runouw.com

I understood that you were being hypocritical, Brandow. But, as you can relate, pointing that out directly would have ruined the humor.

I'm fond of the way you're approaching this story. Like 99% of the forum, I never read the original either ( ), so I can't make any comparisons between then and now. But you definitely leave much to be desired with the tension and mystery you've already established. That said, I certainly hope you do continue writing it; you need at least one complete story in your catalog, mirite?

>smilies
>claims he didn't read the first iteration of RF

B...Blab? Is that really you...?

Okay, I did read the first chapter (and snippets of the rest here and there), but I never actually sat down and read through the entire story.

Just be glad you inspired me to write my own poopshoot of a story (And yes, that smiley is entirely intended to annoy you.)

Old version=9/10
This version=7-8/10

I SHALL NEVER SUPPORT YOU YOU SCUMMM!










































... But alas, it was very good...

Good luck Brndn! (are you mad?)

Hmm. Well:

A) I'm glad you're finally booting this back up again.
B) It's kind of early to make any judgments regarding the story.
C) Maybe it's just me, but the writing was a little too verbose for me. A lot of the sentences were rather awkward. Example:

brando wrote:The preceeding shout was almost entirely drowned out by the blaring of the alarms that surrounded the scene. Security personell were rushing every which way in the ensuing chaos, more than half of them not even knowing where they were headed. Trying to establish order was most definitely an exercise in futility, but there were still several people attempting to do so. The reason being that the developing scene at hand was a crisis that they absolutely had to prevent.

My take:

The blaring alarms almost drowned out the preceding shout. Security personnel rushed every which way in the ensuing chaos, many of them not even knowing where they were headed. Some attempted to restore order to the scene, without success, though they knew that they absolutely had to prevent the crisis at hand.

Now obviously that reflects my writing style, but I do feel like a lot of the sentences could have been more concise without losing any of the content, and in turn the sentences would flow better together.

Overall, though, not a bad start. I look forward to more to come if I'm alive when the next chapter comes out.

Terrible. I hated it. Damn you to the depths of basement.














HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHJK


In all seriousness, I didn't read the old one because lazy, but this is quite delectable. But wat is with these "platforms". Continue please. 8.5/10