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* Kirby in Dreamland *

PROLOGUE

Kirby snored and yawned inside his tiny starship. Naptime was a bad thing while the starship was moving.

BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP!

Kirby jumped up, red lights were flashing and the alarm was blaring. "Poyo! Poyo! Poyo!" Kirby yelled, he looked at his control screen and saw that a meteor was heading right toward him!

Kirby panicked and tried to steer the ship away! but he was too late...BANG! the meteor hit his ship!

The starship started on fire, the controls sparked, and the ship plumeted through space. Down...down...down...

A spark burned Kirby, he fell to the floor. Then, everything went completley pitch black.

Chapter 1: Where am I?

Kirby heard something...what was it? he suddenly woke up and got off the floor.

The starship was burnt, and scraps were scattered everywhere. Kirby pushed open the door, and hopped out.

"Poyo?" said Kirby. He looked around, there were flowers, plants, gardens, and rainbows!

Far off in the distance, Kirby could see a castle! Suddenly an oversized penguin waddled over, stealing all the fruits and vegatables in the garden!

The penguin left no fruit untouched, he stole every one of them! two Waddle-Dees were gathering cake, tacos, pizza, you name it!

They started running toward the castle. "Poyo Poyo?" said Kirby, confused.

He realized that the Penguin was stealing! He wanted the food for himself!

Kirby chased after the penguin, determined to make him stop!

Along the way, Kirby was stopped by a Waddle-Doo. "HALT! King Dedede allows NO ONE to come after his food!"

"Poyo" said Kirby. Waddle-Doo just stared at him, "Huh?" he said. "Poyo Poyo!" Kirby shouted as he inhaled Waddle-doo.

Kirby didn't mind to chew, he just gulped it right down! The Waddle-doo was fortunatley holding a boomerang, so Kirby transformed!

He put on a gold helmet and gained a yellow boomerang! Cutter Kirby!

Kirby dashed through the garden, still chasing King Dedede. Vines wrapped around him, but he sliced them with his boomerang.

The castle was getting closer and closer. And so was that mysterious King Dedede.

Chapter 2: After King Dedede!

Kirby chased after King Dedede as fast as he could! He sliced an army of Waddle-Doos that were charging toward him.

He came over a lake. He looked down into the deep water, "Poyo" he said. He put his snorkel on and hopped in.

Clear waters floated around him, he smiled at the little koi fish that swam around.

He glided effortlessley across coral and castles. Coral, and candyweed.

Kirby stopped by a koi fish trying to squeeze into an opening. "Hello fellow, do you mind helping me get into this cave?" said the koi. Kirby nodded and said "Poyo".

Kirby and the koi fish pushed and pushed, but the opening didn't budge. Kirby got an idea, he inhaled a coral plant, and spit it out as a flying star!

The star rammed into the opening, and broke the cave entrance right open! Kirby and the koi swam inside.

Inside was a treasure chest, Kirby pushed it open and saw a feast of candy, treats, and vegatables!

"Oh thank you! This was my only stash of food that King Dedede didn't steal!" said the koi happily. "Now would you mind telling me your name?", Kirby did not know how to reply. But he tried and said "Kerby!"

"Kirby?" said the koi. "Thats the name of an old hero!", Kirby stared at the Koi and said "Poyo?".

"Well thanks anyway, Kirby. We make a great team!" the Koi waved at Kirby and Kirby waved back.

"Oh, and before I forget, my name is Kine" said the Koi fish. Kirby nodded and swam up to the surface.

Kirby continued running toward the castle. He was almost there!

Chapter 3: Kracko Clouds

The Castle was about 200 yards away! Kirby cheered and ran right to the castl.......OH NO A CLIFF!

Kirby tried to stop himself from falling off, he dragged his feet on the ground. But it was no use. He tumbled off the edge and fell, and fell. The cliff was so deep that he couldn`t fly out of it, but suddenly he was being pulled up out of the cliff by something!

He looked below him and saw a shooting star, forcing him up out of the cliff and into the air! It was his old buddy, Warpstar! Warpstar flew him out of the worst of situations.

Where was Warpstar bringing Kirby? Kirby looked down and saw the earth getting smaller. Suddenly the Warpstar slipped out from under Kirby and placed him on a fluffy cloud.

The Warpstar exploded into a firework of baby stars. Kirby gleamed at the magnificent sight! "Poyo!" he said.

He walked across cotton candy clouds and marshmallow steps. Suddenly he saw some Waddle-Dees! He inhaled 3 of them, then he turned into spark kirby! Kirby took out more of the Waddle-Dees using a spark wave. Then he blasted out the rest with a spark ball.

Then the clouds shook continously. Then Kirby heard a low thumping sound...

Thump
Thump!
Thump!
THUMP!
THUMP!

Kirby looked up..."P-p-p-poyo?" he saw a HUGE Waddle-Dee Robot!

"MISSION > INALATE > SUBJECT% > Code: KIRBY > Color: PINK > ';'][;'];'];] HIS MISSION > ???" said the giant Waddle-Dee robot.

Kirby smacked the robot with a beam of sparks and lightning. "SUBJECT > DAMAGE > OWZERZ > EMOTION: MAD > INIALATE > KIRBY" screamed the robot.

The robot began to go into a wild spin. Kirby got an idea, he shot sparks at the spinning Waddle-Dee robot, and it electrocuted the whole robot, "OW > OW > OW > OW > SELF DESTRUCT!" screamed the robot.

BOOM!

The robot exploded! Kirby had beaten it! Kirby continued walking on the clouds, where ever he was going, he knew he was making progress.

you should do more than that, the intro is too short

Its enough to be an intro, intros aren't supposed to be that long. And, its a cliffhanger! XD

Tnt is Right
Make it Longer
Before the text goes black
Almost black.................
It's black cuz you didn't make it as long it should be

Nintendogeek64 wrote:cuz you didn't make it as long it should be

There's no rule as to how long an intro has to be, nor how short it has to be. It's the content packed inside the intro that matters; in other words, a long story does not make a good story, even though it gives you better oppurtunity to write a good story.

That being said *clears throat*, it wasn't much of an intro at all. A meteor hits the starship, and Kirby gets knocked out? It's definitely a step-up in comparison to your other stories, but it can be improved, no?

Aw, whatever. Ill make chapter 1 soon.

Sonicfan253 wrote:Aw, whatever. Ill make chapter 1 soon.

When? The chapter is already made. Are you talking about ch. 2.

Quite good and good legnth. Well, too many stuff like "SuyoPoyo, poyo," No very intersting at this, not many chat..... ehhhhh....

Kirby doesn't need to speak! he can use his emotions and "Poyo!"

Sonicfan253 wrote:Kirby doesn't need to speak! he can use his emotions and "Poyo!"

I know, but using ( ) To know what IT mean.

Dude, that's WAY too short to be a chapter. One and a half parts of a chapter of my story are 1 chapter for you? For an intro, it's good enough. However, chapters aren't that short. Usually it goes like this:

Story ----> Chapter ----> Part.

But really, the story's somehow uninteresting so far. I can't see the action here. You know, you can get out of the normal story and add some fan-fiction. I'll give you a small example on how to do it interesting. But first...

He sliced an army of Waddle-Doos that were charging toward him.

is NOT interesting. Why don't you do something like...

As he chased King Dedede, he was sending some Waddle Dees to attack Kirby! Kirby inhaled a Waddle Dee and then he split it out as a star, making a chain reaction that hit the other Waddle Dees! A Waddle Dee tried to hit Kirby with a Spear, however, a Parasol Waddle Dee was right in front of him, and the spear got stuck on the parasol. "Great. just gr-" Said the Waddle Dee when he saw his spear got stuck on the parasol, but was interrupted when Kirby dived into both Waddle Dees. After that, he inhaled 3 Waddle Dees at the same time, and released a Super Star (The biggest of the stars) while it hit the rest of the Waddle Dees.

You know, making chapters too long is horrible, but making them too short makes the history uninteresting.

Oh, just so you know, Waddle Doos are the ones that can give the Beam ability (The ones with 1 big eye) . Waddle Dees are the one that can have Parasols.