The Eternal Brothers.

[NanTheDark]

You start narrating in third person, then in the second chapter you switch to first person. You can try to fix that.

The story sounds like it could be awesome, but it needs a little polishing. And add more detail. That's something I gotta learn too...

[lordpat]

Yeah. True, now the story doesn't seem very deep, but it's going to be. Besides, the first chapter is also narrated in first person.
Also, I should write it as a play-story, like some parts of RW.

[NanTheDark]

Also, I should write it as a play-story, like some parts of RW.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa we gotta fix that.

[JSlayerXero]

Also, I should write it as a play-story, like some parts of RW.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa we gotta fix that.

Take my advice, don't copy us unless you WANT your first attempt to fail. We made part 1 and even THEN we knew it sucked. Part 2 was just another try, Master Improved the quality if you ask me. Part 3 is okay now that we have quality control going. But we're rebooting it all. So it other words, first attempt = fail. Later more organized attempt = future project. Yeah, we're fixing stuff, but our first attempt was a fail so copying us isn't the best thing unless you skip the first attempt business and go straight to the reorganizing.

[lordpat]

That helps me, actually a lot. I'm using my literature teacher (who as the devil, but she was awesome!) guide ot make narrations. Now I'm listing the main events, then the characters, and then I will correct my first chapters. Once all that happens, I'll go on. The play-thing is going to be though, I love writting plays, and I'm very good at it so...

[SuperMIC]

Uh... interesting...

Well, I agree with everything else said. It's so... RANDOM and... just jumpy. Study plot, conflict, and characters and you'll be back on track...

[lordpat]

Don't tell me about it?I really didn't know it! Your review was so helpful! I really thank you for your help!
Sorry for that, but it was a useless reply, and you know it. Besides, the story is being updated, right now chapter 2 and 3 are being edited, and chapter 1's details are going to be fixed later.
I know, it sucks. But really? Who do you think you are to tell my (or anybody else) that a story is stupid, it's art after all, and what you think it sucks, it may be awesome to others. But, yeah, I'm fixing this piece of ♥♥♥♥. I guess I deserve this critics for doing everything so as a rush. But again, fixing things. And things will get better, and depeer too.
No ofense SuperMIC, but if you want to review, at lest tell me something I can fix.
EDIT: Stupid conflict! Is a guy that wants to destroy Runouw because he wants a world without pain! That's not so...
well, yeah, is cliche as hell.

[SuperMIC]

As I said in my other posts, as you mature in writing, you'll learn to take constructive criticism...

And now for my rebuttal that hopefully won't start a flame war...

When did I ever say your story was stupid? Dude, I just said to "study plot, conflict, and characterization and you'll be back on track." And I used the word interesting. Where are you getting all of these negative connotations from? I'm pointing out the flaws in the story (Which is the point of a review) and I'm telling you what to fix. If I just point out good things, how the hell will you become a better writer? If I point out ANY good things, how does it affect you? I'll tell you. It'll make you keep writing in the same way, because I just gave you some positive encouragement while I really should be pointing out flaws.

I'm not doing it to destroy you. In fact, this story could become great. It's just that in the state it currently is, I don't think that it's going very well. And I'm trying to help.

As Aesop said, Spare the whip, spoil the child.

Sigh... now that that's out of the way, I'll say truce. I want no harm from any of this, please. It's the last thing we both need, a ban/perma.

[lordpat]

LOL! Massive confusion! I thought you said "stupid plot, bla bla bla" yeah. Sorry for that.

[AwesomeJRFD]

I'm pointing out the flaws in the story (Which is the point of a review) and I'm telling you what to fix. If I just point out good things, how the hell will you become a better writer? If I point out ANY good things, how does it affect you? I'll tell you. It'll make you keep writing in the same way, because I just gave you some positive encouragement while I really should be pointing out flaws.

I completely agree with this. So many people expect praise when they don't actually need it.