Runouw: The Disciples of Shadowsquid

[KevinOC]

As proof that even I can write a terrible forum story, I'm going to subject all of you to this terrifying little drug trip. It'll get better, believe me.

Chapter 1: War for the Fiftieth Time

As with so many times before, the members of Runouw.com gathered in Demonik's Tavern to celebrate another triumph over the evil Spammers, but this time was special. Using their magic powers, the moderators were able to create a seal to forever protect the forum from another attack, and there was much alcohol to consume in celebration.
"...and then I ripped out the cactus, only to find out it was covered in blood!" KevinOC boasted to a group of friends as they guffawed heartily.
"I can beat that, Kevin." Avolerators replied, "I stabbed a man so hard, he turned into a pile of bricks!"
"Avo, that makes no sense." MP3Amplifier chuckled.
"It makes more sense than his virginity!" Jellonator yelled, much to nobody's avail.
Everyone continued to laugh and drink illegal amounts of liquor, when Aznchau4ever burst through the door as lightning conveniently stroke.
"They're coming!" Azn shouted exasperatedly, shortly before he collapsed. Hooray for innuendos.
The entire tavern fell silent, as everybody stared at Azn's corpse. Nobody was able to register exactly what he had just said.
"Maybe he's talking about more Steam Sales." Tsutarja suggested.
"Or new episodes of an anime he really likes." said Panik.
"No. Spammers." Azn said.
"Didn't you just die?" AlucardX60 said.
"THERE'S NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, YOU FOOLS! FOLLOW ME!"
Azn rushed out the door and into the bitter night, and the mass of users followed. Near the edge of the city stood the tall glass-like barrier that acted as a shield against spammers. And gathered in a vast orgy of flesh beyond that were, what else, spammers trying to tear it down using hatred-fueled cannons. The barrier was standing the attacks much like a toddler is able to stand a kick from a grown man; that is to say, not at all. Small chips of it broke off and fell to the city pavement in a slow, but accelerating, pace.
"Does anyone have some rope?" Venexis asked.
"Well, there must be some sort of way to stop them." Doram said.
"Screw that, I'll take care of them myself!" Avo claimed, and he ran towards the edge of the city.
"Avo, I..." Kevin tried to call out to him, but it was too late.
A few screams later, Avo's head came rolling towards them.
"I do know of one very specific way..." Buffooner started. "Well, it would be pretty ridiculous to try it."
"Try what, exactly?" UsuarioTHF replied.
"Long ago, an ancient order of moderators came together to create a book full of black magic spells." Buff said, "Many of them are forgotten today, but the surviving ones are taught to all moderators throughout the Internet. One spell in particular allows for the administrator to be called upon from their dimension of solitude, and ask a favor of them. Yet it comes with a price: Your soul, your being, your dignity, and your love."
"...you made all of that up, didn't you?" Tsutarja said.
"Yes. Everyone, come with me to the Great Temple of Runouw!" Buff shouted.
And so the mass of people began to run towards the middle of the city as larger chunks of pure magic started hailing from the sky.
"It seems weird that such strength summoned by the mods is being broken down so easily." Doram murmured to Kevin. "Something seems a little suspicious."
"Well, it's mostly because I'm a terrible writer." Kevin replied.
They soon reached the old stone building, which looked phenomenally out of place with the VAGS and other such buildings around it. Through the tall oak doors and short hallway rested an expansive altar room, with a tall vaulted ceiling and circles of pews surrounding a central platform. Buff and Azn both knelt on the high central platform as the users gathered around.
"O magnum vigil, audi nos appellamus." Azn prayed as everybody looked on in confusion.
"Donec in clarificet te frangi Latine sic, ut nos justitia." Buff responded.
"Sed in est. Adoramus te. Adoramus te. Adoramus te. Adoramus te." they both repeated.
And before them appeared a mighty void, for the mere mortals were not able to grasp the true form of Runouw.
"57 48 59 20 44 4f 54 48 20 54 48 4f 55 20 57 41 4b 45 20 4d 45" a booming, yet strained voice yelled from the void strangely fluently.
"54 6f 20 61 73 6b 20 6f 66 20 79 6f 75 72 20 68 65 6c 70 20 69 6e 20 61 20 67 72 61 76 65 20 6d 6f 6d 65 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 61 74 74 61 63 6b 2c 20 4f 20 52 75 6e 6f 75 77 2e" Buff responded.
"57 48 41 54 20 48 45 4c 50 20 44 4f 20 59 4f 55 20 52 45 51 55 45 53 54" the void called again.
"44 69 73 63 69 70 6c 65 73 20 74 6f 20 6c 65 61 64 20 75 73 20 74 6f 20 74 68 65 20 4d 6f 6e 74 20 6f 66 20 53 68 61 64 6f 77 73 71 75 69 64 2c 20 73 6f 20 77 65 20 6d 61 79 20 62 61 6e 69 73 68 20 74 68 65 20 73 70 61 6d 6d 65 72 73 20 66 6f 72 65 76 65 72 6d 6f 72 65 2e75" Azn said calmly.
"53 4f 20 49 54 20 53 48 41 4c 4c 20 42 45" Runouw said, and the void closed. In it's stead, bathing in light, appeared two glorious figures dressed in adorned silver armor, and the users averted their eyes. Yet all at once the light was gone, and before them stood two humans.
"My lack of god, Runouw has sent MoD and Suyo from the heavens to save us!" Azn shouted happily.
"Good job, Azn, you recognize us." Suyo said.
"We were sent to lead a group of users to the Mount of Shadowsquid, so that we may summon his mighty powers and forever seal away the cruel wrath of the spammers." MoD proclaimed. "Our first task is to escape the city. Any ideas?"
"When did you guys ever get sent into heaven?" Tsutarja asked.
"The easiest route would probably be via sewer." Nin10mode said. "All other roads would lead us directly into the spammers, and they'll probably bring down any aircraft."
"Right. It may not be the most pleasant way, but it will save us a lot of Hell." MoD said. "We must leave immediately."
"But won't our city be destroyed if we're all gone? This seems like an awful idea." Alucard said.
"Eh, it'll be rewritten in in the next forum story anyways." Panik replied.
"Our first order of business is to armor up." Suyo said, "There should be enough armor and firearms for all of us in the armory that we happened to build in the basement of this temple, and from there we can go through the conveniently-placed sewer drain in the armory."
As they headed down the narrow stairway, KevinOC said to brandobrawl: "How in the Hell did they speak in hexadecimal code?"

OCEDIT: Fixed a crucial spelling mistake in brando's username.

[Avo]

GOOOOOODDAMMIT WHY MUST I DIE IN LIKE EVERY ♥♥♥♥ STORY

[SuperMIC]

WHY MUST I NEVER BE IN THE STORY? *shot*

[KevinOC]

Because I've only written one chapter, SMIC.

[RedLink]

XDXDXD

Da hell did I just read?

I don't even....

But yet...I want more

[Raz]

Aaah, great story.
BUT AVO IS NOT A BLACK LADY

btw, buff is gonna be the one in the redshirt. if you know what i mean.

[Avo]

BUT AVO IS NOT A BLACK LADY

You sure about that, gurlfraynd?[/extremelyracist]

[KevinOC]

All three of my fans were patient, so here it is: the second chapter.

Chapter 2: A Wrinkle in Space!

Suyo and MoD reached the bottom of the tall stairwell and stepped out into a low hallway carved out of limestone. Being far underground, the temperature was noticeably cold, and the torches held by some of the users provided little heat. They all turned right and marched on into the darkness, MoD silently counting the doors to their left as they went along.
"Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five... here we go! Through door twenty-six!" he said, opening a door made of rotting wood framed with steel. Within was a small pedestal surrounded by dead candles, with a meat sculpture of Runouw sitting upon it. "......well, maybe not."
"Door twenty-seven." Buff said, pushing through. Within was a long room lined with niches in the wall; each niche had a suit of reinforced silver armor, thick gauntlets and boots made out of some sort of leather, a steel sword about two feet long, a slim laser blaster, and a bag full of provisions that were miraculously still edible.
"Perhaps the food within wasn't exposed to our dimension's properties?" Doram said.
"Maybe the bags are really portals into another dimension." Venexis replied, "A storage dimension with no matter other than that we place in it. In theory, we should be able to fit an infinite amount of items in our bags."
"Wait what?" said YoshiBoo.
"Oh, just rambling again." sighed Venexis.
Once everybody was geared up, they began to wander around the dark tunnel in search of an entrance to the sewer, much like a bear in search of its next godless victim. Soon enough, SMIC whined in pain as he headbutted an iron grate in the wall.
"OOWWWW oh hey here it is." said he.
Azn pulled a long pole out of a sheath at his side.
"Azn, is that a dil-" started Kevin, when the top of the pole spread out into a mallet. "Banhammer works too."
Chau cocked the hammer behind his head, and swung full force at the iron bars. They fell away with a clang as he looked through the hole in the wall.
"You know, there's also a winch right here." SMIC said, gesturing towards a mechanism attached to the grate. He seemed to be ignored, much to his chagrin. One-by-one, the members climbed into the small opening and crawled through, into the sewer system. One may question why such a tunnel is necessary, and so do I. The sewer tunnel was much like the long hall in the temple, but with rotten water. Suyo was staring down at a small, flat glass device with a few electric lights popping up all over it. He pressed a button, and a map of the city popped up, with a cute little figurine marking where they currently stood.
"If we walk a few moar kilometers in this direction, we should be far beyond their forces." he muttered to MoD. "Once we're out, I say we run for the nearest village we can find."
"Sounds about right. Any ideas, guys?" MoD asked.
"...that's not a plunger, that's Jeff Goldblum!" said Avo. "Sorry, what?"
"We'll probably find an exit soon, Avo." MoD responded.
"Thank goodness." Avo said.
"As a matter of fact, this might be a perfectly acceptable exit." Suyo said, glancing up at a manhole in the ceiling.
"I can go first!" Avo said, climbing the access ladder. He removed the manhole and peeked his head out, only to fall back down with an arrow through his eye.
"Wow, we are horrible at guessing today." Buff sighed.
"Well, one member fewer is not an issue to me." Suyo chimed, "Just a little ways longer, everyone!"
After more walking and terrible Jeff Goldblum jokes, the party finally reached a more acceptable exit. KevinOC blinked as the horrifyingly bright Sun beat down. He soon realized that they had exited near the end of a short side street, far from the city limits. Everybody took a short moment to recollect themselves and adjust to the sunlight, as well as wonder why this street was built, considering the lack of buildings. Suyo glanced down at his map again, murmured to MoD, and they lead the way up a tall hill blooming with short grass. As Kevin glanced back, he noticed that the magical barrier was nearly completely destroyed by now. He knew that some stupid plot twist would bring back the city, but for now he could only say goodbye.
The party went down the gentle slope on the other side of the hill into a smooth meadow. They walked at a slightly more relaxed pace now, but they still had to make haste; the Sun would soon set, and the spammers might send out soldiers for them eventually. Such things are inevitable, much like death, taxes, and overused jokes. Near the horizon laid a small village, and that was their destination. A wise young scientist known simply as "24" lived there, and he might be able to help the group reach the Mount of Shadowsquid more quickly. Within the hour they reached they reached a small campfire, which could only count as the border. The village was known for the Good Mail's Inn, one of the largest inns in Internetia. Some even said it could hold an infinite amount of people, though that was mostly just a fairy tale, much like Ireland and Carole Channing. The entire userbase of Runouw was checked in and given spacious rooms to live in indefinitely, and their whereabouts would be withheld from the spammers. KevinOC found his way into his room amongst thousands of others, and he had to admit that it was rather quaint. It somehow had three sides open to view the meadow around the inn, a cozy bed that smelled like lemons and dust, a writing desk to pen contrived stories on, and a master bathroom. His main concern for now was to sleep after a long day of quick events, and he passed out on top of the bed.
"Kevin..." whispered a voice, "Kevin!..." it said louder, "WAKE UPPPP!"
KevinOC awoke with a start to find fourinone standing beside his bed with a lantern.
"Foru, how did you get in my room?" Kevin asked sleepily.
"I... don't know. But c'mon, we've gotta get moving."
Kevin changed from his clothes that I never defined into a more clean outfit that I won't define now. He placed the armor into the bottomless bag, but kept the sword and blaster by his side. He exited the room and into the labyrinth-like hallways of the inn. "How did I even find my room?" he wondered, but shook the thought as he wandered around. It seemed like no matter how many turns he took, there was always five more turns for him to take. Yet somehow he managed to make it back to the front entrance of the inn, where an ensemble of twenty other people was gathering.
"...come on, just let me go!" Azeroth argued with MoD.
"You're too incompetent thus far to go with us." the prophet responded, "And not quite a person to be around either."
"But you're letting my friends go!" Aze moaned.
MoD drew out his banhammer and flaunted it in front of Aze. "No."
Aze stomped away angrily, and delayed by Kevin for a second. "Do you believe this guy?"
"Well, ye-"
"Tell you what: I'm going to sneak my way into this adventure, and save everyone!" Aze boasted with a grin on his face, "That should teach them all how great I am!"
"This isn't really something you should tell other people." Kevin said, and Aze gave him a bewildered look.
"Oh, and you wouldn't?" he responded before walking away.
"Everyone listen!" yelled Buff, despite the fact that everyone was too tired to have been talking in the first place.
"Well, everyone, we're going to have to ask 24 for help." Suyo said, to nobody's surprise.
"Word has it that he's built a dimensional transporter, so we'll be able to test it." Azn said.
"Test it?" MP3 said skeptically, "That seems dangerous."
"Naaah." said Suyo, "24's a pretty cool guy, so we should be good to go."
"But I..."
"We've selected a group of twenty users, including us four moderators, to go on the quest to the Mount." MoD said, "Some of us may not seem like we're much to offer, but looks can be deceiving."
Somewhere in the distance, Aze's mind shattered at that line.
"This adventure could very well end up killing us all." Suyo said, "Should be great."
"Now, anybody is allowed to decline. Please say so now, or else your soul is ours." Buff said. The room was silent, but everybody stood still. "Good. Now, who's ready for adventure?"
Brando began cheering by his lonesome, and foru added to the clapping, then Avo, and the rest followed suit. The party headed out of the inn, which seemed much smaller on the outside, and through the village to a tall house with strange metal instruments strapped on top. MoD walked up to the door and knocked, and a slit opened up near the top.
"Hello?" a shy voice said, "Messenger?"
"Good to see you, 24." MoD said as the door opened. There stood 24, a young man who had the demeanor of an inventor about him. "Is the machine ready?"
"Yes! But one question... where do you need to go?" 24 replied.
"The Mount of Shadowsquid." MoD said, "The city was attacked by spammers, so we need to summon the Mighty Arthropod of Darkness to overcome them."
"Goodness me, that sounds exciting. I trust that you already have the Four Gems?" 24 asked.
"...pardon?"
"Surely you must know." 24 insisted, "There are four gemstones of unbelievable power hidden throughout the land: a ruby, a sapphire, an emerald, and a diamond. Only with these can Shadowsquid be summoned."
"I was not aware of this." MoD said, "I don't recall knowing of these."
"Well, the story needs some plot." 24 said.
"Send us through the teleporter, and we'll see what happens from there." MoD said.
24 led the group around the side of the house to a cellar door, which he unlocked with a strange key. Inside the brightly lit basement was a huge contraption built against the wall. It can only be described as a large escape pod for two dozen people hooked up to seemingly useless electronics and a control panel. The party was urged in, and 24 went to work with the assorted dials and switches.
"This still seems rather skeptical." MP3 said nervously.
"It's all set!" 24 said happily. "Whenever you're all ready!"
"We should be." Azn said, bracing himself for potential pain or worse.
"Right, launching in 5! 4! 3! 2! 1!" shouted 24, when suddenly a wild Aze appeared and jumped into the machine. 24 didn't have any time to react, and he threw the big important lever regardless. He looked at the machine with slight pride. "Well, didn't explode. Hopefully the same can be said for them."

Aze woke up in... nothing. He looked around him, holding his head, and saw nothing. He couldn't tell if the nothing was black or white. He knew that his physical form was present, but his mind felt more prevalent. He tried reaching out and grabbing nothing, but nothing is nothing, so he grabbed nothing.
"Hello?" he called, surprised to hear his voice. "Hello?!" he cried more desperately.
He got up, which was strange enough. He began to walk; he didn't know where or how, but he needed to walk. He seemed to be alone, which was exactly what he didn't want.
"I just wanted to go adventuring!" Aze shouted at the nothing, "And this is what I get?!"
He swung his fists wildly about him for God knows what reason, and he knocked himself over. He felt himself land on the floor that wasn't there, were he closed his eyes. Yet the darkness inside his head was much like the darkness outside, so there was no reason. Nothing had reason now.

[Karyete]

This is great! The grammar is terrible great, it's interesting, and I want

moar

chapters!

[SuperMIC]

Paragraphs please... I'm turned off by that blatent wall of text. ._.