The Return of the Legendary Twelve

[Suyo]

Very nice story you got there. I just thought the end was a bit boring.

[MICrophone]

Thanks!

You're not the first who complained about the ending…I've had a couple anticlimactic complaints…so I have posted an…

ALTERNATIVE ENDING!!!

If people like this one better then I'll make it the official ending…let me know what you guys think.

[Buff_]

Yeah, the ending was mcuh better than last time. Great job.

[MICrophone]

Due to multiple people telling me that the alternative ending is better, I am now making it the real ending and making the original ending the alternative ending.

[bowsersbane]

awesome story! but i feel i kinda dissapear after i throw myself into the masked figure (that means you dident say my name once more ) its ok though i loved the fact i was in it at all

[fourinone]

Hey, great story, mic! A thing that stood out for me was that it (gasp) contained correct capitalization and grammar! It made the whole experience a lot more smooth and not brain-hurting, so thank you for that, hehe.

Now, for some things you actually WANT to hear about...
So, about content, I felt that the first two chapters and the ending (the longer, formerly alternate one) were the strongest. The beginning really sets the mood well and pulls you into the story, and the ending is pretty epic; I especially like the ambiguity of your fate at the end.
But, as aznchau4ever said, I did feel that the battle section was a bit difficult to follow. Also, I don't exactly know why, but I did have a bit of a problem with the Legendary Twelve's super-powers. Perhaps I thought it felt a bit cliche, or maybe I did not expect the story to go in that direction, but I did feel that it was a bit...out of place, I guess. Of course, the powers are very essential to the plot (especially towards the end), so....I don't know; perhaps there could have been a better way to introduce the powers?

Anyways, aside from that, great story! Do write more!

[MICrophone]

Thanks guys!

In response to your comments about the powers four, I am primarily relying on Buffooner's Background Stories(viewtopic.php?f=21&t=1646) to discuss the origins of the powers. We sort of planned that when we both started thinking about doing our stories. The powers themselves were for the most part chosen by each of the members (they PM'd me the powers they wanted), with the exception of a few (like MetaRL123). Yeah. So that is the deal with that.

[brandoprojectm]

Wow mic, that was a really good story. As we discussed before, there are a lot of grammatical and compositional errors you could take care of to make you story a hundred times better, but you can't turn into a pro writer like me [/complete lack of modesty] in just a few stories. : P

Like everyone else has already said, there are some parts that are very confusing (composition, composition) but it looks like you really spent time going through and making sure it was good. The story isn't very epic to say the least, and that was some of the main reasons it didn't keep me very interested, but you developed the plot very well. Although you kinda failed in trying to keep a sense of mystery with the mysterious masked figure, seeing as you definitely knew that we'd all know who he was right away.

You'll get better in time and I know it, so keep up the good work.

[HyperSonic]

Whoah!Awsome story but i`m not very active inside
9.5/10

[megamario126]

Well, even though the fanfic was good, I think you rushed a little bit on the ending: 9.4/10