Oh god what now

[Blablob]

Finally finished with the rough draft of my story (note that the rough draft and final copy may have little difference).

As you'll see, there are now even more changes to the story than my previous summary had explained. But I guess you can forgive that. The two stories are a bit alike, although as you'll notice I had to get rid of the nicotine issue (since my teacher cleared it with me that it was not school appropriate).

So yeah. Here you have. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have until Friday to turn this in, so I would appreciate comment. Here it is:

---

The sun blazed through the cracked window, casting a shadow upon my bedroom. Yet I greatly feared the day to come. Six months of anticipation has lead to this. I felt quite unprepared for the results of which I must brace myself. It was my wife, however, to thank for my courage to carry on past scenarios such as this. For the full six months she was by my side, reminding me that she was there and that it would turn out all right in the end. Now that the moment has come, though …

We saddled up in our jeep and my wife began to drive off as I sat next to her. Darwin’s Hospital was about forty minutes away, thankfully. Still, my heart was anxious as I felt it violently beat. My stomach also hurt. At sixty-five years, an out-of-shape body can’t mean anything but bad news. What would the results be? What would the doctor say? How will my wife react?
“Texas is quite a big country, ain’t she?” said my wife, trying to take my mind off things.

“For such a big state,” I replied, while looking out into the passing crop fields, “there ain’t much opportunity.”

“Now what in the world could you mean by that?” she said with a hint of curiosity.

“Well, back in New York, I was a terrific carpenter. And now here, out in the country, I ain’t got nothin’.”

“This is our homeland, Jacob. Don’t you respect the beauty of it? Sure things are looking bad now, but they’ll get better. I know they will!”

“Ain’t as simple as that, Jane, and you know it.”

“I never had said it would be easy. Everything comes with a price. But we gonna do it if we try.”

“We’ve gone from all to none, and lookit me. A scrawny little twig who’s got nothin’ to look forward to. Hunny, if it weren’t for you, I’d certainly be dead.”

We arrived at Darwin’s Hospital. My wife went to check in. We were soon directed to follow the doctor. I felt every beat of my heart.

After the doctors concluded the results from the handful of tests I had been given, one doctor came in and stood before me.

“Mr. Strong,” the doctor started, with a tiny hint of fear in his voice, “I’m very sorry to tell you this. But your current bodily conditions have unfortunately made it impossible to live much more than…” he stopped.

I gulped. “How long do I have, doctor?”

He then spoke, in a lighter voice, almost as if he were whispering. “…About a month. Thirty-two days at the most.”

Suddenly my life flashed before my eyes. I could imagine so many opportunities to make, so many places to go, so many things to do, and so many people to see. They all seemed to vanish in an instant.

For the next several weeks, I was completing the final mission of turning my life around. It would be a last debt to pay to society before I was gone. For every handshake offered to me, I accepted. For every meal my wife made, I greatly appreciated it. When an argument seemed to be coming up amidst a talk between me and her, I would try my absolute best to avoid it. I was no longer the grouchy and pessimistic slob that I once was.

I never wanted to bring up any type of discussion of my death to my wife. She was so sweet. I couldn’t watch to see her in pain anymore than she was, even if she didn’t show it.

It had been about thirty days since the doctor appointment. My stomach still hurt just as the day it had when I went in for the appointment. I lay in my bed. I was so scared I couldn’t even eat. My clock was ticking. It was going to ring any time soon. As any good wife is, Jane confronted me, curious as to why my behavior had shifted.
“Jacob, what’s gotten into you lately? You’re so happy! And I ain’t one to turn down happiness, but here? And now? Why?”

I brought myself to find the answer. I smiled a little. “If I’m to die without recognizing my sins, then I have made the biggest sin of them all.”

She looked a bit confused, then responded. “That’s ridiculous, Jacob! We all make mistakes. But you’re a good man. Don’t you doubt that, you hear?”

She gave me a hug and a kiss to the cheek. When she got up, she stared at me. She smiled, but I knew she felt sadness. I’d probably never leave this room again as long as I’m alive. I closed my eyes and tried to escape from all the pain. My eyes may never open again.

To a great surprise, I woke up later, not knowing how long I had been asleep. I called for my wife. “JAAANE!” No answer. I called again. “JAAAANE!”

She then appeared at the door, panting. “What’s wrong?”

“How long have I been sleeping?”

She looked at the clock right behind her which she could see but Jacob couldn’t. “About four hours. Why?”

I leaned up on the bed and suddenly felt miserable. “Jane, I don’t wanna die!” I don’t wanna die!” I felt tears suddenly role down my neck. “I have so much to live for and so much to do! I have so much to see! I know I’ve made mistakes but I want time to fix them, not just time to say ‘I’m sorry’. God, I’m so stupid! I never took care of myself, and now I’m going to pay for it, ain’t I? Help me, Jane! Help me!”

Jane looked at me with uncertainty. I sensed that she was shocked. But I didn’t sense sadness. “Jacob,” she started with a bit of a stutter, “you might need some more rest.”

“What are you talking about, Jane? I haven’t talked to you about my death ever since the doctor appointment. And this is how you take it when I finally do?”

She laughed a little. “Oh, I know what’s going on!”

I was puzzled. “Okay, then explain it to me, ‘cause I sure as heck don‘t.”

“Jacob, you aren’t going to die. Back at the doctor appointment the doctor gave you some medical treatment to help with some of their testing. Must’ve made you a bit loopy or something. But anyways, dinner‘s about ready. I can hear your stomach rumbling.”

[MICrophone]

Hmm, 'tis good. I would like more detail in parts, but I know you have to keep it under 5 pages, so yeah, 'tis good. But there was no explosion. That's bad.

[Blablob]

Wait, so are you suggesting I add more detail in some parts? Or are you just pointing out that more detail would have been nice, but under my given cirumstances, it can be forgiven?

Where specifically would you like to see more detail?

[Ridder]

Finally finished with the rough draft of my story (note that the rough draft and final copy may have little difference).

As you'll see, there are now even more changes to the story than my previous summary had explained. But I guess you can forgive that. The two stories are a bit alike, although as you'll notice I had to get rid of the nicotine issue (since my teacher cleared it with me that it was not school appropriate).(Remember Children: Realism is not school appropriate.)

So yeah. Here you have. Feel free to let me know what you think. I have until Friday to turn this in, so I would appreciate comment. Here it is:

---

The sun blazed through the cracked window, casting a shadow upon my bedroom. Yet I greatly feared the day to come. Six months of anticipation has lead to this. I felt quite unprepared for the results of which I must brace myself. It was my wife, however, to thank for my courage to carry on past scenarios such as this. For the full six months she was by my side, reminding me that she was there and that it would turn out all right in the end. Now that the moment has come, though …

We saddled up in our jeep and my wife began to drive off as I sat next to her. Darwin’s Hospital was about forty minutes away, thankfully. Still, my heart was anxious as I felt it violently beat. My stomach also hurt. At sixty-five years, an out-of-shape body can’t mean anything but bad news. What would the results be? What would the doctor say? How will my wife react?
“Texas is quite a big country, ain’t she?” said my wife, trying to take my mind off things.(WTF BBQSAUCE TEXAS? Remember Children: people from Texas are not people. : D)

“For such a big state,” I replied, while looking out into the passing crop fields, “there ain’t much opportunity.”

“Now what in the world could you mean by that?” she said with a hint of curiosity.

“Well, back in New York, I was a terrific carpenter. And now here, out in the country, I ain’t got nothin’.”

“This is our homeland, Jacob. Don’t you respect the beauty of it? Sure things are looking bad now, but they’ll get better. I know they will!” (Optimists do not belong in Texas. )

“Ain’t as simple as that, Jane, and you know it.”

“I never had said it would be easy. Everything comes with a price. But we gonna do it if we try.”

“We’ve gone from all to none, and lookit me. A scrawny little twig who’s got nothin’ to look forward to. Hunny, if it weren’t for you, I’d certainly be dead.”

We arrived at Darwin’s Hospital. My wife went to check in. We were soon directed to follow the doctor. I felt every beat of my heart.

After the doctors concluded the results from the handful of tests I had been given, one doctor came in and stood before me.

“Mr. Strong,” the doctor started, with a tiny hint of fear in his voice, “I’m very sorry to tell you this. But your current bodily conditions have unfortunately made it impossible to pee and take a dump at the same time....” he stopped.

”WTF BBQSAYCE"

He then spoke, in a lighter voice, almost as if he were whispering. “…About a month. Thirty-two days at the most.”

Suddenly my life flashed before my eyes. I could imagine so many opportunities to make, so many places to go, so many things to do, and so many people to see. They all seemed to vanish in an instant.

For the next several weeks, I was completing the final mission (Danger Close? Killing Zakhaev? Destroying the Rapture Dream?) of turning my life around. It would be a last debt to pay to society before I was gone (Whut has society dun fo' you? You live in Texas. >_>). For every handshake offered to me, I accepted. For every meal my wife made, I greatly appreciated it. When an argument seemed to be coming up amidst a talk between me and her, I would try my absolute best to avoid it. I was no longer the grouchy and pessimistic slob that I once was. (You don't belong in Texas.)

I never wanted to bring up any type of discussion of my death to my wife. She was so sweet. I couldn’t watch to see her in pain anymore than she was, even if she didn’t show it.

It had been about thirty days since the doctor appointment. My stomach still hurt just as the day it had when I went in for the appointment. I lay in my bed. I was so scared I couldn’t even eat. My clock was ticking. It was going to ring any time soon. As any good wife is, Jane confronted me, curious as to why my behavior had shifted.
“Jacob, what’s gotten into you lately? You’re so happy! And I ain’t one to turn down happiness, but here? And now? Why?”

I brought myself to find the answer. I smiled a little. “If I’m to die without recognizing my sins, then I have made the biggest sin of them all.”

She looked a bit confused, then responded. “That’s ridiculous, Jacob! We all make mistakes. But you’re a good man. Don’t you doubt that, ya hear?”

She gave me a hug and a kiss to the cheek. When she got up, she stared at me. She smiled, but I knew she felt sadness. I’d probably never leave this room again as long as I’m alive. I closed my eyes and tried to escape from all the pain. My eyes may never open again.

To a great surprise, I woke up later, not knowing how long I had been asleep. I called for my wife. “JAAANE!” No answer. I called again. “JAAAANE!”

She then appeared at the door, panting. “What’s wrong?”

“How long have I been sleeping?”

She looked at the clock right behind her which she could see but Jacob couldn’t. “About four hours. Why?”

I leaned up on the bed and suddenly felt miserable. “Jane, I don’t wanna die!” I don’t wanna die!” I felt tears suddenly role down my neck. “I have so much to live for and so much to do! I have so much to see! I know I’ve made mistakes but I want time to fix them, not just time to say ‘I’m sorry’. God, I’m so stupid! I never took care of myself, and now I’m going to pay for it, ain’t I? Help me, Jane! Help me!”

Jane looked at me with uncertainty. I sensed that she was shocked. But I didn’t sense sadness. “Jacob,” she started with a bit of a stutter, “you might need some more rest.”

“What are you talking about, Jane? I haven’t talked to you about my death ever since the doctor appointment. And this is how you take it when I finally do?”

She laughed a little. “Oh, I know what’s going on!”

I was puzzled. “Okay, then explain it to me, ‘cause I sure as heck don‘t.”

“Jacob, you aren’t going to die. Back at the doctor appointment the doctor gave you some medical treatment to help with some of their testing. Must’ve made you a bit loopy or something. But anyways, dinner‘s about ready. I can hear your stomach rumbling.”(WTF EPYC PLAUT TWEEST. THE ONLY WAY THIS COULD BE MORE EPYC IS IF BIT.TRIP AND MINECRAFT WAS INVOLVED)

[Blablob]

Thanks for that.....moving spoof....Ridder.

So anyways, my final draft is out. There is not much difference other than some word changes, as well as some diologue changes. Anyways, here you have:

Fear Among Men
The sun blazed through the cracked window, casting a shadow upon my bedroom. Yet I greatly feared the day to come. Six months of anticipation has lead to this. I felt quite unprepared for the results of which I must brace myself. I had my wife to thank, however, for my courage of carrying on past moments such as these. For the full six months, she stood by my side, reminding me that she supported me and that it would turn out all right in the end. Now that the moment has come, though …
We saddled up in our jeep and my wife began to drive off as I sat next to her. Darwin’s Hospital was approximately a forty minute drive, thankfully. Still, I let out a fearful sigh as I felt my heart violently beat. My stomach also hurt. At sixty-five years, an out-of-shape body can’t mean anything but bad news. What would the results be? What would the doctor say? How will my wife react?
“Texas is quite a big home, ain’t she?” said my wife, trying to take my mind off things.
“For such a big state,” I replied, while looking out into the passing crop fields, “there ain’t much opportunity.”
“Jacob, there’s opportunity wherever you look. In desperate times, you just have to look a bit harder.”
“Well, back in New York, I was a terrific carpenter. And now here, in the south, I ain’t got nothing!”
“This is our homeland, Jacob. Don’t you respect the beauty of it? Sure things are looking bad now, but they’ll get better. I know they will!“ A few soundless seconds passed as we drove down the road. Finally, Jane spoke up again, “We can‘t always act like there‘s no tomorrow; we got to prioritize!”
“We’ve gone from all to none, Jane. Look at me; I’m not much more than a scrawny little twig with nothing to look forward to. Jane, if it weren’t for you, I’d certainly be dead.”
A chilling silence aroused the both of us for the remaining 35-minute drive.
We arrived at Darwin’s Hospital. My wife went to check in. We were soon directed to follow the doctor. I felt every beat of my heart.
After the doctors concluded the results from the handful of tests I had been given, one doctor came in and stood before me.
“Mr. Strong,” the doctor started, with a tiny hint of fear in his voice, “I’m very sorry to tell you this. But your current bodily conditions have unfortunately made it impossible to live much more than…” he stopped.
I gulped. “How long do I have, doctor?”
He then spoke, in a lighter voice, almost as if he were whispering. “…About a month. Thirty-two days at the most.”
Suddenly my life flashed before my eyes. I could imagine so many opportunities to make, so many places to go, so many things to do, and so many people to see. They all seemed to vanish in an instant.
For the next several weeks, I strived to complete the final mission of turning my life around. It would be a last debt to pay to society before I died. For every handshake offered to me, I accepted. For every rude comment aimed at me, I chose not to return with another. For every meal composed for me, I greatly appreciated it. When an argument seemed to be coming up amidst a talk between me and my wife, I tried my absolute best to avoid it. I no longer stood in the shoes of the grouchy and pessimistic slob that I once was.
I never wanted to bring up any type of discussion of my death to my wife. She was so nice and sweet that I couldn’t bare to watch her break down in pain. Certain things should remain unspoken of, as they do more harm than good.
It had been about thirty days since the doctor appointment. My stomach still rumbled with pain just as the day it had when I went in for the appointment. I lay in my bed, so despaired that I couldn’t even eat. My clock ticked every second; surely it would ring at any hour, at any moment. Jane then appeared at the door of the room, and confronted me, curious as to why my behavior had shifted the past few weeks.
“Jacob, what’s gotten into you lately? You’re so happy! And I ain’t one to turn down happiness, but here, and now? Why?”
I brought myself to find the answer. I smiled a little. “If I’m to die without recognizing my sins, then I have made the biggest sin of them all.”
She looked a bit confused, then responded. “That’s ridiculous, Jacob! We all make mistakes. But you’re a good man. Don’t you doubt that, you hear?”
She gave me a hug and a kiss to the cheek. When she got up, she stared at me. She smiled, but I knew she felt sadness. I’d probably never leave this room again as long as I’m alive. I closed my eyes and tried to escape from all the pain. My eyes may never open again.
Yet to a great surprise, I woke up later, not knowing how long I had been asleep. I called for my wife. “JAAANE!” No answer. I called again. “JAAAANE!”
She then appeared at the door, panting. “What’s wrong?”
“How long have I been sleeping?”
She looked at the clock right behind her which she could see but I couldn’t. “About four hours. Why?”
Suddenly I decided she deserved to know everything.
I leaned up on the bed and felt a sickness crawling throughout my body. “Jane, I don’t want to die! I have so much to live for and so much to do! I have so much to see!” I felt a tear slide down the left side of my cheek; I never realized how cold a tear could be until then. “I know I’ve made mistakes, but I want time to fix them, not just time to say ‘I’m sorry.’”
A small, uncomfortable pause filled the atmosphere. Jane almost began to speak, but she remained silent; I continued. “God, I’m so stupid! I never took care of myself, and now I’m going to pay for it, ain’t I? Help me, Jane! Please, can’t you help me?”
Jane looked at me with uncertainty. I sensed that she was shocked. But I didn’t sense sadness. “Jacob,” she started with a bit of a stutter, “you might need some more rest.”
“What are you talking about, Jane? I haven’t talked to you about my death ever since the doctor’s appointment. And this is how you take it when I finally do?”
She looked quite confused, but then she did a preposterous thing. She laughed a little. “Oh, I know what’s going on!”
Her reaction puzzled me. “Okay, then explain it to me, ‘cause I sure as heck don‘t.”
“Jacob, you aren’t going to die. Back at the doctor appointment, the doctor gave you some medical treatment to help with some of their testing. Must’ve made you a bit loopy or something. Oh, how silly you must feel right now! But anyways, that’s over with. Dinner‘s about ready; I can hear your stomach rumbling!”

[Blablob]

I apologize for the double-post, but I have an announcement.

The grade for this project just went through on *insert school's grade checking website here*







































































HELL YEAH! I ACED IT! WOO!




This was a massive project that would either greatly hold for me or against me...if I did bad on it, I probably wouldn't have been able to pass the quarter with much more than a D. That's how large this project is, and to ace it feels quite great.

[Highwire]

Woo! Go Blab. Loved the story, you deserved that grade.