Survivor: Unknown

[MessengerOfDreams]

(Continued from last segment which can be found here viewtopic.php?f=27&t=6141&start=10#p57355 )

Runouw yanked Superyoshi up with a snicker and said “Look at that. That little Emo kid has more balls than you. Get in the boat, you loser.” Everyone gasped as Superyoshi was thrown in the boat. Runouw ignored their looks of contempt and said “Well, you guys, it’s a 5 mile hike each way to the camp. You enjoy it. Oh, look, the storm’s heading this way. Better go back to the sweet chalet I have set up on the other side of this place. See ya on the reward challenge!” He waved at them as he himself got back on the boat.

When he was safely out of earshot, Brando muttered “What a tool.”

Everyone nodded in agreement as they split paths.

(Red (Doram's) Team)
___________________________________________________________________________

Doram pointed out the camp at the end of the shore where it broke off into the trees and forest. He set his bag down and said “Well, let’s get started on gathering some camp-building material around.”

“Like what?” Linkdroid asked testily, still peeved about having no phone.

Doram turned to her. “Where are you from?”

“Detroit.” She replied.

“That explains a lot.” Doram sighed, walking over to a box of supplies. “Look, we have a machete, rice, and a-“

“Rice?” Aznchau asked. “I love me some rice.”

Mic chuckled. “I figured as much, Rice Farmer.”

“Rice Farmer?” Azn chuckled. “Never gets old from age.”

Doram cleared his throat in an interrupting matter. “And we have a map… I wonder what it’s for…”

“I can read maps.” Moy spoke up. “Quite well, in fact.”

Doram handed it to him. “The greatest in the wilderness have no need for maps. You keep it. Burn it in the fire for all I care.”

Moy gasped to himself upon reading it, tapped Mic and Buff on the shoulders and they snuck off into the forest.

“What’s up, Moy?” Mic asked.

“Doram just gave me the map to a hidden immunity idol. If we have this, no one votes us out.” Moy hissed. “Now follow me. And quietly, too. We don’t want anyone, least of all Doram to catch on to us.

__________________________Blue (Kirby's) Team________________________________________

Nin10mode was sweating profusely, half from the long hike in the rain, which for some reason made him sweat, and half from the nerves left over from nearly being eliminated. Yoshi Boo gave him a slap on the back for support, mostly thinking that he was just tired, but in reality, Nin10mode didn’t want to be voted off first, and the idea scared him.

He was the first to set his stuff down and collapse into the sand, exhausted. Yoshi Boo plopped her stuff next to his. “Tired much?”

He nodded. “But, first things first. Time to set up camp.” He leapt up and started toward the box. “Hmm… There’s a machete, rice and a map.” He said. “Anyone good with maps?”

Four raised her hand. “I am.” She lied. She just wanted to keep something that could give her an advantage. Nin10mode tossed her the map and continued. “Anyway, I’ll get to work on cooking us some rice and building us a shelter for tonight. Sound good?”

Everyone nodded except Brando. Nin10mode ignored him. “OK, then.”

Everyone went to unpack their stuff except Yoshi Boo, who walked over to the rice. “Here, man.” She grinned. “You’re building a freaking shelter. I’m gonna get the rice.”

Nin10mode was uncertain. “You sure?”

“Course I’m sure.” She replied, punching him in the arm. “You’re already doing enough, man. You’re exhausted, and building a shelter. Now hop to it, mate.”

He smiled and started on it, finding a niche in the tribe.

____________________________Doram's Team_______________________________

“Ow! I hate these loose branches!”

“We must have walked a mile!”

“Guys, we haven’t gone that far. Surely you hike more than this.”

“You better not be getting us lost. Then Rescue’s gonna have to find our corpses.”

“Hey, lighten up, Buff. In fact, I see it. On the tree, right there.”

Moy extracted the Immunity Idol, shaped like a sheep, from the tree branch. It was about the size of his palm and could fit in his pocket, which is where we put it.

“All right, guys. If for some reason anyone wants to vote for us, then we play this before the vote. Then we are safe. Got it?”

They both nodded at Moy.

“And while we’re out here, I had another way we could spend our time, with a little bit of luxury.”

Mic and Buff looked uneasy until Moy got his backpack out, and opened it. Inside it was a large thing of batteries, an old Game boy advance, a stereo, a laptop and 3 bags of chips.

“Smuggled Stuff. We just hang out here along the same path and play video games, type, eat chips, and listen to music. Sound fun?”

“While I do spot several holes in this plot I do say that it is way better than spending it eating rice and hacking branches. What do we do with the stuff when we aren’t using it?” Buff asked.

Moy dug a hole in the ground, put the stuff in it, a chip bag below and on top of the electronics, and put a palm leaf over it. “There! Now it’s hidden.”

Mic grinned. “All right, this will be a bit more bearable.”

_________________________________________________________________________

[Buff_]

It's alright stuff, I'm not gripped yet, but it's coming along nicely.

[MICrophone]

This is good…rather interesting…like Buff, I'm not yet gripped, but this is written very nicely. Keep it up!

[Ridder]

Exceptionally Exceptional.

8/10 cause it could get better/worse from here on out, so I don't want to give out the best rating quite yet.

[brandoprojectm]

I'm not saying it's bad, but it's....amateurish compared to the rest of your works. You haven't really added anything to your story that might keep us interested, and the whole plot is "some guys doing stuff on an island". I won't criticize that much since it's only a few chapters in, but you should really get your stuff straight. Not bad, though.

[MessengerOfDreams]

Hmmm...

I'm not saying it's bad, but it's....amateurish compared to the rest of your works. You haven't really added anything to your story that might keep us interested, and the whole plot is "some guys doing stuff on an island". I won't criticize that much since it's only a few chapters in, but you should really get your stuff straight. Not bad, though.

or

Exceptionally Exceptional.

8/10 cause it could get better/worse from here on out, so I don't want to give out the best rating quite yet.

MORE SURVIVOR!

______________________Kirby's Team___________________________

Kim and Kirby were waist-deep in the water, trying to kill two birds with one stone. Kirby was determined to cure Kim’s fear of water, plus finding a fish or two to eat would be nice.

Kim trembled from the cold and the nerves. “Kirby, you sure this is a good idea?”

Kirby nodded. “If you’re gonna survive on an island, you cannot be afraid of water. It’s a simple fact.”

Kim jumped in the air, stomping in the knee-deep water like a madman. “SOMETHING’S ON MY FEET! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”

Kirby slapped Kim. “Stop it, you nut! That’s a fish!”

“I hate the water!” Kimonio ran out, causing Kirby to roll his eyes and look down. Said fish was the size of his arm. He swore in amazement and then picked it up with as firm a grip as he could muster. He carried it to the shore, causing everyone to cheer.

“Way to go, Kirby!” Niklaw grinned.

“Thanks!” Kirby turned a bit red from the praise. He noticed Nin10mode running over to observe it.

“Wow, man! That’s like something the guy from River Monsters would catch!” he stated. “I say we celebrate with a nice dinner. Anyone a good cook?”

Niklaw raised her hand. “I am. I even gathered some herbs around here to bake. Mind you, they’re all healthy herbs I remember from my years in College.”

Kirby handed her the fish and machete. “Knock yourself out, Niklaw.”

Niklaw nodded, made a fire and got out her herbs from her back pocket and set them in a pile behind her. She started cutting up, deboning and cooking the fish best she could with a machete. She reached behind her to see that someone had put some mushrooms in her pile. She glanced at them, and, seeing them as safe, cut them up and put them in the dish.

Maybe she should have double checked the mushrooms before she put them in there.
____________________________________________________________________________

Nin10mode sighed a mixture of exhaustion and happiness as he took a bite of the mix out of the box everything was left in. “Thank God For Metal Boxes.”

YB scooped some into her own hand after she made sure everyone got some. “That sadistic S.O.B. didn’t even bother to give us a pot. Who knew that after all these years Runouw was such a jerk?”

Fourinone broke in with “Who knew there were girls on the internet? I sure know I didn’t.”

Everyone chuckled at that as the sun finished setting.

“Yeah,” Kim said. “So, how is real life going for all of us? I mean, I sure got blessed to be a janitor.”

Kirby raised his head from his bowl and said “Blessed to be a janitor? Well, I’m not gonna even bother with saying ‘Who knew’, cause we all knew Kim was a bit odd.” Everyone nodded at that.

“No, seriously,” Kim chuckled. “Being A Janitor has taught me to be humble, to appreciate what I have, to learn how to clean up life’s messes, and to bond with my family.”

Everyone was silenced by his words. “Wow, Kim.” Kirby gasped. “That was profound.”

“I’m just kidding, being a Janitor sucks.” Kim replied, and everyone broke into laughter.

“Well, life’s been going great for me.” Niklaw said. “I actually did open a tavern in LA. Called it Niklaw’s Tavern, just like old times.”

Brando grinned. “Well, here, your bartenders are in another castle.”

“Yep, mates, all the same, I propose holding our after party for Survivor there.” She sighed, shaking her head, what with the shrooms making her feel dizzy and all, and continued “We can all play pool, and drink, and propose a toast to how god-awful these 39 days or so are gonna be.”

Everyone nodded to that.

“Well, guys,” Nin10mode said “I’m gonna hit the hay in our shelter. We got a challenge tomorrow- for reward and immunity.” He started walking over, then he stopped, saying “Look! A T-Rex! It sat on our shelter!” He started crying.

Yoshi Boo ran next to him. “What is wrong with you? Our shelter’s there…” she gasped… “It’s just covered with bats!” She shrieked and ran into the forest. Then she ran back out, looking half-crazed and saying “The bats! They’re everywhere!”

Kimonio looked up. “Pretty lights…” he said to the stars… “They keep us all safe… from the big bad turtle eater monster… and the Hamburglar…”

Kirby shook his head. “No, you see, that protects us from the giant scissors named God and Lord. You see?”

Kim nodded at the hallucination.

Brando gasped and said “What on earth did you put in this?”

Niklaw shrugged. “Pepperoni, Salt, May, 77, Sunset, flower… flower… rosebud…” before she fell into the sand.

And pretty much everyone was like that all night, hallucinating and speaking random words of no sense until they all fell asleep around each other.

All except one person.

_________________________Doram's Team_______________________

The sun was setting when Buff, Moy and Mic came back to an angry tribe empty-handed.

“Where on earth were you?” Doram did his best to stifle his anger and keep his cool.

“Following that map.” Mic said. In reality, they were sparingly eating chips, playing video games and listening to Eric Clapton, as well as plotting who to take out first. “But it led us nowhere.”

“Where is it now?” Doram asked again.

“The wind was strong. It blew it away.” Mic replied.

“Mmhmm…” Doram acted as if he didn’t believe him. “Well, just goes to show you who you can trust to help with the necessities.”

Aznchau spoke up. “Hey, man, what did Linkdroid do the entire time when we were setting up camp? I mean, besides B**** and moan.”

“Hey, I’m not used to this!” LD replied. “And what of your little freak of a friend over there in the hood?” she pointed at Ridder. “God knows what evil happens behind there.”

Ridder said nothing, just sort of silently turned away into the shelter.

Doram slapped his forehead. It was gonna take a lot of work to pull his tribe together.

[Buff_]

So which team is which? I seem to be on both, as does everyone else. o_O

[Yoshi Boo 118]

So which team is which? I seem to be on both, as does everyone else. o_O

I agree. I'm getting confused, it looks like the story is contradicting itself. Could you make a list of each team? But confusion aside, it is getting better. 8.5/10

[MessengerOfDreams]

Later. As Of Now, though, I have renamed the teams Kirby's Team and Doram's Team. Will have team Lists up later.

[MICrophone]

'Tis all right…as I said with Kirby's, this isn't really the type of story with much of a plot; more of an ongoing adventure of sorts…not sure if you know what I mean, but yeah, not exactly my type of thing. I'll keep reading though…for now. It's very good though, just not my thing.