The Adventures of Scardysquaril

[ScardySquaril]

TABLE OF CONTENT

Chapter 1: The Beginning
Chapter 2: The kidnapped
Chapter 3: The Team-up
Chapter 4: The Plan
Chapter 5: The Bridge Battle
Chapter 6: The Search of the 7 pieces
Chapter 7: Volcano of the 8th piece
Chapter 8: The Castle
Chapter 9: The Final Battle
Chapter 10: Escape the Castle
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Chapter 1:

"Man, its so scorching out here!" Ruach said as he was sweating. "Lets get some delicious ice-cream to cool off, and...I think Im about to get a sun stroke." Scardy told him as he was in pain. Scardy went home to put some Sun Protection cream, and then told him that they would go to the beach. "Excellent idea, Scardy" Ruach was elated about Scardy's idea. Scardy and Ruach traveled through the city and had enough money to buy a fancy car, so they went to the Car shop. "Welcome, customers!" The Shop-keeper said. "What are you interested in? A mercedes?" "We like to buy that Long and Fancy car over there." Scardy pointed at the Car they wanted. "That would be $20000.00" The Shopkeeper told them the expensive price of the Car. After Ruach and Scardy buyed the car. They were gladdend and drove to the beautiful, Sunnyside Resort Beach. But once they got there...They saw a Airship as big as a building. And the Airship took Ruach away. "RUACHHHHH....!" Scardy sadly yelled.
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Chapter 2: Scardy went home crying and sayed in the house the whole day. "Whats wrong, dear?" Scardy's mother asked him. "A airship as big as a building kidnapped my best Friend Ruach, and I cant figure out where the airship took him." Scardy and his mother took a walk around the neighbourhood and then the community, then afterwards, Scardy's Mother got kidnapped by the same airship. "MOMMMM!" Scardy Screamed. Then afterwards, Scardy was at home, crying and crying. He couldnt stop crying that his friend and his mother was kidnapped. 30 minutes after, Scardy went to one of his friends house. Scardy sadly explained to him that his friend and his mother was kidnapped. "I feel depressed for you, Scardy" Kyle Tells him. Scardy rose up and got serious. "We will Find my Mom and Ruach, avenge them and destroy the Airship, but first we must find some weapons and allies before we could do that."
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Chapter 3: "Great Idea, Scardy, we all know that its impossible without them." Kyle said. As soon as Scardy walked out, he saw the Scarey Airship again, and immediately hid. 10 mins after, he looked out the window, the airship was gone, he and his friend ran to another friends house. "Whos there?" The friend said. "Its me, Scardy." "Ok." Caleb opened the door. "We need you to help us rescue mom and Ruach!" Scardy explained to him. "Agree." Caleb helpingly said. Let Go to Tony and Abdul's houses. *20 min after*. Both friends agree to help. "Lets get the weapons, team!" Scardy and his Crew traveled distances and distances, and finally reached the Weapons Master place. "Mazle?" Scardy asked. "Yesss...?" Mazle replied. "We need you to make us some weapons, pleasee?" Scardy Asked pleasently. "Ok...But you must do one favor for this weapons." Mazle explained their missions. "You must defeat a monster in the bridge area and take a picture of the defeated monster!" "OK, This must be easy for us then...right?" Scardy asked Mazle. "No its not easy, the monster is made out of metal and steel!" Mazle Warned them. Scardy, caleb, abdul, tony and Kyle Came to Scardy's home to make a plan.
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Chapter 4: "Sooooo....Whats the plan of defeating the monster?" Tony asked the crew. "I dont know!" Kyle worringly said. "Then we must find something that will defeat the monster..or research what metal monster's weaknesses are." Scardy explained. "Lets look for items that might defeat the monster first!" Suggested Abdul. "Great idea, Adbul!" Scardy Said. So Scardy and the crew started the search......*1 hr later* "I see nothing that can defeat the monster...So lets research the weaknesses of the monster." Scardy told them. Scardy researched every weaknesses of the Metal Monster and told the group. "Guys guys, I found ALL of the weaknesses of the Metal Monster!" "Great!" Caleb was surprised. "Now lets get those items and destroy the Monster so we can move on to obtain the weapons from Mazle!" Kyle charged the group. *2 min later* Scardy and the group marches out the house and Runs to the Bridge of the Monster. "Yes! We are almost there, gang!" Scardy tells them.
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Chapter 5: *Scardy and Crew reaches the Bridge* "Wheres the monster?" Wondered Scardy. *POW!!!* "There it is!" Caleb yelled! Scardy and the crew is starting to fight the monster, and the monster started attacking. "Watch out Tony!" Scardy warned Tony. Tony dodges the attack just in time. The crew is struggling to attack the monster so they decided to throw one of the weaknesses and the monster has dodged. "Man how can we beat this monster, its as strong as 10 rhinos!* Kyle asked as he was rescuing Abdul before he gets attacked. "Wait! Any of you have a flame-Thrower, thats its ultimate weakness to becoming weak! I just found out!" "No!" THe whole group replied. "Be right back, guys, just hold on!" Scardy went to get a flame thrower, and the guys has to dodge the monsters attacks! "AHHHHHHHH!" The crew was trapped and luckily Scardy was back and fired the flame-Thrower, the monster became weaker, and the crew threw all of the weaknesses of the monster, and the monster was defeated! "Scardy, your a hero!" The Whole crew chanted! So Scardy and the crew took a pic and went to the weapon_masters place. "We did it, Mazle!" Scardy said to him. "Good, Good, heres the weapons, but you must find the 8 hidden pieced to activate them." "Wheres is the 8 pieces, sir?" Scardy asked. "Well Scardy I can tell you most of the pieces are in the grasslands, and one is in the Volcano!" Mazle told them. "Be careful! Its a Dangerous quest!"
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Chapter 6: "Lets Get the 8 Pieces to activate the weapons!" The Crew Chanted. They Saw the Grasslands once they looked everywhere. They sprinted to the grasslands and saw the first piece. They grabbed it and they decided to split up. "Lets split up to find the pieces and once we found seven pieces, meet at my garage!" Caleb went west so he went far, then east and spotted a piece. "Scardy! I found a piece!" Caleb told him. "Great Job!" Scardy congrats him. Tony spotted one too, so does Abdul! "I cant find one, Scardy!" Kyle tells him. "Ok, I have the map! You are going Southeast! Go Southwest where you are!" Scardy tells him where the piece is. "Ok thanks Scard...Hey I found it!" Abdul said. "Ok meet back here to find the final piece in this grasslands." Scardy tells him. Scardy and the crew wondered where the final piece in the Grasslands is. "I feel something under me!" Scardy Excitedly said. Scardy digs up the object and it ends up the final piece. "Horray!" The Crew Cheered pleasently! "Now we have to go inside the volcano to get the final piece!" Scardy said. "But how do we get there, Scardy?" Abdul asked. "Lets go to my garage! Im going to drive to the airport, then use the plane to reach the volcano, get it guys?!" Scardy explained to them in a plan way. "Yep!" Caleb replied. Scardy and the crew runs to the garage, takes the car for a drive, park at the airport, use the plane to reach the volcano!
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Chapter 7: "Well we have reached the Volcano!" Scardy tells them. The Group climbs the huge volcano with crazy hot lava inside and is set to get the final piece. Scardy has dropped into the volcano first. "WHOAAAAA!" The crew drops fast and finally reached the ground. "So wheres the piece, Scardy?" Caleb asked. "We have to climb the vol...The Lava is rising...CLIMB CLIMB!" Scardy was surprised!" The crew was climbing as fast as they could! "Man the lava is coming at us faster than we are! We're Doomed!" Caleb screamed! "Not yet we are!" Scardy told them. Scardy packed jetpacks for his crew members and they jetpacked through the volcano! And entered the pipe. Scardy recharged the Jetpacks and jetpacked through the volcano, the lava was as fast as the lightning now, theres nothing they could do. But they found the piece and got teleported out of the volcano! "Yes! We made it!!! Without your jetpacks, scardy, we would be boned!" The crew congrats him. "Now that the Weapons are activated we can go through the Castle and rescue My mom and my friend!!" Scardy was pleasent! "But wheres the castle Scardy?" Kyle asked him. "Far in front of us!" Replied scardy. Our heroes raced to reach the Castle and saw a figure at the top of the Castle. "WEEGEE!" Scardy found out.
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Chapter 8: Our heroes entered the Castle and the first thing they saw was it was a maze. "Oh my Gawd! Its a Maze!" Scardy screamed. "We have to find the right path to reach Weegee and fight him so we can rescue them." Scardy, Caleb, Abdul, kyle and Tony explored the Maze looking for the right door. Choosing the wrong door can kill them! "I found a Door saying the right one!" Kyle told them. "Dont listen to the sign, kyle its a trap!" Scardy warned him. Caleb tells them that this one was the definity right one. "Thts one is correct, Caleb! Good job!" Scardy Congrats him. They entered the door, and saw a obstacle standing in their way. "What do we do, Scardy? The obstacle is hard!" Tony cried. "Then we use the thwomps as travels and avoid the obstacle!" Scardy answered Tony's question. Scardy and the crew traveled and avoided lava and obstacles along the way. And they made it 30 seconds later. They still have one more challange to face, the minion battle. "This guy is easy to handle, seriously, just stomp on him three times!" Scardy told them. Our heroes stomped Weegee's minion four times and went through the door!
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Chapter 9: "Weegee, Weeegee!" The Battle has started Our heroes has thrown a bomb at him but it wasnt effective to him. Weegee used stare and attacked Caleb but it didnt hurt at all. So Scardy uses his powers on him and it actually effective to him so weegee got abit more madder and he charged at the heroes and they avoided his quick attack before he gets them so they used the jetpack that was going to explode any second and threw it at him. "We are going to win this battle, Scardy!" Caleb cheered. "Not! He has true powers you know, Caleb!" They were facing Weegee's Ulimate Powers. Weegee charged at them at the light of speed and luckily scardysquaril has packed an extra Jetpack. So our heroes jetpacked before he could get them. And Weegee can now fly, so the heroes paniked and randomly attacked Weegee. Weegee got even madder, so they have to avoid his powers, and attack when hes in his weakest. "What do we do, Scardy?" We cannot beat him!" Caleb paniked. "Dont worry! We wait for his weakest, after we defeat him and rescue my parent and friend!" Scardy tells him. Weegee got to his weakest and our heroes attacked him one last time and he was defeated! "We defeated him and I have my parents now!" Scardy was elated. *BOOM!* "Oh no! We have to escape the Castle!
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Chapter 10: Our heroes has to escape the Castle with no time to spare! Luckily they have a jetpack to help escape! But Scardy's Parent and friend...They dont have a jetpack...Well Luckily, Scardy can carry 2 peoples so our heroes can escape the Castle with their shortcut! Yes! They are going to escape the Castle so our heroes saved their parents. But the exit is about to close, so the heroes used their jetpacks to go 10x faster. And luckily, with one inch to spare, our heroes and Scardy's Parent and friend has escaped the Castle. Once they got home, they had a celebration to say that Scardy and his friend crew are now becoming new heroes of the city!
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THE END

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

No.

The chapters are short. Really, really short.

And the plotline is weak.

And everyone treats you like God a VIP.

'...then afterwards, Scardy's Mother got kidnapped by the same airship.'

Could you elaborate? Make it something like this.

'As they left the community building, a bubbling noise was heard. It was the airship again! It descended slowly, and touched the ground with a thump.
A beam, the exact same one that took Ruach away, shot out, and grappled Scardy's mom in a burst of gravity. Then she floated slowly into the hatch where the beam had come out of, while she flailed about and screamed to be put down.
Click went the hatch over Scardy's mother, and the airship took off in a cloud of smoke. By the time it cleared, the airship was no more than a small blob in the sky. Much too far for Scardy to reach.'

Isn't that much more detailed?

It's not as bad as previous submissions I've seen *cough*Bogdan*cough*, but not good, either.

3/10

[SuperMIC]

I thought it started out good... at least you have good language... but... it was just so random and as like MK said, the chapters are so short and you're treated like a VIP. Like, what was with the car? I stopped after Chapter 1...

It was kind of a 3/10 too, sorry.

[ScardySquaril]

I never expected rates!

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

I never expected rates!

You should've expected bad ones... *is shot*

But seriously, try to improve. Take MoD's stories, for example, and use as example.

[ScardySquaril]

So to improve...I make the chapters longer
To elaberate what the sound was.
More action
And like thats stuff?

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

So to improve...I make the chapters longer
To elaberate what the sound was.
More action
And like thats stuff?

Well, we could do without so much action...

But yeah. Improve. Look at what good stories are, and make yours like them.

[ScardySquaril]

Great Idea, now Ima go read some stories
Then I get inspiration to write Adventures of Scardysquaril 2

[Ridder]

Great Idea, now Ima go read some stories
Then I get inspiration to write Adventures of Scardysquaril 2

No. No don't do that.
Your writing skill lacks sophistication and actual depth. Read good stories, and then practice for a couple of months or so, but please, don't write another story like this.

[*Emelia K. Fletcher]

Great Idea, now Ima go read some stories
Then I get inspiration to write Adventures of Scardysquaril 2

No. No don't do that.
Your writing skill lacks sophistication and actual depth. Read good stories, and then practice for a couple of months or so, but please, don't write another story like this.

THANK you for reminding me of the words I wanted to use.

*tacks one point onto the Awesome-Ridder-o-matic board*