Mr_SaxMan's Super Sexy Tales of Stuff

[Mr_SaxMan]

Basically, if I ever make a story, I'll post it here.


The "Ban the User Above" Game

Spoiler: show

I wrote this story for a forum game on a different forum, the game being called, "Ban the User Above You."

Basically, we say why the user is banned, and it's supposed to be random and stupid, like, "I don't like people with Ds in their name." I went over board. :3

Setting - Anime Forum (I was given an account there, and there are nice people there. I am not an anime obsessor)

Charles Xavier - my friend, Criminal in story

Ash - my friend, B*tchy friend in story

Ryanasaurus0077 - person, innocent guy who gets banned

I was walking down the street, when I saw Charles Xavier. He was holding a big can of spray paint, and spraying on the walls, "Anime Forum sucks." I walked up to the perp, snuck behind him, and grabbed him by the shoulder. He looked at me and screamed like a girl, and ran in the opposite direction. I darted after him, running through the busy sidewalks of Animetropolis. Nearly grabbing his shirt collar, my friend Ash suddenly walked in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

"Sax, what are you doing?" she asked me.

"I really can't talk now. I'm doing something important," I replied.

"Not so fast," she grabbed my arm as I ran around her. "You promised me you would give me a cake!"

"But I did make you a cake! I put it right on your porch!"

"What was the address?"

I whispered the address so nobody heard it.

"SAX! THAT'S MY EX'S HOUSE!"

After several hours of arguing later, I walked her over to the nearest pastry shop and bought her a big chocolate cake. Seeing her consumed, I pursued Charles again. I saw him about 3 feet away from the pastry shop, lazily looking at a big sign of an add for "iCarly." I ran after him again, and he ran also.

I was so close to grabbing him. I was nearly able to feel the cloth in his shirt. But suddenly, with a despicable laugh, Charles cackled.

"You can't get me THAT easily! Not with my new invention that I didn't really invent I just found it on the sidewalk right outside of a bar! ROCKET SHOES!"

Charles jumped straight into the air, his shoes morphing from souls to heavy metal machinery, fire spewing out of the bottom. I jumped, arms extended, right at his direction, but it was no use. Charles was flying away too fast. Knowing he couldn't get away, I got out my secret weapon I had snuck into the city from a different forum called the BANHAMMER! It is basically a normal hammer, except it is super effective, and there is a picture of the awesome face on the side where you hit nails. With all my might, I flung it straight at Charles. I saw his evil eyes suddenly turn to fear, knowing his demise would be soon...

It missed, and hit a brick wall, and fell straight onto Ryanasaurus0077. The end.

The Horrible Death of Our Panikking President

Spoiler: show

It was a dark a rainy evening on Thursday... Except instead of Thursday it was Monday, and instead of dark and rainy, it was bright and sunny out, and it was around lunch. Our story begins here, in Las Vegas, Nevada, except instead of Las Vegas, it was Washington D.C...

Director: "Alright WHO THE HELL HIRED THIS NARRATOR GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"

Narrator: "NO! DON'T MAKE ME GO! I'VE LIVED UP TO THIS VERY MOMENT! *is dragged out* NOOOOOOooooooooo........!"

Director: "-.- Ok, let's get the new narrator."

... Our story begins in Washington D.C. in the Oval Office, where our hero is met. He goes by many nicknames, one, Garret, one Jello, but most people call him panik!, as he starts screaming every time his favorite contestant from "Dancing With the Stars" gets voted off. Anyways, Jello was pacing his office. He was thinking very hard. The current world had many serious problems that he had to deal with, and solving them would be near impossible. Yes, he was thinking of the terrible reign of Justin Bieber in America. (What, you thought it was the economy? Silly child!) Anyways, many thoughts had occurred through his mind, involving mind control, poison gas, and some form of ninja jitsu, but none seemed to be the right answer. He was sweating like a dog, concentrating so hard, his eyeballs were turning yellow. (EEEEEEEEEW!) Suddenly, looking the clock, he was shocked to see how late it was, and, feeling enough stress that day, headed over to his bedroom. He walked through the long hallways, ignored the excited tourists, shot those in the face who kept persisting, (they were all...

Flight of RedLink, Some Retard Who Has No Idea What the F*ck He's Doing (Working Title)

Spoiler: show

There was once a king. He was quite a sh*tty king, but nobody really gave a f*ck anyways so he was king. Anyways, beginning with the story.

Red was lying in his cell in the dank and dark jail of Azkaban. He had been sitting on the ground for months. His hair now stringy and wet from not washing it since he last ate a good jelly donut. Come on Red, why are you such a f*cking slob? TAKE A SHOWER! Anyways, it had been like any other day, cold, dark, dementors stalking his every move… He had heard a rumor that the people screaming at night were victims. When the dementors get bored, they apparently give AIDS to the prisoners at night… Their shrieks were terrible.

Back to the story, Red, thinking about his future, dosed off, dreaming of deep dreams. He first dreamed of the first time he rode a broomstick. He then dreamed of the time he kicked that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Hufflepuff Marty Griffin in the balls… But then… a strange dream came through his mind… He was floating in the air, smoke and steam around him… When a figure appeared. Her flowing red hair made it obvious. It… was Florence Welch. She looked at Red, grinning. Red sort of stared at her, not grinning, just staring.

"Florence, why the f*ck are you invading my personal dreams? I was having fun kicking Marty Griffin in the balls!"
Florence said nothing. She kept herself quite, walking around Red, examining him. Red just floated still. Florence stopped, and started to unbutton her-

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!” Red shouted. “Look, you may have your interests in people, but look, I DON’T F*CKING LIKE YOU! YOU’RE AN UGLY B*TCH, SO GO TO HELL! Your f*cking hair will match the fire."

Florence, obviously pissed off with Red, faded away. Suddenly, Red found himself falling, until he hit the floor of his Azkaban cell and opened his eyes. He looked around, still in Azkaban. He sighed. Then, he walked up to his cell mate and shook him awake.

"Jello! Jello! I just had this… really retarded dream!" Red whispered.

"Did you kick Marty Griffin in the balls again?" Jello moaned, trying to wipe the dirt from his face.

"NO NO- well, yes. But that’s not it!” Red exclaimed. "I had a dream… that Florence Welch… tried to f*ck me…"
Jello’s eyes widened.

"But I mean seriously, I turned that ♥♥♥♥♥ DOWN, she’s such an ugly whore, who would like her? I mean, her hair looks like a mix between an anime freak and a-"
Jello’s arm flung straight up and punched Red right in the stomach. Red flew across the room, and crashed against the hard concrete wall.

"Damn dude!" Red exclaimed, dusting himself off. "I didn’t know you were that stro-"
Jello landed another punch at Red’s face. Red’s nose trickled with blood as he stumbled back a bit.

"DUDE WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Red yelled.

Jello caught Red by his shirt collar.

"NOBODY EVER STEALS FLORENCE FROM ME!" Jello pushed Red across the room. His eyes glowed Red suddenly. I don’t know how the hell that happened, but that’s some ♥♥♥♥ up science going on there.

"YOU SON OF A B*TCH!" Jello yelled. "I WILL GIVE YOU AIDS!" Jello stomped right towards Red, pulling out hundreds of little ninja stars, tripping over a passing snail, then standing over Red, helplessly blocking his face with his arms. Jello cackled in his face, bringing his arm back, full of hundreds of sharp blades. Red was near hopeless, there was just one more hope…

"AH! JESUS CHRIST!" Jello screamed, falling backwards, crawling on the ground. "DID YOU JUST KICK ME IN THE BALLS?!"

"I got experience from Marty," Red said coolly.

Jello raged, he jumped up, and started throwing ninja stars everywhere at Jello. Red jumped around like a pansy, screaming like a girl from Jello’s attacks. Suddenly, with one star flung off course, it headed straight for the cell bars, and sliced right through it… Causing the entire jail door to fall down. Red and Jello looked at eachother… They looked at the door, then at each other.

"Why the hell didn’t you do that before?"
"I dunno, got lazy."

False Accusations (Can't use spoilers for certain reasons)

*cough* *clears throat*

Well, one day, I was walking down the street, when, like, I looked at some hot chick, and her extremely big silver earrings caught my eye, because I could see the reflection of what was behind me. So, I turned around, and, there was, like, this gun, that was walking around, going up to people, and just shootin' them in the face. What's up with that, huh? A**. So, like, the gun walks into this nearby Walgreen's, and so I just go in, follow the gun into the store. I see it walk up to the counter, and it's, like,

"Yo b*tch, give me yo b*tch-a** moneh!"

The woman behind the counter screamed and hid behind the counter, but the gun jumped up onto the counter. As soon as I heard a loud boom, and saw blood on the ground, I realized somethin' very important. I forgot to buy an extra controller to play COD with my cousin. So, I walked through the aisle, quickly gawked at the women on the "Shape" magazine covers, and then headed for the door. But then, like, I hear this annoying noise, and I realize that it was some kid who was crying on the ground cause he dropped his candy. I was like LOL WTF LOOZR and took out my phone to record it, and put it on Youtube. But then the gun sees me, and he's like,

"Hey yo b*tch, give me yo cell-phone!"

I'm like, "Woah, no way man, this cell phone has private information on it," attempting to hide the fact that my phone had screenshots of naked pictures of Jessica Alba and Kim Kardashian. But this damn gun wouldn't stop trying! He was like, "Look, I don' give sh*ts if yo phone has disturbin' pictures of yo bein'

VERY DISTURBING DESCRIPTION, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!: show

naked ♥♥♥ raped by a di-no-saur,

now give me you god damn phone!"

I knew this gun meant serious business if he wanted to see pictures of me

VERY DISTURBING DESCRIPTION, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!: show

naked ♥♥♥ raped by a di-no-saur,

so, I took immediate action! I ran straight to the perfume section, grabbed the nearest spray bottle, and sprayed it all over it. The gun started to squeal in pain. It started shooting at random places, taking down signs, bursting open bags of candy, destroying movies on sale, hitting nearby customers in the face. One shot nearly pierced me right in the heart, sending me to my cruel painful death, but using my awesome skillz, I ninja jumped right over the bullet, and landed a few feet to the right. The gun was easily enraged by now, and completely uncontrollable. I quickly jumped behind the gun, and started to strangle it. I grabbed it by its handle, and tried to restrain it, stop it fro struggling and such. The gun started shooting like a mad man, shooting everyone in the whole store, a family of three buying candy for their bratty child, a middle-aged security guard, a family of Peeps marshmallows, everybody! Finally, with an extra squeeze, the gun coughed and, with a puff of smoke, stopped shooting. I was the only survivor, and the cops came into the building seconds after.

AND THAT, sir, is why I am in front of this court today.

Judge: "15 years in prison."

Me: "F*****************CK!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[MICrophone]

I actually thought that was pretty funny. Not going to give it really a full-fledged review since it's not exactly a full-fledged story, but I liked it.

[brandoprojectm]

LOL SO FUNNEH

MAKE MOAR






















No really it was pretty good. There were a couple of errors here and there but overall it was well written, and it kinda reminds me of Red's Random Stories, except a bit less random. Which can be good, depending on the person reading. Great job. :3

[RedLink]

Hehe *sniff sniff* They grow up o fast :3
Anyways this was pretty good Sax. The idea was funny and random. The story a little short but does not matter because the content in it was AWEsome. So yup..EPIC JOB.
9.0/10.0
Make More young Jedi

[Asterocrat]

GOD THAT SUCKS LRNTOWRITE STORIES THAT'S NOT FUNNY

DO I HAVE TO WRITE MY FULL REVIEW TO WRITE...






0/10?!

GOD I HOPE MODERATORS WILL LOCK THIS TOPIC SOON

---

Star king. For Supah Too Awesome Royal King of the Incredible Nameless Greatness *is shot* High Quality levels.

Check out my last WASOM story. Runopolis. (Click the picture !)

Star king's Actual award - Psychic Award: show

Psychic Award Award given to Star king because he made a combo of three guessings at the "Guess Who'll Post Next!" topic. Fear him greatly.

Star king's Mario Kart License: show

I'm the one who made it

A song I wrote, that fit me so well ...: show

Simple, click there.

Visit my website ! www.star-kingdom.com Login, play games, rate and have fun ! Coming Soon.













































































LAWL TRICKED YOU

No, you say that sucks, but I may not be able to do such a funny story. Alright, it's a bit short, if I take an other story I wait for more, but I laugh and that's what counts the most If you find other idea, keep going writing some 8.5/10

[Mr_SaxMan]

Lol, didn't trick me for a second! Anyway, it was for a forum game, so of course it is short, but I'll make longer ones next time.

[Mr_SaxMan]

Ok, I was writing a story but most of it got eaten up, and I don't want to continue it now, so here is a bit of a teaser.

Spoiler: show

It was a dark a rainy evening on Thursday... Except instead of Thursday it was Monday, and instead of dark and rainy, it was bright and sunny out, and it was around lunch. Our story begins here, in Las Vegas, Nevada, except instead of Las Vegas, it was Washington D.C...

Director: "Alright WHO THE HELL HIRED THIS NARRATOR GET HIM OUT OF HERE!"

Narrator: "NO! DON'T MAKE ME GO! I'VE LIVED UP TO THIS VERY MOMENT! *is dragged out* NOOOOOOooooooooo........!"

Director: "-.- Ok, let's get the new narrator."

... Our story begins in Washington D.C. in the Oval Office, where our hero is met. He goes by many nicknames, one, Garret, one Jello, but most people call him panik!, as he starts screaming every time his favorite contestant from "Dancing With the Stars" gets voted off. Anyways, Jello was pacing his office. He was thinking very hard. The current world had many serious problems that he had to deal with, and solving them would be near impossible. Yes, he was thinking of the terrible reign of Justin Bieber in America. (What, you thought it was the economy? Silly child!) Anyways, many thoughts had occurred through his mind, involving mind control, poison gas, and some form of ninja jitsu, but none seemed to be the right answer. He was sweating like a dog, concentrating so hard, his eyeballs were turning yellow. (EEEEEEEEEW!) Suddenly, looking the clock, he was shocked to see how late it was, and, feeling enough stress that day, headed over to his bedroom. He walked through the long hallways, ignored the excited tourists, shot those in the face who kept persisting, (they were all...

Thanks.

[RedLink]

That story was awesome Sax Wish you could of finished it. 9/10 :3

[Mr_SaxMan]

Ok, here's one that I completely improvised. It's pretty short, but what the hell.

*cough* *clears throat*

Well, one day, I was walking down the street, when, like, I looked at some hot chick, and her extremely big silver earrings caught my eye, because I could see the reflection of what was behind me. So, I turned around, and, there was, like, this gun, that was walking around, going up to people, and just shootin' them in the face. What's up with that, huh? A**. So, like, the gun walks into this nearby Walgreen's, and so I just go in, follow the gun into the store. I see it walk up to the counter, and it's, like,

"Yo b*tch, give me yo b*tch-a** moneh!"

The woman behind the counter screamed and hid behind the counter, but the gun jumped up onto the counter. As soon as I heard a loud boom, and saw blood on the ground, I realized somethin' very important. I forgot to buy an extra controller to play COD with my cousin. So, I walked through the aisle, quickly gawked at the women on the "Shape" magazine covers, and then headed for the door. But then, like, I hear this annoying noise, and I realize that it was some kid who was crying on the ground cause he dropped his candy. I was like LOL WTF LOOZR and took out my phone to record it, and put it on Youtube. But then the gun sees me, and he's like,

"Hey yo b*tch, give me yo cell-phone!"

I'm like, "Woah, no way man, this cell phone has private information on it," attempting to hide the fact that my phone had screenshots of naked pictures of Jessica Alba and Kim Kardashian. But this damn gun wouldn't stop trying! He was like, "Look, I don' give sh*ts if yo phone has disturbin' pictures of yo bein'

VERY DISTURBING DESCRIPTION, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!: show

naked ♥♥♥ raped by a di-no-saur,

now give me you god damn phone!"

I knew this gun meant serious business if he wanted to see pictures of me

VERY DISTURBING DESCRIPTION, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!: show

naked ♥♥♥ raped by a dinosaur,

so, I took immediate action! I ran straight to the perfume section, grabbed the nearest spray bottle, and sprayed it all over it. The gun started to squeal in pain. It started shooting at random places, taking down signs, bursting open bags of candy, destroying movies on sale, hitting nearby customers in the face. One shot nearly pierced me right in the heart, sending me to my cruel painful death, but using my awesome skillz, I ninja jumped right over the bullet, and landed a few feet to the right. The gun was easily enraged by now, and completely uncontrollable. I quickly jumped behind the gun, and started to strangle it. I grabbed it by its handle, and tried to restrain it, stop it fro struggling and such. The gun started shooting like a mad man, shooting everyone in the whole store, a family of three buying candy for their bratty child, a middle-aged security guard, a family of Peeps marshmallows, everybody! Finally, with an extra squeeze, the gun coughed and, with a puff of smoke, stopped shooting. I was the only survivor, and the cops came into the building seconds after.

AND THAT, sir, is why I am in front of this court today.

Judge: "15 years in prison."

Me: "F*****************CK!"

Hope you like it. :p It sucks, but whatever.

[Asterocrat]

This was really funny

I like end

Come on, you say that sucks, BUT THIS IS REALLY GOOD Even better than the first one I like your stories, Sax, I even bookmarked your topic

Come on, 9.5/10 is a really good mark