I got out. He had three big scratches on his chest and he also seems to be knocked out. In his right hand was the Golden Pistol. I looked up to see what did this to him, and it was a Kikkohama, a four-legged blue scorpion with a large hammer like tail.
The Kikkohama lashed forward and took another stab at him, I jumped forward and shoved the Kikkohama away, he was to heavy though, and I was shoved back into the crowd behind me. Just then, Heraddin woke up. He took three shots at the Kikkohama's chest, right on the heart. The Kikkohama stepped back, faltered, and then died. I put down my bloodied fists, and then stepped back. Heraddin got up, brushed himself off, and then said thank you to me.
The elder who handed him the pistol came out clapping. He said, “Good show, I was watching it from the inside. You could be a good soldier to help fight them." Heraddin ran up to the elder and pointed his finger up at him.
He then said with an angry look, “I could have DIED, if it wasn't for this fellow here!" He pointed at me, “Why didn't you help!" The elder then had a surprised look on his face, soon his surprise was over and he pushed Heraddin back.
"No worries boy. You are okay now, and that’s all that matters."
"ALL THAT MATTERS!!!" He yelled exasperatedly, “BUT WHAT IF I DID DIE? HUH? WHAT IF I DID DIE?"
The elder replied with, “But you didn't, its okay."
Heraddin fought back with, "BUT WHAT IF... oh whatever, I'm leaving this stupid place."
He then stormed away, the crowd clearing a straight path for him as he went.
The elder screamed at him will he was leaving, "Well who needs you! Your useless!" Soon Heraddin was out of sight, it was just then that the elder remembered the cartridges, those powerful, expensive cartridges.
"Huyakama! (No need to tell you what that means!)" He exclaimed as he stomped his foot to the ground. After the whole thing calmed down, I started walking around the Kikkohama. I leaned close to it, but it still had a ounce of energy in it, so it then kicked up at me; slicing my leg down the middle.


So that’s my story, kind of grim actually. I continued walking along. Soon my comrade exclaimed and pointed forward, he had spotted a group of people.
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Part 2: The Fallen Tribe in the Desert
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It was more than a group actually, 5 people, and one big black shape. Three people were standing, and also fighting the shape. My comrade and me stopped walking and focused on the group. “There seems to be two dead people, and… That shape, it’s a Shiikeimoon! (A large black bat like Pother Beast with two large poisonous claws, and a chest cage that can drop bombs) “ I exclaimed, “We got to help!” My comrade nodded and we ran forward to help.

When we reached them, the beast scratched another guy. One scratch can kill a person. I thought horribly, He’s a goner The guy who was scratched clutched his heart, then he fell over dead. My comrade reached into his pocket and pulled his hand out, holding the gun. Everything in my mind slowed down as the beast is slashing down on another guy, and my comrade leaped forward. Right when the beast touched the person, my comrade shot three shots at the beast’s head, right in the brain. He never misses his shot! That beast is dead. I thought. The Shiikeimoon flew backwards and stayed there, dead.

I ran forward, despite my hurt leg, and reached the two people. Both of them were wrapped in cloth, covering everything except for their eyes.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
“Do you think I am okay?” The guy on the left said angrily “Three of my men died! And you think I’m okay!”
“Whoa sorry man, do you need help?” I said as I stepped back.
Then the Guy on the left answered instead, “Sorry, my partner gets angry easily, we have been through a lot lately.” He said nicely “And thanks for the help.”
“No problem. By the way, what are your names? Mine is Lydrasia.” I said.
The guys on the left said, “Mine is Goodaribo, and my partner here has not told me his name.”
“That’s Déjà vu, my partner hasn’t told me his name.” I said in response.
The partner then said, “Sigh… I guess I should just tell you my name. It is Heraddin.”
My eyes widened as I remembered Heraddin. I finally meet him again.
I told him, “Heraddin! It’s me Lydrasia, remember me from the village and hunting!”
He stood there thinking, and then I saw it in his eyes. He remembered. He turned to me and said, “I remember! But where did you go? One night you were in the village, and the next, you were gone!”
I answered him, “Well, when I was carried back to the hut. The elder told the nurse she can’t treat me, but she treated me anyway. I knew that the elder would get mad at her, so I told her I am going to run away, so she doesn’t get in trouble. We fought at first, and then she just accepted it and let me go. Then I met my comrade, and we just started traveling.”

“Whoa man” said Goodaribo, “Messed up life… I meet him,” He pointed to Heraddin “On the streets, I took him in and taught him. We had a whole group, but then…” He looked down at the dead bodies “Ya…”
“Should we start travelling together?” I asked Heraddin.
Heraddin stood there thinking for a while, then said,
“I’m not sure I can trust you… what I’m looking for is pretty important.”
“Come on! You can trust me!” I told him.
“Fine…. We were going to the temple of the Rohk. I’m looking for the legendary golden cartridge, they say that the old empire left it there for people to get when the Pother Beasts attack.”
Goodaribo also added, “Its right over there!” He pointed to a big rock formation in the distance “There is Rohk canyon, and at the end there is the Temple of the Rock.”
“Sounds good, Lets go!” I said excitedly. We then started making our way to the Canyon of the Rohk. And we all had the same thought in mind, this is going to be a long and hard journey.

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END OF CHAPTER ONE
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Chapter 2: Through Rohk Canyon
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Part 1: Kikkohama
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We were getting closer to the canyon, but it took this much longer because they had to slow down for my leg. Everything was okay, I just hope we don’t run into another Pother Beast, it would delay us to much.

We all reached the entrance to the canyon, and the canyon seemed to go on and on. We walked into the gate, but the sand to our left stirred. At first I didn’t notice it, but after it was stirring for a while I noticed it. The stirring sand made me suspicious until I finally yelled while jumping away,
“Pother Beast!” Just when I jumped back, two Kikkohama jumped out from our left and our right. We all jumped out of the way as the two Kikkohama smashed their tails in the sand, spraying sand everywhere. The sand cloud blinded our view, but my comrade took three blind shots at the dust. One of the shots seemed to hit one of the beasts, because there was a loud screech. Goodaribo pulled a gun out of his pocket and shot the Kikkohama jumped forward, while I was dodging the other ones claws. Dodging them was hard enough with them jumping blindly out of the cloud, but my leg made it almost impossible.
“This is too much!” Harridan exclaimed as he dodged another blow from a Kikkohama. “We have to run away!”
My partner nodded no as he took three more shots at one of them as it jumped forward, that Kikkohama then fell to the ground; dead.
There was only one Kikkohama left; it lashed out forward as Goodaribo shot it three times in the head. Then the last one dropped dead.
“Wahoo… That was hard” I said as I sat down in the sand. “I hope we don’t run into more.”
“Yep” Goodaribo agreed with me. “I say we rest some, then get going.”
We all started to drink from our canisters. After resting some more, we got on our way.
After walking through the canyon for a while, a spotted a big monster up ahead. It was also guarding the Rohk temple, also what I noticed it that there was a person standing with it. It was Schkid.

Schkid was a Potherman, a half Human-half pother beast being. They are born when the parasites in a Pother Beasts get into someone’s blood and take them over. Schkid was the leader Potherman, and he had created countless Pother Beasts to take over the world. I had meet him before, on top of a mountain where he almost beat me, but I knocked him down. He is probably here waiting for me to come…
“Look! It is Schkid!” I Exclaimed.
My comrade looked up then pulled us three behind a rock. Then It finally sunk into me. We were going to have to fight him.
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Part 2: Schkid's revenge
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The beast was a huge blue and green turtle like beast. Its immense wide arms ended with large shelled hands with sharp claws. It had wing; but was too heavy to fly with them. A large tail split into twenty smaller tails that could smash a boulder in half. It’s legs were the size of tree trunks and two times harder. The legs were also shelled.

The Walls of the canyon seemed to close in as we planned how to fight him. I don’t have claustrophobia, but this time was different.
“We should runaround from his back, left, and right.” Goodaribo said as he drew the plan in the sand, “Then we all strike the Pother Beast at once. Then with that out of the way, Schkid will be powerless.”
My comrade nodded and said, “But we only have two guns.”
Goodaribo and Heraddin stared at him and they both said, “I thought he never talks?”
I shrugged and said, “He talks sometimes, like in important situations. And regarding what he said, yes, we only have two guns.” I turned to Goodaribo and said, “You and my comrade should run silently and hidden from sight on the sides and then strike the beast, then get Schkid.”
Heraddin seemed to get irritated from the length of the plan, then after sitting there for a while he jumped up and yelled, “This is taking to long! I’m just going to finish this quickly!” H then snatched the gun from my comrade’s hand and started to run forward.
“No Heraddin! This isn’t the way!” I yelled after him as I jumped up and tried to catch him. He didn’t seem to hear me, and he took three shots at Schkid.

But he didn’t die, because Potherman doesn’t die like that, you have to stab them, and shoot them a ton of times. But still, this seemed to piss him off. He yelled something and pointed at Heraddin. The Pother Beast with him ran forward, and striked Heraddin with its hand, throwing him at the wall. It then jumped up and smashed him again. My comrade jumped up and shot the Beast in its claw, it screeched and stumbled backward. Goodaribo ran forward and dragged him back. He then threw the gun from Heraddin hand at me and I caught it.
I took three shots at the Beast’s head, it stepped back farther and farther as I shot him again and again, but as I was doing that, Schkid warped by me and grabbed the gun from my hand, then kicked my away. The Pother Beast stumbled back one more time, and then died. Schkid then warped by the dying Heraddin; all to fast for Goodaribo to notice and stop him, then finished Heraddin of with a shot in the head. He then threw the gun away.
“That’s for what happened at the mountain.” He remarked grimly as he warped away.
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Heraddin death was depressing and sad. We buried him where he laid, then continued on.
His death struck Goodaribo the most. His happy, chipper attitude disappeared and was replaced with a sad, dark attitude. He hung his head low as we continued along.
“What do we do now?” He sad, “I’ve lost everybody now. It’s the end for me.”
“No it isn’t Goodaribo! You’ve still got us.” I told him. That seemed to shut him up as we rounded a corner. I looked up and spotted the temple up ahead. We were almost done with the journey.
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Part 3: Riddle of the Entrance of the Temple COMING SOON!
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Thats it for now! And if anything confuses you, there might be a back story for it. I changed the name of part two, the name of chapter one, and the Name of the whole story so I can fit announcements in the title, Cya later guys!
Last edited by spookyghost on December 5th, 2009, 7:26 pm, edited 15 times in total.
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Re: Lydrasia - Frocisian Adventure Extraordinare

Postby Avo » December 4th, 2009, 9:57 pm

This contains a lot of promise.

The names are creative. (Unless they mean something...)

There are little mistakes. Ex. At the beginning, from is spelled form.

So this is good! Can't wait for more!
Credit to Ridder for the awesome going-away avatar (:
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Re: Lydrasia - Frocisian Adventure Extraordinare

Postby Demonik » December 4th, 2009, 10:13 pm

As Avo said, this look's promising indeed. :D

Nicely written, and a good idea so far. I look forward to further pieces.
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Re: Lydrasia - Frocisian Adventure Extraordinare

Postby Chaukai » December 4th, 2009, 10:22 pm

Hmm... At this moment, I do not know what exactly to think of it. :o I like it so far, but some phrases are... Should I say, oddly written. You gotta have your sentence fluency you know? o.o But anyways, good! :D
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Re: Lydrasia - Frocisian Adventure Extraordinare

Postby spookyghost » December 4th, 2009, 10:26 pm

This story is a great, nicely written story! You should make it into a novel!

Jk

Avo, the names don't mean anything, i just randomly made them up. Otherwise, THANKS GUYS! Ill keep working hard.
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Re: Lydrasia -Frocisian Adventurer (Chapter 2 part 2 added)

Postby MICrophone » December 5th, 2009, 11:39 am

Hmm…

Interesting story. I like the general plot, but you fail to introduce the characters very well. For example, describe the village in the first chapter more. It also is a little hard to follow…more imagery would help to understand the setting. You're word choice is fair throughout, and definitely could use work. That said, it's interesting so far. I like it, and if you improve on these things as you continue this story, it could be very good. :D
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