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It takes all of my energy and my limited diplomatic skills to avoid snatching him up by the skin of his throat, so I curb my anger by hissing "what do you want from me?"

"I can explain this," he insists, his wimpy, feeble voice barely a whisper as I stand before him, fists clenched.

I am undone.

"Then explain it!" I command, gesturing to Mario's body. "I've trekked on foot from this fat grachna's bed all the way back here based off of a bloody note. I've woken up on the other side of enemy lines, hundreds of miles away from my kids, because you decided to mess with my life based off of some sanctimonious belief that the Mushroom Kingdom is the be-all end-all good guy of everything. You know nothing about what's going on other than what you've been spoonfed, and yet you think yourself higher than I despite the fact that you've uprooted a father from his family, a king from his nation?"

I stand directly in front of him, nose only inches away from his. "You have until the count of five to explain why you have ruined my life before I drag you out of your shell and hang you from the rafters of my castle by the strands of Mario's disgusting overalls."

He gasps and, looking around him for nonexistent salvation, finally confesses. "I'm here on behalf of the Mushroom Kingdom." It is his voice, so weathered and exhausted, and his countenance, so feeble and resigned, that causes me to back away and give him some leeway.

I sigh. "I know that. That's the mess of it all. But why have you attacked me directly? And how, at that?"

"I'm one of the best magikoopas of the known world," he explains. "I trained directly under your advisor himself, Abanatha Kamek."

"Good Kuga, really?" The mention of my mentor perks me up, oddly. Maybe there is at least a sliver of trust I can put in this man. "I guess that explains that. But if you were so high up, then why... are you here? On the other side of your king?"

"I've seen things..." he says before trailing off. "I've seen things that have caused me to desire an end to the war. From what I've learned, the Mushroom Kingdom is more inviting to outsiders than the Koopa Kingdom. So I took up work there, trying to think of a way to end this war."

I shake my head. "You fool. Have you learned nothing from our history as a people? I have never had the luxury of fighting an offensive war in my life. That wretch of a ruler has been little more than the pawn of a delay tactic. You served under Kamek himself. You know this! Knowledge has never been denied for my people!"

"That's the thing!" Finally, the man gathers his guts together. "We are only pushing forward and being thrown back. We throw men at their fire every day just to earn another day for the rest of us. We're dying out there, King Bowser. We can't last forever. Therefore, it is up to me to fire the gun of change. I stowed you in Mario's body so you could find your way out here without anyone knowing who you really were."

"And my body?" I ask immediately; after all, I just had my spikes sharpened.

"I've entrusted it to the care of Kamek. I imagine he's caught wind of what's going on; I'd be disappointed otherwise. Mario is within your body, and he is on his way. The three of you will all have to contend with each other to end this war."

I blink. "You are making no sense here."

"Then I'll say one thing that will make sense to you." He gestures to the castle's painting. "I am restoring your inheritance to you. This castle is yours."

I look around instinctively. I know it's mine, but I never imagined being able to have it. We're on the opposite side of the map from our kingdoms, in what was once the lava-filled wastelands the Mushroom Kingdom despised. It's a lovely place that reminds me of what once was. Still, I'm not too quick to give in. "I know there's a catch."

He nods. "I'm having your adversary brought here as well, Princess Peach."

I snort. "Like that was hard. I could practically do that every Tuesday." He glowers at me. "What? It's true!"

He sighs. "I'm going to have both of you held hostage; I'm sure Mario in your body will find his way here, as I've instructed him. Your armies will be without a commander, and your nations without rulers. You see, I have forced a ceasefire, for the time being. Until then, you two are going to have to sort things out for the sake of your kingdom. Your lives depend on it."

I want to snap again. This sanctimonious grachna! So foolish to think that our simple words will heal decades of oppression and betrayal! I only stare him down, thinking of my eight children as I stand here helplessly.

I close my eyes and whisper, "good luck with that."

He nods again. "Until then, you are free to roam around, although you'll see that you've been sealed in to avoid an escape. Please try and make yourself comfortable."

I sigh. "Whatever you say... I just want to see my children again."

To my surprise, he attempts to comfort me, and for as much as he's the one who is causing all of my suffering, his hand on my shoulder works. "I understand. It's a tough situation, but I just want to make things right."

"You and I both," I admit, before I walk off again.

"Ezeki, Ezeki," it whispers. "Are you there?"

I recognize it immediately, a voice so old and weathered, yet still warm and familiar. "Kamek!" I whisper back, afraid that I'm being spied on somehow. Thank god he's still as good at his spells as ever. If he hadn't found a way into my head to communicate I'd probably have died from nervous breakdown to begin with.

"Thank Kuga," he replies breathlessly. "I was so worried about you. I'm sorry it took me so long to connect, but the palace has gone crazy after your disappearance."

"It's okay," I reply, grinning. He can hear my voice just as well as if I were to only think it, but having someone to speak to is so psychologically comforting. "It's okay. The way things are right now... is that I'm trapped in my inheritance."

"Oh, my!" he replies emphatically. "In the Mushroom Kingdom, in the hills of our heritage?"

"That's the one. A strange magikoopa who said he trained under you has me, the wretch princess, and the grachna plumber in a bind. I don't know where the other two are, but I'm trapped in Mario's body. He used it to smuggle me out here."

"A body switch?" he asks. "My god. There's only one man who is capable of that, other than myself. My best student, Tali Lain... that blasted radical always found a way to outsmart even himself."

"Okay, so that's his name. Kamek, can you get me out of here?"

"No, I can't. The way body switches work is that he can put a lock on it through his magic. Mentally, I'm examining Mario's DNA for traces of magic. He's enacted the lock. You'll have to force him to reverse it."

"Oh no."

"I'm sorry, Bowser. There's not much I can do to help you physically, nor is my magic strong enough for a warp of that distance. The most I can do is telepathic communication. However, is there anything else you need?"

I smile again. Never has there been a man as loyal as Kamek. "Okay, I have a few things. For one, I need you to act as the defacto leader of my kingdom and clean up everything in there. Keep everyone from losing their ♥♥♥♥ and keep my armies on guard."

"I promise."

"Second, I need some physical help. I remember a few skills but I don't have the strength to carry them out from Mario's body. Before I travel any further, I need you to boost my magic through Mario's body."

A few seconds of silence commence before he chants an ancient Koopa spell, "mahika transhi straphin aliha", the spell for transferring and strengthening one's magical abilities. My body tingles for a few seconds but by the time it's done I feel ten times stronger. "I've done it," he informs me. "I've been able to boost your strength and abilities, but only in the ones you've mastered: mental conception and resuscitation. You can shift your location to your liking with some energy and you will revive if you take too much damage, but other than that, you are relying on Mario's capabilities. But I wouldn't worry; he's managed to put up a good show, if I recall your history with him."

I can practically see him smirking. "Ha ha ha," I grumble.

"Never underestimate your enemy," he reminds me. "You seem to have faced a powerful one."

"I understand," I assure him. "Third, I need you to find Mario in my body as well as the princess. Telepathically communicate with them. Find out where they are. Help them in any way they need, but don't make a habit out of it. I just need them to find me so we can get through this."

"Understood."

"Finally..." I sigh, my words threatening to fail me. "...take care of my kids, okay?"

"That's a promise I've never intended to fail," he assures me.

"Good," I smile. "Thank you, Kamek. When I get out of this, remind me to tell you just how much of an asset you've been to me more often."

"Another promise I won't intend to fail," he laughs briefly. "Good luck, Ezeki."

"Good luck, Kamek," I respond, allowing his presence to disappear before I left alone in my predicament.