Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: January 30th, 2012, 8:24 amMeh. It still looks kickass, can't wait for more bro.
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Posted: January 30th, 2012, 8:24 amRe: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 1st, 2012, 4:51 pmVery nice story. There aren't too many stories that peak my interest, but this is definitely one of them. I'll make sure to read more as it progresses.
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 1st, 2012, 5:27 pmChapter 2 has been released, you sexy people.
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 1st, 2012, 5:54 pm~MP3 Amplifier~ wrote:It's quite fun reading a story where i might be killed. I just need to make sure i get a clear difference between imagination and reality, and i should be fine.
Lol yeah, I had that same thought. Avo you better not be predicting near future. >:O
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 1st, 2012, 5:59 pmLawl I knew MP3 was going to live. It was obvious Ven would sacrifice himself for her, it's the "NICE" thing to do. 
Keep on with this story, entertains my pitiful life. : D
Keep on with this story, entertains my pitiful life. : D
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 2nd, 2012, 9:16 amTotally saw it coming.
Continue, I want more.
EDIT: You could cross out Ven's avvy in the sig pic. For effect, though.
Continue, I want more.
EDIT: You could cross out Ven's avvy in the sig pic. For effect, though.
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 2nd, 2012, 3:47 pmVery nice chapter. NOW MAKE MORE
BTW when new people are introduced to the game are you going to immediately add them to your sig? I think you should hold off on that for a while so people can get surprised on their own when they see who's next.
BTW when new people are introduced to the game are you going to immediately add them to your sig? I think you should hold off on that for a while so people can get surprised on their own when they see who's next.
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 2nd, 2012, 4:50 pmSo this is a story that is simultaneously some of your best work but still bears some notable flaws. Allow me to go through them.
The pros are pretty obvious- the idea has been done before many times (a fight to the death where only one can come out the champion) but it's very different and hits much closer to home when the people who are fighting each other are closest friends, and more significantly, the reader's close friends. There's something stomach churning about watching Cait and Kyle fight to the death when we've seem them actually interact and we already love the two to death, and that's what makes you dwell on the other situations (i.e. Hunger Games) that we can't help but feel a distance from because we personally have never been in that kind of horrid situation. I'd view this as a good companion piece to that sub sub subgenre or whatever, because it puts you and those you love in the action, and it's hard to view other examples differently when you firmly recognize that those people are just like you.
The biggest glaring flaw that keeps me from fully embracing this work is Tucker. Frankly, in a story of serious tones and great characterization and a good plot execution, he makes the story so much weaker because he is not a well done character and that makes it hard to fully respect or take seriously this otherwise great work. He seems too much like a type than a villain, like you based him only off of the idea of "Let's make a flamboyantly twisted villain who's ♥♥♥♥ nuts." You can't pull off good characters, especially original characters, from only one line of thought like Tucker seems to be- it just won't work. I think that if you created a villain whose type would have fit the story better and given the games actual meaning, this story would be incredible.
Otherwise, like I said, solid work. You captured Cait and Kyle very, very well, Kyle especially. I know the whole lay-down-your-life idea is probably cliche, but if anyone would do that, it'd be him. The dialogue of the characters was electric, especially in the flashback, and the characterization even works past the occasional cliche lines. The scene where Kyle is about to be executed is both tense and haunting, and is executed with a skill that I honestly didn't know you possessed.
Other things you could remember for the near future is to choose a route with the sixteen characters- if you're going to puzzle us by who wins, then make sure each pair gets equal screen time- don't give the eventual winner too much screen time. If you want to make Cait the clear hero, then focus the story on her. Also, as it looks now the story looks incredibly straightforward, almost to a fault. Maybe a good twist would rectify that. And, if possible, work out the Tucker situation. He just doesn't seem master villain type or like an actual character, much less one who creates such a sterile, horrid game and environment.
All in all, though, a great story that shows your true skill as an author.
8/10
The pros are pretty obvious- the idea has been done before many times (a fight to the death where only one can come out the champion) but it's very different and hits much closer to home when the people who are fighting each other are closest friends, and more significantly, the reader's close friends. There's something stomach churning about watching Cait and Kyle fight to the death when we've seem them actually interact and we already love the two to death, and that's what makes you dwell on the other situations (i.e. Hunger Games) that we can't help but feel a distance from because we personally have never been in that kind of horrid situation. I'd view this as a good companion piece to that sub sub subgenre or whatever, because it puts you and those you love in the action, and it's hard to view other examples differently when you firmly recognize that those people are just like you.
The biggest glaring flaw that keeps me from fully embracing this work is Tucker. Frankly, in a story of serious tones and great characterization and a good plot execution, he makes the story so much weaker because he is not a well done character and that makes it hard to fully respect or take seriously this otherwise great work. He seems too much like a type than a villain, like you based him only off of the idea of "Let's make a flamboyantly twisted villain who's ♥♥♥♥ nuts." You can't pull off good characters, especially original characters, from only one line of thought like Tucker seems to be- it just won't work. I think that if you created a villain whose type would have fit the story better and given the games actual meaning, this story would be incredible.
Otherwise, like I said, solid work. You captured Cait and Kyle very, very well, Kyle especially. I know the whole lay-down-your-life idea is probably cliche, but if anyone would do that, it'd be him. The dialogue of the characters was electric, especially in the flashback, and the characterization even works past the occasional cliche lines. The scene where Kyle is about to be executed is both tense and haunting, and is executed with a skill that I honestly didn't know you possessed.
Other things you could remember for the near future is to choose a route with the sixteen characters- if you're going to puzzle us by who wins, then make sure each pair gets equal screen time- don't give the eventual winner too much screen time. If you want to make Cait the clear hero, then focus the story on her. Also, as it looks now the story looks incredibly straightforward, almost to a fault. Maybe a good twist would rectify that. And, if possible, work out the Tucker situation. He just doesn't seem master villain type or like an actual character, much less one who creates such a sterile, horrid game and environment.
All in all, though, a great story that shows your true skill as an author.
8/10
Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 3rd, 2012, 2:07 amLawl so i live then?
...
i haven't actually read it yet but i've been reading the last few comments though sorry Ven :3
MP3 EDIT: Just read the chapter. oh my god that's sad :O i was seriously expecting to be killed. also it seems you included Chau a bit there.
...
i haven't actually read it yet but i've been reading the last few comments
though sorry Ven :3MP3 EDIT: Just read the chapter. oh my god that's sad :O i was seriously expecting to be killed. also it seems you included Chau a bit there.
Re: The Game of Ultimate Death
Posted: February 5th, 2012, 12:52 pmI apologize for the delay, I haven't started Chapter 3 yet because my friend was over all weekend. I'll try to get it released this week.