Bowser takes Revenge

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Bowser takes Revenge

Postby legomaster99559 » September 9th, 2010, 7:22 am

This story takes place a few weeks after the adventures of Paper Mario.
Prologue
Mario and Luigi were sitting at home, reading Luigi's new book: Luigi's Adventures, when there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," said Luigi. He opened the door, and standing there was Parakarry, the Mail-Koopa. "Hello Luigi," he said, "Is Mario there?" "You don't want to talk to me?", said Luigi. "No, I need to talk to Mario" "ok. Mario! Parakarry is here 4 you!" Then Luigi walked away. Mario walked outside and said, "Hey Parakarry! What's up?" "Hello again, Mario.", Parakarry answered, "The Goomba Family is hosting a big party at there house tomorrow. It is going to be celebrating the rescue of Princess Peach from Bowser. Everyone who helped you on your adventure is gonna be there." "Cool," Mario said, "I'm there!"
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Re: Bowser takes Revenge

Postby Kimonio » September 9th, 2010, 1:31 pm

This isn't a story unless it has both discussion and action. This has only discussio. The discussion doesn't make it show excitement. It is more or less boring.


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Re: Bowser takes Revenge

Postby TheMMMification » September 16th, 2010, 6:05 pm

It's best if you add way more to this part unless it's supposed to be a preview, but I don't see anything that says it's a preview.
Oh yes, and plz try to come up with a better plot than "the princess has gotten kidnapped!".
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Re: Bowser takes Revenge

Postby Kimonio » September 17th, 2010, 5:37 pm

Clearly you missed the big text that said "Prologue". o_O
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