The Day Mario Died

[General Guy 101]

Prologue

It was one starry night, Mario was doing chores for princess peach.Suddenly Mario heard bushes shaking and Mario Looked at the Bush that was making that "swish" noise.Mario walked over and found a Pistol on his Forehead.Then BAM!! went the gun and the murderer ran away.The Murderer Face Planted into the ground when he fell of an edge.Mario was leaking red blood on to the Brick Blocks.That Day The Toads Ran out of 1-UP Mushrooms so Mario Couldn't Come Back to life.The Toads were to afraid to get the 1-UP Mushrooms with the Murderer running around.The Toads were sad, the Princess was sad, The Hero's Brother was furious!The Brother ran to the Brick Block Road to Find The Murderer.Luigi had a straight face, Magnum Pistol in his side-arm, a Rifle, and a musket.Instead of Jumping on The Brown Goombas he chose to do something a little more painful.

I'm gonna finish up tomorrow

[MessengerOfDreams]

Kid, you just motivated me to make Story Rules, cause that was baaaaaaaaad!

[Newgeneration]

It would be a good idea for a story, though after every sentence, you forget to add a space dividing both the end of each sentence and the beginning of every other sentence.Like how I'm typing right now.It's painful to read isn't it?I'd suggest putting more effort into your grammar. Anyway, don't take it the wrong way, but this could become a good story if you would use better grammar.

[Blablob]

It's not just grammar he needs to improve. I've said in the past you don't need a long story to have a good story, but you need something longer than THIS! How else are you planning to introduce characters, plot setting, etc, all in one paragraph! Either it will be done crappily, or not at all. Overall, the story needs tons of work.

[RazorTH]

Short,no good plot,very little characters,and,a very short story.Also,very little format.