Nan's Journal: The Darkest Chronicles

[NanTheDark]

Maybe when I'm done with Earthbound, yeah. I'll probably play the GBA version of it.

[NanTheDark]

I wonder who will make my Birthday topic.

Also, Star king and I have created a new superhero: Personal Space Dude!

[NanTheDark]

I don't know what they're talking about when they mention the "Patriarchy". I've been bossed around by women my entire life.

[NanTheDark]

Today I continued playing Earthbound. After beating up enough peoples for the phone Dad to give me more monies, I managed to get the best equipment available and and then I went to beat up a gang of skaters, pogo riders, weird dues with hula hoops, a gangster with two knives and a robot. By myself. A 13 year old kid (or however old I am) does a better job at this kind of stuff than the freaking police. Who BY THE WAY, WERE ACROSS THE STREET. Yup.

So then I go see the mayor, who gives me the key to Giant Step, the place where I need to go next. But he says that he won't make himself responsible for me getting hurt, and that I must accept that he's a very important person. Well considering the town's full of hostile animals and gangs and how small the place, well... typical politician. Sees himself as all high and awesome and doesn't really do crap. The cops don't seem to do anything either...

Between this and our piece of crap neighbors, this really is a messed up place to live in. I really need to split. I better get all of this crap over with so I can go to Twoson. I could use going to another city, y'know? Other sights, whatnot... maybe it'll be a cooler place. But the cops had to be good at doing roadblocks. It's like the one thing they're good at, I guess.

In the meantime I guess I gotta go into a cave or something.

inb4 this is somehow an allegory of my life or something

pls no spoilers

[JSlayerXero]

Huh. Never thought Big Band was from Onett. That... You know what that actually explains a lot now that you mention it.

To be fair, your journey starts with some 8 year-old or something age he is that would've walked outside in his jammies if his mother wasn't insistent that he at least look like he's that striped-shirt human that kills everything in the back of the head via steel bat. Furthermore, your best ally up until that meteor was your dog. Then a bee with psychic powers tells you that you're the child of some prophecy that should've already happened, but it didn't in his future, so that can only bode well for your future success, am I right? I wouldn't worry about politician man. Jive-ass dude ain't got no brains anyhow. Besides, once you get PK Dark you'll be able to melt snakes with your mind. The only reason that politician is still standing, is because you're not on some psychopathic murder frenzy. No. We got to be E-Rated. Chucking fire and freezing people to near absolute zero only causes them to return to normal. Riiiight. I buy it.

Also, if you aren't the law by the end of the game, then who else is supposed to be Judge Dredd?

[NanTheDark]

Actually I find it weirder my mom doesn't give an absolute damn about me going out in the middle of the night to see the meteor, and then going out later that night to help the annoying neighbor kid (not to mention SHE DOESN'T OPEN THE DOOR. SHE WAS THERE BEFORE I WAS WTH Also mom doesn't have a bedroom, that's weird), and that when it turns out I have to go on adventures to save the world she's completely ok with it.

Also what does my dad work at? He seems to make a hundred dollars really fast after I beat up peoples

[JSlayerXero]

Fan theory speculates your mom is the main heroine from the previous Mother. I cannot confirm or deny that any more than anybody else. Considering your first instinct toward anything unfriendly is to use a baseball bat to whack its skull into enough pieces to play Mancala, I guess she figures you'll be fine painting the town red. Also, your dad probably works at at the morgue. He can give you so much money because he gets payed lots of money to be really fast when he cleans up the mess you like to make of people when you're done with them. Also, yeah, why doesn't your mom have a bedroom? Is there a third floor to this house that the stairs just don't lead to because Video Games? There's plenty of useless rooms so it isn't law of space conservation--unless they can do that because template + palette swap = "new" house.

[NanTheDark]

Painting the town red? But the game tells me the enemies become "tame" after I whack them enough...

New theory: My dad own the game's hospitals, he gets money when I send people to the hospitals

[JSlayerXero]

All I'm going to say is take one good look at the "Unconscious" sprites from EarthBound.

[NanTheDark]

Well, today I went into Giant Step. Yesterday I went there for a bit too, but I got rekt by a mouse or something lol I forget

Anyway, while going through it, I finally learned my special attack!



Even in its earliest form, it's still pretty good.



WHO LEAVES PRESENTS INSIDE A CAVE

Anyway, after fighting through a bunch of really weak slugs, mice that alternate between dealing 1 damage and stabbing you with a chainsaw, and ants, I managed to reach the end of the cave to find... a shiny star thing?




YOU DARE STEAL MY STUFF? YOU'RE GETTING THE BAT!



Huh. So this is what that jerk in Onett spoiled me about I guess. Even if he did ant mean to spoil it.

It's a fairly strong boss. Its ant helpers can get very annoying with their Lifeup (ants have psychic powers?), but PSI Dark made short work of them. The big ant actually was hitting quite hard. I had to make use of all of my Hamburgers. He was also using Shield. I just kept hitting it with my bat, and then...

It dealt mortal damage.

But before hitting 0 HP, I got one more attack in...



HOLY CRAP THAT WAS CLOSE



Well, I guess I managed to record the first melody I need. I guess it's a good start to my world-saving adventure. That bee from the future would be so proud right now...



You're giving me crap now? So, you're telling me that the police can't be bothered to deal with a small gang of kids on skateboards led by a guy with knives, but they are there to bust me for breaking into a cave I need to go into to save the world? Of course... Mayor ain't gonna bail me outta this either...



Sure, I guess I'll drop by later. In the meantime I'm going to the Drugstore to get some drugs to check the ATM.



DAD HOW DID YOU MAKE SO MUCH MONEY SO FAST



WHAT AM I EVEN GONNA DO WITH ALL THIS MONEY

Oh well. I don't really need to go see those stupid cops just yet, so I'll just come back home and rest a bit.



There's nothing that mom's spaghetti can't fix. Going to sleep now...





...Amp?