Phantoms

[Ridder]

What are the chances you will get more Let's Plaaaaa-a-a-a-aaaa, uh, I mean, STUFF, into this story.It feels like I'm getting fed steak every once in a week!

[MessengerOfDreams]

Yes, Avo. Don't abandon it again! Or Ridder will have to pick it up. You hate steak once a week, try once a year!

[Avo]

Well like I said, I hardly have time.

You wait for a bunch of other stories, right?

So you can wait for this.....

[Avo]

Read the first post...

[MessengerOfDreams]

So who is who? I mea who isn luke and everyone based off of?

[Avo]

So who is who? I mea who isn luke and everyone based off of?

That's why I made Profiles, which hopefully I will get back to.

[Ridder]

Chapter 1: First Sight



"Look at that place! It's totally defenceless!" ERROR. DEFENSELESS IS SPELLED WRONG.

"Well, you never know, it could have some tricks up it's sleeve......" ERROR. RUNOUW CITY IS NOT ALIVE, NOR DOES IT WEAR SLEEVES.

"Yeah but the boss was clear, destroy this place and search for the vessel."

"OK but who, or what, is the vessel?"

"The boss gave me a picture of him. Here, take a look."

"OK but this is a BIG place, how are we gonna find ONE person?"

"Well we'd have to split up. Drake, you go east, Thade, you go west. I'll go north."

"But Papes, there's only one copy of that picture, we need to know what he looks like." Thade said.

"The picture is programmed into both of your cell phones, now go!!" Papes said. ERROR. WHY WOULD THEIVES HAVE CELL PHONES? WHY?

"YES SIR!!" Drake and Thade said. ERROR.THEY SURE DON'T SOUND LIKE THIEVES.THEY SHOULD BE IN THE ARMY.

----------

"HELLO NICK'S TAVERN!!!" Greg said.

"Uh Greg.....no one cares." Zach said.

"What do you mean no one cares? No One went on vacation. Remember? He went to Florida!!" Greg said. ERROR. HUMOR BOARDS DETECTING UNFORSEEN FUNNY, BAH! I'M HIT! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYD-*Boom.*

" " Zach said.

"YOU'RE 28 SECONDS LATE!!!" Nick said.

"Aw, c'mon! It just 28 seconds!" Greg said.

"I don't care!! Now get behind the counter AND WORK!!!!" Nick said. Wha? Dude, if you're just going to yell him a command to do what he does everyday, don't even bother trying to make him seem like he's in big trouble.

"Um....just wondering, Nick...uh...did you maybe overdose on pills? 'Cause you're kinda snippy today.....well....you're snippy
everyday....." Greg said.

"I SAID WORK!!!!!1!" Nick said.

"OK...." Zach said.

-----

"Got any 2's?" Luke asked.

"*sigh* LUKE! We're playing poker! Not go-fish! For the eightieth time!!" Shane said.

"Oh right............I see your 20 chips, and raise you 10....." Luke said.

"We haven't even dealt the cards yet.....>_>...." Jack said.

"Oh......then HURRY UP!!" Luke said.

A lot of things were happening in the tavern. But as everyone talked to each other, a man walked through the door. We walked
up to Nick, but before Nick could say anything, the man said:

"I'm looking for this man." The man said. So, the man is looking for that man? In Layman's Terms, that means the Cops are lookin' for a crimeenal. but no seriously, Remove 'The Man Said' part, you already have it above the sentence.

"Oh that's.....Luke. LUKE! SOMEONE'S HERE TO SEE YOU!!!" Nick said....or screamed.......

"Who are you?" Luke asked.

"You don't need to know that." The man said holding up a knife.Uhhh........ maybe you could say into detail how he got it out, because I sure wouldn't let a guy come in if he was holding up a knife the whole time he's been in the building 0.o.

"HEY!!! GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Nick said as he held up his shotgun, loading it.pumping it, I believe you mean.

"The whole room stared in silence as the man looked at Luke with a knife in his hands. What was he going to do? No one knew. Just
as Nick was gonna shoot the man, he asked:

"Who are you?"

"My name....is Papes." Papes said.

"HMMHMMHMMHMMHMMHMM......HEHHEHHEHHEHHEHHEH......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHA!!! THAT'S A GOOD ONE! No
seriously, what's your name?" Nick asked.

"It's....Papes----"

"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! PAPES!" Nick said.

Soon the entire room was laughing, from Luke to Jack, Greg to Zach, and that old hobo outside the tavern. (You know, come to think of it, it is
kinda funny! Papes....Oh sorry! Back to the story....)

"HAHA! HEY PAPES! WHAT ARE YOUR BROTHERS NAMES? SNIPS AND RONK? HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA" Jack said.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" Everyone said.

"SILENCE!" Papes said. "Now Luke, you're coming with me!!"

"THAT'S IT!! YOU'RE DEAD!" Nick said as he shot his gun at Papes. But Papes, without taking his eyes off Luke, caught the bullet with his left hand.
Then he took his knife at Nick, stabbing him 6 times to the chest, everyone gasped as Papes took Luke and ran outside.*Sigh......logic seems to fail you.* Shotgun. Catching a single bullet. that would still leave the other bullets to absolutely shred Papes. Turn the Shotgun into a Revolver.

"Oh my God! Nick!" Greg said. "Zach! He have to catch that guy.......*sniff* *sniff*.....do you smell smoke?" He have to catch that guy? Really?

"FIRE!!" Shane said as he pulled the fire alarm. "EVERYBODY OUT!!"

"That Paper dude set the tavern on fire?!" Greg said.

"C'MON WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!" Zach said.

Everyone dashed out of the Taven, luckily, everyone made it out alive, but one thing they forgot was the dead, bloody body of Nick, but then again, if
someone was dead, and the building was on fire, would you take that dead body? I'm just wondering 'cause I wouldn't, unless you wanted to plan a funeral
for the dead person, but then I guess you can dig the body from the ashes......but what if you can't find it? It'll just be REALLY dirty if you do dig it out, and
disgusting......but of course, all dead bodies are gross, especially if they're covered in ashes.......

Are you saying that going back in a warzone/dangerzone for someone is a bad idea? HAH! Foolish. I hope you plan to bring Nick back.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OVERALL:Short, somewhat funny, and not much character development.
RANK:...................6.5/10, you tried hard enough, and this actually turned out better than Kemo and Kirby_999's story "ADVENTURE(BORING TITLE) INTO CYBERSPACE(..............Cyberspace, ORLY?)!!!!!@!@!!@!@elevenTHREEBINGO."


but it's still far from greatness.

[Avo]

O_O

You give interesting reviews.

At least your honest.

Every story needs an honest review.

Thanks!

[Avo]

I'll release this entire story in a different topic, so mods, please lock this, the sign up for the story and the announcement for this story.

[Ridder]

hai