The adventure of Forum 23

[Sonicfan253]

~The adventure of forum 23~

Chapter 1: Forum 23?!?

Hello, im Sonicfan253. You may have heard my stories that run along the Runouw's secrets series, but now I have a new story to tell. Well, on this perticular day I was having a short conversation with Kimonio, Marioiscool, Superyoshi, and Niklaw. Then Superyoshi brought up something called Forum 23, "What IS forum 23?" I asked.
Superyoshi stared at me and his voice became serious, "Its the mods hideout, we talk about new features and all that crap" he said.
I could tell hat he was hiding something, so I tried to continue the topic by saying "And....?".
Superyoshi didn`t talk for a minute, "Well um...meeting disbanded!" he said.
"Ay mate" said Niklaw, standing up and walking out the door with Superyoshi following quickly behind.
"What was that about?" I asked, Kimonio and Marioiscool shrugged.
I decided to walk out the door and follow Superyoshi, and Niklaw. They walked around the Off-topic thread, then they went near the graveyard. What the heckload would Superyoshi and Niklaw want in the graveyard?
Suddenly Superyoshi whirled around and looked to see if he was being followed, and then he went in some weird invisible door with Niklaw.
I just stood there as I thought about it, Niklaw and Superyoshi went into an invisible door, sort of like thin air.
I slapped myself but I wasnt dreaming, how did they do that?

[Blablob]

Well, here are my thoughts:

The good:

You tried.

The bad:

There were grammar mistakes

A boring intro

Way too short

Also too simple

It's told poorly



There's plenty more I could go into, but overall you need to work on the basics.

1/10, try harder next time.

[Sonicfan253]

Why do you always post the BAD things and hardly ever post the GOOD things? >_<
Trust me, ill run over it and make it better. Its gonna get even awesomer.

[Avo]

Yeah that's getting old....

Honestly, it could've been WAAAAAAAY longer. But aside from that, like blab said, grammar mistakes, intro wasn't good. (You could have put something before "they were having a conversation". It's too predictable. You tried, I know that much, but try to fix those mistakes next time.......

[Sonicfan253]

You all are ticking me off!!!! Delete this crap story I dont even care anymore! LOCK, DELETE, DESTROY. Happy now Blab?

[Avo]

We're not trying to tick you off! We're just stating our opinion! Don't throw this away! Jut make it longer! >_>

[Sonicfan253]

I just started it out as short, now you have made me upset. Im not going to continue, you just did the same thing you did to Worst_master who had a great story. You guys never encourage anyone, you just boo them off like their stories are crap that should be kicked off the forums. I give up on trying to write a story, my story writing is over. You keep dissing me and now you are going to get what you want, No more stories from me. Now delete this crappy thread.

[Avo]

Dissing? We're just saying what we think of the story! Neither me OR blablob insulted this story at all. We're just stating our opinion like I said earlier. And we don't want you off the forums or anything like that! You don't have to stop writing stories because you don't like what people think of your story! Every story gets a bad review sooner or later. If that doesn't change your mind then I don't know what to say to you.........and I don't want to start a flame war.......

[Blablob]

Sonicfan, you're missing the entire point. I'm not booing you; I'm simply telling you areas where you could improve on your story. Be reasonable! It's not anything against you, so you don't need to take offense whenever someone criticizes your story. This topic doesn't need to be deleted; you just need to work harder on the next chapter. And I'm trying to help you improve. I'm trying to HELP YOU. Please understand that I mean no harm when I come to point out the bad things; I only do it so I can see the good things come from it.

[Avo]

Yeah, we wouldn't say anything like "GET OFF THE FORUMS! THIS SUCKS!" NONE of us would say that. Who knows? Maybe this story will turn out to be great the next couple chapters! But we wouldn't know if you quit. So c'mon! Continue this! Don't ask to delete this. Keep going!