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Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 6:50 pm
by SuperMIC
OLD READERS READ THIS!

HELLO! WELCOME TO A NOTICEABLY CLICHE TOPIC AROUND HERE! BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T READ THIS...

A note to begin is that the chapters will be told differently... some will be told in a character’s perspective, then some will be narrated.

Constructive criticism is always appreciated!

BEGIN!

Prologue: show
"Sir, please, I'm sure it would help us all."

Three men stood inside a spacious room. The room was non-descript, it was literally empty. The floor was simply concrete as well as the walls. It was surprising how such an empty room was kept quite tidy. However, the men were definitely more colourful than the room they stood in.

They all appeared as young adults, most likely in their twenties. They all had brown hair. One had a light brown hair-colour, it was a very nice ratio of blonde and brown colours mixed. Another had average brown chestnut hair. The third had a very dark shade of brown on his head.

It was also slightly amusing that their hairstyles were mostly the same, short hair that was straight. The only difference was that the one with the darkest hair had gelled his hair so the short bangs stood up at a ninety degree angle in proximation to his face.

The eye colours were different, however. The one with the light hair had warm, brown eyes. The one with the average brown hair had hazel eyes. The third had piercing blue eyes. They all had no facial hair.

Similar to their their differences in facial characteristics, they all had different builds. The one with the lightest hair had a very muscular body. He was tan, and was leaning against one of the walls in the rectangular room. The one with the average brown hair had a perfect all-around type build, with a lean body. His build could be described as agile yet strong. The third, however, was quite skinny, yet nonetheless some muscles could be shown. He was more pale in comparison to the other two.

Nonetheless, all of the men in the room looked like men not to be messed around with. They looked like they could hold their own.

"I... I just don't feel like it would be... I don't know, reasonable. I think it would be overly rash," the one with the normal brown hair replied to the one with the darker tone.

The one with the dark hair sighed heavily. "Listen Rob," he began, "this has become a war. I know you have this over-obssession with keeping EVERYONE safe, but you've been torn into two in this scenario. Whoever in our ranks is betraying you must be gathering his forces as we speak. The rebels are becoming strong. We have to put an end to this right now. You agree with me, right Blab?"

General Brian, codename Blablob, the man who was leaning against the wall, looked thoughtfully at the man with the dark-toned hair for a few seconds. He decided to say, “I think Captain Rob is right in some cases... I do feel bad for him for turning his own people against each other.” Brian took a breath in. “However, I think Chris is right in this case... we need to attack and subdue the rebels before they can become too strong.”

General Chris, codename Suyo threw his head back, triumphantly, smiling. His gaze focused back on Captain Rob.

“Well sir? You have your best advisors here telling you what we know is right,” said Chris, a glimmer in his eyes.

“I... guess I have to...” said Rob slowly.

“Perfect,” said Chris without hesitation. “ Come Blab, let’s brief the Alliance of the plan we've discussed..”

With that, the generals walked out of the room, by placing their hands on a specific brick that teleported them outside of the room. Rob, codename Runouw remained in the room, staring at the floor.

“Oh,” he pleaded silently to the ground, “tell me I made the right choice...”


Chapter 1 - SuperMIC: show
Runouw. Supposed land of greatness and beauty. Where your troubles vanish as you become lost in the wonder. Now reduced to this sad pile of trash.

I sighed as I stared through my window outside into the desolate grey sky. It was rainy. No, that was an understatement. It was pouring. It usually was, nowadays. Chill winds soared towards the giant castle-like building, only to be dispelled by walls of thick concrete. Once painted hues of every colour imaginable, colours had been eroded by rain to reveal dampened, bland concrete bricks.

The skyscrapers in the distance had long been abandoned, and there were scores of small makeshift houses―roughly assembled by the four to six people residing in them with whatever they could find―surrounding the campus of the castle. The people inside them were cold, tired, desperate for hope, and hungry.

I was in a light grey sweater. It was warm and comfortable, but it was a bit thin. There was nothing on it, no logos, and no words. This was no time for companies to provide us with their advertisements. The bottom half of my body was clothed with jeans. They were dark blue, thick, warm, but surprisingly very easy to move in. It was fastened to my waist with a sleek black belt with a steel buckle, but the belt itself was covered by my hoodie. I had running shoes on. Comfortable, white, and they looked like any other brand of running shoes you might've found a while back, before the "Revolution" began.

Hah, Revolution my ♥♥♥. It was a Rebellion. It was someone trying to bring down the great harmony of Runouw, someone power-hungry, someone manipulative and pure evil trying to grasp the entire world for himself. No matter how for humanity pushes forwards, history repeats itself. There's always a bad seed that has potential.

It had started small. Things like raids on convenience stores, vandalism, graffiti, and the likes of that. However the posters anonymous people put up were disturbing. They talked about how the Alliance, a handpicked group of people that maintained order throughout the city because they were more powerful, were cheaters, liars, and power-mongers. Yeah right, look at the hypocrisy there.

It talked about how someone was developing a device that would make anyone have the potential to be as powerful as Captain Rob, head-honcho of the city. He was immensely powerful, with physical strength and magical prowess that could send anyone into a state of awe. I refused to believe just anyone could be as strong, powerful, and balance-maintaining as him.

As anyone could guess, I was a part of the Alliance. My name? Kevin. Codename SuperMIC, usually abbreviated as SMIC. We’d all been told to stay at the Runouwian castle, headquarters and home of Captain Rob to discuss the Rebellion. I really hoped this would blow over quickly.

I stopped my train of thought and stopped leaning on the windowsill. Turning around, I viewed the complexions of my room once more. White walls, a cream-coloured carpet as the floor of the entire room and a few lights dotted around the ceiling. They were currently off, as the residual sunlight that filtered through the clouds was more than enough to illuminate my room. It was small, my room that is, about 800 cubic feet; however more accurately it was 10 feet long by 10 feet wide by 8 feet high. There was a 400 cubic foot bathroom attached to the complex to the left of the door. Opposite the door was the window I had been looking through and my bed, pushed into the corner.

Beside my bed was a lamp, and beside the lamp in the opposite corner of the room was a dresser attached to a small counter with various objects on it. The dresser and the base of the counter were made with mahogany, stained and polished. The top of the counter was a slab of polished and smoothed out marble.

I decided to go into the washroom to give my face a splash of water. I had awoken a few minutes ago, and now that I’d changed I decided to brush my teeth. And, of course, wash my face.

The bathroom was a small sink placed in front of a mirror, white ceramic with stainless steel faucets and knobs. This was right next to the doorway, centered in the middle of the wall it was in. At the very back corner was a shower. It looked small, but was actually surprisingly spacious once inside. There was another window next to it. The washroom had the same whitewashed walls, however had smooth light brown stone tiles adoring the floor instead.

There was a cup on the sink, which contained my toothbrush and toothpaste, and I briskly brushed my teeth, getting every crevice and nook in my teeth. I rinsed out my mouth with a few hearty handfuls of water and wiped my mouth on a towel that hung on a metal ring beside the sink.

Then, I got another handful of cool water, splashing my face and grabbing a bar of beige soap, creating suds with my hands and washing my face. I got another handful and washed all the suds off. Refreshment achieved.

Wiping my face on the towel this time, I then proceeded out of the bathroom and plopped down on my bed, bored out of my mind. Lying back onto the yellow fluffy duvet, I closed my eyes.

My state of relaxation was interrupted, however, as the speakers attached to the wall directly above the door that lead out of my room roared into life. It was General Chris’ voice that blared across my room.

“Meeting in the… erm… what do we call it…?”

The voice hushed out for a bit and I could barely make out: “Hey Brian, what do we call this room again?”

The sounds of a scuffle ensued followed by a harsh “I don’t know!”

Chris’ voice made it back onto the speaker. “Uh… Meeting Room? Sure, that’ll do. Mandatory meeting in the Meeting Room! All members of the Alliance required to go!”

The speakers died.


Chapter 2: show
It was a long, whitewashed hallway. Non-descript. The ceiling hung low, the floor purely grey concrete. There was a light bulb centred in the middle of the ceiling every few feet or so. Most of them worked well, but a few flickered every now and then. Doors blanketed each light bulb, one on each side. It was… so bland.

However, I had noted those characteristics every time I walked down it. They always repeated themselves in my mind. I had my hands in my pockets, the sheath across my back swinging loosely but gently from side to side.

The walk was eerily quiet, and there was nothing but the sounds of my footsteps to accompany me down the hallway. I pondered if no one had heard the message from Suyo but me; it was either that or the others were too lazy to go out. I decided neither the former or latter seemed quite plausible…

Abruptly, one door swung out in front of me, sadly, right in front of my face. I slammed into it without another thought with full force, head-on, and fell down. Numbing pain spread throughout my body, particularly through my face, and I fell down as I winced.

The person that opened the door turned around immediately and just yelled, “Oh ♥♥♥♥!”

He immediately came to my aid. I was just lying down on the floor, letting the pain throb through.

“Are… erm, are you okay?” he pondered.

I opened my eyes to meet brown ones. The centimetre-long light brown buzz-cut hair would never be able to hide them. I sighed. I recognized it as Yohancie.

“No, I’m fine, you damn ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!” I forced out. “Perhaps while you ask stupid questions, you could help me up?”

He grinned. “Oh hey there Kevin! I was just going to the meeting room. My my, what are you doing there on the floor? Is Mathew finally going to lose his virginity today?”

We both had to laugh. Well, I tried; the fact I began coughing almost immediately after I started didn’t really help. Yohancie helped me up eventually. The pain was mostly gone, although I felt a tiny bit sore. He closed the door to his room, and we walked side by side, seemingly two normal friends.

“So, how’d you sleep?” I asked him.

“Fine,” he replied. “In fact, I’m surprised I got any at all. I’ve been kind of worried about the months to come.”

“You don’t really think we’ll have to kill people, do you? I’m sure Mr. Rob, Brian, and Chris could handle this easily,” I said.

“They are very strong,” he agreed slowly, “but whoever is leading this whole thing seems pretty strong too. I mean, we don’t even know who it is. Who knows what measures they may have to revert to?”

I simply just took in the words he said. He had a point.

“Well, I’m sure they’ll take care of everything fine, I mean, they’ve got us, the entire Alliance of Runouw City, right?” I tried.

He gave me a surprised look. “You mean… you haven’t heard?”

I became worried. Whatever news there was couldn’t be good. “Um… heard what?”

“Almost half of the Alliance has gone and sided with the rebels… not just members, but LeMods, StoMods, HonMems, you name it!”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, and no one knows what drove them to go there. I mean, they wouldn’t really fall for that ‘Runouw is unfairly ruling’ crap would they?”

“There’s something wrong here,” I could only say.

“The biggest thing that worries me is they’ve somehow managed to convince Ron.”

“You mean they’ve managed to convince Four? But… he’s a moderator! Third most powerful position given out! He won’t be able to use his power core outside of the Alliance, will he?”

Yohancie shook his head.

“You see, normally he shouldn’t be able to. But whoever is leading this whole thing somehow managed to keep a tether to Captain Rob. You know how he supplies us with all of our power, right?”

I nodded. Captain Rob was incredibly powerful, almost like a God. The sheer amount of things he could probably do scared me just to think about it; it would probably take the entire Alliance to try and stand up to him. I guess that was an advantage we had. The only thing was that he was kind of growing soft, he didn’t rule with an iron fist, so to speak…

A power core was given to every member of the Alliance. It was a small, marble-sized object. But damn, was that marble powerful. Depending on whatever type of power core it was, be it a Normal Core or a Mod Core, it would give you a certain amount of power. For example, the power core I had just gave me extra strength and the ability to use basic magic, such as moderate healing powers and the ability to conduct magic with another person. However, a stronger core such as a Mod Core could do much greater things.

If a Power Core got into the wrong hands, bad things could happen – fast. However, Power Cores were designed to be hidden inside your body, and they would only appear to other people if you were in an extremely critical condition – basically near death. Essentially, to take someone else’s Power Core you’d have to kill him or her.

However, there was one characteristic about a Power Core that was extremely dangerous – invulnerability. It was a controversial power some considered shouldn’t be given out, but it was a safety measure.

Basically, it worked like a hierarchy. Normal members such as me were at the very bottom. Above, HonMems, then URs, then StoMods, then LeMods, then Mods, then GloMods. Of course, on the very top sat Runouw. The concept is that you can kill anyone on a lower level than you, however you cannot kill anyone on a higher level than you. If someone is on the same level as you, you can kill him or her as well. However, Power Cores protected us, The Alliance, from any citizen of Runouw.

This would be bad if there were some power-hungry Mod that was taking a lot of Power Cores. However, he or she would not be able to hurt anyone above them unless they managed to somehow acquire a Power Core of someone above them. However, no one in the Alliance with a Power Core could hurt Captain Rob. That was a good thing – right?

***


Finally, we reached the end of the corridor. A pair of stone doors was set into the wall. There was a grey, long rectangular-shaped panel to the right of them, with an up button and a down button. In the middle, there was another square-shaped panel set onto the rectangular one, with a hand-imprint on it reading: “LeMods+”.

Yohancie took his right hand and outstretched it. Green electricity danced throughout his fingers. He pressed his hand onto the panel and said:

“The briefing room.”

The electricity leaped into the panel, and suddenly the stone doors were awash with a green light. They slowly opened and revealed the briefing room, a high-tech room with sets of screens lining the left and right sides of the walls, monitoring who knows what. The room itself looked extremely electronic, as if you were in a void. It was completely black, but it wasn’t painted black, there were thousands, maybe even millions, of black luminescent cubes lining the floors, walls, and ceiling.

How the door mechanism worked wasn’t even as awesome compared to this. In the rest of the room was a long, conference table that could fit probably about twenty people or so. It was just a polished mahogany table, nothing too intricate.

The electricity in Yohancie’s hand dissipated as he took his hand off of the panel. He motioned for me to go in. I also almost forgot how he controlled electricity. But then I remembered: every person with some kind of moderator position was allowed to control an element.

There were nine elements: Air, Water, Fire, Earth, Lightning, Poison, Healing, Darkness, and Sunlight. You would think there would be a light element, but apparently there was not. There was one element that was specific to Captain Rob only: Aether. Aether was the combination of all nine elements, so Captain Rob could basically control anything he pleased. I wondered if he actually had any weakness at all. It must be some extremely well kept secret or something.

As you could guess, Yohancie was a master of Lightning. However, he was also a master of Water, an extremely deadly combination. The only setback was that he could not control water unless there was water in his surroundings, such as a lake, or if it was raining.

I didn’t really have an element. Usually, only User Reps and up were allowed an element. However, I said that my Power Core allowed me to have the ability of the conduction of someone else’s magic. That meant if say, someone like Yohancie wanted to feed his lightning attack some cocaine, all I’d have to do is add my strength to his.

There was one exception to that “User Reps and up are allowed elements only.” It was Caitlin, codename MP3. She was a brilliant master of Fire. Apparently, once she took down a hoard of Portal Beasts, which were essentially walking trees and flora, using nothing but a single matchstick. She had a setback like Yohancie’s, she could only use fire if there was fire near her. For emergency uses only, as she calls them, she carried around a box of matchsticks and uses them if the occasion arises.

“Kevin. Keeevvviiiiin.”

A voice snapped me out of my thought process.

Whoever called my name sighed. “We thought you really WERE thinking about letting Avo lose his virginity, or so Yohancie tells me!”

I looked up. “Damn it General Brian, what are you guys doing, teaming up on me like that?”

He laughed for a bit. “Well, it looks like you’re the last two here.”

So my hypotheses earlier had been wrong. We were the last ones.

“Oh well, now we’re all here,” Brian said. “Let’s get this meeting started Chris!”

A figure attending to one of the monitors in the room looked over his shoulder.

“Ah yes, right,” he said.

He walked around to the opposite side of the table, farthest from Yohancie and I. As he did that, we both took a seat at the side of the table closest to the door. General Brian stood next to him at the end of the table.

“So as you know,” he started, “we have shrunken from our normal twenty-eight to about fifteen including General Brian, Captain Rob, and I. I don’t know the actual number, so let’s do a head count.”

“Cameron, Nick, Mathew, Romain, Yohancie, Kevin, Caitlin, Eduardo, 859, me, Brian, Rob, Desiree, George, and Jack.” Chris counted.

“So, that does make perfectly fifteen…” Brian muttered.

“Well then, mentlegen!” Chris declared with a grin, slamming his hands on the table, “It’s about time we discuss something… Project New Portal.”

[spoiler=Chapter 3]

Who is our leader?

It was a dimly lit room. The floor was a set of concentric circles assembled out of river-grey stone, polished smooth by hundreds of years of rain. The walls were a mechanical mix of the same stones and concrete; the roof a collaboration of palm leaves assembled in a conical form over a trellis of oak wood, bound together by a single string of twine. Infinity Candles on holders dotted the upper area of the hut-sized room, and vines threatened to grow in through any crack or hole in the entire building.

There were also two beds. Despite the poverty-like feel of the complex, the beds were of “twin” size, both in opposite corners of the south wall, the door being to the northeast. They both had a mahogany frame, with clean white sheets and a woolen red duvet on top of the mattress.

Lying down on the bed furthest away from the door, both hands behind his had, supporting it was a man. Once known as one of the funniest members on the Alliance, he was now the most ruthless Normal Member on the Rebellion Panel.

His half-closed cool blue eyes stared dully at the ceiling, his chestnut-brown hair resting on his head comfortably, the style resembling that of a hero named Link from an old Runouw game named The Legacy of Link. He wore a red tunic with a brown belt that fastened the tunic to his white pants; his grey socks were the only layer of warmth for his feet. A pair of brown boots rested to the right of the door.

Why do I choose to fight for this side? he pondered to the ceiling. To his annoyance, the only response he got was a fat drop of water that chose his exposed forehead as its landing place.

He gritted his teeth. Above all, why the hell do we have to stay in a place like this?!

Rolling his entire body rightwards, on the floor he saw a photo of himself, arm around one of his best friends. Nick, or as he used to be known, Jelloman44. His gaze softened. How had he been convinced to sacrifice his best friend for this cause? The Power Enlightening… were the ramblings of this hawk-masked figure really true? He wanted to gain strength. Yes… no one, not even his best friend could stop him from achieving his ultimate goal.

The door swung open, and in stepped his roommate. From the smell drifting off of his breath and his body, the man knew he was drunk.

“H-hey bu… buddy!” grinned the drunkard as he staggered into the room.

The man on the bed sighed and shifted to a position where he was sitting on the bed.

“How much have you drank, Sniv?” sighed the male.

“That’sh not ma name! I’m Razzy Wazzy, th-the shtrongest man on this shipwreck! S…screw you and your shenanigans!” replied the intoxicated one as he threw himself onto his own bed, attempting to stand on it and strike a pose, but just collapsed again.

“I suppose too much, huh?” replied the other, half-smiling at the man who just completely fell asleep.

He was the fire of the Rebellion Panel, the strongest member. He would get through this and grow stronger. His face hardened into a look of determination.

I am Redlink.

***


“Project New Portal?” a few members surrounding the table inquired.

“Indeed,” said Chris, making eye contact with every one of us. He leaned forward, pressing more of his body wait onto his hands, which still remained in contact with the table.

“Do you remember when our Super Mario 63―or as many of you abbreviated it, SM63―Portal was clogged with horrible submissions that often crashed many of our servers and machines due to extreme lag and processing problems? Indeed, it was the many citizens of Runouw that submitted horrible things, which as you know clogged our systems.

“We imposed a new portal, a portal where everyone was required to read the rules before even touching the designer, where levels had to be approved by level moderators. We had to bring in more level moderators, who sit with us to face this crisis today.

“That was a long time ago, and that is the premise of Project New Portal,” concluded Chris.

“I… don’t really get it,” voiced Caitlin, who I just realized now, was sitting next to me.

“Ah, and this is where my beautifully genius brain comes into play!” said Chris with glee, lifting his hands from the table and smiling.

“Oh bother,” said Brian sarcastically in the corner of the room, hiding a faint smile.

“These are the objectives of Project New Portal. First, ‘everyone was required to read the rules before touching the designer.’ This first rule identified and disposed of the horrible designers. Applying it to our situation, we need to find out who the leader of the Rebellion is and eliminate him or her.

“Second, ‘levels had to be approved by level moderators.’ This is a weird metaphor I’ve come up with. Replace ‘the level moderators’ with the leader of the Rebellion. For so many levels to be made, there needs to be motivation. We need to find out why so many people, even the members of our Alliance, the so-called ‘levels’ flocked to this figure. In other words, we need to figure out the rebels’ motives for even starting a rebellion.

“Finally, ‘we had to introduce new level moderators.’ Over the course of the following days, maybe weeks, we will be promoting quite a few people to new ranks who we trust fully. Captain Rob is generating stronger Power Cores as we speak.

“Now then,” finished Chris, “I suppose it’s time to show the first promotion.”

People looked around in surprise. So soon? So little notification? Promotions were usually announced weeks before they were actually given out! We braced ourselves for the news.

As Chris was basking in the surprise on people’s faces, General Brian sighed, stepped forward, and shoved Chris aside, to the dismay of him, and took a deep breath in.

“Please welcome your new Level Moderator,”

Tension. Silence. People were on the edge of their seats as General Brian smiled.

“Caitlin, MP3 Amplifier!”

***


With that, we returned to our rooms. Of course, MP3 had to stay, hush-hush stuff to be done and whatnot. I felt proud my friend had been promoted, and I was wondering who would be brought into the Alliance over the following days.

As soon as I got into my room, I took off my sword, still sheathed, and decided that I guessed I hadn’t needed it after all. I jumped onto my bed, and lay down for a quick nap. It wasn’t long after I closed my eyes when there was a knocking on my door.

Slightly annoyed, and thinking that it was probably YB, I tutted to myself a bit and scrambled out of my bed, loping towards the door. As I reached the door, whoever it was tried knocking again.

Opening the door I said, “You know, I was really trying to get some-“

“Please, can I come in?” spoke a female voice.

It was… Caitlin. Slightly confused, of course I let her in. I was one of the lucky few to have a chair in my room, so I sat on it while I invited her to sitting on my bed. She thanked me as she found a comfortable spot for her. I let her use a few pillows to support her back.

“So, congrats, new level moderator, eh?” I asked her as I decided to get some tea for her (Well, there were people of what they called British origin here too, and Chris was nice enough to give us each a coffee machine and a hot water dispenser!)

“I suppose,” she said, staring at the ground.

I felt concerned. “English Breakfast, triple triple?” I asked her while staring over my right shoulder.

“Sure, that’s fine,” she replied.

As soon as the beverages were done, I walked back to my seat, handing her the drink I’d made for her. I had also made myself some English Breakfast tea with three tablespoons of milk and three packs of sugar. Triple Triple, as they called it nowadays.

“So, what’s on your mind?” I asked her, sipping from my mug. I probably should have been more careful, as it burnt my tongue. I winced as I thought, Great.

Caitlin, on the other hand, took a full swig of the piping hot liquid, rendering me speechless. She was used to heat with the fire and all I guessed. “You’re probably wondering why I came to you instead of SK. Er, Romain,” she started, snapping me back to attention.

“Truth is, I saw the look of disappointment on his face when he saw I had been chosen over him, so I decided to come to you,” she explained.

I was slightly flattered, was she calling me modest?

“I’ve already gotten my LeMod Core. I can feel my fire abilities have already strengthened, and I’m kind of scared,” she continued while looking down at the floor, swinging her legs slightly with a worried face. Her red hair looked slightly pale in the sun’s rays that filtered through the drapes of the window above my bed. I just noticed it had stopped raining.

“How so?” I asked.

“I… I don’t want to hurt anyone,” she said while swirling her tea. “I feel like I’m going to become a monster, cutting down rebels, no, people who might just be standing up for something they believe in. Not to mention all my friends that are- well, used to be on the Alliance. Look at this.”

Placing her tea on the floor, she outstretched her left palm. Her irises flared red for a brief moment, and then a small flame, about the size of a blue jay’s feather danced in her palm. I stared for a few seconds, not knowing what she was scared about, but then it hit me.

“You can create your own fire now?” I asked, astonished.

“Yes,” she started. Closing her hand into a light fist, the fire extinguished.

“This is great!” I exclaimed. “I mean, now that you’ve started, and you can train yourself until-“

“Until what?” she asked back, scared. “Until I can kill scores of people with a flick of my hand? Kevin, we’re all humans! We can’t just go around taking each other’s lives!”

My joyful expression faded into uncertainty. What was I supposed to say?

“MP3, snap out of it.”

A new voice spoke. We both turned around.

“Star?” she asked in slight disbelief.

He smiled, “Sorry, but you left the door open, and I couldn’t help but eavesdrop. But that’s not the point. MP3, if you tear down the people who are threatening us with weapons of their own, you are protecting the other hundred thousand-strong population of people that couldn’t protect themselves! That’s why you joined the Alliance isn’t it? The duty to protect innocent souls who did nothing wrong is in your hands.”

There was a pause as she took his words in. “Romain, you know the best things to say at times, don’t you?” she said while smiling.

“Well, um…” he blushed.

“But geez, you shouldn’t eavesdrop!” she scolded him immediately. “Run along now, I’ve got one more thing I’ve got to talk about with SMIC here.”

“Er, y-yes ma’am!” he slightly shouted as he closed the door shut, embarrassed. We heard another door open outside and a muffled complaint on keeping it down. We both couldn’t help but giggle.

“Uh, so now that I haven’t helped in any way whatsoever,” I started, “what would you like to discuss?”

“Well, I used to be afraid of it, and that’s the main reason why I came here. But after Star’s motivation…” she trailed off.

She grabbed a small knife out of her pocket and cut her right forearm until a centimetre-long slit appeared. Blood oozed out of the small wound.

“What are you-“

“Shhh!” she cut me off.

I was uneasy, but I had to trust her. She held her left hand above the wound, and I swear, her cool blue irises flashed a pure shade of bright grey, close to white, but not quite so. As I looked back to her forearm, I gasped as I saw her wound was closing. The skin surrounding the cut was regenerating at an immense speed; the blood that had oozed out of the wound slipped back into the cut. Finally, the skin closed itself completely. As I inspected it, I noticed there were no scars, no scabs, and no note that anything had been there.

I just stared at her arm; mug in hand, mouth slightly open, trying to comprehend the display in front of me. I swear, I felt like dropping the cup and watching it fall and shatter in slow motion.

“How?” was all I could muster.

She stared back into my awe-stricken eyes, and there was no hesitation in hers.

“My second element is Healing.”

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 6:56 pm
by MessengerOfDreams
...I'm going to be honest. Forum stories have let me down extraordinarily lately. Either they get everyone OOC, they don't seem like they take themselves seriously, or they just don't feel like a story as much as a random chat battle.

And you're going to be the change, I can tell. You write expertly, you bring a gripping storyline (although it has some pretty blatant original Runouw Forum influences but hell what doesn't?) and you are presenting people in character. (Blab's levelheaded, Suyo's somewhat mad, and Runouw just wants everyone to get along and play his games.) I honestly cannot wait to see more.

9.5/10

THIS IS WHAT YOU OTHER ♥♥♥♥ NEED TO NOTICE AND TAKES NOTES FROM. READ THIS.

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 7:09 pm
by nin10mode
Woah, I actually bothered to finish reading the post. You can tell its good if I do that.
Hard to review since the plot was only barely touched, though this is the first chapter and I don't expect any plot anyhow.

There's no grammar or spelling mistakes as far as I know, and your word choice was excellent. I'll continue reading this.

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 7:11 pm
by RedLink
^What MOD Said and some more.
This is actually wonderful man! I cannot wait for more!!! SO HURRY UP!!!!!!! :3

9.55/10 :awe: Better Score than MoD's

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 8:31 pm
by Ridder
I'm sorry................













but this fantastic piece of work declares that you can't be a twelve-year old. I have yet to meet a 12 year old who can write this marvelously.

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 8:42 pm
by SuperMIC
To everyone: Thank you for so much feedback! I think you guys so much and definitely will write more. :) Oh, and Ridder, you just have. :P

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 16th, 2011, 9:49 pm
by Avo
...Man. I do love a good forum story, this was magnificent. I enjoyed every word that came from it. This proves how much fun a forum story can, writing one and reading one. This was phenomenal. I applaud you. 10/10

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 17th, 2011, 9:39 am
by Blablob
The fact that you've portrayed me as a young, tan, muscular person automatically earns this story an 11/10. :awe:

In all honesty, the story is quite interesting so far. The first chapter seems to almost entirely rely on suspense because it mostly consists of SMIC's take on the situation, and it's a great build-up for future chapters since this characterization can be utilized for both interior and exterior conflicts. Likewise, the fact that you switch between general description and personal viewpoint between the characters raises much potential for what can happen in the story. As MOY noted, the cliche you've used of Runouw battles is nothing new, which is my only real point of criticism; and while the concept is flawed, the execution is perfect, so I won't hold that critique against you (especially considering this level of writing is coming from a first-time 12-year-old writer). Right now you've only managed to give us the basic scraps of the conflict, which is good to intrigue us, but you've left a number of questions left to be answered. Still, you've left me in anticipation for the next chapter, which is obviously a good sign, so I can't complain too much; just remember not to over-complicate things.

Wait...why are you reading this? Go write some more! :blab:

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 17th, 2011, 9:50 am
by Venexis
Lulz, I love how people who have been writing for ages don't get any reviews, but when a new storywriting legend bursts onscene, he gets eight posts in less than 24 hours.

Not that you don't deserve them, this is a ridiculously good piece so far.

Of course it also means that if you suddenly give up, you're going to let a lot of people down. Me included.

So yeah, awesome job, can't wait to see where it goes from here :D

EDIT: 12? For serious? Wow. :wtf: (jawdrop smiley does not exist, so have a WTF instead, lol)

Re: Runouw: Danger and Deception

PostPosted: August 17th, 2011, 9:57 am
by Blablob
I would read MoD's stories if he slowed down enough for me to catch up.

Me: Okay guess what MoD I'm about to read your story

MoD: Okay cool! :mrgreen:

*gets crackin, 5 seconds later*

MoD: BUT WAIT BEFORE THAT

Me: What?

MoD: Here's my new and IMPROVED story you must absolutely must read before that one

Me: Oh well if that's the case

MoD: Good now GOO READ

Me: Okay fine

*reads first word of story*

MoD: BUT WAAAIT BEFORE THAT--

Me: F*** you :o_O:


[/joking]