Super mario land:Revenge of Tatanga

[Dark_Meta_Knight]

Hope you like my story.Ok here it go''s.Once there was this plumber Mario
Mario:Mama MIA,i need to do more plumbing today.Luigi:Mario not again.

But then.Mail man:Knock knock.Mario:Go answer the door.Luigi:Ok...Mario its from a letter from daisy.Tatanga invaded Sarasaland again. Mario WHAT!!!!...We must get there quick.To the new and approve sky pop.Once in Sarasaland.Mario:H mm,it"s seem quiet too quiet.Luigi:Ooh Cheese. (Walks towards cheese.Mario:NO...Luigi its a trap.(Enemies appear).Luigi/Mario:Oh crud.To be continue tomorrow.

[Kimonio]

Story needs a hell of a lot of work. It doesn't hook the reader in, it isn't typed right, it isn't hardly a story, the smilies are not needed............












Yeah, you've got some major work to do on this. o_O


2/10

[Firestar]

-Needs to be longer
-No proper word usage
-Rather than:
Mario: Oh no!
Do this:
"Oh no!",Mario cried
-No proper paragraphs
-This is MOSTLY a script. Try saying what they do more.

[Dark_Meta_Knight]

Ok i will approve.And HMF Luigi is the one who cried.

[fourinone]

What the others said.