Sonic stuck inside a computer

[Sonicfan253]

Just in case, here is a list of the characters

Niklaw
Suyo(superyoshi)
Mode(nin10mode)
Mic (marioiscool)
TBG (thebettergamer)
Moy (Messangerofyahawee)
Sonic= A blue hedgehog that is known as a very popular video game character. In this story he is the main character (duh) and he gets trapped inside a computer....Dont ask me how he gets out!!!

Sonic stuck inside a computer


One day...sonic was resting in green hill, he jumped up and said "ahhhh, nice day here,''
Sonic hopped apon a rock and looked at the sunset. Oddly, a blast of lightning came and zapped sonic with high volocity.
He layed there, paralized....

Meanwhile...on earth....

I sat at my computer. Having a chat with MIC, MOY, mode, and TBG. I typed "hey, does anyone want to get on SM63?" then I hit submit, Everyone replied "yes". So I went to the level desinger, to see....SONIC?!?! he was lying on the create level box. "WHAT THE HECK...WHAT IS SONIC DOING ON MY COMPUTER?"
I clicked on him with my mouse and surprisingly, I could drag him around. "Hey whats with all this racket?"
said sonic in an annoyed voice, what the...he could talk to me? I had an idea. I opened up the notepad on the desktop, and I typed "sonic? why are you here?"
he stared at the note and spoke through my speakers "I don`t know???".
I typed "I need to tell MIC about this!!!,
Sonic said "whos mic?".
I responded "just shut up for now!",
I closed out the notepad and dragged sonic into the chatbox and posted him along with a message "Sonic is on my computer, JUST TURN YOUR SPEAKERS UP!!!! HE TALKS!!!".
TBG posted "oh look, Sonicfans got a cool animation" ,
Then he turned his speakers up and heard sonic talking "Hey? where am I??? ".
TBG fell out of his chair, everyone else did too. MIC replied "Woah, sonic really IS on sonicfan`s computer!",
I dragged sonic over to the GAMES button on top of the website. And I posted "he needs help! I-i dont know how to get him off my computer!", Sonic layed down in an annoyed way. "Hey where am i going to LIVE?!?!",
I thought about that for a second...

CHAPTER 2
The more interesting chapter...

Tails sat down on his couch, Where was sonic?!? Tails looked curious. "Sonic has been missing for hours now!",
He decided not to worry becuase usually when sonic was missing he always came back! At least...sometimes....
Tails remembered when he had to save Sonic and the whole city by taking apart a bomb! He also remembered when he saved an island on his vacation. Well...without sonic it can get pretty boring,

On earth...

I sat at my desk...thinking why the heck Sonic was on my computer and what I was gonna do about it...Sonic tapped on the screen and said, "Hey, You done thinking yet?"
I jerked up from my seat. I had been stunned from my thoughts, Sonic ran over to the PRINT button and said "Hey whats this?"
I said "SONIC DON`T TOUCH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
too late, Soon I had a page printed from the printer. I picked it up and tore it to shreds,
"Sonic please don`t press anything else"
Sonic went over and touched the X button, "Like..like this?" he said.
This was going to be hard.....Especially since I had no idea how to get sonic off my computer.
I began to open up the internet and look at Niklaws tavern.
Suyo and Niklaw were hanging out there,
I said "hey Nik im having some trouble."
He replied "ay whats the trouble mate?"
I said "Well, Sonic is stuck on my computer." I thought, then I added "I dont know how to get him off."
Niklaw said "hmmm, that be some trouble for you"
I replied "Yeah it is!". Superyoshi replied in the conversation "have you TRIED to get him off?".
I replied "No, but I.....umm....no"
Niklaw said "We need some proof mate."
"Exactly" I thought, I dragged sonic into the chat bar and clicked "Submit"
"Oh my!" Replied Suyo a few seconds later, "You do have a problem....!"

LOOK OUT FOR CHAPTER 3!

[Kimonio]

- No new paragraph with each new speaker
- No description. Some people may not know MOY, MIC, or Sonic
- No plot described
- Grammar needs A LOT of work
- Spelling could use some work
- Story isn't jumping out at me......it's kinda boring




In other words, do some proofreading before you post. Write down a draft and ask your English teacher to proofread it and help you make it better. Because this story isn't good enough. It needs LOADS of work.

[MessengerOfDreams]

Yes, he is right.

But on teh up and up, look, I'm in a fanfic!

[Sonicfan253]

- No new paragraph with each new speaker
- No description. Some people may not know MOY, MIC, or Sonic
- No plot described
- Grammar needs A LOT of work
- Spelling could use some work
- Story isn't jumping out at me......it's kinda boring




In other words, do some proofreading before you post. Write down a draft and ask your English teacher to proofread it and help you make it better. Because this story isn't good enough. It needs LOADS of work.

Well if it doesn`t suprise you then dont read it. Its that simple

[MessengerOfDreams]

Don't get Kim wrong, it has an interesting plot, it just needs work. A lot. But we want to see it...

[Blablob]

- No new paragraph with each new speaker
- No description. Some people may not know MOY, MIC, or Sonic
- No plot described
- Grammar needs A LOT of work
- Spelling could use some work
- Story isn't jumping out at me......it's kinda boring




In other words, do some proofreading before you post. Write down a draft and ask your English teacher to proofread it and help you make it better. Because this story isn't good enough. It needs LOADS of work.

Well if it doesn`t suprise you then dont read it. Its that simple

It's not about that, Sonicfan. He's basically saying that you need to put more work into your stories.

[Sonicfan253]

Ah what the heck, Ill post chapter 2

[nin10mode]

Having a chat with MIC, MOY, mode, and TBG.

xD I'm the only one not capitalized! xS I look so boring! <xU

I would just try and make the chapter's longer. Maybe, more detail and less dialogue.