Mario & Luigi vs. The Level Designer

[Dark Lord]

One day, Mario and Luigi walks in a park. And they realized that there was something glowing in the sky. Luigi said "what's that?" and Mario said "It looks like a Shine Sprite". Both of them grabbed their Rocket FLUDD and used it to get into the sky. And then finally, they both ran into the sky and tried to collect the Shine Sprite. When they touched the Shine Sprite, they realized that it's fake, thinking that someone disabled the Shine Sprite. Then Mario said "Who disabled this Shine Sprite?" and then Luigi replied "I don't know... maybe the Level Designer." Then Mario said "D*mn it, I hate the Level Designer who disabled this Shine Sprite, he tricked us. Okay Luigi, let's go back to the Mushroom Kingdom." Then they went back, they realized when they were near Peach's Castle, they saw that the Toads outside the castle were very noisy like a party was going in, the noise was getting louder every passing minute until Mario asked a Toad "What's going on?" and then, the toad replied "We're celebrating Bowser's 25th Failed Plan Anniversary which in more than two decades of you foiling Bowser's Plans and of course, Peach will bake the biggest and the tallest strawberry cake ever!" The noises stopped when Peach brings out the biggest and the tallest strawberry cake ever and everyone who saw the cake (except for Peach & The Level Designer, of course) were suprised (even Mario & Luigi) because it is almost as tall as Peach's Castle. When Peach says "Let's eat!" then all the toads outside the Castle jumps in joy until they saw a Rotating Block that looks like a meteor and everyone screams when the Rotating Block hits the strawberry cake. And a large Rotating Block hits and destroys Peach's Castle. Then the princes looks at her castle shouted "Ah, sh*t, what is that thing?", she saw a robot made out of Rotating Blocks! Everyone ran when the robot chases them until they went back to the Outskirts of Mushroom Kingdom. And then Peach says when they reached the Outskirts Of Mushroom Kingdom "I think we lost them." and then she said "D*mn, we need a new castle." and Mario replied "No, how about we kick that bullsh*t's *ss down and we shall repair it."

[Kimonio]

1- Stop with the colors
2- PARAGRAPH PARAGRAPH PARAGRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH


I didn't even bother reading on after I saw the colors. I just skimmed through. Then I saw that you had just grouped what could have been at least 10 paragraphs into one bigass paragraph. Also, you changed tense after the first sentence. Stick with one. The ending sentence is boring. No action. It is just a few words and a period.



Not much effort, me thinks. o_O


4/10