Before reading it, a few explanations:
-It's written kinda like a play, in dialogue form. I think it can be understood...
-The main characters are Nan, who attacks with Darkness; Xero, a weird martian person; Arc (JRFD), a... ermmm... read the story xD; Magnen (a girl who was involved in this too, refered to as Mag for short), a girl with an electricity sword; and Beatrice (Bea for short), who is kinda like Nan's girlfriend in this, and has Light powers.
-Dusk and Eldritch are bad guys.
-This thing runs on Nonsensoleum and Insane Troll Logic. But it's fun.
-GE is General Error. It's a villain here.
-Runa is some kind of... force. In the universe. Which is significant.
-Umbra and Illumina are beings of Dark and Light respectively who watch over the universe. Or something. They only appear in one line it doesn't really matter
-There's thousands upon thousands of inside jokes. And references. So many references. xD
-Read this with an open mind. xD
Ok, here it goes!
Our heroes get to Forbidden Island's Prison, with the goal of getting to the Warp Pipe to Limbo.
Mag: "How are we going to get in there?"
Nan: "Don't worry, I have a plan." *destroys front door* "LEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOY JEEEEEEEEEEEEENKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS".
Beatrice: "...omg he just ran in".
Three minutes later, the four protagonists managed to beat the crap out of everyone in the Prison, including the guards. However, there was no one conscious to tell them where the Warp Pipe was. After about five minutes, Arc found it when trying to use a restroom. It was a really disgusting trip to Limbo. And somehow, they came up a martian toilet while Xero was using it.
Xero: "..." *non-emotional face*
Nan: "Sorry for breaking into your bathroom... hey, wanna join our party?"
Xero: "...sure why not".
Xero finished wiping and joined the party. And he washed his hands, too.
Our heroes went outside and saw an awesome all-around vehicle.
Xero: "That's the Heavenwalker. It's not mine, though, it belongs to a neighbor, so we're not riding it"
Arc: "Do you know the way to the Runa Core? Because we have the Runa need to get to the Runa Core to do Runa stuff because Runa. RUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Then Arc turned into pure Runa. Then he turned into a brick wall. Then himself again.
Arc: "Darn this transmogrifier is broken again..."
Xero: "Yes. Down the hall, to your left. Go five miles. Take a right when you reach Chronos, then take another right. You will have executed a perfect u-turn successfully. Go ten miles. You will reach Neo Chronos. Then go down because we're in a cave. When you reach the dancing trio of apes, go North. There will be a small building with a restroom in there. That is your destination."
Nan: "Can you take us there in your tank?"
Xero: "It's an all-around vehicle. Not a tank. And as I said, it's not mine. I would join you, but I have to go fight two shapeshifting siblings who are in love with each other for whatever reason. Also, Charn. Also, gotta go to church. Yeah, there are christian martians." *transforms into a STaiercase, walks up self, and then leaves*
The protagonists followed Xero's instructions and came to another Toilet warp pipe that led directly to the core. However, it was inside a women's restroom, so only Bea and Mag could get in. Everyone else had to go through the air ducts. So when they reached the core, the guys were tired from crawling in the ducts and the girls were dirty with stuff they had never seen before.
There, they saw Dusk dancing naked on a lit dance floor to Gangham Style blasting from oversized speakers at max volume. When he noticed the protagonists, he turned everything off and put his clothes on.
Dusk: "PWWWWWWOOOOOTAAAAAAGOOOOONIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSTSSSSSSSS... Naaaaw I shall dwain the cooore of its energyyyy! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Nan: "Wait! We challenge you to a rock-off!"
Suddenly, Nan and Bea got guitars, Mag had a bass and Arc was on the drums.
Dusk: "BUUT II WAAANTED TOO DOO WROCK PAPER SCISSWORS ANTIMATTER SHWOEPHWONE!!"
Arc: "Shut up."
Mag: "I wanted a dance-off..."
Bea: "We should play Smash Bros..."
Arc: "We should -Runa- -Runa- -Runa-"
Dusk: "I ACCEPT THAT CWALLENGE!"
Arc: "-Runa- sorry I -Runa- have the -Runa- hic-Runa-cups -Runa-"
And so, our heroes played Runa Runa Runa against Dusk. Which was hard, since no one knew how to play, except Arc, who kept changing the rules (yays for referencing TCE development). Along with Nan's Yu-Gi-Oh! talent of making up BS moves, they managed to defeat Dusk and banish him to the Rainbow Pony Realm, where he lived happily ever after.
Then, Arc tried to get to the core...
A wild Xero-infected Eldritch appeared!
*Cue 8-bit battle music*
Arc: "Wait... What?"
Eldritch, being infected by the deadly Xero disease which turned people insane, started throwing tarot cards at everyone. Nan got a paper cut, and started channeling up rage.
Nan: "Dark piano!"
Nan made a piano out of pure darkness and hurled it at Eldritch. Eldritch caught the piano with his right hand pinkie even though he was left-handed and then he ate it, creating an implosion inside himself, which he then spat toward the heroes. Arc ate the implosion, then spat out a THREE-BARRELED HEAT-SEEKING ROCKET LAUNCHER OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION and sweetness. Arc fired the THREE-BARRELED HEAT-SEEKING ROCKET LAUNCHER OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION and sweetness at Eldritch and knocked him unconscious.
Meanwhile, Bea and Mag realized they hadn't done anything important plot-wise, so they decided to charge at Eldritch.
However, he was already down from the THREE-BARRELED HEAT-SEEKING ROCKET LAUNCHER OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION and sweetness, so they just stabbed his corpse for about a half hour. Eldritch was unconscious and dreaming about a movie he saw the other night the whole time.
Then, Xero appeared.
Xero: "Hey guys, I came to tell you guys the Good News, and maybe tell you that Eldritch isn't that easy to kill..."
And so, the heroes tried every way they could think of: decapitation, burning the body, using lava and acid, forcing him to listen to Justin Bieber, repeatedly stabbing him, kicking him in the BAWLS... Eldritch then woke up and noticed he was a little hurt. He went to the hospital, but in the way he was struck by an ape-wielding banana. And that's when he died. Little did they know that the banana was actually Evil GE, and it proceeded to attempt to eat Xero.
Then Arc said: "-RUNA-, I WANNA TOUCH THE RUNA CORE!"
Then Xero said: "No. That's too stupid plotwise."
Arc and Xero and the banana began a very long and heated discussion to decide the fate of the plot. They went on and on about the meaning of life, evolution, and quantum physics.
Meanwhile, Nan and Beatrice decided to make out in a conveniently placed couch.
Mag: "Screw this I'm bored" *touches Runa Core*
And when she touched the core, everything went white for a moment...
Mag got absorbed by the core, and so did Xero when he tried to pull her out, and then Nan tried to rescue Xero while he was making out with Beatrice. And then eventually they all got absorbed. And then the whole planet got filled with ponies and weird freaky martians and Darkness and Light and RUNA RUNA RUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. And that's how Equestria was made.
Meanwhile, back in the Runa Dimension...
Arc: "Looks like we're all in the Runa dimension."
Xero: "Even the banana?"
Arc: "Especially the banana."
Good GE: "Hai gaiz what's app."
Nan: "I use FACEBOOOOOOOOOOOOK!"
And then Nan disliked GE. That really hurt him.
Arc: "Nan, please try to control yourself. In here, you feel the urge to blurt out whatever you're thinkinRUNARUNARUNARUNARUNARUNARUNARUNARUNARUNARUNA"
Arc quickly covered his mouth with his hands.
Bea: "Nananananananananananana BATNAAAAAAN!"
Xero: "I'm so emo."
Mag: "PONIES EVERYWHERE!"
Banana/Evil GE: "Don't let the octopi get me!" *hides under a conveniently placed bed*
Eldritch was saying "I'm insane so this blurting out thing doesn't affect me, and I'm not even sure how I'm still alive because I was killed by a banana." when he suddenly started blurting out random gibberish mid-sentence. Then Mag rolled her eyes.
Suddenly, a flash of light appeared in the sky and a burning meteor plummets to the earth.
At the last milli-nanosecond, Magnen stabbed the meteor with her sword, electrocuting it and splitting it into two pieces. One piece became Dusk, and the other became a pony which flew off.
Dusk: "HAAAAAI GAIIIIIZ WHAAT EEZ AAPPP?"
Good GE: "I just said that!"
Dusk: "NOO! I JWUST SAID THWAT!"
Good GE: "Duuude, like, please stop copying me, maaan."
Dusk: "NOOA! YOOOUW AAARE THE DUUUDE WHOOOM LIIIKE, MUUUST STOOOP COOOPYIIING MEEE, WHOOOS IIIS AAA MAAAN."
Mag: "wtf"
Nan: "I know, right Mag?"
Good GE: "Well if you ain't not gonna stop that, by golly, I'm going to have to put you in your place you little rascal!"
Dusk: "I AIIIN'T NOOOT NOOO WIIITTLE RAAASCAL. AAAND I AAAAM IIIN MY PLACE. I WAAAS REBWOOORN HEEEERE!"
Good GE: "You morphed out of half an electrocuted meteor, which should be impossible due to [insert scientific explanation], and which can hardly be considered being reborn."
Dusk: "I WAAAS REBWOOORN HEEERE CUZ I SAAAY SWOOO!"
They argued for a long while, with the protagonists looking at them thinking: "wtf are they doing and wtf is Dusk saying?" until Arc finally explained, cause that's all he's there for, explaining stuff. Right guys? ...Guys? ...Hellooo?
Arc: "What seems to be happening is that this new Dusk is trying to learn by emulating GE's brainwaves. But GE's personality keeps changing, due to being literally emotionally split. Dusk is getting confused by this, and slowing down his speech patterns so his brain can catch up to the situation. Apparently he also has his caps lock key stuck as well."
Then the protagonists left the two to argue, and decided to fight Evil GE in banana form because they were bored.
The Evil GE banana came out from under his bed wielding four apes. He threw three at Xero, Arc, and Mag in that order, then he threw the fourth and largest one at both Nan and Beatrice. Since they were still in the Runa Dimension, Arc summoned a building made of bananas that wasn't there five seconds ago to lure the apes away. It worked, but Evil GE banana threw himself into the building, so nobody could find him among all the other bananas. The apes climbed to the top, and Arc explained why Evil GE banana would be there too using advanced psychology and a paperclip.
Mag: "We should get up there then!"
Apes (who suddenly gained the ability to speak): "Not so fast!" *beats chest for no reason*
Then the apes started producing barrels, shoving bananas into them, and throwing them down the building. The protagonists then attempted to climb up, hitting the barrels with conveniently placed oversized floating hammers. When they were almost to the top, Xero grabbed a barrel and ate it.
Beatrice: "Why did you do that?"
Xero: "That's the barrel the monkeys accidentally put Evil GE banana in."
A muffled yelling is heard from Xero's stomach.
Xero: "Wait... He's starting to control me... No... Stop..."
Possessed Xero: "Hello little children. Want to play?"
Nan: "Dark spaghetti!"
Spaghetti made out of pure darkness came out of Nan's fingertips and trapped the possessed Xero.
Possessed Xero: "ORLY?"
The possessed Xero altered physics around him, and started splitting the spaghetti in half.
Nan: "What?! Nooooooo!"
Arc: "Don't worry! I've just used my Runa powers to turn all the spaghetti into mobius strips! Xero will be stuck cutting them in half permanently... I think."
Possessed Xero: "ORLY?"
The possessed Xero started slurping the spaghetti into his mouth. When the spaghetti reached his third stomach, the one where GE was, GE possessed Nan through the spaghetti, which was still attached to his fingertips. Try getting that mental image out of your head.
Mag: "I have a plan!" *cuts spaghetti with sword*
Nan was no longer possessed by GE, and the spaghetti receded back into his fingertips. Xero was still possessed, and kept repeating the word "ORLY?".
Possessed Xero used his psychic powers to turn the tower of bananas into a prison for the protagonists. There was absolutely no escape. Xero then proceded to kill all of them somehow except Arc.
Possessed Xero: "I hate you the most so I'm keeping you alive to watch you suffer."
Arc: "I'm starting to believe you're not actually possessed. You sound too much like Xero."
Possessed Xero: "ORLY?"
Arc: "You may have killed them, but I have time travel (ish) powers. You know what that means?"
Possessed Xero: "What?"
Arc didn't respond. He just set in motion a time loop which sent him and Xero back in time to when Xero was first pooping on the Warp Pipe toilet in Limbo.
Possessed Xero: "What the heck dude?"
Suddenly, Xero pooped out a barrel full of bananas, and he was no longer possessed, the process of which erased his memory all the way "back" until that moment. The barrel of bananas and GE fell down the Warp Pipe, and through a portal into a void universe, instantly erasing its existence. The protagonists from the past emerged from the toilet. Arc hid and watched his past self and the others do everything they did until the part where they were climbing the banana building. At the last nano-millisecond before Xero ate the barrel, Arc revealed himself to the others, created a void portal in Xero's mouth, and the barrel went in there instead of Xero's stomach. Arc closed the void portal before it caused any damage. Without GE, the apes, vanished, and so did the banana building, and GE's good self, so Dusk had noone to argue with and went to fight the protagonists because he was bored.
Old Arc: "So wait... There's two of me now?"
New Arc: "Yep."
Old Arc: "But the future you were in never happened, so therefore you shouldn't be here, and that would cause a paradox."
New Arc: "I'm here because timey wimey wibbly wobbly."
The new Arc got strange looks from the others.
New Arc: "Because Runa."
Everyone else suddenly understood what he was talking about.
Dusk: "HEWWWOOOOOO.... I'M TWAYING TO HAVE A FWIGHT HEEEEEE..."
Nan: "Alright then! Come on, Furious Five, ASSEMBLE!"
Suddenly, the five main characters went into a Super Sentai-like fighting stance and lunged towards Dusk, who had been stunned by the awesomeness of their poses. However, when they reached Dusk, they weren't sure of what to do.
Nan: "...what do we do now?"
New Arc: "Why don't we throw him into another void portal?"
Xero: "Dude, that conflicts with some random idea I had about Eldritch." *vetoes*
Old Arc: "If we kill him now, the story will be over."
Nan: "What story?"
Old Arc: "Uuhhmm..." *glances at fourth wall*
Xero: "I say use your Dark Nightmare attack to punish him for having killed your parents."
Nan: "He did WHAT?"
Dusk: "THAT WAS MY WINEEE!" *is still stunned*
Mag: *starts stabbing Dusk with sword*
Nan: "He killed my parents..." *goes into fetal position in emo corner*
Bea: "Nan, please don't lose your cool, we still have to defeat-"
Nan: "WRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" *goes Dark Super Saiyan* "死ぬ、夕暮れさん!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After going Dark Super Saiyan and apparently learning japanese, Nan started to beat the crap out of Dusk. Which wasn't hard, considering Dusk was stunned from the Super Sentai stance. Nan kept on punching him until he got exhausted.
Nan: "私は疲れている。誰もが彼を叩き続けたい？"
Mag: "Well, I was beating him first, so..."
New Arc: "I still think we should use a void portal."
Xero: "Shut. Up."
New Arc: "But... Okay."
Xero: "I would do it, but I don't really care about this..."
Nan: *reverts to normal* "So... what do we do with him..."
Bea: "Whatever I'm bored LIGHT ARROW!"
Bea's Light Arrow filled Dusk's soul with LIGHT, and made him implode, and then explode twice, and then implode thrice. And then, it all became clear.
Nan: ":O You're Michael Bay's daughter!"
Everyone was shocked. Except Xero, who was like
Bea: "YES! AND I SHALL BLOW UP EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Nan: "...please don't do it."
Bea: "Well... ok."
And so, Nan single-handedly saved the world from Michael Bay's not very evil daughter.
Mag: "So what do we do now?"
Dusk: "I'M STWIIIIIL NOOOOT DEEEEAAAAD!"
Nan: *annoyed sigh* "Dark cereal!"
Nan produced cheerios out of pure darkness, and placed them above a void portal which New Arc made.
Dusk: "OOOOHHHHH MYYY FAAAVWIIITE!"
Dusk tried to grab the cheerios, but fell into the void portal, which New Arc then closed.
Mag: "So what do we do now?"
Xero: "I don't really care."
Suddenly, a man appeared for no reason because I'm too lazy to think of another entrance.
Man: "You think those three were main antagonists? Wait until you see me!"
Nan: "Who are you?"
Man: "Don't worry. I'm just here to confuse you guys. The real bad guy is right behind me."
Mag: "...even more confused?"
The man steps out of the way to reveal Steve Jobs.
*drama chord*
Nan: "But... You're supposed to be dead!..."
Bea: "Yeah, I killed you!"
Everyone looked at Bea in disbelief.
Steve: "Oh yes... Miss Portinari... we meet again..."
Bea: "Don't call me that..."
Nan: "Your last name is Portinari? I had no idea..."
Steve: "PAY ATTENTION I'M TRYING TO SAY EVIL THINGS HERE!"
Xero: "Does anyone else feel like they're in a badly written story?"
Old Arc: "I do..."
New Arc: "And therefore so do I."
Steve: "PAY ATTENTION!"
Mag: "Since when is Bea an assassin?"
Bea: "Since like, forever... why do you think I have this white hoodie?"
Steve: "You must be asking yourselves how I'm still alive..."
Nan: "Not really, got used to seeing weird stuff without explanation"
Steve: "Plot twist! I am Arc!"
Old Arc: "...wat"
Everyone: "...wat"
The Universe: "...wat"
Umbra and Illumina: "...wat"
Runa: "...wat"
The writers of this story: "...wat"
IRL universe: "...wat"
Steve: "...wat"
The sound of the wat vibrated through all of existence, and Steve was completely unaffected by it. So why are we even mentioning that, I have no idea. Probably because Runa.
Nan: "Are you from the past of the future's alternate dimension or something?"
Xero: "Shut up"
Steve: "Arc isn't me yet. I just have to make a few small adjustments."
*everything changes*
Mag: "omg he's gonna eat him."
New Arc: "Wait... What Mag?"
Suddenly, our heroes saw themselves in the middle of a weird white world, which looked kinda like... an iPod. Each of them was standing on an app that corresponds to them.
Steve: "Welcome to my Mental Reality!"
Xero: "ocrap"
Nan: "I prefer Linux"
Steve: "Shut up."
Xero was standing on an insanity app, Nan and Bea were standing on Darkness and Flashlight apps respectively, Mag was standing on a Lightning app, Old Arc was on a Runa app, and New Arc was on a Time Travel app.
Steve: "Only one of these apps actually does what it says."
Steve: "Choose wisely."
Old Arc: "I say it's this one because Runa."
Xero: "Do we even need to choose one?"
Old Arc jumps, and the floor gives way in a blast of Runa, and he falls into another room, which looked like an ipad, with the same apps.
Old Arc: "Apparently yes Xero"
Steve: "Oh, you're good at this I see."
The rest of the team jumped down through the hole. The iPad had a similar challenge, but this time Old Arc had Time Travel lite. And Xero had a Mars App. They all started jumping, when Xero disappeared into thin air.
Mag: "Logically it must be Xero's app."
They all piled on ant tried to tap it, and vanished.
Meanwhile on Mars...
Xero: "Where am I? Am I home?"
Suddenly, Magnen appeared right on top of him.They both toppled to the ground, with Mag's sword stabbing Xero. Then the other's appeared in the exact same spot.
Mag: "Xero are you ok?
Xero: "I'm fine. I'm only dying. I have better things to do anyway."
Old Arc: "I'll heal him with Runa."
Xero: "Noes. I will heal myself with Crimson."
And Xero did so.
Nan: "How the heck are we breathing?"
Then Steve appeared.
Steve: "Artificial atmosphere I made around the entire planet. You'll be fine as long as you avoid solar radiation. Owait, that's everywhere!" *evil laughter*
New Arc created a void portal above their heads to shield them from radiation.
Steve: "I actually rerouted the all the void portals you've made to end up right here."
New Arc: "What? That's supposed to be impossible."
Steve: "Well it's not cuz I just did it."
Suddenly Evil GE banana, Good GE, Dusk, and somehow Eldritch (who wasn't even put in a void portal) fell out of the portal above them and came back to life.
Nan: "ocrap."
Eldritch: "Ohai Bill Gates".
Steve: "Shaddup. That's my secret identity."
Mag: "Not so secret anymore, huh?"
New Arc: "I thought you were me."
Steve/Bill: "I am you."
New Arc: "But how?"
Steve/Bill: "Remember when you did the time loop thing?"
Arc: "The one with Xero and the bananas? Yeah?"
Steve/Bill: "That has absolutely nothing to do with it."
New Arc: "Then why did you mention it?"
Steve/Bill: "Shaddup."
Eldritch: ".,"
Xero: "What was that?"
Eldritch: ",."
Good GE: "Hai gaiz wats app"
Eldritch: "I seem to have lost the ability to speak."
New Arc: "You just did."
Eldritch: "Shut. Up."
Xero: "You did it again."
Eldritch: ".,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,"
Then Xero's clone came into the scene, along with Xero's past self. Those two and the actual Xero got infected with Eldritch, so the protagonists had to fight three evil Xeros. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! MiNar and ZaNar suddenly appeared, and shapeshifted into Xero along with Dusk. Now the protagonists had to fight six evil Xeros. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! An army of Xero clones appeared on the horizon, all affected by Eldritch. Now the protagonists had to fight five hundred million Xeros.
...And that's it. Hope you enjoyed this read.
Maybe we should have continued this thing. I dunnoSo yeah... I wish the actual project had been finished, but oh well. I'm hoping to start something new soon...
Also, THREE-BARRELED HEAT-SEEKING ROCKET LAUNCHER OF DEATH AND DESTRUCTION and sweetness!
